GOOD MORNING JUDGE
Well, good morning Judge, how are you today
I'm in trouble, please put me away
A pretty thing took a shine to me
I couldn't stop her so I let it be
I couldn't stop her so I let it be
I couldn't stop her so I let it be
I couldn't stop her so I let it be
He didn't do it, he wasn't there
He didn't want it, he wouldn't dare
Well good morning Judge, yes I'm back again
I'm in trouble, so it's back to the pen
I found a car but I couldn't pay
I fell in love and I drove it away
I fell in love and I drove it away
I fell in love and I drove it away
I fell in love and I drove it away
He didn't do it, he wasn't there
He didn't want it, he wouldn't dare
I didn't do it, I wasn't there
I didn't want it, I wouldn't dare
Alcatraz is like a home sweet home
I'm so wanted and I'm never alone
San Quentin is the place to be
I'm so happy I don't wanna be free
So happy I don't wanna be free
So happy I don't wanna be free
So happy I don't wanna be free

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THE THINGS WE DO FOR LOVE
Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river
Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea,
You lay your bets and then you pay the price
The things we do for love, the things we do for love.
Communication is the problem to the answer
You've got her number and your hand is on the phone
The weather's turned and all the lines are down
The things we do for love, the things we do for love.
Like walking in the rain and the snow
When there's nowhere to go
And you're feelin' like a part of you is dying
And you're looking for the answer in her eyes.
You think you're gonna break up
Then she says she wants to make up.
Ooh you made me love you
Ooh you've got a way
Ooh you had me crawling up the wall.
Like walking in the rain and the snow
When there's nowhere to go
And you're feelin' like a part of you is dying
And you're looking for the answer in her eyes.
You think you're gonna break up
Then she says she wants to make up.
Ooh you made me love you
Ooh you've got a way
Ooh you had me crawling up the wall.
A compromise would surely help the situation
Agree to disagree but disagree to part
When after all it's just a compromise of
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
The things we do for love, the things we do for love
The things we do for love, the things we do for love

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MARRIAGE BUREAU RENDEZVOUS
Well I've been lookin' after number one for too long
And it seemed the love was passing me by
So I thought I better do something about it
And that's why I'm sittin' here lookin' cross the table at you
That's why I'm sittin' here lookin' cross the table at you
Well a lonely man needs a Marriage Bureau
Where they sit you right down and you fill in a form
Would you like a blonde or a black or a blue rinse
Do you like `em small, love `em slim long and tall
Do you like `em small, love `em slim long and tall
Oh no, too many questions
I'm looking for a girl like Momma used to be
She's cooking up a dream, she's baking ecstasy
Won't it be fine when
I find her
Would I like to take her to a movie or the theatre
Would I pick her up at home or would I like to meet her
Somewhere we could take a good look at each other
Smile and say hello or walk away
Smile and say hello or walk away
So I'm squeaky clean in and out of the bath
I never shaved so close before
I'm gonna put on a tie, I'm gonna shine up my shoes
I'm gonna slick back my hair, I've got nothin' to lose
Oh, oh, I'll be stinkin' so good
Like I'm drowning in a sea of cologne
Hey... do you know you remind me of someone
But I'm here making eyes at you
And I think we're gonna say goodbye to the bureau
Close the files, turn the page, start anew
Close the files, turn the page, start anew

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PEOPLE IN LOVE
People in love do funny things
Walk under buses and burn their wings
People like us do nothing right
Talk to the ceiling into the night
Look at the smile in her eyes
I knew I was right in my bones
I feel the turnin' of wheels as it grows
Look at my face in her eyes
Am I right, am I wrong
She's given me butterflies all along
Ooh sitting alone in the dark
Ooh feeling you close to me
We're in a dream
But the hands on the clock seem to know
Tell me it's time to go
People in love play silly games
Running in circles and everywhere
People like us can make believe
Love is forever and I'll never be
Ooh sitting alone in the dark
Ooh feeling you close to me
We're in a dream
But the hands on the clock seem to know
Tell us it's time to go

