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It was the most horrifying experience. I remember thinking, "What am I going to do? Where am I going to go?" I had my sisters, but they were just kids too. We had no other family.
My sister Phyllis became my legal guardian and found an apartment for me in the neighborhood around Buffalo State College. Glad kept the house; the other two loved in together elsewhere in town. So, at 17, I was on my own. With a small, monthy Social Security check from my deceased parents, i budgeted my rent, my grocery bills, my clothes. I was totally self-reliant, but I was also a total wreck-and it showed.
Throughout high school, I was a punk; I even showed up to gym period in combat boots so I wouldn't have to participate. I was always skipping school-who did I have to answer to? And three or four ngihts a week, I would drink beer until I blacked out. I was too young to have learned form my father's mistakes.
But this isn't a story of doom and gloom. What happened next is the basis for why I believe in GOd-or at least, a greater being than myself. Just as things started to get really dark, somebody was sent into my life to help me. In retrspect, I see there was a plan. You don't make it through a nightmare like mine and end up with this kind of success without figuring that out.
During my sophomore year, Joey O'Grady became my best friend and introduced me to people who were into the same kind of music that I was, punk bands like The CLash, The Damned, The Sex Pistols. I started playing with them in garage bands, and for the first time in my life, I had something I really cared about: songwriting and playing music.
After I graduated from high school, my girlfriend, Laurie Kwasnik, helped me pply and get into Buffalo State College. Academia didn't stick-I dropped out after freshman year- but that's when I met another student and musician, Robby Takac (who's now 34). When we were about 19, we formed the Goo Goo Dolls (along with then drummer George Tutuska), taking our name from an advertisement in a magazine.
By the time I was 20, we had a deal with Celluloid, a small label. I wish I could tell young musicians that a record deal equals success, but I can't. The Goo Goo Dolls didn't have a hit for 9 years (by then we were with Warner Brothers). We put out five records, went on brutal van tours and did everything we could to keep going. Not to say there weren't good times. In 1990, i met Laurie Farinacci; she became my wife in 1993. ) YouYodfgYYou
With the double-platinum success of our fifth album, 1995's A Boy Named Goo, we quit our day jobs. After hearing our hit "Name," the music director for the movie City of Angels asked us to write a song, which became "Iris." Then, last September, we released our sixth album, Dizzy Up The Girl.
Every day I'm reminded of my dad and his alcoholism, and my struggle with his legacy. in every city we paly, there's a party. Radio programmers, record executives, friends-everybody wants to buy you a beer. When I was in my early teens, I could have drunk them under the table. But I'm everconscious of what happened to my dad. When you realize the amount of destruction it can cause to not only yourself but the people around you, it's like, why bother?
A few years ago, I visited my dad's sister, Frances and Irene, in San Diego. They told me something I never knew about my father. They explained that their dad-the grandfather I never knew- died when mine was just 9. He's owned a bar, and my dad had looked forward to taking over the business. But while my father was in the Navy, my grandmother sold the bar, robbing my dad of his dream. They said he never was quite the sme after that.
The other night, I dreamed that my dad was sitting in his chair, and I whispered in his ear, "I got enough money to buy the bar back." He started laughing. When I woke up, I realized that it was the best closure I could ask for.