Cry - Feedback
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Message: 3 Date: Mon, 01 Nov 1999 21:30:50 +1100 From: *Esme* <erinwilson@xxxxx.xxx.xxx Subject: Feedback - Cry & Childish Games okay these were two very great fics. I thought "Cry" was really interesting coz we basically never see Mick's emotional side. his private life is just never acknowledged, apart from some of that stuff with Suzie. so I thought it was interesting to see Mick upset and everything. I thought the song was really cute. and I liked the way you managed to work Mick's and Goldie's hurt into the one story. "Cry" was really good and I liked it, but I just loved "Childish Games". It was so funny. I mean, trust them to resort to practical jokes. I thought it was written really well, and you successfully managed to bring out the playful side of Frank and Rachel. I just laughed and thought it was great. esme Message: 5 Date: Mon, 01 Nov 1999 22:02:25 +1100 From: Jaye Reid <jayereid@xxxxxxx.xxx.xxx Subject: Feedback: Challenge - Cry Here comes the Feedback machine.... (: Julia Webster wrote: > From: "Julia Webster" <yunadax@xxxxxx.xxx.xx> > > Title - Cry (responce to Challenge) > Author - Julia > Disclaimer - They aint mine.. I'll return them when I've finished playing > with them... I PROMISE! Hang on.....lets keep 'em and play some more! 'Don't > Cry' is written and performed by Seal. > Author's note - Okay I wrote this 2 days after a car accident, early in the > morning before uni when my cat jumped on my alarm clock, making it ring and > waking me up. Its corney, its weird, its sad, but who cares.. its another > fic! This is set after Frank leaves and Mick comes. > > Don't Cry > > ----Dont be so hard on yourself,---- > ----Those tears are for someone else,---- > ----I hear your voice on the phone,---- > ----I hear you feel so alone,---- > ----My baby, whoaa my baby,---- > ----Please my baby, my baby.---- > > and old romance with a twist, a savage twist that > meant she had to work with him now that the affair was over. Life was toohard > sometimes. I really liked this piece. You captured the whole angst of her having to work with Jack... Rachel had enough to deal with missing Frank and perhaps trying to figure out why she felt that way... but to have Jack waltz in... > ----When we were young, and truth was paramount,---- > ----We are older now,and we lived a life without any doubt,---- > ----Those memories, they seem so long ago,---- > ----Whats become of them, when you feel like me I want you to know.---- > > Tears stung her eyes, making her vision blur and her head spin even > more. She stopped pacing the living room of her apartment and sat on the > sofa, a knock erupted from her door. Poor Rachel... > > > ----Dont cry... you're not alone,---- > ----Dont cry... tonight my baby,---- > ----Dont cry... you'll always be loved,---- > ----Dont cry....tonight my baby.---- > > Rachel stumbled over to the door, forcing her mind to concentrate on > unlocking the door to see who the rude individual was who interupted her > selfpitying. Mick stood there, hurt in his eyes and wine in his hand. > "Mind if I come in for a drink Goldie?" he slurred, making it obvious that > he had already covered that aspect before he arrived. She stood back and > allowed him to enter, she hadn't expected him to come by, let alone want to > drown in their sorrow's together. Rachel wondered what had made Mick so > upset, he was a mess. Well this was a turn up.... Mick would have to be the last person that I would expect to go to Rachel when he was down and depressed... Especially about his emotions. I would have expected he would have gone out with one of the guys, because Rachel would be more likely to tell him that it was his own stupid fault... > Mick stumbled through the entrance hall and into Rachel's living room, > not making it to the sofa and plonking on the floor in front of her coffee > table. Rachel followed him in, her concern beginning to overtake her > selfpity. > " Mick... MICK, What's this all about?" she asked. What was left of his > composure left him in a hurry and he broke down in tears again. I must have missed more about her than I thought... I didn't think he was that close to her. > > " Its Suzie, they found her dead this afternoon. They got to her Rachel, I > dunno who.. but they got to her and now she's dead." > A new hole opened up inside Rachel, another hole filled with hurt and > sorrow. She hadn't known Suzy that well, but she knew enough to know that > Mick was devastated, and obviously had no-one else to turn too. > > ----Today I dream, of friends I had before,---- > ----And I wonder why, the one who care don't call anymore,---- > ----My feelings hurt, but you know I overcome the pain,---- > ----And I'm stronger now, lessons learnt again and again.---- > > Rachel knelt down beside the shell of the man she knew, and wrapped her > long arms around him, gently pulling the wine from his hands. He fell into > her embrace, crying out the frustration and the hurt. In a way, Rachel knew > exactly as he felt, they had both lost someone dear to them. Her own eyes > started to water again and she let the flood of tears overtake her, happy to > have someone to share her sorrows with, someone who would not judge her, or > take pity on her. > > ----Don't cry... you're not alone,---- > ----Don't cry... tonight my baby,---- > ----Don't cry... you'll always be loved,---- > ----Don't cry, whoaa.---- > ----Limosines and cigorettes, don't leave me now cos I'm a friend, ---- > ----What you've done for me is now the warmth in my bed... in my head.. in > my head,---- > ----My head.---- > > Many hours later, Mick had sobered up enough to talk coherantly, and they > talked about their sorrows over cups of coffee and hot chocolate. Mick > talked about Suzie, the good times they had, and the rough periods, while > Rachel let loose with an enterage of stories about her and Frank and the > cases that they solved together. She smiled as she remembered one particular > time, when they were sharing Cafe Lattes in a flashy resterant in Darling > Harbour, and being spied upon by a jealouse Tommy and Gavin. This tale > rewarded her with a grin from Mick, he was starting to accept the fact that > Suzy was gone, and she wasn't coming back. Much like Frank. > Oh, now this is really different too... I could imagine Mick talking about the girlfriend, but Rachel talking to him about Frank? Not something that I can picture, so this is an interesting twist... > ----Challenges... they seem so hard enough,---- > ----They get harder now, even when we think that we've had enough,---- > ----Don't feel alone, cos its all you understand, ---- > ----I'm a sedative, take a peace of me whenever you can.---- > > They talked for hours, recounting the good times, and the bad times. > Making each other smiles with quirky little tales, sobbing together when the > pain rose from within them again. For even though they had both lost > someone, they had both found a friend within each other. > > ----Don't cry...Don't be so hard on yourself,---- > ----Don't cry...those tears are for someone else,---- > ----Don't cry...I hear your voice on the phone,---- > ----Don't cry...I hear you feel so alone.---- > ----Don't cry tonight, You'll still be loved.---- > > The End > This was an interesting use of story and song... I see that you have really thought about what you were writing! (: Jaye "Cry" was really good and I liked it, but I just loved "Childish Games". It was so funny. I mean, trust them to resort to practical jokes. I thought it was written really well, and you successfully managed to bring out the playful side of Frank and Rachel. I just laughed and thought it was great.esme |
