WE ARE EACH OTHER
There's no more little secrets we haven't yet disclosed
We bore the living daylights of anyone too close
And all our cards at Christmas are written to us both
Count them up, who's got the most?
Said we'd be close
Said we'd work perfectly
Said that we'd toast
Beautiful company
Closer than a sister to her baby brother
Closer than a cat to the child that she'll smother
It's too close for a lover
It's too close for a lover
We are each other
We are each other
We've been through all positions, and this one's definitely best
You move Middle East and I'll move Wild West
What happened to our friendship we could have easily guessed
Add it up we're self-possessed
Said we'd be true
Said we'd be so proud
Just me and you
We'd shout it out aloud
Closer than a sister to her baby brother
Closer than a cat to the child that she'll smother
It's too close for a lover
It's too close for a lover
We are each other
We are each other
Remember we went shopping and we went by piggyback
I shaved all my legs and you grew hairs upon your back
Well no-one's been since to this lover's shack
It's a cul-de-sac
Said we'd be close
Said we'd work perfectly
Said that we'd toast
Beautiful company
Said we'd be true
Said we'd be so proud
Just me and you
We'd shout it out aloud
Closer than a sister to her baby brother
Closer than a cat to the child that she'll smother
It's too close for a lover
It's too close for a lover
We are each other
We are each other
We are each other
We are each other
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THE ROCKING CHAIR
Here I walk, here I walk
Looking for an angel's wings in the den of the hawk
Here I am, here I am
With a choice between an also ran and a sunbed tan
And you thought you'd found your own little look
How I misjudged, how I mistook
And you thought you'd found the style of your hair
I guess tonight I'll take, I'll take theses troubles to
The rocking chair
So I'll take these high-heeled shoes
And yes I'll take these traditional views
I'll take this deep despair
Of a 30 year old square, to the rocking chair
Here I sit, here I sit
Looking for a warming smile in a house of cold wit
Here I stand, here I stand
Torn between the balding drunk and no man's land
And they'll tell you when you've reached your peak
Where the wolf -whistle rung, there's a deafening shriek
Blowing kisses into thin air
I guess tonight I'll take, I'll take these troubles to
The rocking chair
So I'll take this awkward stance
And I'll take this sexless dance
I'll take this deep despair of a 30 year old square
To the rocking chair
Am I skinny? A shade too fat?
Mmmm… my friend the cat knows all about that
Am I happy?
Here I sit, here I sit
Just a little sad
Looking for a warming smile in a house of cold wit
Mmmm… my friend the cat knows all about that
Am I skinny?
Here I walk, here I walk
A shade too fat?
Looking for an angel's wings in the den of the hawk
My friend the cat knows all about that
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WE'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER
Revolutions come and go but we'll just have to wait
The time is right to sit and plot exactly who you hate
Sirens in the neighbourhood
The gun must be understood
A warden in a pool of blood
The palace laugh and so they should
Across the world in every coup a thousand guns without a clue
If only all the people knew, they've got their sights set up on you
Every war is always cursed
With "just who do you shot at first?"
Think real hard and think Sandhurst
Take an officer, he's the worst
Governments will rise and fall but royalty's still there
Don’t worry if it's Queen or Duke, try scything down the pair
And if you class the palace staff as devil's advocator
Just put them in an incubator and we'll deal with them later
Just a little bit later
We'll deal with you later
Just put them in an incubator and we'll deal with them later
Just throw them to the alligators and we'll deal with them later
So be wary of the liquidator
'Cause we'll deal with you later
Just put them in a liquidator
And we'll deal with you later
We'll deal with you later
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DOMINO MAN
Through ugly pints and Sunday breath
Sit men whose stare is cold as death
Through wide lapels and glued up eyes
Through made up kids and made up wives
Sitting in the heart of them
Is a man who's not like other men
Don’t you know just who I am
A nod, a wink, I am the domino man
And if you pull a double one
I'll pack my bags and I'll be gone
If you pull a three and four
I'm flying off to Singapore
Where women roam and tigers roar
I'm lying on a distant shore
I'm living life just as fast as I can
A nod, a wink, another drink, I am the domino man
Through a twenty deep screen of humourists
Through slavering jaws and angry fists
Through tales of mishap and the clickety-clack
Is a fully paid member of the brother of the tap
Through heavy smoke and idle bets
Through heaving lungs and heavy debts
Sits a man who knows he can
A nod, a wink, I am the domino man
And if you pull a two and a six
I'll pack my bags and take that risk
And if you pull a four and five
They'll never take this man alive
I'll go far east and I'll survive
The market streets I'll duck and dive
I'm living life as fast as I can
A nod, a wink, another drink, I am the domino man
And when he's off to sail the seven seas
He just stays indoors or hides up trees
He's been to places that you've never seen
But his mind is blank and his passport's clean
But if you pull a two and a six
I'll pack my bags and take that risk
And if you pull a four and five
They'll never take this man alive
I'll go far east and I'll survive
The market streets I'll duck and dive
I'm living life as fast as I can
A nod, a wink, another drink, I am the domino man
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36D
Close your legs, open your mind
Leave hose compliments well behind
Dig a little deeper into yourself
And you may find
Come over here just sit right down
Needn't comb your hair, needn't pout or frown
I hear you've turned our young men
Into dribbling clowns
36D so what, D, so what
Is that all you've got?
