Sleep Reviews

Message: 6 Date: Wed, 3 Nov 1999 21:46:02 +0800
From: "Sarah/LoTuS" <lotus79@xxxxxxxxxxxx.xxx>Subject: Re: Sleep - poem.
> Title :Sleep> Author :Julia
> Disclaimer - do poems really need them?? I mean REALLY??
> Authors note : I wrote this during a really boring Primary Health Care
> lecture at uni today. It's kinda depressing, and about the death of ourfave
> D :(Well you were right that it was sad! You had me bleary eyed by the end of
it, and there are only two songs/poems that have EVER made me cry (due to
being too short to really get the hormones going)> Sleep.>
> They lower her down, forever she sleeps,
> Her friends all stand near, forever they weep,
> Her father, her partner and her son gather 'round,
> And mourn as they lower her into the ground.
Rhyming 'forever she sleeps' with 'forever they weep' was really
good--because they sound so similar, it really connects the two together, in
the sense that they weep *because* she sleeps.
> Many pockets are ripped, many tears slowly fall,
> all for the life that is lost to them all.
> The casket is black, and so is the soul
> Of the man who has brought this down on them all.
> He has been convicted and silently stored,
> But the pain and the heartache are still etched in the walls.>
> She will never return, she will never come back,
> She will never once more just be one of the pack.
These bring it home, too. 'Never' is a strong word, and repeating it
reinforces that even more.> They lower her down, forever she sleeps,
> Her friends will go on, but forever they weep.
And taking us back to the first stanza ties the whole poem together. Really
brilliant--I haven't read a poem that moved me this much in a long while.
Congrats!~Sarah>> (written 3/11/99, dedicated to Chris Wood, R.I.P '97)>>

Message: 13 Date: Wed, 03 Nov 1999 17:24:10 +1100
From: *!* esme *!* <erinwilson@xxxxx.xxx.xx>Subject: Re: Sleep - poem.
Julia this was gorgeous!! it was just amazing, and I loved it!! it was
another tear-jerker. I just found it so appropriate, like just perfect for
that situation. when I read it, the images from her burial were flashing
through my mind, and they fitted so perfectly together.
sometimes rhyming poems sound tacky, but that was so not the case with this
one. it was just ... cool, and I d'no, it was really emotive. it was
excellent. so, rave rave rave, I loved it.esme

Message: 19 Date: Wed, 03 Nov 1999 18:37:06 +1100
From: Jaye Reid <jayereid@xxxxxxx.xxx.xx>Subject: Feedback:Sleep - poem.
Hello Julia.
Well what can I think to say that sounds original... sorry if I repeat comments
already made...Firstly, your poem was moving, not depressing.
You captured the feeling of this piece and the mental imagery was just right.
You incorporated the facts from the actual episode it relates to really well.
And this is not an easy thing to do, matching up to something that we have
already witnessed... It puts added pressure on you as a fic writer to get it
right...And you *did* get it right! (: Jaye