"Nothing much. I'm just gonna hang out here for a while, spend the holidays with my mom probably. Been long enough since the last time I truly spend some 'quality' time with her." Stated AJ. With the tour and the promotional stuff, the most he had gotten with Denise had been about half an hour. It had been a miracle that Kevin had gotten them three days off. Usually they would work even during the holidays.

"D, you're going to the 'rents, right?" Kevin was used to knowing exactly were the guys were heading, just in case it was needed. He hoped that the next days each one of them would be able to just veg out. If anything that was 'his' plan.

Howie nodded. "Yep. I'll probably be doing some serious baby sitting, making up for all the time I couldn't on the road. Guess I'll have to tend the kids at the dinner, but hey, all for the good grace, right?" he finished with a grin.

AJ threw a pillow a his older friend. "Accept it D, you melt when those kids call you 'Uncle Howie'. You'll probably die from emotion when you have your own kids."

Howie smiled sheepishly. He knew AJ was right, he loved kids and couldn't wait to have some of his own.

The blond man looked at the room with his friends. Even thought they spend 24/7 together on tour, he couldn't believe it'd be estrange to be away from them three days in a row. He'd most certainly miss them like crazy.

'One specially.' His mind murmured.

He had to sighed, it was right. Over the past few years he had come to see his older friend under a different light. Appreciation and friendship didn't define his feelings for the older man any more. It seemed to futile to even try to describe his emotions every time he saw him, every time he smiled at him. So many years together as friends and he couldn't believe something had developed from there. But what bothered him the most was the fact that he had to keep it a secret. What would he think about it? What would the rest of the group think about it?

"What about you Nick?"

The nineteen year old was brought back from his reverie by his friend's voice, smiling at him, he answered. "Going to the folks as well. I've been dyeing to see Aaron and the girls for some time now."

Kevin nodded. It was exactly what he had thought their plans would be, but you couldn't help checking out one more time. "Brian and I are heading to Lexington. Having Christmas with the whole clan."

"Where are you staying? At Ann's or Jackie's?" wondered AJ as he gave a glance at his younger friend. He could see he was fairly upset, sad. He knew exactly what it was about, but couldn't understand why there wasn't anything to be done about it.

"Actually, it's mom's turn. We'll probably stay at her house." Answered the younger Kentucky cousin. Both his mom and Kevin's mom would take turns on the holidays to be the center of the Richardson's and Littrell's gatherings. It was a lot easier than just one of them having to take care of all the occasions.

"Uh! Jackie is gonna have a blast! Get to see both Kentucky cousins at the same time!"

"Cut it out AJ! It's the very same with you. Don't you think Denise isn't dyeing to see her 'little boy'" answered back Kevin. If anything he could tease well as anyone when he wanted to. Sure, it wasn't in his nature to do that, but then again, you have to be bold from time to time, don't you?

The group's resident wild child send Kevin a 'death glare' and hoped he'd stay quiet, it'd be a lot easier to tease his younger cousin. "Very funny Train. What happened? You asked Santa for sense of humor?" his voice in a mocking tone, making sure that he'd know it was only a joke.

"Watch it out Bone, I can always tell Fatima about the sundaes you had every night during the last tour. You know she'd make you dance to death." Finally checking each one's room's account served of something.

"You wouldn't!"

"Try me." His eyes narrowed slightly, his piercing green eyes taking a darker color. He most certainly would.

"Ok. Ok, you win." He finished the conversation with a sigh. He'd have to be more careful in the future.

Kevin smiled victoriously. He'd never do it, but it was fun to see AJ squirm around. Kevin was sure that if Fatima ever find out, she'd make him practice to a slow and painful death.

*****

All five of the guys stood in the VIP lounge room in the airport. They had settled their flights to leave around the same time, so they could say goodbye all at once. Even though neither AJ nor Howie had to take a flight, they were there to see their friends depart safety.

/Flight 1013 to Lexington, Kentucky boarding at Gate 4/ the cold voice said over the intercom.

