Barenaked Ladies--Stunt

ONE WEEK

It's been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to one side
and said "I'm angry"
Five days since you laughed at me saying
"Get that together, come back and see me"
Three days since the living room
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you 
Yesterday you'd forgiven me
But it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink
As I make you make you stop, think
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman
I summon fish to the dish, 
although I like the Chalet Swiss
And I like the sushi
'cause it's never touched a frying pan
Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes
Big like LeAnn Rimes
Because I'm all about value
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits
You try to match wits, you try to hold me 
but I bust through
Like Andrew Lloyd, I've got a big show
Mine's about a Back-Hoe
There'll be a big sound from the pavement
Gonna make a break and take a fake 
I'd like a stinkin' achin' shake
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours
Gotta see the show, 'cause then you'll know
The vertigo is gonna grow
'Cause it's so dangerous,
you'll have to sign a waiver
How can I help it if I think you're funny
when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear my mind
on my sleeve
I have a history of taking off my shirt
It's been one week since you looked at me
Threw your arms in the air
and said "You're crazy"
Five days since you tackled me
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees
It's been three days since the afternoon
You realized it's not my fault
not a moment too soon yesterday you'd forgiven me
And now I sit back and wait
till you say you're sorry

Chickity China the Chinese chicken
Have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford, I'm getting frantic
Like Sting, I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

Like Kurasawa, I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Like Skywalker, gotta big hunch
Hey, that's my lunch
Yoda's a really, really old guy
Gonna get a set a' better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying
off the back-swing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon 
'Cause the cartoon has got 
the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help if I think you're funny
when you're mad
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral
Can't understand what I mean?
Well, you soon will
I have a tendency to wear 
my mind on my sleeve
I have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me
Dropped your arms to your sides
and said "I'm sorry"
Five days since I laughed at you and said
"You just did just what I thought
you were gonna do"
Three days since the living room
We realized we're both to blame,
But what could we do?
Yesterday you just smiled at me
'Cause it'll still be two days
till we say we're sorry


IT'S ALL BEEN DONE

I met you before the fall of Rome
And I begged you to let me take you home
You were wrong, I was right
You said goodbye, I said goodnight 

It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before

I knew you before the west was won
And I heard you say the past 
Was much more fun
You go your way, I'll go mine
But I'll see you next time

It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before

And if I put my fingers here, and if I say
"I love you dear,"
And if I play the same three chords,
will you just yawn and say 
It's all been done before?

Alone and bored on a thirtieth-century night
Will I see you on The Price is Right?
Will I cry?  Will I smile
As you run down the aisle?

It's all been done
It's all been done
It's all been done before


LIGHT UP MY ROOM

A Hydro-field cuts through my neighborhood
Somehow that always just made me feel good
I can put a spare bulb in my hand 
And light up my yard

Late at night when the wires in the walls 
Sing in tune with the din of the falls
I'm conducting it all while I sleep
To light the whole town

If you question what I would do
To get over and be with you
Lift you up over everything
To light up my room, my room
There's a shopping cart in the ravine
The foam on the creek is like pop
and ice cream
A field full of tired that is always on fire to light my way home

There are luxuries we can't afford
But in our house we never get bored
We can dance to the radio station
That plays in our teeth

if you question what I would do 
To get over and be with you
Lift you up over everything
To light up my room, my room


I'LL BE THAT GIRL

If I were you (and I wish that I were you)
All the things I'd do to make myself turn blue
I suppose I'd start by removing all my clothes,
tie my pantyhose around my neck

I'll be that girl - and you would be right over
If I were a field, you would be in clover
If I were the sun, you would be in shadow
And if I had a gun, there'd be no tomorrow

If you will not have me as myself,
perhaps as someone else
Perhaps as you I'll be worth noticing
Then even a eunuch won't resist
The magic of a kiss from such as you

It'll be that girl - and you would be right over
If I were a field, you would be in clover
If I were the sun, you would be in shadow
And if I had a gun, there'd be no tomorrow

It's time to kick off your shoes,
learn how to choose sadness
It's time to throw off those chains,
addle our brains
with madness

'Cause we've got plenty of time
to grow old and die
But when at last your beauty's faded,
you'll be glad that I have waited for you

When you're done 
with being beautiful and young
When that course is run, then come to me

