DEEP THOUGHTS...BY JEREMY

These are just candid thoughts put to words from letters to other people. Don't be alarmed by the lack of uppercase letters. That's how i write most of my email. And this isn't really edited too much!!! PG-13

May 26, 1998 on pictures in the yeabook and getting my dues: "people could have gotten some good pictures of me this year. my bicycle and scissors kicks were real crowd pleasers. if [coach] dunnels woulda let me do it i would have gotten REAL popular. but coach only let people in his little crew do what they want. so it is disappointing that i had to play under those conditions. i was really looking forward to finally getting my dues. in my sophomore year i upstaged alot of upperclassmen by getting all-conference for soccer and regional championship for wrestling. but i never got my dues cuz i was an underdog."
June 1, 1998 on my sprained neck, painkillers, and a lack of appetite: "i did sprain my neck friday. it's still tight but doesn't really hurt much anymore. it didn't hurt much @ project [celebration ]either cuz i was full of painkillers. i've lost weight cuz i haven't been able to eat much lately. i thought it was the painkillers, which tear up my stomach, but yesterday i didn't take any and i still probably didn't even have like 1000 calories [all day]."
June 1, 1998 on Sublime and Wu-Tang: "in the 'book' [liner notes] that goes with my new sublime cd [second hand smoke] there are a whole bunch of little pictures. i could have swore that one picture had method man, ol dirty (big baby jesus), genius, and i think u-god. you can't really see the detail but i could just tell by the stances and method man's doo rag and ol dirty's wife beater. but i just couldn't be positive. then i checked the "thank yous" and sure nuff in the middle was "wu-tang clan." ti-ight!!! man, if only brad nowell was still alive sublime and wu-tang probably would have gotten together and tore that shit UP!!! man, missing out on stuff like that makes me really bummed."
June 3, 1998 on my music: "it's just that it is kinda weird cuz i wrote alot of my songs with at least one other person rapping on it. know what i mean? i wrote stuff in character. so it is hard to understand sometimes since it's just me flowing. sometimes i'm offbeat cuz this is even the first day that i've really done this heavily. and for each of the songs i really only practiced once and went straight to recording [rushing things is not good]. so each one has a few mistakes. sometimes my speech is not to clear. but i really can't complain. at the end of 3 or 4 songs i freestyle. some of it is dumb, but some of the stuff i went off on!!! i surprised myself cuz like for one song i had only one verse and over a 6 minute sample so i freestyled for the rest of it. [now i have several songs that are STRICTLY freestyle.] any instrumentals would probably be good. i'm thinking mostly hip-hop, some r&b (songs like no diggity and you make me wanna... are the ones i [have] used), or a little alternative (i used two sublime instrumentals). i would like to do a remix or two with some of my more favorite songs.
June 4, 1998 with just the way I think of myself: "i have no problem with myself. i mean, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way i like myself. i mean, i personally think i'm one of the best people around. for that reason i like to "share" myself with other people. cuz i AM a pretty giving person. it's just that that makes me feel sort of "whole." that probably sounds pretty conceited. it probably is i'm sure. but i have this confidence thing that as long as people give me a chance to get to know me that they will love me. like my friends and adults that like me so much. they would do alot for me cuz they know i would do just as much or more for them. they know i would do just as much or more for them. and if i date someone that kinda thinks i'm cute in the first place, i believe that if they get to know me they will really really like me. see THAT is my confidence.
June 4, 1998 on my music: "i want to show people my skillz. i can think up stuff just off the top of my head as long as i have a beat to go off. and it's pretty good. and i keep getting better. this is ME. hip hop and stuff like sublime is the thing that expresses my soul. music means SOOO much to me that i can't even say. i used to live through other people's music and it set me free for the most part. but there was still always a little bit that left me unsatisfied slightly. i kept searching for the perfect music that would ALWAYS get me going. but that music is noone but my own. it says everything that i want music to say. cuz it's from me. i dunno. i repressed this for far too long. it feels sooo good to be doing this stuff."
June 4, 1998 on acceptance: "for me to be happy with a person 100% they have to be able to accept me for 100%. that's my word!!!"
June 7, 1998 on my "bluntness" (I spit game true): "i hope that being blunt has not comprimised me as a gentleman. i mean, i guess in certain manners it does. i am truthful yes...sometimes brutally so. basically because (1) people don't care about the truth or (2) people are too weak to say it. i want people (well my friends) to know how i feel because cuz most people don't know if i'm upset or whatnot. i don't let it show. so i have to TELL people if i want them to know. it's good cuz on one hand people i don't know do not see my weakness and people i do know realize that i do have a "soft/sensitive" side. but i hope that i am not just rude or whatever. i dunno. here is a sign though you might pick up on. if i am feeling bad or pissed but don't want to talk about it i will usually become very short with my conversation and even more blunt than normal."