The guys looked at each other, knowing that it was time for them to say their goodbyes as Kevin and Brian were about to departure.

AJ stood up and walked over where Brian was, hugging him tightly, he whispered. "Call us, we need to talk."

The younger Kentucky cousin looked at him and nodded. "Merry Christmas Bone."

"Merry Christmas Brian."

Howie proceeded to walked over to the oldest band member and hugged him. "Don't stress too much Kev. Try to relax a little." He said with a smile.

Smiling back, Kevin nodded. "I'll try, but I can't promise anything. Merry Christmas Howie."

"Merry Christmas Kevin." Howie said before moving over to say his goodbye to Brian.

Nick stood silently watching the scene unfold before his eyes. He wanted to say them goodbye as well, but he felt somehow uncomfortable around the rest of the guys. He'd have loved to be able to talk with Kevin privately, even if it was for just a moment.

The blond man didn't moved as he watched AJ walking over to Kevin and wished him Merry Christmas while Howie did the same with Brian. When Howie moved apart from Brian, Nick walked over his best friend and hugged him tightly. "Enjoy the vacations B. Merry Christmas."

Smiling at his younger friend, Brian nodded. "I will. You too, Nick. Merry Christmas kiddo."

Nick turned to look at Kevin, he was talking quietly with AJ probably about Kevin telling the younger man not to get in much trouble while he was away. His eyes lingered to the tall figure of the person who had meant so much for him over the last years. Kevin had been everything to him since he was 12, when the group first started. Kevin, being the oldest of them all, had taken upon the responsibility of everything that concerned the group and the guys themselves. The way Kevin handle management and even them when they were behaving slightly obnoxious still amazed him. Nick had been a silly and innocent kid back then, all he wanted to do was just sing, not actually worrying about the business.

He still remember the way Kevin had introduced himself in the first meeting. It had been just AJ, Howie and him till then, when the dark haired man had made his appearance. His first impression had been utter fear towards him. Nick was barely 5"4' back then against Kevin imposing 6"1' figure. His confidence and self security evident from the first time. However his opinion had changed dramatically when words left his mouth. It seemed as if he knew exactly how to talk with each person. He was calm and control when he introduced to Howie, slightly joking with AJ, but completely tender with Nick.

He had to smile at the memory. The older man had kneeled in front of the goofy blond kid and his sapphire green eyes met the young's baby blues. His voice had been so soft and tender, Nick had been surprised it was from the same person he had been quiet afraid of earlier that moment.

'I'm Kevin. What's your name?' he had questioned.

'Nick.' His voice barely audible, as he was still a little afraid of him.

Putting out his hand for the younger man to shake. 'It's a pleasure meeting you Nick.'

The twelve year old kid only nodded.

That person had changed his life so very much it just couldn't be summed up in words. He had been all there was for Nick. Kevin had taken the position of surrogate father for him and the rest of the guys. He was the one that would help him with homework when he was totally lost in it. He was the one that would cuddle up with him in his bed when he felt homesick and only wanted his mother with him. He was the one that taught him all there was to know about life and love, about family and friends. He was his father, big brother, mentor and friend.

And at some point he had fallen in love with him.

When had it happened? When had he stopped seeing Kevin as his 'big brother' and started seeing him as the most beautiful and incredible man he had ever met? When had he start analyzing and capturing every single movement of the dark haired mad and holding it in a secret and special place in his heart?

He didn't know.

Something had changed within him and he didn't know how or why. But now, after accepting it and embracing it, he was glad it had. The one he loved was with him almost every hour of every day. He could see him, and hug him and just be with him as much as he wanted to. Even though not in the deeper level he wish he could, but he had learned to settle for just his friendship a long time ago.

