MY BOOK
This is my life and this is how it reads
For every chapter, a thousand memories
A murder, a mystery where everybody bleeds
A fantasy, a thriller with romance and disease
Diary entry 9th of May '62
We've had some ugly babies but none were quite like you
Diary entry '62 end of May
It looks as if the nose and chin are definitely here to stay
They're here to stay, they're here to stay
If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)
This is my life and this is how it reads
A documentary that nobody believes
Albert Steptoe in 'Gone With The Breeze'
Mother played by Peter Beardsley, father by John Cleese
Diary entry '68 end of the year
A cardboard Apollo 6 has given the all clear
11th December '68 Captain's log
Proposed trip to Mars is cancelled due to fog
It's due to fog, it's due to fog
If my lips start smiling and my knees start a-knocking
I'm a failure
You are, you are
And if I seem half-hearted, it's because I'm broken hearted
And I'm a failure
You are, you are, you are (I am)
You are, you are, you are (I am)
This is the play, it was I who wrote the script
Terry meets June in 'Tales From The Crypt'
It was going to be a film but the camera person slipped
They later found him scolding a banana
Diary entry 10th of April '89
The world is going mad but me I'm doing fine
I'm doing fine
Back to bed, back to reality
Back to bed, back to reality
Back to bed, back to reality
Back to bed, back to reality
Back to bed, back to reality
Back to bed, back to reality
Just fine
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LET LOVE SPEAK UP ITSELF
Don’t whisper love and dream of wedding bells
Don’t do all the talking, let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself
So when you feel a little tatty and unhappy with your face
Let it breathe into us and put you back in place
Let it breathe, let it breathe
From the day it came into us till the day it wants to leave
For it will, it will go
And it will not say goodbye just like it didn’t say hello
There will not be a send-off, a funeral or mass
Just a pathetic little vodka from a dirty little glass
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'
Let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself
Let it rise up in the morning and take us for that walk
Let it do the talking when we're too tired to talk
When we're too tired to talk
And when you feel unhappy that I'm not the one I was
Let love rot inside and let love palm you off
Let it rot, let it rot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
In a knot, in a knot
Let it take your feelings and tie them in a knot
Hang them from a cleaver and say 'Look what we've got
A man and a woman and guess what they forgot'
'To the world's greatest mum
From the oldest swinger in town'
Let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself
Let love speak up itself
Let love speak, let love rot
Let love tear
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SHOULD'VE KEPT MY EYES SHUT
I should've kept my eyes shut
But I had to go and peep
But when you saw what I saw
Well it's hard just to roll back to sleep
I would've kept my eyes shut
But I thought I heard you scream
And I've a penchant for violence
You don’t seem to find in a dream
The scene a little clearer
My father with a rope
And in the cage, centre-stage
It's mother who's destined to choke
And she choke and we choke
On the words that we wish we'd not spoke
Just when you felt you had someone to trust
Out comes the man with the dagger and cloak
I should've read the novels
Believed every word
But the stories they wrote
Were so different to ones that I'd heard
I should've kept my eyes shut
M mouth should've closed
But the mixture of vomit and blood
Just crept up through my nose
It became a little clearer
As soon as I awoke
My father stands with rope in hand
A screaming mother kneels in hope
And she hope and we hope
That the words that she said won't provoke
A smile is removed and a petal is crushed
What once was a laugh has turned into a joke
You should've kept your mouth shut
You should've kept your mouth shut
You should've kept your mouth shut
You should've kept your mouth shut
You should've kept your mouth shut
You should've kept your mouth shut
You should've kept your mouth shut
You should've kept your mouth shut
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I'VE COME FOR MY AWARD
This is the Awards for Industry and Free Enterprise
So let me sit you down and tell you how I won first prize
I took on your free enterprise and your pretty little shops
Walked in with empty bags and walked out with the lot
So I've come for my award, I've come for my award
I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford
Let hands be shook
Champagne poured
Sentence ignored
Yes, I've come for my award
This is the Awards for Industry and Free Enterprise
Anyone want a gold watch in a ladies' size?