June 8, 1998 on basketball: "saturday [6th] played basketball with matt and stuff. then came home and played against my sister and two of her friends. that was a workout. i felt it the next day in the lower back. anyway, didn't take long to get my handles and crossocer back. not saying they were ever spectacular but they were 'above average' and allowed me to dribble by matt (6'1") and his 6'4" friend (no small task at all) to get mine for twenty one. but anyway, i know i still suck and it was all for fun anyway. i FINALLY dunked on my own rim. i think it is at 9 or 9.5 but still i never dunked on it before. [what do you expect from a 5'10" (barely) white guy!!! i do well just to be able to grab rim on a 10 footer.]"
June 9, 1998 on working out: "i went to work out with matt yesterday. it was my most intense work out since mannheim. first time in a long time my arms and legs were still rubber hours later. namean? i went to the gym today with some other friends and i did aerobic stuff. just chillin'. but it's all out tomorrow. i've gotten a little more buffed already from stuff but i can see major improvement quick if i keep working with matt."
June 9, 1998 on War (the band): "i went to a concert on ft hood last night. the band was called War. they're from the seventies. [actually came out in '69.] they sing Low Rider and a couple other songs you would probably recognize. ["spill the wine" and "why can't we be friends"] they're like a combination of all sorts of sounds and styles. anyway, it was pretty badass except for the smoking. it was the first thing i've gone to where you had to be at least 18 [there was alcohol]. [i am a fan for life!!! War is dope and they are still awesome live even though the only remaining original member is the singer.]
June 10 on Games 3 and 4 of the NBA Finals (the part about Game 3 was actually written on the 8th I believe:

game 3

can you say BUTT WHUPPING!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...hell yee-ahhh!!! 96-52 ommigosh!!! jud beuchler hit 2 treys? can it be so? EVERYONE scored including old bill (wennington)? good Lord!!! mike and pip got to ride the pine while the other boys got to shine!!! and shine they did. mad props to kukoc who had a great game. and how close was ron harper come to getting a triple double? anybody know? i'll check it out. [he could have gotten it if he had played in the 4th.]
man though, the jazz got straight up humiliated or like malone said they got 'an old fashioned ass whupping.' how eloquent karl. you know though, i've always had to give respect to malone and stockton (they can ball). they are major competitors and i've always liked and respected them. they've done their time. but when anyone goes up against the bulls i gotta tell it like it is. they're going DOWN!!! i've been saying it for years and years...back when i was still shooting the granny shot in elementary school.
so yeah the jazz are gonna come back fighting. but it doesn't have much to do with how much they wanna win it. the bulls know every trick the jazz has. they've been running the same thing forever. but the bulls are all about adaptation, quickness, smarts, spontaneaty.
well i'll leave that to sit on the brain. for those who care...from one who cares.

game 4

the first half was pippen's. goes to show what he is working for (finals mvp - and he should get it). pippen is pretty much running the show all around. he's been the man on defense tearing up utah's pick and roll. five threes...very nice. reminscant of a certain all-star game via the absence of jordan. he won the mvp then...i bought the red shoes. i'll tell you right now i got mad love for jordan, but pippen is my man. i hope he EARNS the mvp in game 5. if he earns it then after that i'll still have to hope he gets it. jordan is putting up the numbers but not in good fashion (shooting WAY less than 50%).
after a mind numbingly boring 3rd quarter (most usually are) the 4th quarter blew it up. rodman ends up being the hero. now i've been following the wyrm since he got traded to san antoine back in the day. and i know about his detroit days. even though he can be a moron he is an absolute basketball genius. under normal circumstances when rodman steps up to the line you can bet he's gonna miss at least one. he usually just tosses the first one up. but oddly (actually not really if you know rodman) when he stepped to the line in the 4th quarter i knew he was going to hit. i could see it in his face. even when mike couldn't hit the broadside of a barn rodman sunk his. good job!!!
so i predicted the home sweep. to all those who doubted (autumn) all i got to say is...HATERS!!! why don't you just stop hating on me and my team?"
June 11, 1998 on the World Cup: "italy (one of my fav teams) [i'm 100% behind the U.S. National team!!!] tied chile 2-2. it was sorry. i like italy cuz of roberto baggio (one of my fav players in the world). everyone else played like crap except robbie who had a goal and an assist. viva azzuri!!!"
June 13, 1998 on Julius' graduation party: "julius' party was last night and it was slammin'!!! you missed a good one on this, yo. it started off with mad amounts of food. it was good too. we were just chillin'. there was open mic and everyone got up and said something. [matt sang a beatles' song.] and then the dj started the music and all the young people (well most) got down. there was like 10 of the crew the whole place all chillin' together actin' stupid. some people weren't dancing [posers] but i got rachel out for two slow dances.
anyway, we had alot of fun. but with like 2 whole hours left the dj slowed it down so the older people would get involved. i mean i don't mind getting them involved, but don't slow the party down with two hours to go!!! so we went outside alot and stuff [where i proceeded to sing sublime songs]. then everyone was in the parking lot at 12 and we were all going over to the hallmark diner. but when me, matt, rachel, and autumn got there noone was there. then autumn went home and we went over to ihop in the van to check just in case. noone was there either so we took rachel home and then matt and i went to check hallmark again cuz it was just a little out of the way on the way to matt's house. anyway, everyone was there so we chilled until 2.30. and then we all left and i took matt home and came home and was in bed by 3.30 just to be waken up at 9.30."