His eyes focused on Kevin, trying to memorize everything about it. Afraid that something might change during their time apart, something might just vanish. Every little thing about him was capture by his baby blue eyes and cherished deeply. The way his dark spiky moved as his head crocked slightly. The way his eyes sparkled with love and wisdom as he talked with the young man as he asked him to make some good out of their free time. The way he would smile that half crocked-half hearted smile of his.

He didn't even realized he had walked over there. One second he was just staring at the object of his affection, the next one he was standing right in front of him. With a shy smile on his lips, he looked at the sea green pool that were his angel's eyes.

Kevin turned around and found himself looking at the most beautiful baby blue eyes he had ever seen. He was mermecized by them in a minute, getting lost in its depth. Seeing the small smile on his younger friend, he couldn't help but smile himself.

They looked at each other and nothing else existed for that moment. Not the guys next to them, not the airport they were in, not even the knowledge that they'd have to spend the next three days away from each other. Nothing else matter but their love.

Without actually realizing it, both men walked over to each other and held in a tight embrace. Nick closed his eyes and let his senses take over, marveling at the touch of Kevin's body against his, the smell of Kevin's skin and cologne, the sound of Kevin's even breathing, and the feel of Kevin's breath against his ear. He felt like he was experiencing a sensory overload, and he couldn't get enough of it. He wanted that minute to last forever, but knew that it wasn't meant to be.

Kevin held his younger friend in a tight grip. Having Nick in his arms made his heart skip a beat. It's been so long since the last time they had held each other like this. Sure, there were brotherly hugs, but small ones. Or an arm around his shoulders during a photo shoot, but nothing so deep and meaningful like this. He wanted - needed - to feel him closer, to have him in his arms until time stood still and eternity ended.

The rest of the group looked at each other then at both their band members hugging each other like the rest of the world had stopped just for them. They felt horrible just by interrupting them in something that was - obviously - something very private and important to each other.

As they heard the electronic voice calling out /Flight 1013 to Lexington, Kentucky boarding at Gate 4. Last call/, they didn't have another choice but to pull apart.

With heavy heart, Nick untangled himself from the sweet embrace that was his love's arms. He could feel tears threatening to fall in the back of his baby blues, forcing himself to remain calm until both the man he loved and his best friend left for their destination. Not knowing how to look at Kevin, he focused his gaze on his feet.

Kevin felt Nick pulling away from him, and couldn't help but feel his own heart sore at the knowledge that this was his future: loving someone and never being answered. He sighed. Looking at his younger friend and the keeper of his heart, he realized that Nick wasn't happy either. Placing his fingertips in his chin, he lifted his head so he was able to look at the most beautiful baby blues he had ever seen.

"Nick?" his voice so very soft, like when they first met.

Nick swallowed hard. Whenever Kevin would talk with him in his tender-soft voice, he'd feel melting right there and there. He could even see confusion and concern in his stunning green eyes. Not knowing how else to answer his older friend, he said the first - and the most accurate - thing that came to his mind at the moment. "Merry Christmas Kevin." He whispered.

"Merry Christmas Nicky." He answered back. He would have loved to say something else, something more meaningful, but he couldn't. Hugging the younger man once again, even if it was just for a second, he smiled at him and turned around.

Nick sighed as he felt the most comforting arms he could have ever imagine leaving him twice in just a couple of minutes. He would miss him. Hell, he could miss him even when he was just two rooms away! And now, that he was leaving for three whole days, he couldn't imagine how he was gonna live without his sea green eyes and his protective arms.

Both Kevin and Brian smiled at their friends before leaving the room and walking over to their gate. Brian stood silent through their way, knowing perfectly fine Kevin wasn't in the mood for chattering. The younger man sighed. He wished he could do something to help his older cousin but, after a lot of thinking, they had come up with the decision that the best would be for them to decide themselves. If only both his best friend and cousin weren't so blind.

Arriving at the gate, Kevin showed the lady his ticket and proceeded to enter. However he couldn't help but turn around one last time searching for the one he loved. To his very own surprise, Nick stood by the door of the VIP lounge room, looking right back at him. Flashing him half a smile, he turned around once more and walked into the plane that would fly him away from his love.

