The song parodies on this page were all featured as Song Parody of the Month during the year of 1998.

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Okay, let's face it .... I just love this topic! It's just a little scary, true, but it's all for fun! Right?
A parody on "Desert Song" ...
written: 1/5/98
featured: January 1998

"City Song"

Dark and dirty, like he has never seen
A mind so twisted with thoughts so kinky
My heart is racing, 'cause his jeans are all torn
I stand there waiting, ready to pounce that boy

Only the lonely will stare
I'm praying that I'll have that man
I got to believe

My world revolves around that one hun
Echoes of his voice ring loud and long
This seperation is the king of pain
A lost luster in an ocean of fame

Only the lonely will stare
I'm praying that I'll have that man
I got to believe

Ooooh ....
I've been here before
But I doubt I'll see him today
I'll wait for my break
Ready to pounce onto that boy
Ooooh ....
.... Oooh .....

What can I say, this is a great topic! Better than .... uh, never mind! Anyway, the usual. This song lusts after Joe, yet Sav, Phil, Rick and Viv fit in very well, thank you!
a parody on "I Wanna Touch U"
written: 1/12/98
featured: February 1998

"I Wanna Touch Joe"

I wanna touch Joe
Till we're stuck like glue
I wanna touch Joe, yeah

I get high on Joe
I'm on fire over Joe
And I can't let Joe go
I can't let Joe go

I got lust on the rise
And I burn for his fire
Got my eye on the prize
Got Joe in my sights
And I can't let Joe go
I can't let Joe go

Give me no reasons, give me no rhymes
Give me that feelin' all of the time

I wanna touch Joe
Till we're stuck like glue
I wanna touch Joe
Yeah, baby, that's so true
I wanna touch Joe
Nobody else will do babe
I wanna touch Joe
'Cause a little too much
Could never be enough now

Yeah, uh, come on
I get wired on Joe
And I thrill to his voice
Yeah, I excite over Joe
Can't stop this landslide of lust
No, no I can't let Joe go
I can't let Joe go, oh

Give me no reasons, give me no rhymes
Give me that feelin' all of the time

I wanna touch Joe
Till we're stuck like glue
I wanna touch Joe
Yeah, baby, that's so true
I wanna touch Joe
Nobody else will do babe
I wanna touch Joe
'Cause a little too much
Could never be enough
Never be enough no
Yeah

Give me no reasons, give me no rhymes
Give me that feelin' all of the time

I wanna touch Joe
Nobody else will do
I wanna touch Joe
I wanna touch Joe, yeah
I wanna touch Joe
Till we're stuck like glue
I wanna touch Joe
Yeah, baby that is true
I wanna touch Joe
Nobody else but Joe, yeah
I wanna touch Joe
Oh, till we get it right
I wanna touch Joe
Yeah, make it last all night
I wanna touch Joe
Baby you excite me
I wanna touch Joe
'Cause a little too much
Could never be enough now

I'll say one thing about this parody: It was hard! This was the most difficult song to parodize. Hopefully, though, it's not a let down. Enjoy!
parody on "Animal"
written: 2/15/98
featured: March 1998

"For A Lep"

A wild guy, what a man I found
Such a lust for you, I'd follow town to town
I am the lustful one, sneaking back stage
Just like a river runs, like a fire needs flame
Oh, I burn for you

I got to feel you at my side, whoa
I need your touch, I need your love, whoa

And I want
And I need
And I lust
For a Lep
And I want
And I need
And I lust
For a Lep

I sneak 'round, tiptoe back stage
Like a movin' shadow, getting past security
I'm runnin' to the bus, but I am left in the dust
And like a hopeful fan, yeah, like a restless rust
I never sleep

I got to feel you at my side, whoa
I need your touch, I need your love, whoa

And I want
And I need
And I lust
For a Lep
And I want
And I need
And I lust
For a Lep

Huh, oh
Look out, baby
Watch out
Wanna love you like a uh uh a Lepfan
Wanna take your love and run

I got to feel you at my side, whoa
I need your touch, I need your love, whoa

And I want
And I need
And I lust
For a Lep
And I want
And I need
And I lust
For a Lep

And I want, and I want
And I need, and I need
And I lust, and I lust
For a Lep, for a Lep
And I want, take me
And I need, tame me
And I lust, yeah I lust
For a Lep, for a Lep

And I want, show me
And I need, stroke me
And I lust, love me just
For a Lep, like a Lep
And I want, I want
And I need, oh yeah
And I lust, for a Lep
For a Lep
Whoa, hehehe!