36D so what, D, so what
Is that all you've got
Make their day and go ahead
Remove your clothes, lie on their bed
Just a last gasp chance or an outside bet
To the easily led
And before you do just what you do
Here's one thought for you to chew
The men who run the business that you sell
They screw you too
36D so what, D, so what
Is that all you've got?
36D so what, D, so what
Is that all you've got
You're just another 365 night stand
But you're so handy, you're so handy
You cheapen and you nasty every woman in this land
But you're so handy, you're so handy
Your picture's hanging pretty on the squaddies' wall
You're Steven's, Andy's, you're Ian's, you're Paul's
Your body's fondly thought of in the rugby mauls
But you want more
Your name is always mentioned in the jokes he cracks
Your Coach & Horses, and your Woolpacks
Your poses turn the passive into maniacs
But you want more
36D so what, D, so what
Is that all you've got?
36D so what, D, so what
Is that all you've got
36D so what, D, so what
Is that all you've got?
36D so what, D, so what
Is that all you've got
He was trying to save his job
He was, he was trying to save his job
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HERE IT IS AGAIN
Here it is again, it's so, so mad
Turning young and happy into old and sad
Here it is again, just passed by chance
All the way to the lawyer from a sloppy dance
It was another holiday argument
But she threw him into the sea
A glass bottomed boat pulled him up
His face was rotting in weed
It was rotting in weed, I've seen those people bleed
It never happens, well, it happened to me
Do you know who you love
Does anybody here have a clue
Just who they're with
And it was glance by glance
And it was blow by blow
Did they know
Just who they loved
Here it is again in the same disguise
Clean shoes, smart tie and deep blue eyes
Here it is again and it makes you sick
Watch the blind man walk along without a stick
Heads he was a beautiful lover
Tails just the best he's had
You're the best he's had
You're the best so far
All the way to the church from the back of a car
Do you know who you love
Does anybody here have a clue
Just who they're with
And it was glance by glance
And it was blow by blow
Did they know
Just who they loved
Just who they loved
Just who they loved
Just who they loved
Just who they loved
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SOMETHING THAT YOU SAID
The perfect love song, it has no words, it only has death threats
And you can tell a classic ballad by how threatening it gets
So if you walk into your house and she's cutting up your mother
She's only trying to tell you that she loves you like no other
No other, she loves you like no other
The only emotions I know are love and hate
And she's chopping and she's changing and it's making you afraid
I said close your eyes and imagine that I'm nice
She'll kiss you or she'll kill you but you'll just have to wait
Because some things that I do make you go blue
And something that you said made me go red
The perfect love has no emotions, it only harbours doubt
And if she fears your intentions, she will cut you out
So do not raise our voice and do not shake your fist
Just pass her the carving knife, if that's what she insists
Insists, that's what she insists
A hate tattoo on my brain and a love one on my heart
I'd love to hate you, like I love you
And just tear your dreams apart
I said close our eyes and imagine that I'm nice
Cupid's arrow looking more like Cupid's poisoned dart
Because some things that I do make you go blue
And something that you said made me go red
The perfect kiss is dry as sand and doesn’t take your breath
The perfect kiss is with the boy that you've just stabbed to death
Is with the boy that you've just stabbed to death
Is with the boy that you've just stabbed to death
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I'M YOUR NO.1 FAN
I was handed down the look of a man with a broken nose
That’s the way our family was, I suppose
But at least you gave me deeply profound
As we lay and chatted late upon the cricket ground
You didn’t have to love me
Where others got rid
You didn’t have to treat me like a very good friend
But I'm glad that you did
One thing I never said to you
And one thing I never can
Amongst the fake applause and the deafening cheers
I'm your no. 1 fan
I'm your no. 1 fan
I'm the richly blessed daughter of a mother with tattooed arms
That’s the way my family life, life was charmed
But at least it gave me mental grace
And a thought at the pit of my mind and a smile on my face
You didn’t have to listen