June 16, 1998 on Orientation: "things are just beginning for me. the OSAs [orientation student assistants] i got to know best were amy [my group OSA], mari, carlo, and walker ( i got all of their cards). they are so cool and dope!!! both carlo's and walker's group comined with ours (walker's twice).
i volunteered for EVERYTHING i could and was just really outgoing. yesterday i gave my incredible rendition of a drunk fool. walker told usa sad story about how his best friend was killed driving with a drunk driver. [it's one of those things that really hits home.]
last night me and chad split the dance scene like quick. i ended up singing some sublime for the world and mari ended up chillin' with us.
i know amy loved our group. we were the best. group 1!!!
the last few days/nights chad and i have been hanging with some chickas. kristen, lindsey, paige, carolyn, etc. i got kristen's address (she doesn't have email yet but she does have my email address).
anyway, the five of us [chad, kristen, lindsey, paige, and i] went to starbucks last night about 11.30ish. it was cool. my frappuccino had me wired beyond belief. [i'm sure this happens to all guys who don't drink soda.] we just chilled and sort of reached an agreement that we would all do that when we got to school in the fall. kristen said we should do it every thursday. it was a suggestion. who knows. we'll work it out. it's all good. we came back and everyone went to bed but me. i talked to mari for awhile until she finally decided to move her butt to bed (she really needed it, her eyes were like solid red). then i watched people play games for like an hour. [well, there was more, but it's not for the general public. my comments may be candid, but i'm not giving up everything. wait a few years until my autobiography comes out, cool?]
June 16, 1998 on Game 6: "watched the 4th quarter from TCU. damn!!! nuff said. [jordan was sucking. he couldn't hit jack. harper pissed me off when he let stockton square up and nail that 3. but he redeemed himself on the next defensive play and came up with a big steal. i believe pippen nailed a crucial trey. i don't remember exactly from all the emotion. but i do remember every move of jordan's shakin' and bakin' of bryon russel. ooohhhh...that was SO sweet. jordan, you were sucking hard (i have to speak it true), but shots like that make you who you are.]"
June 17, 1998 on Soccer: "I played for the Killeen Cavalry this year. We had a good fall season even though it was just a bunch of guys thrown together who had never played before. We played mostly Austin teams. This spring we got a few new guys from my school team (Killeen Ellison) who came in and really broke up the team chemistry. They were just destructive to the team concept (which was THE concept) because my school coach and built up their egos so much. Our club coach [Coach Matthews] was really good and he volunteered to coach us even though he was getting paid to coach an Austin girl's club (The Thunder) that was ranked (I believe) 3rd nationally. Some other club in Austin wanted me to try out, but I didn't want to. There is an All-Star team being started up in the area this summer, but the season doesn't start until August. My school coach wanted me to try out, but I won't be here. I will be trying out for TCU!!!"
June 19, 1998 on beefing up: "i put on about 2-3 lbs. of muscle in the last 2 weeks or so. [now a whopping 143 lbs!!!] and i haven't even worked out in the last week because of orientation and stuff."
June 19, 1998 on what my weight is...muscle of course: "i challenge anyone to find a spot on my body that is not rock hard. [please don't read into this too much.]"
June 20, 1998 on missing friends: "It kinda sucks cuz my friend David can't stay the weekend. He had to go back to Marble Falls today. But you know, he came straight from A&M to MY house. That is cool. I was able to bring him up to date on Killeen happenings (didn't take too long) and tell him about TCU. I really don't feel I have much room to complain because I am blessed with pretty much everything going well for me right now. But I do miss some of my friends. I haven't seen David for weeks and won't see him again for at least that long and he is one of my best friends. Oh well, I guess that is the way it goes."
June 20, 1998 on soundproofing: "I said we should soundproof our room with foam. See, when you think about it serves two purposes, you can play your music loud and you can have some royal rumbles...yeah right. Besides, do you know how much that much foam would cost? At least $500 for one layer."
June 22, 1998 on the U.S. National Team: "I watched the U.S. get spanked by Iran yesterday and I still don't know what to think. I guess I am just ashamed. To support the U.S. through qualification the last two years (which has been frustrating in itself) and to see how goof they got by the end of qualification. Then the coach dumps the captain of the team and my favorite player, John Harkes. To say the least that pissed me off a couple weeks ago. Then just to see them play like little kids against Germany and just plain play like crap against Iran. Oh well. There are still other good teams in the Cup (just not the one I support with a passion). There are plenty of other good games and I watch quite a few to examine the different aspects. I have a method to my madness."
