False love is the affair that dries up inexplicably in three weeks, just after you've decided it is the greatest romance of the century. It's the marriage that cruises effortlessly for ten years--until you discover that your husband has a lover half your age :--( 
For him, ofcourse, false love is also the relationship for which he leaves you. False love maybe your first, your latest, or every romance you've ever known. Often exciting, based on some of your favorite illusions. Unfortunately, it's so seductive that it can become addictive, sabotaging your opportunities for true love. Unlike false love, true love  involves mature choice as well as emotion. It recognizes that feelings as well as people develop and change over time, and it accommodates changes by preserving an intimacy that runs deeper than lust. True love is mutual, honest, and highly complex. It may have all the bells and whitsles of a storybook courtship, but it may also appear rather mundane. People truly in love have enough faith in each other than they need neither elaborate gifts nor public swooning. It doesn't matter what others think of the relationship. What does matter is trust, respect, sharing and commitment. True love is a union of two individuals, not a show. It is achoice, not a feeling or magical state of existence. It makes life more satisfying and richer for both lovers, but it is not a  panacea for all their problems. Unfortunately, true love does not conquer all. 

Some say the problem with romantic relationships is that dessert comes first and makes the rest of the meal unappetizing by comparison. No one can keep the honeymoon going forever. In fact, the key difference between true love and false love often endswith the  honeymoon. If the relationship lingers longer, it's usually because the lovers are trying vainly to recapture their initial passion. True love, o the other hand, presses foward without mourning the past. The spark of excitement comes and goes, the trust deepens, and the stakes get higher. Living happily ever after requires a lot more hard work than magic. 

It's small wonder, then, that false love is so distracting. It glitters with romantic trappings. t makes delicious promises that true love never does. It feels good and impresses the people around yu. Perhaps most compelling of all, it reinforces the fractured images of love you've been fed from childhood. Beginning with myths of sleeping princesses and visions of starry-eyed tv newlyweds, you absorbed one set of ideals for romance. Later, secret peeks at promo magazines, adult movies, and dirty books may have paved the way for quite a separate notion of sex. Meanwhile, your parents and other real-life couples presented altogether different and more bewildering images of marital love--images that usually are completely unacceptable to a young person transfixed by the lure of a perfect love. If you're like most people, you've spent a good share of your life trying to weave these contradictory impressions into something that looks and feels good, something you think might actually be true love. Sometimes your feelings of love might based on good sex, sometimes on the infatuation that comes with falling in love, and sometimes on looks, power, wealth and social status or security. Many of these romantic illusions are reflections of the love lies you were taught as a child. What do you look for in love? Would you agree that true love means all of the following? 

If this describes the relationship you've been seeking, you may be caught in the false-love syndrome, for these criteria, describe not lasting love but illusion--illusion so powerfulthat it becomes difficult even to imagine anymore realistic kind of love. In your quest for this impossible devotion, you're probably have created a trail of unsatisfactory affairs, each of which superficially met your expectations for awhile and then crumbled, leaving you mystified as to what went awry and why you keep choosing partners who turn out to be wrong for you. 

As unromantic as if may seem, true love revolves around shared goals and commitment more than it does around passion. This is not to say that passion is absent in genuine love, but it inevitably fades in and out. When it wanes, lovers make the active choice to continue giving each other affection, encouragement, support, and attention. In genuine love, there's balance between mutual supportiveness and independence. Change and personal growth challenge the relationship instead of threatening it. Lack of change is viewed as a warning sign that the relationship is too tight. Because both partners are committed to loving each other and understand that this balance is an important part of true love, they can accept the challenges that arise. False love's greatest downfall is that it retreats from problems instead of confronting and resolving them. 

Analyze your wn behavior in relationships past and present. Forget about the feeling. Focus instead on your actions toward your lovers and their responses to you. What do you look for in a lover that's different from what you seek in a friend? What level of commitment are you really looking for and what are you willing to do to get it. How well do you know your lover before you start talking about love? Are your demonstrations of love all kisses and flowers, or do you actively support each other as separate individuals beyond your relationship? 

If you keep asking and answering these questions honestly, you'll eventually start to see a pattern in your behavior that may help explain why true love keeps slipping throught your fingers. Perhaps you are attracted to people who avoid commitment, because you're afraid of the honesty that true love requires. Maybe you keep choosing lovers who make you look good to your friends but don't truly interests you. Or are you just so afraid of being alone that you grab the first attractive offer that comes along--and then feel trapped by both your lover and your fear? If you don't have a balanced give and take of understanding, trust, intimacy, and enjoyment with your partner, you don't have love. I fyou don't demand that balance when you begin in a serious relationship, you're perpetuating the false-love syndrome. 

Once you've identified the illusions that have governed your lovelife in the past, it's not so hard to figure out if your current love is true love or false. What's different this time around? If it's fabulous time you have when you're on vacation together, take a closer look. Accepting each other as individuals is as important as adoring each other as lovers. Listening to each other and responding openly is more important than exciting each other. And selflessness and commitment to a future together si critical for both of you if you're to call this true love. 

Remember that you cannot "find love". What you're searching for is a personwith whom you can establish a lasting and loving relationship. So, stop thinking in terms of superficial attractions, and consider first whether you are prepared to invest the time, energy and dedication that love requires. Only when you accept this responsibility can you reasonably expect to find someone to reciprocate your love. 

Before you open your arms to anyone, ask questions and demand answers. Assess each new person using a list of realistic and honest priorities, not appearances. Your list will naturally affect your personal goals for your own life as well as the requirements of true love  but remember that the more exact you are, the more difficult you it will be for you to find appropriate partners. Everyone--including you-- has imperfections. While it is not wise to enter into love with someone who lacks the characteristics you consider critical, neither is it sensible to create a fixed image of your ideal beloved. Being willing to acept some blemishes and accommodate them through concession and compromise is a prerequisite for loving. 

True love can be the most exciting and rewarding element in life. it can involve great passion and adventure and on the surface resemble the greatest love stories ever told. The secret of true love is that it cannot consist solely of illusion. The initial superficial attraction between two people may be the spark--but only spark--for an enduring relationship. What then turns the that relationship into true love is the shared process of loving. 

Those who are caught in the false-love syndrome ofeten claim that they love too much or that they simply cannot find partners who love enough in return. In fact, most of these people don't understand how to love at all. And many actively seek out partners whose sense of loving is as misguided as their own. Breaking the false-love syndrome means not only overcoming the myths that contribute to false love but also learning how to give, get, and live true love. 

Goodluck! and happy loving!