Quotes!

  1. We live together, we act on, and react to, one another; but always and in all circumstances we are by ourselves... By its very nature every embodied spirit is doomed to suffer and enjoy in solitude. Sensations, feelings, insights, fancies--all these are private and, except through symbols and at second hand, incommunicable... From family to nation, every human group is a society of island universes. --Aldous Huxley in "The Doors of Perception"

  2. In 1954, the U.S. Congress made it official: the U.S. is one nation under God. In 1957, it became a nation under a satellite put into space by some godless communists. From http://www.misterthorne.org/NEWS/MAR_2003.htm

  3. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. --Carl Zwanzig

  4. "You, sir, are drunk." -Woman
    "Yes. But you, madam, are ugly, and I shall be sober in the morning."     --Winston Churchill

  5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. --Redd Foxx

  6. Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. --Mark Twain

  7. It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt. --Mark Twain

  8. I am not young enough to know everything. --Oscar Wilde

  9. All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. --George Orwell, Animal Farm

  10. I disapprove with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. --Evelyn Beatrice Hall, paraphrasing Voltaire

  11. History is a set of lies agreed upon. --Napoleon Bonaparte

  12. It's kind of fun to do the impossible. --Walt Disney

  13. I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. --J. Edgar Hoover

  14. It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. --Woody Allen

  15. A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents. --H.L. Mencken

  16. Reality is whatever refuses to go away when I stop believing in it. --Philip K. Dick

  17. If you could understand everything I said, you'd be me. --Miles Davis

  18. Your friend is the man who knows all about you, and still likes you. --Elbert Hubard

  19. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. --Mark Twain

  20. Everything in excess! To enjoy the flower of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks. --Robert Heinlein

  21. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car. --Laurence J. Peter

  22. There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. --George Santayana

  23. A day...is a miniature eternity. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

  24. The world is a beautiful place to be born into if you don't mind some people dying all the time or maybe only starving some of the time which isn't half so bad if it isn't you. --Lawrence Ferlinghetti

  25. Outside of a dog, a book is Man’s best friend. And inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. --Groucho Marx

  26. Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. --Antoine de aint-Exupery

  27. Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. --Steve Bluestone

  28. Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. --Berthold Auerbach

  29. The pessimist complains about the wind; The optimist expects it to change; The realist adjusts the sails. --William Arthur Ward

  30. A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world. --Oscar Wilde

  31. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. --Douglas Adams

  32. Never fight an inanimate object. --P.J. O'Rourke

  33. Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible. --Doug Larson

  34. Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. --R.A. Dickson

  35. Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer. --Jack Handey

  36. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. -- Erica Jong

  37. Remember, there is a greater pain than yours. --Trent Reznor (submitted by Amon)

  38. The dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on the shelves of patience...And in the worship of security, we fling our lives beneath the wheels of routine--and before we know it our lives are gone. --Sterling Hayden

  39. We are created in the dark, in the mindless spasms of our parents beds, and we leave this world alone, in darkness. In between, we are drawn to the light, like moths, only to be dazzled by it. --Gene Kira in King of the Moon

  40. True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country. --Kurt Vonnegut

  41. It is better to die than to live in pain; the dead have no sorrows to hurt them, but when a man passes from happiness to misery his heart hankers restlessly after the joys he once knew. --Euripides

  42. Against boredom, even the gods themselves struggle in vain. --Nietzsche

  43. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target. --Unknown

  44. Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic. --Unknown

  45. You can't have everything, where would you put it? --Steven Wright

  46. All of the greatest technological inventions of man - the automobile, the airplane, the computer - says little about man's intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness. --Mark Kennedy

  47. The sports page records people's accomplishments; The front page nothing but their failures. --Justice Earl Warren

  48. Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves. --Unknown (submitted by Weavo)

  49. Why is it that you never know you loved something until it's gone? --Unknown

  50. The number one cause of death is life itself. --Unknown (submitted by Skrewtape)

  51. The slave thinks he is released from bondage only to find a stronger set of chains. --Trent Reznor (submitted by Poison Candy)

  52. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. --Unknown

  53. Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clear to the bone. --Unknown

  54. If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and four tellers? --Unknown

  55. Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --Unknown

  56. There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praise-worthy. --Unknown

  57. Fashion is a form of ugliness so bad that we have to alter it every six months. --Unknown

  58. Psychiatrists sat that one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're ok, you're it. --Unknown

  59. People usually get what's coming to them...unless it's been mailed. --Unknown

  60. Life is like a dog sled team...If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. --Unknown

  61. Optimism is a mania for saying things are well while one is in hell. --Voltaire

  62. The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. --Marcus Aurelius

  63. "Know thyself?" If I knew myself, I'd run away. --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  64. There is a fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. --Woody Allen

  65. Poetry should comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. --Unknown

  66. The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead. -Ann Landers

  67. Sleep is good, death is better; but of course, the best thing would never to have been born at all. --Heinrich Heine

  68. Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them. --Bill Vaughn

  69. It is very unfair to expect a politician to live in private up to the statements he makes in public. --W. Somerset Maugham

  70. A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. --Robert Frost

  71. I have the true feeling of myself only when I am unbearably unhappy. --Franz Kafka

  72. If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. --Johnny Carson

  73. Hell is--other people! --Jean-Paul Sartre

  74. Latent in every man is a venom of amazing bitterness, a black resentment; something that curses and loathes life, a feeling of being trapped, of having trusted and been fooled, of being the helpless prey of impotent rage, blind surrender, the victim of a savage, ruthless power that gives and takes away, enlists a man, drops him, promises and betrays, and--crowning injury--inflicts on him the humiliation of feeling sorry for himself. --Paul Valery

  75. I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference. --Jack Kerouac

  76. The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. --H. L. Mencken

  77. I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. --Fran LEbowitz

  78. We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked in it. --Tennessee Williams

  79. Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows. --William Shakespeare

  80. Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? --Jean Kerr

  81. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counter. --Unknown Submitted by Mike

  82. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill them. --Unknown (Submitted by Mike

  83. Death is just another expression of love. And I just want to kill you! --Bilbo Baggins

  84. Damn the man! --the movie Empire Records (submitted by Brokn Halo)

  85. Victims aren't we all. --The Crow (submitted by Brokn Halo)

  86. Living makes me sick; so sick I wish I'd die. --lyrics to a Smashing Pumpkins song (submitted by Brokn Halo)

  87. I am a product of American society. --Marilyn Manson (submitted by Brokn Halo)

  88. And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through. --David Bowie (submitted by Brokn Halo)

  89. All religion, my friend, is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. --Edgar Allen Poe (submitted by Brian Kuchon)

Some quotes were taken from "Life stinks: A Wry Look at Hopelessness, Despair, & Disaster" by Armand Eisen.

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