I'll be that girl - and you would be right over
If I were a field, you would be in clover
If I were the sun, you would be in shadow
And if I had a gun, there'd be no tomorrow


LEAVE

I've informed you to leave
'Cause I can't afford to lose more sleep
I get ill when I get tired
So I'll try to rest if you'll stand guard

Do do do do do do do do whoa
Do do do do do do do

I've informed you to leave
'Cause I can't stand to hear you breathe
I chew up and I choke down
The scraps you choose to leave around

Do do do do do do do do whoa
Do do do do do do do

Apparitions still won't leave me alone
It's as if you never left
How am I supposed to remember you 
When you won't let me forget?

I've informed you to leave
'Cause I can't afford to lose more sleep
There's your shoes, and there's the door
Please don't come here anymore

Do do do do do do do do whoa
Do do do do do do do


ALCOHOL

Alcohol, my permanent accessory
Alcohol, a party-time necessity
Alcohol, alternative to feeling like yourself
O alcohol, I still drink to your health

I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
Forget the caffe latte,
screw the raspberry iced tea
A Malibu and Coke for you, a G&T for me
Alcohol, your songs resolved like
our lives never will
When someone else is picking up the bill

I love you more than I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
O alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself
I'll use something else

I thought that alcohol was just for those with
nothing else to do
I thought that drinking just to get drunk
was a waste of precious booze
But now I know that there's a time
and there's a place where I can choose
To walk the fine line between
self-control and self-abuse

I love you more that I did the week before
I discovered alcohol
Would you please ignore that you
found me on the floor
Trying on your camisole?
O alcohol, would you please forgive me?
For while I cannot love myself
I'll use something else


CALL AND ANSWER

I think it's getting to the point
where I can be myself again
I think it's getting to the point 
where we have almost made amends
I think it's the getting to the point
that is the hardest part

and if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I'll pick you up
and if you court this disaster
I'll point you home

You think I only thin about you
when we're both in the same room
You think I'm only here to witness
the remains of love exhumed
You think we're her to play
a game of who loves more than whom

and if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I'll pick you up
and if you court this disaster
I'll point you home

You think it's only hair to do what's best for
you and you alone
You think it's only fair to do the same to me
when you're not home
I think it's time to make this something that is
more than only fair

so if you call, I will answer
and if you fall, I'll pick you up
and if you court this disaster
I'll point you home

But I'm warning you, don't ever do
those crazy, messed-up things that you do
if you ever do, 
I promise you I'll be the first to crucify you
Now it's time to prove that you've come back
here to rebuild


IN THE CAR

She fed me strawberries and
freezer-burned ice cream
I said "Goodbye, I guess"
She lifted up her dress
and so I must confess, 
we made out one more
time before I left for good
She thought I'd come back but I 
wouldn't want to seem like other guys

A book-and-record love,
we sat and read our books
between those longing looks,
compounded by our fear
My tongue inside her ear,
my tongue insider her
in the basement of her mother's 
house where she once taped the
first three sides of Sandanista! for my car

We were looking for ourselves
and found each other
In the Car
It was rare to do much more 
than simply mess around
In the Car
It was mostly mutual masturbation
And though we spoke of penetration
I'd have to wait for someone else to try it out

Once I had this dream
where I slept with her mom
A secret all along, unless I've got this wrong
Unless she hears this song,
unless she hears it
on a tape inside her car
with her new husband and she
turns to him and says "I think that's me"

In the Car
We were looking for ourselves
but found each other
In the Car
We groped for excuses
not to be alone anymore
In the Car
We were waiting for our lives
to start their endings
In the Car
We were never making love
We were never making love
We were never making love


NEVER IS ENOUGH

What, am I to wake up suddenly and then
enroll at the local college, earn me a degree
and I could work weekends?
if I work real hard
I could mow your backyard

I can go to Europe, travel with my friends
I can blow a thousand deutsche marks
to get drunk in a pub with some Australians
Buy a giant backpack
Sew a flag on the back

I think never is enough (yeah, never is enough)
I never want to do that stuff
I think never is enough (yeah, never is enough)
You never have to do that stuff

I never had to spend a summer planting trees 
I never worked my way through a forest
inch by inch
Doubled over on my hands and knees
I never worked a single day in retail
Telling people what they want to hear
Telling people anything to make a sale
Eating in the food court
with the old and the bored

Chorus

The world's your oyster shell
But what's that funny smell?
You eat the bivalve anyway,
you're sick with salmonella
You get your Ph.D.
How happy you will be
when you get a job at Wendy's
and are honoured with the Employee of the Month

Chorus


WHO NEEDS SLEEP?