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MODERN MAN BLUES
I'm tired Lord and I'm drawn
And I'm chilled right to the bone
I crawled home from my work
And this note said she was gone
Said your dinner's in the cat
And your love is out the door
I'm goin' back to my momma
And I don't want you no more, no more
She said she don't want me no more
She's gone back to her momma
Said she's never never comin' back no more
Now a man can take so much
And only heaven knows his limit
But a naggin' bitchin' woman
Digs a hole and puts him in it
A sophisticated man
Needs a little something on the side
So what you don't get at home
You've gotta get outside, hey
She's gone
I'm spending all of my money
She's gone, gone, gone
And I can swing with my honey
She's gone
I'm so glad my woman's gone
Now time goes marching on
And it won't wait for you
You've gotta take it when it's offered
And get it when it's due
Now a man can move much faster
Without a millstone around his neck
So if you get the chance to lose it
You've gotta drop it and run like heck, hey
She's gone
I'm spending all of my money
She's gone, gone, gone
And I can swing with my honey
She's gone
I'm so glad my woman's gone
She's gone
I'm spending all of my money
She's gone, gone, gone
And I can swing with my honey
She's gone
I'm so glad my woman's gone

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HONEYMOON WITH ‘B’ TROOP
My baby, she's crazy, she's lazy
So she's always bummin' around
Girls in France don't stand a chance
`Cos I've always got my baby around
So, don't touch her
Oh, it's so fine, and you know what's mine is mine
At night we, sleep tight we
Stay close together `cos the temperature's down
But baby, says maybe
Each time I try to get my fingers around
Please don't touch her
Sittin' with a tentpole, what a bloody jamboree
Listen to our motto, be prepared for ecstasy
Here comes the bride
My baby, goes topless
And brings her beauty to a bottomless day
She's bathing, al fresco
And all her mystery is there on display
So, don't get too close
Oh she's so fine, and you know what's mine is mine
Ooh it's a drag when you're hitched to a dream
And the boys in the gang think she's part of the scenery
You're never alone and the tension is painful to see
One night I, crept in and,
Got on my knees and tried to make her my wife
One reef knot, two grannies
And we were bound to stay together for life
Now we'd like to.......

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I BOUGHT A FLAT GUITAR TUTOR
I bought a flat
Diminished responsibility
You're de ninth person to see
To be suspended in a seventh
Major catastrophe
It's a minor point but gee
Augmented by the sharpness of your
See what I'm going through
A to be with you
In a flat by the sea

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YOU'VE GOT A COLD
Your nose is runnin'
And your eyes are red
Your head is achin'
You'd be better in bed
From the bottom of your fever
To the throbbing in your toes
You've got a cold
You've got a cold
You're searching madly
To find a cure
But the mercury's rising
To a hundred and four
You've got a beauty, a bad ass
The mother of them all
You've got a cold
You've got a cold
Ain't no use in fightin' it
Get into bed and try to sweat it out
Hot toddies won't help you
Warm blankets won't sweat it out
Inhalants just choke you
Hot flushes will tell you
Anyway you've got it
Ain't no doubt about it
Nothin' new about
You can scream and shout it
Hot toddies won't help you
Warm blankets won't sweat it out
Inhalants just choke you
Hot flushes will tell you
Anyway you've got it
Ain't no doubt about it
Nothin' new about
You can't fight it
Foreign bodies in your Kleenex
You've got no taste at all
While your system is dyin'
The bugs are havin' a ball
You've got a beauty, a bad ass
The mother of them all
You've got a cold
You've got a cold

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FEEL THE BENEFIT
Reminisce And Speculation
You went out on the street without your shoes on
You didn't listen what your momma said
She said you won't feel the benefit, won't feel the benefit
And if we all went out without our shoes on
Tell me where would we be, where would we be
If all the people in the world lost their reason
What would we see, where would we be
If all the entertainers in the world lost their music
What would they play, what could they say
To pacify the crowd, to justify themselves
Won't feel the benefit
You're like a cloud behind the sun
Like the face behind the clown
You're moving like the wrinkles in a frown
And you can never look back
A leaf that's borne upon the wind
A cardboard suitcase in your hand
The wanderer soon returns
And finds the colour of the grass is just the same
On the other side of the tracks, oh no

