Ever wonder where all those bad rips get encoded? You know, the ones with all the clicks and pops that keep getting passed around and around. Our investigative reporter just came back from an undercover assignment tracking down those bad rips. According to our estimates, 82% of the bad rips and encodes are produced in this underground laboratory. The smallest and oldest machines are used for ripping. MuzakMunch Jokebox is in use primarily. Machines are outfitted with the least possible RAM for maximum glitches and swooshies at the highest possible bitrate to increase file size. All of the machines are networked and are simultaneously accessing 1GB .doc files with MS Word macros performing complex endless loop operations across a 10BaseT network. The ensuing drive thrashing and drain on the CPU produces encodes that are guaranteed to make even the legally deaf run from the room screaming.

The three Power Edge 2300's (labeled "A" at upper right and the two in the center on the top shelf) are used for posting. Two are outfitted and configured to produce OBFs with 20K parts for minimum propagation and endless reposts. One is dedicated to text groups alone. They are hooked up via Road Runner and spew 24X7 (unless someone trips over a cord). The Sun Ultrasparc Enterprise 450 ("B" at lower right) is a Web server. It is on its own T1. This MP3 site is sub-contracted to Banners R Us, a wholly-owned subsidiary of AllAdvantage.com. The Enterprise 250 ("C" on the bottom rack at lower right) is acting as an @Home FTP server for a 1-3 ratio site. It never actually lets you download anything, but it has 72 GB of storage for uploads.

Stay tuned for further developments. Documents and CDs obtained during this foray are still being analyzed. Remember, you saw it here first! Today on Mom's Place, tomorrow in the Enquirer!