This action didn't go unnoticed to Brian. He needed to talk with both his cousin and his friends. AJ had even told him to call him. He would, he most certainly would. As soon as he got to his mother's house, he was planning on calling both him and Howie.

Nick stepped away from the door as he saw both Kevin and Brian disappearing into the hallway that joined the airport with the plane. Walking over to one of the chairs, he sat there and started pouting. Sure, it wouldn't do much good, but he didn't have many options left either.

Howie gazed at Nick, then at AJ and then back at Nick. He felt so bad for his 'little brother'. Feeling AJ's hand on his shoulder, they both walked over to the other side of the room and proceeded to sit down, neither of them wanting to disturb their younger friend.

AJ sighed. It was like from the three of them, he was the most frustrated about this situation. "Howie..."

"I know what you're gonna say J, but we can't. We decided it like that." Howie interjected.

"No, you and Brian decided it like that. I still want to tell them."

Howie turned around and looked at his younger friend. "I want this just as much as you do."

"Somehow I don't believe that."

Before Howie could say something else, the voice through the intercom was heard.

/Flight 1121 to Los Angeles, California boarding at Gate 7/

Nick sighed as he heard his call. He had to leave and there was nothing he could do about it. Walking over to where his friends stood, he hugged them both.

"Take care guys. Merry Christmas."

Howie nodded. "You too kiddo. Say hi to Jane from me. Merry Christmas."

AJ looked at Howie, then at Nick. "We'll see you in three days Nicky. Merry Christmas."

Smiling at them, Nick turned around and was about to leave the room when AJ's voice made him look at him.

"Nick! Just... don't feel to bad about--"

However before he could finish his sentence, Howie nudged him on the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Nick looked at both of them in confusion, not really know what was going on with his friends.

Howie smiled sheepishly at his younger friend. "Forget Bone, he's nuts. He just wanted to tell you not to miss us too much. Hugs the kids from us, will ya?"

Nick nodded and proceeded to leave the lounging room. Still he couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness knowing that it would be three days before seeing Kevin once again. He sighed, he loved his family dearly, but was gonna miss the older man just as much.

When Nick was out of sight, Howie glared at AJ. "What did you think you were doing!?"

"I had to tell him. I had to let him know we knew about it... at least it would help."

"We can't do that. They have to decide on their own."

"Do you truly think they haven't decided yet? Didn't you see how they were hugging?" If they didn't know about their love, then they would have certainly found out about it when Nick and Kevin were hugging.

The older man nodded. "I know, I know. We'll have to talk about this once again."

"I told Brian to call us. We need to do something Howie, we need to."

Howie looked at his younger friend for a moment. He was right. This had to change. And soon.

*****

Brian looked at his older cousin sitting by his side in the plane. They had been in the air for almost twenty minutes already and Kevin hadn't said anything yet, something that was starting to worry him. He knew Kevin was feeling specially down at the moment, knowing he was gonna be away from the young blond for three whole days.

The younger cousin sighed. How many times had he seen Kevin get depressed when Nick would leave the room? He had known Kevin was in love with his best friend for about two months now, but had always thought his love was unanswered, until he talked about it with AJ and Howie.

Both of them had realized that Kevin was definitely falling in love with their younger band member, and about two weeks later, they had come across the realization that Nick was in love with Kevin just as much. The three of them had talked thoughtfully about it and had decided that the best was to let both of them work things out on their own. However Brian was staring to feel his conviction disintegrate so very slowly while seeing his beloved cousin hurting.

He had to talk with both AJ and Howie about it. They had to talk about it and probably change their decision.

Kevin looked out of the window for what seemed the nth time in the last twenty minutes. He knew he should be happy going back home to his mother and brother. And he was. But he was also feeling incredibly miserable not being able to be with his love. Sure, even when they were both together, it was just in a brotherly manner, but something was better than nothing.

