Beanie Babies Unofficial
Home page.
Beanie Babies Unofficial
Home page.
The Ty guys use this font on their page, I don't know why they just do.Anyway, I guess I should tell you more about this page, it's for making fun of those 'adorable' plastic-pellet-filled 'toys'. I borrowed their pictures and animations from their site. I think it will help me expressthe site much better.
First of all, I am going to start by desecrating these guy's font system. DEATH TO COMIC SANS! LONG LIVE POOR RICHARD! (sorry this is my fav font) Now I am going to ask why they call it Ty. Why do they call it Ty? What does it stand for? Is it a secret government plot? One of these days some guy is going to call up EVERY Beanie Baby owner and whisper , "Beanie Babies are half off at the mall, go TY them," and they will all go on a killing rampage, and storm the malls and stampede to get the small items of interest. This makes no sense but that's ok because I'm on crack.
Actually, I'm not on drugs, but if it makes you understand my actions better, then go right ahead and keep on thinking that way.
THEN there is the Official Club:
You can't join the club from here. I forbid it, besides I am not AUTHORIZED to let you. You have to have a Beanie Baby LISCENCE to do stuff like that. I'm probably breaking all the 'rules' by even having this page. Oh well! There are also many other fatal flaws in the Beanie Baby program. For example, the NAME. They cannot be called Beanie Babies since they are not actually filled with beans. I know because a friend of mine, Ian, cut one open to see what was really inside. Yes, folks, Gex disected a Beanie Baby, he should be severely punished! *Insert lots of eye rolling here.* Anyway, my point is these 'Babies' are not filled with beans. Nor are they babies They are filled with small little plastic pellets and are animals and should be renamed accordingly. They should be called the "Small little circular plastic pellet animals." I have launched a campaign to not only get the company to change their name, but to sue them for false advertisement. You can do so too, simply go to their site and post messages all over it, and e-mail them a lot. Threaten to beat them down with raw carrots.
I love my Beanie Babies. Every day I wake up and throw them down the stairs. Then I give them all turns holding their heads under the water in the bathtub. After that I take them to lunch and make them drink out of the toilet. If they're lucky I sometimes even FLUSH them. Then, since my mommy wants me to be a doctor, I practice taking them apart and sewing them back together. I have so much fun with my Beanie Babies.
-Steven Kong from Shreveport, Louisiana.
The TY staff prints a section just like this on their page every day, it's completely ludicrous and often times is just a section devoted to the kids who send in their 'daily accounts' of fun with the Bean-me Babies.
In honor of the Bruisey Babies I have decided to add a new feature to this page. It is to be called the BEATING BABIES. Every day readers will send in an account of how they managed to disgrace and dishonor Burpee Babies. Please, to contribute to our worthy cause, E-mail me at:
*Author gets tired and starts to talk weird*
The Beating Babies are stupid, and how can you play with them anyway? As far as I know they just sit there. Parents buy them for their kids and then won't let them play with them because they are worth so much money. It's ludicrous. (You can tell what day I am writing this because I use ludicrous so much. Ludicrous was the word of the day this page was made.)
(No submissions yet)
Just as information for those who care, I was born on the fourth of July, this indicates that, as part of the now-American custom, I should own a Barf-me Baby 'born' on my birthday. It is needless to say hard to get one, because July Fourth is a holiday and they aren't parting with their precious Liberty Bear (retired) or Glory (newly released.) I just use this as an excuse for not having one. Truth is, I wouldn't want one if I could get one. I don't tell this to people, however, I wouldn't want to be accused of being un-American. No sir, I wouldn't want that.
GLORY BEAR
The more I think about it the better the idea sounds to me to shoot this bear. Hmmm.
I've got 'er in my sights! There's no escaping now!
MU-WA HA HA HA HA!
I'm obviously looking for trouble, what with all this shooting and disgracing of the beat-me babies, so if one of you loyal readers would like to help get the word out and tattle on me to ty, I would really appreciate it. Just kind of casually drop them an e-mail or three telling them of the page that threatens to shoot their precious plastic stuffed animals.
I'm curious as to their reaction. Do you think they will order me to give them their pictures back? Will they sue me?
What do you think?
How do you think I should respond?
Anymore Babble Baby page suggestions?
THE TY PAGE. Go here to tell them about my page and my plot.