June 24, 1998 on friendship: "if you loved me yesterday, how can you "hate" me now?"
June 28, 1998 on dee jays: "i'm listening to master p. make ya say uhh single. i got it for the instrumental so i could record "give respect now." it just fit that perfectly. but i do like the song. it is like the only song they play at parties that is hip-hop (gettin jiggy with it is a piece of shit song). i ALWAYS ask for sublime and they never have any. damn deejays. i hate them bastiches!!! (i don't really hate anyone) anyway, master p is okay but i prefer mystikal."
June 29, 1998 on my expanding mastery of Spanish: "by the way 'take your chones, y les mandan a mi' means 'take your panties and send them to me.' thought you might like to know..."
July 6, 1998 to joe on inspiration: "thanks man. i always knew you were the first to compliment me on the rhymes bro. i'll never forget that. YOU gave me the inspiration to go on and keep doing it the way i do."
July 13, 1998 on boxes and boxers: "Carrying boxes up stairs while wearing boxers is not a good thing."
July 13, 1998 on new women: "The women always look better when you are new somewhere."
July 13, 1998 on driving: "Driving a minivan while following a U-Haul truck is bad for one's image. I personally see nothing wrong with minivans. They are awesome for parties. Matt called the van 'the pimpmobile.' But still, going 45 mph uphill and 65 on open highway with car upon car passing by is not my idea of a good time."
July 13, 1998 on cold water: "When I went hiking with Kirby, Rachel, and Mike we went swimming in the stream. The water was so cold I swear my little men were kryogenically frozen. But since then I've thawed out."
July 13, 1998 on my friends: "I miss my friends. ) :"
July 13, 1998 on a small world: "People are always saying what a small world it is. Bullshit."
July 13, 1998 on Bradley and heroine: "I miss Brad Nowell. I think that every day, but I thought I might share that with the world. I know I'll never use heroine; and I'll have to open a 40 oz of "Kick Ass" brand tequila if one of my friends ever does. (I hope everyone is amused, but I'm really not kidding."
July 13, 1998 on forbidden love: "Love is tough...especially when you're not SUPPOSED to love someone. that sucks!!!"
July 13, 1998 on my fav new quote (It overtook "FAH-Q" for that spot): "Take your chones, y les mandan a mi."
July 13, 1998 on waiting and my attention span: "I don't have a problem with waiting in hte car while my friend walks his date to her apartment door...and doesn't come back for a half hour. Believe me, I don't mind waiting. Normally, the longer I would have to wait for him the more proud of him I would be. I'd have to say a half hour is the max though. That's about the length of my attention span. People rarely get more than half hour blocks of my attention. I don't mean to be shallow; it's just the truth. My mind wanders...often before a half hour. It takes quite a bit to hold my attention for longer than that without my mind wandering off to other things. [such as the meaning of the universe. j/k] And those who know me best know what I am talking about."
July 13, 1998 on my luck with chicks: "Girls are always telling me how I am 'cute,' 'fine,' etc. and how I am like the greatest guy they know... blah blah blah [I'm not making this up] The reason my head doesn't swell up is cuz I haven't had a date all summer. Go figure. I still haven't figured this one out, but I'll get back to you if I make any progress."
July 13, 1998 on pictures on the internet: "Putting your picture on the internet can be both a blessing and a curse."
July 14, 1998 on one of those things I didn't bother to tell my parents: "well the trip was okay i guess. i drove over 700 of the 1000 mile trip. the first day i never even slept the night before cuz i stayed at my friend matt's house. we had to wake up at like 5 to go to something for his church so i just never went to sleep. (you actually get to a point that you aren't even tired anymore...it's awesome) and then i got home and helped finish things up and then i drove about 165 miles in the minivan until the uhaul messed up."
July 18, 1998 on tattoos and hairstyles: "when i get enuff $$$ i'm going to get the sublime tattoo on my back just like brad nowell (late lead singer from sublime). i have $150 cash right now. i wrote my cousin jessi who is like 21 and i want her to take me when i go up to wisconsin. we're pretty tight and she knows all bout that stuff. well hopefully i will have enuff $$$ cuz i really wanna get that. also i want to die my hair so it is all different shades. like streaked er something. i dunno, i guess it will be cool. i guess i'm gonna get jessi to show me the ropes on that too cuz i don't know crap bout hair dying. don't know jack."
August 20,1998 on tattoos and hairstyles: "I got the Sublime tattoo on my back. It took 3.5 hours and cost $350 dollars. It hurt alot, but I love it! I also got my hair dyed (it is lightened a few shades) and I am letting it grow out a little bit."
August, 27 1998 on Frog Camp: "Frog Camp was the bomb!!!"
