On Dominance

    Let Me begin by saying that this is My opinion.  It is definitely not My humble opinion, but it is My opinion.  I have observed and been involved in far too much to feel the need to act humble in this case.
 

    First of all, being a Dom/me in a D/s or BDSM relationship is a responsibility!  We hold in Our hands the heart, the soul, the very life at times of someone that chooses to give themselves to Us.  I do use the word chooses intentionally.  For submission is both a choice and a gift.
Neither should ever be taken lightly.  We are the Teacher, the Keeper, the Caretaker, and the Lover of someone or a few very special people. .
    Of course, this is after a lot of work to reach that point.  Before then there is  a learning curve.
    We'll start with the Don'ts.  I simply call it Dominance for Dummies.  The title is not meant to demean the good name of the series of texts on computer use.  In this case, anyOne that actually follows these is a moron.  If You wish to just be a player/wannabe and make Yourself out to be nothing but yet another waste of bandwidth, follow these steps.  For the rest of Us, it will still be instructive if the flip side is looked at.
Remember, Dominance for Dummies is a list of Don'ts!

    Now that the foolishness has been dispensed with...

    Dominance for Dummies does open some interesting windows.

  For starters,  the Demands.  As a Dom, I am the Master of the one who has earned  the right to call Me that.  I have nothing against the use of a title in Ones name however.  At times, it is useful and fits the Person well.  I have many that are fairly close to Me that use the title of Master, or Lord in Their names.  Especially in V/T, it helps in identification.  None of Them however are idiotic enough to demand that each and every submissive in the room kneel and call Them Master.
    The title Master is more than a word to Those of Us in the lifestyle.  It is a title, and an Honor. To have one give themselves to a Dom/me is the one of the most precious gifts possible.   It is something that comes straight from the soul.  And afterward, anything is possible.
Always remember that submission is a gift!

    Now the next thing is a demand that can mark One instantly as nothing but a wannabe or a player.  Never have I seen a real Dom/me demand that all submissives in the room kneel before Them.  It is truly laughable.  Most of the time anyway.  The rest of the time, it is either tragic, or just aggravating.  There are remnants of Dom/me wannabes that made the fatal mistake of attempting to demand that My submissive do anything that I have not specifically told her to do scattered through cyberspace and the odd computer repair store.
    We may be Dom/mes, but that does not make Us gods.

  When a submissive gives themself to One, it comes with a great sense of commitment. For the Dom/me, there is Pride at having one serve Him alone. For the submissive, there is the honor of having been chosen. It should be something to be felt to the very soul of both involved.  For a true submissive has a strength deep in their soul that allows them to  give themselves completely.  That level of trust and dedication is rare.  Do not abuse it!!!  There is a period of feeling each other out  that can be eye opening.  Almost a courtship dance.  Everything from ideas about the lifestyle, to preferences, to stating limits can and should be discussed.  Along with what You, the Dominant require of one that serves You.  If things are actually discussed and truthfully brought out into the open at this point, a lot of problems down the road can be avoided.  In any case, there is much to be learned simply by communication at this, and every other point in a D/s relationship.

    Lets say that the glamour has passed.  You have found the one that has kept Your attention.  You see Others with their submissives at Their feet, or on Their laps.  You begin to think that she may be the one for You.  Do Yourself and her a huge favor.  Think about what You really want out of the relationship.  There is a huge commitment involved in taking a submissive and making her Yours.  Especially if you wish to collar her.  Which brings Us to the most gratifying and misunderstood part of a V/T D/s relationship.

    There has been a lot written about collaring in the lifestyle.  Both R/T and V/T.  I am not going to presume to be the ultimate authority on this subject.  Nor should this be the only source of reading that One does on the subject.  I suggest that You check out the reading at both Cuffs.com, and CastleRealm.com.    Each have very well researched and written essays on the subject.  I will however add My thoughts on the subject here.

    The collar is the most important symbol in D/s.  It can be a beautiful thing for both the Dom/me and submissive alike.  A collar is the symbol of a real, honest commitment between two people.  It is not something to be rushed into or taken lightly.  For the Dom/me,  there is a deep responsibility involved.

    First of all, We must remember this.  Everything We do from the moment of placing Our collar on the neck of a submissive forward reflects on both the Dom/me and the submissive.  There are many submissives/slaves out there that enjoy being publicly treated like nothing but play toys and pieces of meat.  For them, humiliation is a big part of the attraction.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all.  As long as both the Dom/me and submissive agree to this in advance.

    Far too often relationships change almost overnight after a collaring.  Instead of deepening, it seems as if the thrill of the chase and the capture was more important than what follows.  I feel sorry for the people involved in those.  If You simply wish to have a line of submissives to serve You, go for it.  However, don't play with the hearts and minds of them by offering a collar!

    Remember, as Dominants, We are given the responsibility to teach, comfort, protect, and care for Our submissives.  In every way there is.  When a collar is placed on a submissives neck, it is done with care.  For suddenly We are given the complete trust and total control over another.  There is much to be learned from The Olive Tree.  It is a fitting piece.  For just as Our submissive tends to Our every need and desire, We too are tending to theirs.  D/s collared relationships are almost symbiotic.  In other words, both the Dom/me and the submissive feed off the other.  Without Dominants, there would not be submissives.  And, of course, without submissives there would be no Dom/mes.

     There are many different forms of ceremonies etc. for collaring.  From something between just You and Your submissive, to much larger formal events.  How it is done is not important.  What is important is that both You and Your submissive realize that it impacts everything that goes on between both of you and everyone you encounter from that moment on.

    Take pride in Yourself and your submissive.  Act responsibly, and think before reacting.  And above all, remember to keep lines of communication open at all times.  As teachers, it is awfully hard to teach at times unless We know what is not clear.  It is far far easier to train a submissive to serve in exactly the manner You want them to if You are aware of what still needs to be learned.

    There are limitless joys in this lifestyle.  I would not be a Dom unless I truly enjoyed what I have and do.  In all ways that I can!  There are also times of stress, worry, confusion, and pain involved.  Nothing is so great that it cannot be worked through if both You and Your submissive truly want things to work.  Take it from One Who knows.  It is well worth any effort that may be required.

    Just remember, there is a real person at the other end of the electronic connection.  There are not just electrons passing between the Dom/me and the submissive.  Real hearts beat.  Real sensations can be brought to life.  And real emotional wounds can be cut by not thinking clearly.  I have personally seen many friends, both Dom/me and submissive hurt deeply by playing silly games with emotions online.

    One last thing about collars.
They are NOT made of Velcro!!!

    In other words, in case You managed to miss what I was trying to say in the rest of this, submissives are not disposable.  There are way too many Dom/mes and submissives alike out there that feel that life without a collar makes them lesser somehow.  That offering or accepting a collar quickly and without thought is okay.  And that membership is the "Collar of the month/week club" is a badge of honor.  All that does is make it harder for any just starting to explore the lifestyle to actually have the opportunity to learn.  A lot of wonderful people have been driven away by the Bic-lighter mentality when it comes to collars.  Do not play games with them.  All playing like that with collars and the submissives and Dom/mes involved does is make You end up looking like yet another pretender.

    Take pride in Yourself and your submissive.  Act responsibly, and think before reacting. Remember to keep lines of communication open at all times.  And as One I greatly respect is fond of saying:
"Above all, Honor!"

    I wish You luck in Your life and lifestyle.  And all the happiness that is within Your grasp.

    My collared submissive, Monets slutty lil angel, and I call Chatropolis home.  It is a very well run, managed and Moderated site. W/we look forword to seeing some of You there.

Monet {sla}