She started to sleep on the sofa
and I was on the floor.
Two hours later
I tried to carry her to the bathroom.
And her bedroom was closer,
so she fell asleep there...
I couldn't...
She couldn't make it back down the hall
and there was no bedpan
so I found a saucepan
and she told me how humiliated she was.
She was afraid to sleep alone
so I scrunched up next to her
on the urine soaked mattress
and listened to her wince
in pain.
My nose began to run
as I wiped a tear from my cheek.
She must have heard me
so I blamed it on the rain.
"Pray for me.
Maybe you're prayers will be answered"
And for her
I believed in God.
Never prayed so hard
or so long.
I fell asleep
for an hour,
maybe less,
until she needed the saucepan,
too weak to leave the bed.
And I cried, cleaning it out.
That was the first time I was glad
she couldn't see me that well...
she wouldn't know i was crying.
And I realized I didn't have a right to,
that she hadn't let one tear escape.
And my heart pounded so hard
I thought it would fall through my skin
so I could give it to her
and show her what she means to me.