September 3, 1998 on the Greek system: "yeah, i sorta have a beef with the greek system, but i still judge individuals on an individual basis rather than by stereotyping them because they were greek. if i DID do that then i would have become what i hate...a bigot. i don't believe that greeks are evil, but i DO believe that the system (which is outdated) promotes separatism (breaking down unity) and threatens peoples' individuality. of course it all depends on the individual as to how they give in to that pressure. but no matter what, subconsciously they will be somewhat affected by the attitudes of their brethren."
October 10, 1998 on Katrina: "yeah man, it's all good in my neighborhood. me and katrina hooked up. first saw her the first night that i worked froggy five-o. she was the shy one out of a group of girls. i was completely mesmerized by the sway of her hips as she walked. little did i know that she was in hyperfrogs. that was a pleasant surprise. even better was her joining the football team. we had our first game wednesday. i hurt my ankle. katrina was more than supportive. i promised her and some other friends i would go to the sherley deal that night. i went and we all hung out until 1.30. i walked katrina and another friend back to sherley and it was easy enough to ask katrina out since i already had my arm around her. so we went to dinner the next day. then we went back to her room and watched tv. the rest is, as they say, history... all in all, she is cool as shit and we have alot in common. her dad is in the army and she lived in killeen for 9th and 10th grade and in germany for 11th and 12th (exact opposite as me)."
October 20, 1998 to all my Aggie buds: "i know it is a little late, but i want to congratulate A&M on the victory over nebraska. as you all know, i AM a horned frog and if we did play A&M then we would have to beat you like we did airforce BUT luckily for A&M ya'll ran away from the WAC a couple years ago. anyway, since you, being my friends go to A&M, i do have to support the aggies to a pretty good extent. and i did get a chance to see a good part of the game until i had to go OUR game vs. fresno state (which we did whup). they announce the scores at amon carter stadium and everyone went buckwild when we found out A&M had pulled off the W...since so many people here have friends at A&M i guess. also, good win against baylor...but we all know that baylor isn't much of anything anyway. i'm sure i will see the aggies in a bowl game this year. look for my horned frogs too. also watch us against wyoming next week. that should be a good game...and you might even sneak a peak of me and/or my hyperfrog cohorts on the teli."
October 20, 1998 as a solution to the chain letter epidemic: "okay, here is what i have been doing with chain letters for the last two weeks...everytime i get something that is somewhat cool and i want to send it to people even though it may be a chain letter, i simply cut out the bottom section that has to do with sending it to x number of people. i know that i am personally supersticious to an extent. sometimes this gets the better of me and i get worried. i know that other people are like this as well...and these ARE your/our friends. so do your friends a favor and start cutting the chain crap out of a letter. it also increases the chances that you don't get the same forward ten times. help your friends out and spread the word! thank you and have a nice day!!!

jeremy

p.s. i am currently working on the solution to the questions of the meaning of life and other metaphysical questions. ( : stay tuned..."
March 12, 1999 on quitting school: "let's see...where to start? well, for awhile there i was pretty depressed trying to figure out what was up with life and everything. i'm gettin' jacked over in college because of my GPA sucked from last semester as you know. that was from because i was sick. well this semester i am getting As and Bs in all of my classes so far except some damn linear algebra. i've had problems with math tests since high school...ever since like 9th grade with geometry...especially in mr. crockett's class and pre-calculus at ellison. so anyway, i am going to lose my scholarship and probably my grant too. i can't get any outside scholarships now because everyone wants you to have at least a 2.0 GPA for ANYTHING. so anyway, i am screwed over on that. so i guess i am going to go ahead and enlist probably. i am going to try to go to flight warrant school so i can fly helicopters and not be a damn private. plus, enlisting in illinois and serving one tour i can get the GI bill and 4 free years of school. so i could come out after 2-3 years [6 if i do warrant] and be like a junior and go to college free for like 4 years PLUS make like $800-900 at least. so i could even get a masters or just whatever. my only hope of staying here at TCU is if i can get hooked up with an ROTC scholarship. that is my first choice."
March 12, 1999 on Hyper Frogs and Soccer: "i'm vice president of hyper frogs now. that sort of defeats the whole purpose since i probably won't even be here next year. it's been fun though. but since it's not football season there isn't much going on so i haven't been able to make much of a difference and probably won't get the chance to. i am basically most active in our intramural sports program. i got a co-ed team together which i hand picked among hyper frogs and a few other people i knew. i am coaching and everything. some people never even played before, but everyone who comes to practice is making great progress. i always knew i would be a pretty good soccer coach. i put ALOT of time into it. i don't think most people realize all the shit i am doing for them. i can't wait to play again though because i am feeling good. games start after our spring break."