Nothing. Nothing was his future. He was in love with someone who would never feel the same way and there was no way of changing it. He'd die before actually telling Nick about his feelings. He had come to that decision a long time ago and he wasn't planing on changing it just now. He'd do anything for the Nick's happiness and that meant falling in love and being with a nice young girl, not him.

The older man could feel the tears threatening in his eyes. He closed his eyes tightly and forced himself to stay calm. He couldn't cry, not in that moment and most certainly not there, not with his cousin by his side. The last thing he needed was Brian pampering him about his actions and the reason of his tears. The last thing he wanted was telling him how deeply in love he was with his best friend and their younger band member. How much it hurt knowing Nick didn't love him back, seeing him smiling at a younger girl, blushing when one of the guys would tease him about why he didn't bring one of the girls to his room. It hurt so deeply and he didn't want to have to say that to Brian and heard him curse at him just for falling in love with the wrong person. And it wasn't the 'wrong person' for him, it was the perfect and most lovable person he had ever met, but for the society and, as much as he regret it, his very own family it *was* the wrong person.

That was one of the reasons why Kevin hadn't told anyone about it. Not only because he still find it pointless to talk about it knowing his love was unanswered, but also because he was scared of their reaction. The one who scared him the most was his very own cousin. They had both been taught that homosexuality was a sin and now he was in love with a guy. What would Brian think? The yelling and cursing could be heard in the back of his mind, words like fag, queer and pervert ringing in his hears. He couldn't tell them, not like that. Now when there was no future for his love.

Closing his eyes, he forced himself not to think about it. He'd see his family soon enough. The last thing he needed was being down when he saw them.

*****

Nick looked at the ceiling of his room in his parents house. He had been laying down on his bed for the past two hours and he was still feeling down.

When he had arrived, he'd been thrilled about seeing his brother and sisters after all this time. They had talked and chat like there was no tomorrow. His mother had asked him if something was wrong, seeing him kinda out of it. He had said it was just tiredness and it'd wear off in a while.

But it wasn't like that. He'd have to have dinner with his family that night and pretend everything was just fine when it wasn't. He'd go to bed early knowing the family tradition of opening the presents the morning after Christmas and would force a smile on his face for his siblings. When all he wanted was talked with Kevin and tell him just much he loved him. Just how much he wanted both of them to be together until time stood still and eternity cease to exist.

The young blond sighed and tried to keep the tears in his eyes. How many years had he spend Christmas eve on his bed prodding about 'what could be like being with Kevin'? How many years had he had hoped and prayed that the next year something 'might' just happened between the two of them? But it never changed. Night after night he thought the same thing. Either in his parent's house, or in his own house or in some hotel room during the tour. It was always the same and nothing would ever change.

Why should it change anyway? Nick was a kid at heart. A big kid. There was nothing for him to offer to Kevin. It had been pointless back when he had realized he had more than brotherly feelings for his oldest bandmate, and it was pointless now. Kevin was so different than him.

Kevin painstakingly planned out *everything*, while Nick was the goofy guy of the group, spontaneity was his middle name. Kevin was always a neat freak, 'a place for everything and everything in its place' was his motto, Nick was messy by nature. Kevin knew their schedule better than management themselves, Nick sometimes forgot what city they were in. Nick had a horrible temper, even though he was always calm, while with Kevin you could count on one hand the times he had yelled at them (and the older man had always been right about whatever it was he was yelling them about). Nick didn't think twice about stuff, Kevin worried too much about everything and everyone.

They were the opposite sides of the world. North pole and south pole. Black and white. So why should Kevin have feelings for him? Kevin was so very handsome, he could have any body. Men or women. He had seen the kind of girl Kevin liked: long legs, beautiful eyes, blond hair and striking figure. But intelligent too. Nick had once talked with Kevin and he had told him that he couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't have their own ideas, with whom he couldn't have a good conversation. That was the kind of woman he was gonna choose to marry one day.