Now I lay me down not to sleep
I just get tangled in the sheets
I swim in sweat three inches deep
I just lay back and claim defeat

Chapter read and lesson learned
I turned the lights off while she burned
So while she's three hundred degrees
I throw the sheets off and I freeze

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake 
since the Second World War

My hands are locked up tight in fists
My mind is racing, filled with lists
of things to do and things I've done
Another sleepless night's begun

Lids down, I count sheep
I count heartbeats
The only thing that counts is
that I won't sleep
I countdown, I look around

Who needs sleep?
well you're never gonna get it
Who needs sleep?
tell me what's that for
Who needs sleep?
be happy with what you're getting
There's a guy who's been awake 
since the Second World War

There's so much joy in life,
so many pleasures all around
But the pleasure of insomnia
is one I've never found
With all life has to offer,
there's so much to be enjoyed
But the pleasures of insomnia
are ones I can't avoid


TOLD YOU SO

I never jumped in and rescued you
but I wanted to
I didn't tell you which way to go,
'cause I thought you'd know
you had a problem with your new found
wealth, you brought it on yourself
I never told you I told you so, but I told you so

Have to let it go
It's time to let it go
Now I can't believe
It took so long to leave
Perhaps one day I'll grieve
Or I never will

I never told you I agreed with you,
I don't think I do
I wasn't sure quite what the whole thing
meant, but I'm glad you went
I never thought that it could be painless,
But it is I guess
I had myself fooled into needing you,
did I fool you too?

Chorus

A viral infection that can incubate for years
Caused by affection fallen deep into arrears
No medication to procure
Makes me pure, there's no cure, I am sure

I never mentioned how I've prayed for you,
And now I've paid for you
I never said that I would wait for you,
It's too late for you

Chorus


SOME FANTASTIC (IVORY AND IVORY)

One day I will build a fountain
Drink and never grow old
Then I'll market an elixir
that will eliminate the common cold
find your sickness on my list
Pay up front and make a wish

One day I will work with animals
All the tests I'm gonna do
All my stuff's completely natural
And when we're done we'll boil 'em
down for glue
that we can use to re-adhere
your lips to mine if you were here

There's a lot I will never do
Some fantastic, I know it's true
But none as much as my want to be with you

I can't stand to wait in line long
So I built a new machine
It just measures up the distance
and then eliminates the folks between

One day I'll construct a satellite
and I'll name if after you
'Cause you were the greatest friend of all
except for when you split my lip in two
To see the look upon your face
as I launch you into space

Bye-bye self-respect
I haven't had much of it since you felt
I missed out on the  best of you
Some day I will find the secret
to your social chemistry
Then I'll print it on a t-shirt
and it'll make you want to be with me
if I wear it past your work
you'll see other guys are jerks
Much like pheromones for flies
you will not avoid my eyes


WHEN YOU DREAM

With life just begun, my sleeping new son
has eyes that roll back in his head
They flutter and dart, he slows down his heart
and pictures a world past his bed
It's hard to believe
As I watch you breathe
Your mind drifts and weaves

When you dream,
what do you dream about?
When you dream,
what do you dream about?
Do you dream about
music or mathematics
or planets too far for the eye?
Do you dream about
Jesus or quantum mechanics
or angels who sing lullabies?

His fontanelle pulses with lives that he's lived
With memories he'll learn to ignore
And when it is closed, he already knows
he's forgotten all he knew before
But when sleep sets in
History begins
But the future will win

When you dream,
what do you dream about?
When you dream,
what do you dream about?
Are they colour or black and white,
Yiddish or English
Or languages not yet conceived?
Are they silent or boisterous?
Do you hear noises just
loud enough to be perceived?
Do you hear Del Shannon's "Runaway" playing
on transistor radio waves?
With so little experience, 
your mind not yet cognizant
Are you wise beyond your few days?
When you dream,
what do you dream about?
When you dream,
what do you dream about?