March 31, 1999 on Hyper Frog F.C.: "This is an update on the Hyper Frog F.C. co-ed intramural soccer team. We were beaten 4-0 by Sig Ep/Theta in our first preseason game in an incredibly heated match. Many mistakes were made, especially spacing on the field and marking up in the midfield. We really could not get anything together offensively save for a few shots on goal on breakaways. No comment will be made on the officiating in the game except that one goal should not have been and we should have had at least three of our own on penalties. I am just glad we made it through the game without any serious injuries. Our goalkeeper, Jared Hooker, showed flashes of brilliance in the second half. I eagerly anticipate the rematch... This last Sunday we beat a decent Brachman side 3-1 in our second and last preseason game. Jeff Bradley had two goals and an assist and Chad Childers had a goal and two assists. A new formation, a change in strategy, and a movement of Jeff to striker were all productive changes. Chad and Jeff worked well together all game...all I had to do was send them the ball (which is good because I was not at 100%). Jared came really close to the shutout and he was phenomenal in the goal. The defense (Jennifer Cross, Katrina Duffy, Jen Perry, and Jeremy Roman), organized by Jennifer Cross, was also incredible with midfield coming back to mark up. Lauren Johnston and Katie Bartman devastated the opposition with streaks down the sidelines. This game was a total turnaround from our first. By Sunday everyone had made significant strides, even as far as individual skill. I can say with confidence that once Jared gets going you will not find a better goalkeeper in intramurals (and that is not something to take lightly either). This is very encouraging...something our defense can build around and our offense can develop from. I look forward to seeing even more development in the team...especially since I will most likely be back to 100% when games start back up again. I LOVE THIS TEAM!"
March 6, 1999 on soccer: "just so you know, my regular season games end at the end of this month. my co-ed team has games thursdays and sundays and my guys team has games tuesdays and thursdays (meaning i often have 2 games on thursdays). i've been cramping up like i used to (calves). i cramped up real bad thursday before last in our co-ed game. luckily it was the second game i had played and towards the end. i was making runs from midfield all the way into the goalbox past up to 5 defenders. that didn't help. i could barely walk the next two days and didn't feel too good sunday morning either. but after church i felt better and i could run at like 75%. we won that game 3-1, but it would have been hell for that team if i was 100% because i haven't found anyone that can take me when i'm going one-on-one. i just blow right past people and i couldn't do that in our last game. last week we had the week off. i'm also getting some really cool cleats in the mail. should have them thursday."
March 23, 1999 on my obsession: "Hey Everyone, I would just like to start off by apologizing for everything. I know this season probably pretty much sucked for everyone and that is my fault. What started out as something that was supposed to help me deal with my problems became something of a white whale for me (sans Moby Dick). I drove myself beyond the point of reason and fun...as I often have in the past; but this time I took all of you with me. I apologize if I ever got upset with anyone or anything like that. I was never ever mad at anyone on the team for trying. I was just frustrated...and I never should have taken it out on anyone else. I was actually very proud of each and everyone one of you from the very first game to the very last. Each of you showed that you had character and control in our first game against Sig Ep/Theta. And each game showed improvement in each and every person. I was certainly impressed by the things that ya'll could do. Last night if I asked someone to do something they did it right the very next time...that is incredible and I commend each and everyone one of you for that. As for last night's loss...I blame only myself. This team held Brachman scoreless and I could not capitalize on the several chances that I got. I was off my game and not thinking clearly. As for the shootout...that I lost too. We lost only because of me. Something as trivial as a penalty kick and I couldn't convert it. Had I converted the shot we most assuredly would have won because after Kyle shot there wasn't much left in Brachman's depth. Again, I want to thank everyone for everything that you all have done for me. Each of you gave me something special. I especially want to thank those who kept me cool during the games...you know who you are. (= It is just a game and I will always try to remember that. Joe, thanks very much for taping the games. I don't think you know how much that means to me. Those videos are memories I will be able to cherish for a very long time. Matt, thanks for showing up to everything that was ever scheduled. We ARE in the playoffs and we play on Wednesday at 7 PM on field one (intramural fields). We play a team called "The Team." I know absolutely nothing about them. It is probably better that way. I hope everyone can make it because I think that we can go out there and just have some fun. I'm pretty sure my ego has been shot to [you know where] and I will accept the fact that I am NOT going to score and maybe I can get back to midfield where I should be and start distributing again. In closing I would like to wish everyone the best of luck in the rest of the year, for next year, and the following years. I will take the memories that you all have given me wherever I may be next year and for the rest of my years. I consider all of you my friends (I wouldn't have asked you to play on the team if that wasn't the case) and I hope that I have not damaged your image of me too much beyond repair. Your Friend, Jeremy "