There's a few more round the back
I stole them from your shop
We've got no more in silver, that's all that you'd got
So I've come for my award, I've come for my award
I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford
Let hands be shook
Champagne poured
Sentence ignored
Yes, I've come for my award
I chatted with your guards and winked at roving eye
A thousand hidden cameras were searching cross the sky
But they didn’t see me pinch them from underneath their eyes
So I've come for my award, I've come for my award
I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford
Let hands be shook
Champagne poured
Sentence ignored
Yes, I've come for my award
Jesus was my greatest accomplice
Jesus was my greatest accomplice
Jesus was my greatest accomplice
Yes, I've come for my award
Hairdryer, overcoat, telly, dot-to-dot
Video, compact disc, there's nothing we forgot
Whilst I was busy smiling my father got the lot
I've come for my award
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LIPS
Your lying lips don’t cry, don’t cry
Keep telling me you're forever
You're forever, you're forever
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I THINK THE ANSWER'S YES
I'm walking through these pastures
I'm picking up sweet fruit
I'm shaking hands with people
That previously I'd shoot
But nothing will dissuade me
Nothing will dilute
I want to execute
I want to execute
And you tend to meet a lot of scum en route
It doesn’t mean you've joined the other side
And because I still wear shorts and my smile is oh so cute
It doesn’t mean I'll run away and hide
To a world where the leaders finally confess
(I think the answer's yes, I think the answer's yes)
To the burning of the Stock Exchange and bombing of the press
I think the answer's yes, yes, yes, I think the answer's yes
I'm walking through these corridors
Where crime meets pantomime
They're laughing and they're drinking
On the swill of overtime
And no-one seems to know about
The death-wish that they've signed
Ah, life's unkind
Ah, life's unkind
And they see me as a potential recruit
They rub their hands, slap their backs and smile
But I still wear suspenders underneath my business suit
So needn't worry about me for a while
So to a world without hunger, where royalty face death
(I think the answer's yes, I think the answer's yes)
to the breaking down of barriers of North, South, East and West
(I think the answer's yes, I think the answer's yes)
I think the answer's yes, yes, yes, I think the answer's yes
I think the answer's yes, yes, yes, I think the answer's yes
And no-one seems to know about
The death-wish that they've signed
Ah, life's unkind
Ah, life's unkind
Life's unkind, life's unkind
From poor old U2 to poor old Simple Minds
No amnesty for murderers of poor old working class
Rope or gas, rope or gas, rope or gas
No amnesty for murderers of poor old working class
Rope or gas, rope or gas, rope or gas
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A LITTLE TIME
I need a little time
To think it over
I need a little space
Just on my own
I need a little time
To find my freedom
I need a little…
Funny how quick the milk turns sour
Isn't it, isn't it
Your face has been looking like that for hours
Hasn't it, hasn't it
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mistrust
I need a little room
To find myself
I need a little space
To work it out
I need a little room
All alone
I need a little…
You need a little room for your big head
Don’t you, don’t you
You need a little space for a thousand beds
Won't you, won't you
Lips that promise - fear the worst
Tongue so sharp - the bubble burst
I've had a little time
To find the truth
Now I've had a little room
To check what's wrong
I've had a little time
And I still love you
I've had a little…
You had a little time
And you had a little fun
Didn’t you, didn’t you
While you had yours
Do you think I had none
Do you, do you
The freedom that you wanted bad
Is yours for good
I hope you're glad
Sad into unsad
I had a little time
To think it over
Had a little room
To work it out
I found a little courage
To call it off
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
I've had a little time
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MOTHER'S PRIDE
Here he comes - mother's pride
With the first ever satchel she bought him swinging by his side
Here he comes, mother's pride
With a headful of 'get your laces tied' and 'woe betide'
With a year's supply of sandwiches and fairy cakes
That she provides for him to eat at dinner breaks
It's no surprise at all, the friends he makes
His stomach aches
He's mother's pride
He's presentable, well looked after
He's domestically disastrous
He's adorable - mother's pride
Here he comes - father's pride
With a head filled up with devil dogs and genocide
Here he comes - father's pride
He's showing all the kids his tickets for ringside
He'll always roam the yard looking for a fight
He'll pick on all the kids who're twice his height
He's the reason dinner ladies toss and turn at night
Teacher's blight - father's pride
He's the image of his dad
Mickey Mouse meets Jack The Lad
He's never sad - father's pride
Here he comes, mother's pride
Here he comes, father's pride
Here he comes, mother's pride
Father's pride
His mother's pride
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I HATE YOU (BUT YOU'RE INTERESTING)
Tables turned over and curtains ripped
Bottles uncollected, collected here
Noting seems to shine like these razor edges do
It's a crazy little world without you
I went to see a doctor and she said 'Yes, go ahead'
'Throw yourself into the sea'
I wrote a will for my friends
And this is how it read
'Me, me, me, me, me, me, me
No friends, everything for me, me, me
No friends, just me, just me
Fleet Street was a very funny place
Home to the mad and the corrupt
What would you say if I old you today
I'd made this whole story up?
I made this whole story up
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