And Nick.... well, Nick was anything *but* that.

*****

Kevin sighed. He was sitting on the recliner by the Christmas tree on his aunt's living room. Both him and Brian had arrived about two hours ago. After greeting his family and placing their Christmas gifts under the tree, he had gotten out the book he was reading and sat to continue where he had left it. The fireplace was burning slightly ought to the cold wind blowing through the house. It looked like it was gonna be white Christmas in Lexington this year, as the snow flakes kept falling by the minute.

He had been on the same page of the book for the last half an hour, and for the life of him, he couldn't even remember what it said. He just kept looking through the window, the front yard covered in snow and the promise of a nice Christmas night.

His mother and his aunt were on the kitchen, finishing the last touches for the Christmas dinner that very same night. Both his brothers and probably even Harold, Brian's older brother, were on the back yard, playing with the kids and having fun. Brian had left a little while a go to call Leighanne, who was in California with her family. He was missing her like crazy and couldn't wait till the next day when she'll be flying over. He sighed once again. If only he could have that, someone to love and who loved him just as much. Feeling the tears threatening to fall, he decided he better change his line of thought, otherwise he was gonna have to answer too many questions.

As Brian walked down the stairs, he saw his older cousin sitting by the window looking plain down miserable. It was Christmas and it was supposed to be a happy time, but he couldn't be happy with Kevin like that.

"What's with him?" asked a voice from behind.

Brian turned around to see aunt Ann, Kevin's mother, standing to a side looking at her son with worried eyes. She was cleaning her hands with a dish towel and her shinning green eyes showed him just how much she knew about the situation.

"He's been like that for a while now." He said truthfully. Even if he couldn't actually tell her why her younger son was mopping around, he was planning on letting her know that her son was very much in love... but the name of the object of his affection was to remain a mystery until Kevin himself decided on coming out to them.

Nodding slowly, she placed her arm around his nephew's shoulder. "And you wouldn't happen to know why, would you?"

The younger man smiled sheepishly. "I truly don't know." He lied through his teeth.

Ann gave him a knowingly smile before speaking. "I have three sons Brian. I've been with them most of their lives and I can recognize the pain of unanswered love anywhere. Now the only question is who that person is?"

Brian remained silent. Ok, Ann knew half the truth. But how was she to react to the news that her younger son was in love with a man. A man she knew very well.

Turning both of the around, as the walked over to the back yard were the rest of the family and the kids were having a blast with the snow, she continued her speech. "I wished I could do something for him, but I just don't know what. I was thinking maybe you knew something I didn't." As Brian didn't say anything, she decided to be bold and just asked. "You think Nick feels the same way?"

He was sure his eyes might have looked like flying saucers after what he had just heard. She knew about Kevin's feelings for Nick! Not only did she knew, but she seemed comfortable with them. "Wh... What?" Brian stuttered.

Smiling at her young nephew, Ann just looked outside where his other two sons were playing with their children and his older nephew Harold was playing with his children as well. "I may be old Brian, but I'm certainly not blind. I've seen the way Kevin looks at Nick when we're all together." Turning around, her dazzling green eyes met the still surprised blue ones of the young man. "He loves him, doesn't him?"

Knowing better than to denied, he nodded mutely. "I think he has for a while now. And with the fact that we're staying here for another two days, Kevin's been kinda sad."

Grinning to herself, she nodded as well. She had realized about her son's feelings for the young blond the year before, when all the guys got together on the 26^th for a 'Backstreet Christmas' and Kevin just couldn't take his eyes of the kid. She had been surprised at the beginning, not knowing what to do or how to react at the knowledge that her younger son was gay. But upon seeing both of them talking quietly while keeping an eye on the kids that run through the house and the smile that had graced her young son's features ought to the time he was spending with the one he loved, she knew she couldn't feel anything but happiness for her son as he had found 'the one' for him. And if his soul mate was in a man's body, then she'd just have to deal with it, for she was not planning on hurting him by thinking any less of him.