If I said this parody was slightly autobiographical ... would you doubt it? Didn't think so.
parody on "She's Too Tough"
written: 3/30/98
featured: April 1998

"Food's Too Gross"

A large skillet and her apron's on
Good lookin', but she can't cook a meal
She's no chef, now, oh no
Lotsa food, she's got plenty to spare
You can eat the food, if only you dare
She's no chef, now, oh no

Food's too gross
Can't cook well
She just can't cook well
Food's too gross
Can't cook well
She just can't cook well

If you want a decent meal
Go fry up some week-old roadkill
She's no chef, now, oh no!
Still movin'? Stab it with your knife
Still wouldn't eat, if you value your life
She's no chef now, hell no!

Food's too gross
Can't cook well
She just can't cook well
Food's too gross
Can't cook well
She just can't cook well
Food's too gross
Can't cook well
She just can't cook well
Food's too gross
Can't cook well
She just can't cook well
Food's too gross
Can't cook well
She just can't cook well

(repeat these damn phrases till it fades out!)

Okay, so I decided to get away from the norm. So here it is, a parodize on another artist's song that refers to the boys! And it's a little flashback for some of us ...
A parody on Madonna's "Like A Virgin"
written: 1/14/98
featured: May 1998

"Like A Lep Fan"

In my seat, I'm complete
You're on stage, you're so fun and fine
And you make me feel
Yeah, you make me feel
Happy and high

Like a Lep fan
Rocked for the very first time
Like a Lep fan
With your music rocking me

Giving me all your rock boy
My lust is rising fast
Been saving it all the fans
'Cause you music will last

You're so fine, please be mine
Made me dream
Yeah, you make me bold
Oh your riffs thawed out
Yeah your riffs thawed out
What was scared and alone

Like a Lep fan
Rocked for the very first time
Like a Lep fan
With your music rocking me

I've had the chorus in my head for about a year, but the pieces took a long time to fall together!
a sweet li'l parody of "Miss You In A Heartbeat"
written: 5/9/98
featured: June 1998

"Pounce You In A Heartbeat"

I believe that there's some guys in this world
That can be hot from time to time
I sure found out, thoughts of you five are a crime
The more you sing, the more I drool

No need to worry, no need to run away
Security's got a hold on me anyway
But baby

Oooh, I'd pounce you in a heartbeat
Oooh, I'd pounce you right away
Oooh, I'd pounce you in a heartbeat
'Cause hell, I'd take all five of you any day
Oh yeah

When you sing, I just lose my self-control
Your sensual voice gets me high
To lust is easy, but can't get past security
I keep the faith and you're the reason why, yeah

No need to worry, no need to run away
Security's got a hold on me anyway, baby

Oooh, I'd pounce you in a heartbeat
Oooh, yeah, I'd pounce you right away
Oooh, I'd pounce you in a heartbeat
'Cause hell, I'd take all five of you any day

Now, I ain't big on promises
But I'll be true to you
'Cause you're the only band that makes me feel the way you do

Oooh, I'd pounce you in a heartbeat
Oooh, yeah, I'd pounce you right away
Oooh, oh I'd pounce you in a heartbeat
'Cause hell, I'd take all five of you any day

You can tell I've spent way too many hours staring at picts, vids, and interviews of the Leps! Poor guys!
a parody on "Rock of Ages"
written: 6/28/98
featured: July 1998

"Rock Me Baby"

Humin-humina yeah baby!

