my new fucking journal
Welcome to my new fucking journal
friday, october 18th 2002. 2:49 AM
Music: Social Distortion
Mood: I think feeling like a failure about covers it
how are you suppose to figure stuff out in your life involving another person, if they are ready to drop you? I am in a bad situation and its stressful on both of us yes...and my instability does affect her.. but I am in this situation and I love her and she loves me.... I need her input on things on what she thinks would be the best to make things work, and all she is telling me is "giving up"......... she has said so many mean things tonight, almost every single one deserved or not out of place..i just wish she could watch my feelings in the way she says stuff...she knows how highly I think of her and how much positive or negative reaction her words have on me... if she tells me im a king, I feel good, if she tells me I'm a failure I cant help but to agree...i want to figure out how to become a man, and a man with the goods and means to be the best man I can be, to whick her away into happiness with me...and I dont feel like a man right now..and I'm fighting and trying every way I can to figure out how to do things... and I want to be with her...and I want to succeed..everything she says on these matters affects what I am going to do..and I dont want to sit up here and just be in limbo...she told me that if i did already have moved in with aleesa than she was "definately" going to dump me then........ if she felt so strongly about this and she wanted us to be together why didnt she tell me this BEFORE I used living with aleesa as a plan... she said because i needed a place to live....... which is true, but if that place directly affects whether me and her will be together than its important I DOONT go there....