"A" Latin Break
Ooh when you smile it's like a holiday
Ooh pack your bags and we can get away
We'll float on a Queen down to Rio
There's no need to shave
We'll be stinking like rum in a punch
You can walk on the water
You can dabble in the mumbo jumbo
You can smoke a little ganja
Float like a cloud over Rio, Rio
You can ride with the Gauchos
Swinging your bolas in a red bandana
You can run with the devil
Takin' your chances with Senorita
You can drink a lot of coffee in Brazil
But the bill is gonna make you ill

"Feel The Benefit"
So, you can go out on the street and take your chances
But if you do, you better do it right
Or you won't feel the benefit, won't feel the benefit
Spin the wheel and take your chances
And your number might come up
Though the odds may be in favour of the house
If all the people in the world would say together
We're all black and white, we're all day and night
If all the people in the world could sing together
How would it sound, what would we feel
We'd all feel the benefit

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HOT TO TROT
She had a shake like a belly dancer
And a body like a tiger, tiger [uh huh, uh huh]
She was looking at me
Now you know that I ain't no dancer
But there's gotta be a way to meet her
So I just walked up to her and said
Are you hot to trot?
Well I knew I was looking cool
Pretty sharp like a razor, razor [uh huh, uh huh]
She was smiling at me
So I said if you got the notion
We could take a little trip to the ocean
She said that'll be OK
'Cause I'm hot to trot
We were having a ball by the water
Talking about life and philosophising [uh huh, uh huh]
She was really talking to me
She said I can't understand why you gotta hustle
Struttin' and posin' and flexin' muscle
So I said, well that's easy baby
I'm hot to trot

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DON'T SQUEEZE ME LIKE TOOTHPASTE
I treat you like a woman
So treat me like a man
I took you to a better place
And helped you understand
So don't squeeze me like toothpaste
Like putty in your hands
I'm gonna go away, I'm gonna blow away
A woman is a woman
And a man is just a fool
It takes all of the heartaches
And life can be so cruel
So don't squeeze me like toothpaste
Like putty in your hands
I'm gonna go away, I'm gonna blow away
Who's gonna be there when the morning comes?
Head on the pillow, smiling at me
I get up and make the coffee
It must be love, it must be love
Who's gonna be there when the morning comes?
Head on the pillow, smiling at me
I get up and make the coffee
It must be love, it must be love
I treat you like a woman
So treat me like a man
I took you to a better place
And helped you understand
So don't squeeze me like toothpaste
Like putty in your hands
I'm gonna go away, I'm gonna blow away

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I'M SO LAID BACK, I'M LAID OUT
The people were running
The place was on fire
The smoke was a-growing
And the flames were getting higher
The fire chief was shouting
As he knocked down my door
He said you better move your butt boy
Or you'll knock on heaven's door
I'm so laid back, I'm laid out
I'm so caved in and spaced out
I'm wired to the teeth
I'm fused to the floor
So baby don't you bug me no more
Don't you bug me no more
The rent needing paying
The insurance was due
The roof needing fixing
And the rain was coming through
But the forecast is sunny
So I'll stay here on my back
Tomorrow is another day
It's cosy in the sack
I'm so laid back, I'm laid out
I'm so caved in and spaced out
I'm wired to the teeth
I'm fused to the floor
So baby don't you bug me no more
Don't you bug me no more
There were times when you wanted to be number one
And the glamour and the glitter were turning him on
But he realised that it was better to be number two [ooh]
My luxury is living
'Cause I can't afford to die
I'm a diletantic mother
With a twinkle in my eye
Let the others do the running
I'm content to take a cut
Percentages are burning
And I'm happy in my rut
I'm so laid back, I'm laid out
I'm so caved in and spaced out
I'm wired to the teeth
I'm fused to the floor
Don't you bug me no more
So baby don't you bug me no more
No more, no more, no more, etc.

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