Battle of the Mind

They are always there, no matter where I go or what I do. They stand as quiet observers, that see all, know all and wait for their turn to respond.

The darkness surrounds me when they come together for their gathering. They wait patiently for me to come to them. And no matter how I fight or try to deny it in the end they always win.

So I stand now in the darkness, they are behind me, in front of me, all around me. The darkness echo’s with their silent calls- the promise of silent oblivion, a chance to forget, to sleep. It is a false promise I know. My heart cries NO! My soul pleads Make This Stop! But my mind in the end caves... for it is the one that is most burdened, as it can remember all with a clarity that is shattering. And so as the arms reach out from the darkness, the decision is made, and I fall into the darkness of oblivion- the tortured sleep of the damned.

As I fall the voice comes so clear- Welcome to Hell. As always the promise of oblivion is a lie, for the once desired embrace becomes a stranglehold on the soul. Held captive now, they pull from me the secrets which I held so deep within that I had forgot them. They take those memories and play them out in full Technicolor forcing me to relive them over and over for their amusement .

Like little daggers that never miss their target they run their search through my emotions, spearing one hurt after another, probing deeper and deeper for the source of the ache. All the while laughing softly at my tears.

As they look through the remains of my tattered soul I hear them begin to prepare for battle, No Please Stop, I whisper, but they only ignore me. The pain begins to overwhelm me and I find I am praying for unconsciousness- let me lose so that it may end- when I feel one detach from the darkness behind me and approach. I know this one before it even reaches me, but I am unable to say its name, and I feel a bead of sweat trickle down the back of my neck.

A cold finger runs up my neck and tangles itself in my hair at the base of my neck. It’s cold breath on my neck sends shivers down my spine. As its speaks my body turns to ice, you prayed for me, its been too long. There is no escape this time, for I have missed you so much that I find I can no longer bare to be apart from you. My tears fall like snowflakes from my eyes, ahhh yes, you know its time don’t you! and with that came the cold touch of its tongue on my ear and a hiss like the most desolate winter winds as it begs to enter your home and warm itself.

Enough! came the cry from the darkness in front of me and the hot blast that followed melted the snow on my face and the cold that surrounded me. Rage stepped forward glowing red hot, pointed to cool logic and sent a blistering wave toward it. Falling back from the onslaught it pulled its icy talons from me, but did not totally disappear only stepped into the wings safely away form rages fiery touch. I looked at Rage as it approached and felt all relief slide away as the cold evaporated. Reaching out its flickering flame to caress my face, the heat of its touch heated my soul. As it spoke with blistering truths my tattered soul went up in flames before my eyes.

Standing there naked before the gathering unable to move or speak the battle began, I know there was no hope, I had lost but the end was no where near. Death would not come for it had left as the battle began.

With a deafening roar the cannons announced the start. Both sides fired back at each other. Rage showed the agony and pain that it had endured for me, and proclaimed its supremacy and therefore its right for dominance. Logic spoke of its utility that had allowed me to maintain life and the progression that logics given life that had allowed me to achieve. I deserve to live, I deserve to control. For without me there would be no life at all. Rage thunderous roar deafened all there for a moment. Through its shear power Rage claimed all attention and gathering all its strength shot out a fiery ball of agony and horror, blinding logic and braking my will. I beg of you stop! There is enough horror that I see everyday I do not need this, stop!
Horror you have not seen horror, allow me to demonstrate...

With one sweeping gesture all the darkness disappeared. It was light and the sun shone on river. The wind danced gently across the grass spraying flower petals into the air. As the warm breeze of the spring day lifted the curls off her neck the girl was a peace in the beautiful garden, blissfully unaware. walking to the river she cautiously dipped her toe into the water, warm bubbles formed on her toes and she sat down. playfully splashing her feet in and out of the water she sighed and giggled. a sight off in the distance caught her attention momentarily but it was forgotten with a splash of the water as it regained her attention.

Then a shadow crossed her path, looking up the sun caused her to squint as it formed a halo behind the shadow that loomed above her. A hand reached out to her and she saw that it was her friend the dark one. Smiling she slide her hand into his and giggled as he pulled her up. Coming eye level she could see now that he was smiling back at her. His hand reached out to touch her face and the warmth of love filled her. As his hand was just about to reach her face though, he flew backwards, his fingers just grazing her face as he was tossed into the water. Screaming she reached to grab his hand, but was to late. Diving into the water, that had once been so warm and gentle, it was now a raging sea and oh so cold. Trying to reach him as he was pulled under the waves she screamed over and over. Reaching the spot where he had gone under she found that she could no longer see the bottom as she had earlier either. Where are you why is this happening?

AAARRRGGGGHHHH!

Darkness now filled her vision again, she opened her eyes and found herself once again before the gathering, soaking wet and coughing the water from her lungs she tried to stand but hadn’t the energy.

Well, said Rage, can you deny that i can show you great horrors? Turning to Logic with a demonic grin on its face and a top that attitude. I can give you respite from the pain, Logic answered. I can make it all go away, I shall freeze the fires of hell. Stepping toward me and lifting me from my knees, its icy touch ran through me, freezing all that it came in contact with. Winding its barren arms around my, Logic pulled me close into it, and kissing me. The frozen kiss of oblivion, making me hard and impenetrable to all. Knowledge is strength my love, I can make you invincible, all I ask is that you abandon all that pain and hurt. What better offer is there? Running its hands through my hair leaving little icicles in its wake, Logic transformed me into the ice princess, an impenetrable fortress of logic and virtue. I felt nothing, not pain, not anger, not fear, nothing and I found myself bending to the promise. The promise of nothing. But a doubt came to me then, perhaps one of the many that stood on the sidelines watching, waiting and hoping that they could have their turn too. With doubt came questions and as I opened my mouth to speak, Logic flung me to the floor in disgust. I offered you the chance to leave all this behind, I loved you, I missed you, I offered you everything and you questioned me! Turning its back on me Logic walked away into the mists. With that Rage’s laughter filled the darkness and with each peel another demon peeked out from the darkness and joined the now growing circle around me. Looking to Rage I knew that all hope of any salvation was now lost for good. With this recognition Rage signaled the others and they moved in for the kill.

AAARRRHHHHH!

Sitting up in the darkness, I tried to figure where I was? My breath was labored and I could feel the cold sweat as it clung to my body. Trying to gather my wits about me I couldn’t. Open your eyes, but what if its true. You won’t know until you open your eyes. But to know for sure one way or the other, is to be the death of me, yes? I don’t know. how do i open my eyes? What if...