i'm alone


wednesday, 10:58am


<center><i>"I'm alone. Not just me, doctor. We're alone. Alone forever."</i><br> -- Jim Carroll</center>
i'm retarded. i was in such a hurry to get the hell out of the lab last night that i forgot about typing up a bibliography for my paper. but it's cool, i have an hour off between Sociology and English 102.. so it's done now.

I took some NyQuil last night to ensure that I'd sleep w/o having time to think. I told Shaun about this & he got pissed off. "I hope you're not going to make that a habit." Grrr.. I felt like screaming: <B>"HAVE YOU EVER HAD INSOMNIA BEFORE? WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO TELL ME NOT TO DO IT WHEN YOU USE WEED FOR THE SAME PURPOSE??"</b> Apparently, not wanting to think about your problems is a crime. He kept going on & on about school last night and I felt like hanging up on him. I felt like telling him that I didn't think I could be w/him anymore cuz I feel like I'll never be how he wants me to be. It's not fair that I have to feel guilty for feeling down or wanting to cut myself. I never deny him the right to do any of those things which help him escape his problems. *sigh* *shakes head* God, i just wish the whole world would end.

On the upside, I have a job interview at Vector Marketing on Monday. It pays $12.25/hour & they offer scholarships depending on how hard you work.. and the best part: it's no telephone selling or door to door bullshit. I don't really understand how it works, but I guess I'll find out on Monday. The lady I talked to was really awesome about it. I guess they like hiring college students n stuff. Even if i don't start now, I can secure a full-time summer position. *nods happily* Can you imagine that..  $12.25/hour for full-time. That's like.. 12.25 * 40 = *thinks* that's about $450 or $500 per week! This just might be the way out of my money worries for a while.. *crosses fingers* hopefully.

Alicia: I don't know if you realized this, but, you pissed me off yesterday when i was talking to you on the phone. i mean, damn, if you didn't want to listen  to me whine about all my bullshit problems, you could have just said so. instead of sort of.. ignoring me when I was talking to you. Just, yeah, I've felt pretty alone lately. Like.. I dunno, just.. alone in all this shit that keeps happening. And it keeps fucking happening & no one seems to notice that it is.. nor do they seem to give a shit. Oh well.

Also, if i don't live at home this summer... i don't have to pay the full rent on our apartment. Actually, I won't have to pay any rent. Currently I'm searching for a place to stay this summer. Can't stay in the dorms cuz that would require registering for classes.. plus it'd be REALLY expensive. My mom suggested that I talk to Brian about it. But i dunno dude.. he only has a 1 bedroom. I don't think that would be good.

Anyhow.. i'm going to go grab lunch at kise before English. Later.