To a word that I'd said
You didn’t have to tell me all those silly old jokes
For every tear that I shed
Every tear that I shed
'Cause one thing I never said to you
And one thing I never can
Amongst the fake applause and the deafening cheers
I'm your no. 1 fan
I'm your no. 1 fan
I was handed down a bike with a crooked old wheel
But I rode it on a million lanes the way that you made me feel
But at least we thought about it so long and hard
As we sat upon our mother in the graveyard
And you don’t have to listen
To a word in this song
Your picture hangs the same and in the same old place
Even though that you've gone
Even though that you've gone
'Cause one thing I never said to you
And one thing I never can
Amongst the fake applause and the deafening cheers
I'm your no. 1 fan
I'm your no. 1 fan
Yes I am
I'm your no. 1 fan
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BELL-BOTTOMED TEAR
This is the dinner prepared
This is the dress that I made
This is the child I brought up
And this is the woman you laid
This is the woman you laid
This is the perfume I wore
This is the hotel we stayed
This is the way that I lay
And this is the woman you laid
This is the woman you laid
We promise ourselves this is no one night stand
Let us draw all the curtains and strike up the band
And I'm thrilled by the gentlest touch of your hand we pretend
There's a tear, there's a tear
Not through confusion, through fear, through fear
This is the smile that I wore
This is the song that we played
This is the way that I lay
And this is the woman you laid
This is the woman you laid
Next morning our eyes filled with sleepy regret
A kiss and goodbye and a long cigarette
But the pillow I lay on is cold and it's wet
Can't pretend
It's a tear, it's a tear
Not through confusion, through fear, through fear
And knowing at least that love came so near
Just adds to the weight of this bell bottomed tear
Roll out the red carpets and unplug the phone
Root out the photo's you've already shown
'Cause this is one night you won't sleep alone
Just one night
There's a tear, there's a tear
Not through confusion, through fear, through fear
And knowing at least that love came so near
Just adds to the weight of this bell bottomed tear
There's a tear, there's a tear
Not through confusion, through fear
Not through confusion, through fear
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YOU PLAY GLOCKENSPIEL, I'LL PLAY DRUMS
There's a boy with a brace across his teeth
White socks, tattooed underneath
Bus tickets clutched up in his palm
Stood there he's spinning a yarn
There's a girl with a plastic pair of shoes
Two eyes permanently bruised
Can't find the time to be alarmed
Just stood spinning a yarn
Just take your time
It'll work out fine
It'll do no harm
To spin your yarn
You do English
I'll do sums
You break fingers
I'll break thumbs
You play Dads
And I'll play Mums
You play glockenspiel
And I'll play drums
My name is Derek from the den
I deal in shillings and in pence
I'll get you any deal you like
Ten sweets for a mountain bike you like
My name is Mandy from the yard
I deal in crazy tarot cards
I'll tell you what the future brings
One cat and a dog that sings
You do English
I'll do sums
You break fingers
I'll break thumbs
You play Dads
And I'll play Mums
You play glockenspiel
And I'll play drums
Just take your time
It'll work out fine
It'll do no harm
To spin your yarn
You do English
I'll do sums
You break fingers
I'll break thumbs
You play Dads
And I'll play Mums
You play glockenspiel
And I'll play drums
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WHEN I'M 84
Queueing with the old folk
There's an old man with a wicked smile
Not through smug politeness
He's doing it in style
No savings book or flannel slacks
No 'Pardon' when I heard them ask
Just a vodaphone and a filofax
When I'm 64
I'll dream on
They all bore the milkman
Stop him for hours at their front gate
He just sits and thinks
I'll make the bastard wait
No dribbling or incontinence
No longing for the old sixpence
Just smoking weed till age makes sense
When I'm 74
I'll dream on
They all save for Blackpool
Just for the cheap companionship
Meanwhile he's counting pennies
For a different trip
No smoking pipes and drinking bitter
No eyeing up the baby sitter
I'll trip up kids and I'll drop my litter
When I'm 84
I'll dream on
When I'm 84
I'll dream on late
I'll dream on
And I'll whisper late
You're in your nineties Arthur
Be careful with your back
Exercise your muscles
I'd rather Jack
I'd rather Jack
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