The Secret of the Shoalang Clan


A song by Jeremy R. Lindner (8/97)

Listen to my word, as I open the door to knowledge.
No matter how you try, the truth you cannot dodge.
My name is X-Man, I'm the 7th Chamber
Of a secret clan that lives for danger.
I founded this Clan with a master plan
To protect each woman and man -
From evil they aren't hip to;
Don't smirk or smile or I'll hit you!
I'm not jokin you clueless punk,
Check my swordskillz - like a warrior-monk
From the Shoalin Dynasty;
Don't be tryin me - cryin G.
Cuz if you test me I'll use my skill
To cut my X-mark deep in ya grill!
Fearless warrior without a conscience,
When it comes to killin - I lose my sense.
I satisfy my bloodlust with a license to kill;
Strap on my armor, draw my sword - I get ill.
I go beserk when I see an evil act,
I gotta attack - I can't hold back!

My general Joey Gambino -
Shoalang secrets only we know!
My man keeps me cool when it gets hot;
Self control - I don't have alot.
Stops me from guillotinin every ass
That everyday crosses my path.
But when it comes time for action,
Gambino first in line - never passin 
On a chance to go on a war dance!
Grab a lance - take a stance!
Kung-fu style - all the while
Scopin you out for weaknesses,
Gambino no doubt has 6 senses;
Hit you from 360 degrees,
You freeze - paralyzed, stunned - 
You had the gun,
But it dropped from your hand
As Joey hit the vital gland!
Now your resistance is ended,
And to the grave you been sended!

I take this shit seriously,
War knowledge I speak deliriously.
Photographic memory - everything I see 
Or hear goes into my dome;
My knowledge is glorious like Rome.
My brain is home to the words of hundreds of tomes -
From Shakespeare - "King Henry 4"
To Sun Tzu - "The Art of War" -
["Invincibility lies in the defense; the possibility of victory in the attack."]
X-Man, the ultimate tactition, plans the missions
With this vision, gives me infinite wisdom.
I teach this knowledge
To swordsmen in my college,
Called Shoalang U.;
You never knew,
But now you know,
Let it be so...

Respect and appreciate
The Clan mandate.
Cuz if you don't,
You'll be left alone
To fend for your own self,
Which could be bad for your health.
Cuz my Clan is your only protection
Against a demon insurrection,
Or destruction of the globe
By an alien probe.
Nuclear winter always a threat,
But the Clan prevents shit - you bet!
We quick, smart and lethal;
For us it be legal
To kill when needed,
The system - we beat it.
Remember this kid - you need us.
So from criticism you need to free us,
Cuz we could turn on you - yes fool
Then the world as we knew it be through!

End

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