See, Head Boy is what they call the male co-president of the Student Council at our school. Apparently, we need both a male and a female leader to get anything done properly.
Student Council elections are a painfully predictable process. You have several candidates for each position (the Preppie candidate, the Italian candidate, the Skater candidate, etc.), they have incredible campaigns, speeches that promise a BIG CHANGE from the exact same routine we've had at our school for seven-hundred-and-seventy-seven years, the candidates who are the most like last year's Head Boy and Head Girl are elected, and that's that.
Does the big change ever occur?
No.
Here, in its entirety, is Jay's Head Boy speech, in which we are shown why telling the truth doesn't get you elected.

Head Boy Speech

Hello, my name is Jason Dea, but my friends just call me Jason, and I would like to be your head boy. You're probably wondering why I think I would make a good head boy. Well, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I'm a big poseur who only listens to bad heavy metal that I can buy at the store for two dollars. I also play the guitar to give people the impression that I am really cool. You might have noticed that I have long hair, well that's because I am in a "death metal" band called Kuru, that seems to be really popular in Gatineau, but nowhere else. I need my long hair because when we perform I have to stand in really scary metal poses, and shake my hair around nice and pretty-like to impress all the ladies. Hey, that reminds me of a story, unfortunately I can't tell it to you because it's dirty. Too bad because it was a really funny one about two sheep in a taxi.

You might also be wondering what kind of school activities I enjoy participating in. Well, none really. With a few exceptions. I was in a band that performed two heavy metal ditties at this years "do what you want to do night" and I tried out for the badminton team when I was in grade nine but I found badminton to be too competitive and stressful.

If I was head boy I would try to make this school more exciting. For example during spirit week I would push to have new, never tried before, mind-numbingly fun days like "Grease day", and "Crazy Canuck day". You might be thinking "hey wait a minute, pal, we had those two days this year, and every other year for the past ten years". Well that may be true but I think those days are really BOSS. In fact I think everything we do at this school is really boss. So if I was head boy I would leave everything EXACTLY the same. Yup, every day during spirit week, and those other two spirit week-like things and any other spirit related thing, my friends will be up on stage doing really unfunny "comedy routines" and have lots of food thrown at them.

The only thing that I would really push for if I was head boy would be new urinal pucks in all the guys wash rooms. I'm sure those would be welcome by all the males at this school. But wait, don't think that I've forgotten about the girls. Actually I have, since I've never been in any of the girls washrooms I have no idea what there like. As far as I'm concerned all the girls washrooms are a mystical place that is off limits to me and every other guy in the school, and they don't need to be changed in any way.

I would also like to start up a few new sports teams and clubs like: water polo; croquet; lawn darts; shadow boxing; competitive Twister; and a Yahtzee club. But I'm not making any promises here because I probably won't be allowed to start these new teams. But I still think it would be a good idea.

Some of you might still be thinking "Why should I vote for Jason Dea to be head boy". Well, why not?

Why not, indeed?

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