Tsk tsk, all right
I got something to say, yeah
I want that man and
Oh yeah I want him now
All right, oh, gonna make some noise

C'mon
Rise up, c'mon down
Rock me babe to the ground
Burnin' up, let's go for more
Watch the bed go up in smoke
Rock on, rock on
Drive me crazier
No serenade, no come-on lines
Justa nyphomania
C'mon

What do you want, what do you want
I want that Leppard, yes I do
Just want that Leppard

Oh let's go, let's have some fun
Gonna blow like dynamite
I don't care if it takes me all night
I'm gonna have that man tonight
C'mon

What do you want, what do you want
I want that Leppard, all right
Just want that Leppard
Oh yeah, yeah

Rock me baby, rock me baby
All night baby, till the morning
Rock me baby, rock me baby
All night honey, till the morning

We got the hormones, we got the will
And if you want me baby, just say my name
Whoo yeah, hehehe

Now listen to me
I'm burnin', burnin', I got the fever
I know for sure, that you're the cure
So feel me, don't fight me, go with the flow
And give me, give me, give me
That Lep before the show, yeah

What do you want, what do you want
I want that Leppard, you betcha
Just want that Leppard
Hooo yeah!

Rock me baby, rock me baby
All night baby, till the morning
Rock me baby, rock me baby
All night honey, till the morning

We got the hormones, we got the will
And if you want me
And if you need me
Say my name
Say it

We're gonna burn this damn place down
Woo-hoo
Down to the ground
Heh hehe hehe ...

I'm hungry.
a parody on "I Wanna Be Your Hero"
written: 7/17/98
featured: August 1998

"I Wanna Eat That Hoagie"

I wanna eat that hoagie
Baskin' in the fridge's light
I wanna eat that hoagie
In the middle of the night

Hold tight, 'cause I like what I see
It's loaded, with the right amount of meat
It's not too thick, the works piled on right
A delicious sight, I'm chowing down tonight
You know

Got everything I want
Got everything I like, yeah
I got something to say
I'm on my way

Mayo on the tip of my tongue
Salami in between my teeth
You know

Got everything I want
Got everything I like, yeah
I got something to say
I'm on my way
Oh yeah, get up and eat

I wanna eat that hoagie
Baskin' in the fridge's light
I wanna eat that hoagie
In the middle of the night

Hold tight, I like what I see
Just one more bite
That's all I'm asking before bed

Got everything I want
Got everything I like
I got something to say, yeah
I'm on my way
Oh yeah, get up and eat

I wanna eat that hoagie
Baskin' in the fridge's light
I wanna eat that hoagie
In the middle of the night
I wanna eat that hoagie
Baskin' in the fridge's light
I wanna eat that hoagie
In the middle of the night
I wanna eat that hoagie
I wanna eat that hoagie
I wanna eat that hoagie
I wanna eat that hoagie
I wanna eat that hoagie

Yes, I am the only person who can write a song parody about slamming one's hand in a door.
a parody on "Fractured Love"
written: 7/24/98
featured: September 1998

"Fractured Palm"

I'm caught in midscream
It is as bad as it seems
I'm all in a daze
Gotta find a way to free my hand
I'm looking for help
And my hand hurts like friggin' hell
I've lost the damn keys
The door's locked, can't you see?

Don't want your sympathy, no no no
Don't need the third degree, no no no
Just gotta free my hand and scream
I'm caught in midscream

Please just call an ambulance now
Considering that I can't
I feel like I'm gonna pass out
Catch me if I fall

Don't want your sympathy, no
Don't need the third degree, no
Just gotta free my hand and scream
I'm caught in midscream

Fractured palm, fractured palm
My hand's caught in a door
Fractured palm, fractured palm
Cracked bones in this poor battered palm

I don't care if you pull my hand free
Just watch out, I think I might heave
I know it won't take that long
It's just a fractured palm

Fractured palm, fractured palm
My hand's caught in a door
Fractured palm, fractured palm
Cracked bones in this poor battered palm

I'm caught in midscream
Can someone set me free?

Don't want your sympathy
Don't need the third degree
Just gotta free, free my hand and scream

Caught in midscream
Can someone set me free?

Fractured palm, fractured palm
My hand's caught in a door
Fractured palm, fractured palm
Cracked bones in this poor battered palm
Fractured palm, fractured palm
Fractured palm, fractured palm
My hand's caught in a door
Fractured palm, fractured palm
Fractured palm, fractured palm
Gotta free my poor battered palm!

Ow, ow, ow!!!

"Son of a .... ! That HURTS!"

Yet another parody brought upon by too many picts, vids, and interviews of the guys! This one's also sorta autobiographical, too. *grin*
a parody on "Foolin'"
written: 7/24/98
featured: October 1998

"Droolin'"

I fall for each of Viv's smiles
I'd love to hang with Rick a while
Do with me what Joe will
Cast Sav's spell, take me Phil!