March 30, 1999 on refereering: "Yesterday my co-ed team lost 3-1 in the playoffs. My guys team forfeited the other day because we didn't have enough players. People still ask me about that because we were probably the best team and everyone is wondering where we were. It was highly disappointing. The game I was supposed to ref today got canceled but I hopped into the middle of a men's semi-final game between the international students (I have some friends on there) and some frat boys. It was already almost over but getting out of hand. As soon as I got in ended up calling a foul against the frat guys and some guy threw the ball down in anger at me. It hit me in the legs and so I threw him out. My supervisor HAD told me to call it tight. I called alot of other stuff too because the frat guys were already down 2-0 and couldn't score so they were frustrated. They took it out on the internationals and of course me too. At one point one guy made a comment saying that I must have never played soccer before. Stuff like that amuses me/annoys me. In America soccer is such a mystified sport that if someone tells you something about it you believe it. I had one ref the other day that believed a goal keeper could do anything in the world he damn well pleases including trucking players...that is what he "had been told." Anyway, if these guys read a rulebook once in their life maybe they would get it. See, I know the rules well enough to paraphrase/quote almost any one of them. Obstruction was a big one today. The ISA guys were good at shielding the ball so that the frat guys couldn't get to it which in turn frustrated them so they just pushed the guy over...penalty of course. Then they got mad. One guy got frustrated and asked me what he could do against that...like I would teach some punk ass the tricks of the trade. Funny thing is that I taught Jeremy the very same thing in last nights game. He did it right the very next time. Pretty good for a guy who never played soccer...I wonder if those frat boys will ever get it...I guess they have a year to get drunk and think about it. It's funny because the soccer game had more spectators than we ever got at home games at Ellison...okay that is not exactly true but there WERE alot of people there just going plain crazy and things. But Jeremy was there and he always has my back. And luckily the ONLY good supervisor, Shawn who got me to work for playoffs, was working tonight so I was feeling great about everything."
May 3, 1999 with some lyrics: "Things have been weird the last few weeks. My mom left and is in Florida now. It's a long unpleasant story. But I really wrote you to run this new verse in progress by ya to see what you think. Gimme a holler... I'll put muthafuckas in the hospital if I have ta Or hang bitches by their ankles from the rafters Understand what I'm sayin' cuz I'm not playin' Set me off and Dragon will cock and start sprayin' Fuckin' with me is like fuckin with D [MX] 15 minutes later...dead bodies is all you'll see I'm goin' off like Cloud in Final Fantasy The young Gambino brotha is who I be I'm sleepy, tired of this muthafuckin' shit All it is is hit after hit after hit after hit This lifestyle is suckin' the soul out of me I'm washin' victims' blood off my hands daily I'm a natural born killah - noone taught me this The dragonbreath and the Gambino deathkiss The secret art, my blue dragon kung-fu Wide dragon stance ready to strike you Dragon's tail finds path...along your fuckin' jaw Crackin' that shit and followin' up with the claw I'll rip your heart out with the dragon talon You can say what you want - keep whalin' You can hit on me all you want fool But you're finished - I'm takin' your ass to school You're out to dry on my lyrical clothesline I'm drinkin' your blood like aged fine wine Tastes sweet just like I like it biz-eetch I'll role up a joint with your skin and smoke it like Cheech Just kiddin'...hold that...cuz I don't toke Cuz when it comes to my body I'm goin' for broke Foul poisons don't get consumed by Tu Geez You tryin' to get me to puff, drink, and shoot up...fool please Ya need to stop trippin' and clean yourself up Sit down at my table and drink from my Knowledge Cup I know it's pretty violent but it's how I feel. It's all I seem to be able to get inspired anymore. The era of the bragadocious is past for the time being for me. It's all about rippin' up fools with the most vicious manner I can contemplate. I guess you are the first and maybe only person I trust with this. I don't think most people would be able to handle this coming from me...namean?"
April 6, 2000 on being happy: "You know what I just realized today? I'm happy. Things are going well for me and I've got no reason to complain. Yeah I've got dicked over by a couple girls recently, but what the Hell...there are plenty of them out there. I couldn't possibly be doing any better as far as my carreer goes. After I take some CLEP tests and everything it shouldn't be too long before I get my Associates. And I'm in as good a field as you can possibly be in. I am trained to fix some of the most hi-tech machines in the world. My job is fairly exciting and can be fairly challenging if I make it that way. My confidence is way up. I can actually walk up to a girl I've seen a couple times and ask her for her phone number. This is a really new thing for me. And they notice me alot more. I mean, of the two girls I've talked to in the last week I've hit it off. And how can I really complain about it having been a week since I had sex. I can't!!! All it was for me was an attitude change. It totally hit me this morning. And it's always been like this my whole life. I've had to decide to stop being depressed. I've always been a self starter and finally I get around to kicking myself in the a$$ and going for it. So anyway, it will happen for you too. Everything will be okay."
April 8, 2000 on music: "I'm bored...waiting for my dad to get out the friggin shower. He was sharing his insightful thoughts with me again today. He asked me why I like "Father of Mine" by Everclear so much. It seems to bug him when I put that CD on and I'm singing along with the song and everything. See, music means so much to him but he takes it too literally. To me, it's more metaphorical. But I mean, that is my nature...my creative to his intellectual. He's always been confused by my choice of music as to my attitude towards life. For example, I could be going to school and in the morning I'm listening to some song about killing and stuff. But it's not like I want to go out and kill anyone, just like I wouldn't go out and treat women badly, or do any of the other things that are supposedly glorified in rap music. But again, it's a metaphor. Alot of times it's me against the world, me as the lone wolf getting the hard knocks and still striving and surviving, excelling in life despite. And the music that I connect most with Sublime and Wu-Tang. I just straight connect with that...almost each and every song on Sublime's 3 main CDs, 4 released CDs aftwerwards, and all the bootlegs. [Okay, Dad is pressuring me to listen to a song so I gotta wrap this up now.] Anyway, and Wu-Tang if you really know Wu-Tang is sending out positive messages to the people. They aren't talking about killing and all that other crap. They are talking about knowledge and religion...EVERYTHING is deep. Most of it isn't going to be the kinda stuff they play on the radio because you really really have to listen to the words and really TRY to understand what they are saying...and that takes some time and effort. It's hard enough to max one's PT test, it's hard enough to graduate top of your class, it's hard enough to have the best looking boots and uniform, it's hard enough to go out to the M16 range and shoot the best on that day, but to do all these things and even more (including having all the military knowledge that I have for someone of my rank) is nearly unheard of. I want to make a mark. I want to set records. I want to be remembered as a good person and a good soldier everywhere I go. I want to be the youngest sergeant in the unit. I could seriously get my E5 (sergeant) before I left here. That is my goal."
July 17, 2000 on my Army life: "Hey yallz, Sorry it's been so long since alot of you have heard from me. The last two or three months have been really hectic. I know most of you are probably "busy" partying this summer and working off hangovers with your part time jobs. I know how it is. (= In the May/June timeframe I was working on average of 12 hour days on a phase. If I haven't told you already it's wear we completely tear down the aircraft and inspect absolutely everything. Everything that needs fixing or replacing gets fixed or replaced. It's supposed to take a month. We took two weeks. The other two weeks we were basically waiting for parts. That's the Army supply system for you. It was quite an honor for me to be picked for the phase team though with only a month in the unit. I learned alot which is even better. After phase I pretty much went right into working nights which I rather fancy because I tend to get more sleep that way. It's nice to get off of work between 11 and 1 and then sleep until 12 and get up for work, get everything ready in a relaxing manner, and have the day to get important things accomplished. Plus the week goes much faster when you're sleeping 12 hours a day. (= Ha ha!!! So then we went out in the field for a week. I'm sure most of you know about the 100 degree plus weather here in the great state but imagine being outside with no AC for 24 hours a day for a week. And imagine what we wear too. (= Really there wasn't much for us to do out there in the field so the majority of my platoon sat around playing cards or sleeping all day. Believe me, I have the pictures to prove it. (= But they sent me and a friend of mine to go work with one of the line units for a couple days so we were actually out there busting our asses on the aircraft for several hours a day. And then when we actually had real maintenance come up who do they send? I bet you can't guess... It's good though because I kept busy and happy and my NCOs appreciated me busting my hump. But alot of people just cannot function in this heat whereas it really doesn't bother me all that much. So anyway, the really really good news that I wanted to tell everyone is that I got promoted to Private First Class on Friday."
August, 2000 on relationships: "Honestly, I used to want girls to get attached to me. It made it alot easier because I got attached so easily. I thought I would always be like that. It caused me to get hurt quite a few times in my younger days. But I always bounced back and "never learned my lesson." But after Katrina (TCU) I just haven't been the same. She really did it. I was at the edge. I really flipped out. I did get attached to this girl I dated while I went home on leave. I only saw her for 3 days and it had an akward conclusion, but she was awesome. I guess I got a real dose of my own medicine there. A couple weeks back I dated this girl for a whole week! lol Well it was two weekends. She was pretty nice and everything and to tell you the truth I probably just wanted to make her feel better about giving it up on the first night. But the second weekend was just too much. She was cramping me and I wasn't even getting to see my friends on the weekend. She even thought that she could change me. It was just little things, but I like the way that I do things and I don't want to have to change for anyone. Obviously I will change and grow with someone after awhile in a relationship and do most things that are asked of me, but a week doesn't really qualify. lol I just wasn't cool with things. It's obvious that I really wasn't ready to be domesticated and stuff again. Anyway, I do hope it's not just a one time thing. I know it's Sometimes I wonder if I could date anyone without having sex almost right away anymore, and on the other hand I realize that if I can't then it's going to be a long time until I am actually able to build a relationship that extends beyond sex. In a way it's not cool, but in a way it's good. Maybe it will keep me single for the next 5 years and then I will get out and go back to school and be able to say I'm going to be somewhere for awhile with some sort of garauntee and not have to commute several hours to see her...or vice versa. (="

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