On and on, I watch their vids
Write a few song parodies
And drool some more
Oh I know I need to get out more
I knew that a long time ago

Does anyone else do this? Anybody dare?
Does anybody wonder? Am I the only one?

Oh I just gotta know
If I'm the only one who does this
'Cause baby, I'm just

Dr-dr-droolin', ah dr-dr-droolin'
Dr-dr-droolin', ah dr-dr-droolin'

Can I stay with them a while? Ooh-ooh

Close my eyes and visualize
Them before my very eyes
Then wakin' up from the fantasy
To see that I'm just a freak

Does anyone else do this? Anybody dare?
Does anybody wonder? Am I the only one?

Oh I just gotta know
If I'm the only one who does this
'Cause baby, I'm just

Dr-dr-droolin', ah dr-dr-droolin'
Dr-dr-droolin', ah dr-dr-droolin'

No, oh oh oh oh!

Oh I just gotta know
If I'm the only one who does this
'Cause baby, I'm just

Dr-dr-droolin', ah dr-dr-droolin'
Just dr-dr-droolin'

Oh no, just droolin' over here
Just droolin' over here
Oh yeah yeah yeah
Just droolin' over here
Uh-huh
Just droolin' over here
Yeah, that's me!
Just droolin' over here
Yep!

What did you expect form a mental case like me? Personally, I think it's about time I parodized this song! I couldn't help myself *evil grin*
a parody on Divinyl's "I Touch Myself"
written: 10/18/98
featured: November 1998

"Can't Help Myself"

I love myself
I want Joe to love me
When I feel down
I want Joe above me
I search myself
I want Joe to find me
I forget myself
I want Joe to remind me

I don't want anybody else
When I think about Joe
I touch myself
Oh I don't want anybody else
Oh no oh no oh no

He's the one who makes me come running
He's the sun who makes me shine
When he's around I'm always drooling
I want to make him mine

I close my eyes
And see Joe before me
Think I would die
If he were to ignore me
A fool could see
Just how much I adore him
I get down on my knees
I do anything for him

I don't want anybody else
When I think about Joe
I touch myself
Oh I don't want anybody else
Oh no oh no oh no

I love myself
I want Joe to love me
When I feel down
I want Joe above me
I search myself
I want Joe to find me
I forget myself
I want Joe to remind me

I don't want anybody else
When I think about Joe
I touch myself
Oh I don't want anybody else
Oh no oh no oh no

I want Joe
I don't want anybody else
And when I think about Joe
Can't help myself
Oooh, oooh, oo oooo ahhh

I don't want anybody else
When I think about Joe
I touch myself
Oh I don't want anybody else
I touch myself
I touch myself
I touch myself
I touch myself
I touch myself
I touch myself
I honestly do
Can't help myself
I touch myself
I touch myself
I touch myself
I honestly do
Can't help myself
Can't help myself

From that whacky office down in Hell, another twist of mayhem comes your way! A schizophrenic parody for your (dis)approval. Yes, I do need to get out more ... but the doctors won't let me!
a parody of "Two Steps Behind"
written: 6/23/97
featured: December 1998

"(Paranoid) Two Steps Behind"

Get a guard if you want to
It's okay, if you need to
Well you can run, but you can never hide
From the psycho that's creeping up behind you
And there's a fear running through your soul
But you can't hide for long

Whatever you do, he'll be two steps behind you
Wherever you go, and he'll be there to remind you
That it only takes a minute of your precious time
For you to die, he'll be two steps behind, ya-yeah

Take the time, to dread about it
Get an order of protection baby
Take a look around, see if you can see him
Like the fire that's burning up your building
And there's a fear running through your soul
But you can't hide for long, no

Whatever you do, he'll be two steps behind you
Wherever you go, and he'll be there to remind you
That it only takes a minute of your precious time
For you to die, he'll be two steps behind
Yeah yeah, ooh-oh

Ooh, and there's a fear running through your soul
But you, you can't hide for long

Whatever you do, he'll be two steps behind you
Wherever you go, and he'll be there to remind you
That it only takes a minute of your precious time
For you to die, he'll be two steps behind

Yeah baby, two steps behind
Oh sugar, two steps behind