"Yeah, I kinda saw that back when he arrived. Back to my first question, do you think Nick feels the same way?"

Brian sighed. "Actually, I think he does." He answered quietly.

Ann turned to look at his nephew, surprised at his response. "He does? How do you know?"

"AJ, Howie and I talked about it about two months ago. Then, well, we kinda saw that Nick feels the same way. The looks he gives to Kevin when they talk, how the air gets caught in his throat when Kevin walks into the room, little things like that."

"But you haven't told Kevin." She half questioned, half stated.

Brian shook his head. "We talked about it and thought that the best would be for them to decide themselves. That's why we didn't tell them."

Ann sighed. "I just hope one of them has the guts to talk with the other. I hate seeing Kevin like this."

*****

Picking up a dish cloth that stood close by, Nick started drying the dishes that his mother was washing. Christmas dinner had just finished and his siblings had been send to their beds. His father had gone to bed early as well, too tired after playing with his children. His mother, as usual, was going to clean the table, but Nick had offered to help.

Most of the night had been very nice, if it wasn't for the fact that from time to time, he'd feel sad not being able to spend the holidays with his love.

Sighing, he kept moving his hand in slow and round movements over the piece of china.

Jane Carter kept a close eye on his oldest son. "You really miss him, don't you?"

Nick was brought from his reverie by his mother's voice. The words seemed to crumble on his mind as they started making sense. "What?"

Jane laughed at his son. "Do you really think I'm that blind Nick? You really miss him."

The young blonde's mouth was hanging open, not believing what he had just heard. He tried to articulate words, but his mind was numb. How? When? Too many questions running through his head to be able to choose just one and stick with it.

"I've known you love him for a while now Nick. I wish you had told me sooner."

"Mom I..." he started, but didn't really know what to say. She seemed fine with it and he was still surprised at this revelation.

"I kinda understand why you didn't tell me, but still. I thought you trusted me more than that." Her voice was calm and soft, not wanting to scare her son, but reassure him.

Looking at the floor, Nick answered. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but was afraid of your reaction. Besides what good could come from it if nothing is ever going to happen between the two of us."

Placing her fingertips on her son's chin, Jane lifted his face so she was able to gaze right at his beautiful baby blues. "I would never think less of you Nick. You're my son, if you're in love with someone who makes you as happy as he does, then it's fine with me. And Kevin is a great boy."

Nick could feel tears in the brim of his eyes. His mother was fine with it. She was fine with it and even happy he had fallen for Kevin. Closing the space between them, he engulfed her in a tight hug. "Thanks mom, you have no idea how much this means to me. Thanks."

Holding her song close to her chest, just like so many times when he was just a kid, she couldn't help but shed a few tears herself.

Pulling away from her, Nick had to ask one question. "How did you know?"

She looked at him and gave him a smile. "Do you remember last year when we were all together for Christmas? You were beaming every time you talk with him. That smile that came upon your lips when you either saw him or talk with him... I just knew. I was hoping you'd tell me during the year, specially that the two of you were together. Guess neither of my wishes came true, right?"

Nick shook his head sadly. "Nothing is gonna happen mom. He doesn't swing that way, so to speak. He'd never feel the same for me."

Lifting his head once more, she asked. "And how are you gonna know if you don't ask him? You have to do something Nick, you've been miserable today just being away from him. Please, you have to talk with him."

"Mom..."

"Nick, I know it might sound easier than it actually is, but you have to talk with him. Who knows, maybe he is in the same dilemma you are in." She tried to cheer him up giving him a small smile, promise in it.

He looked at her thoughtfully, not really knowing what to do. He had debated about telling him more than once, but had always came upon the conclusion that he'd never feel the same. 'But what if he does?' the question kept ringing through his ears. What if?

"I'll talk with him when we get together after the holidays." He decided with a smile. He was gonna risk it all, but if the outcome was positive, then it was gonna be worth it; if it wasn't... then not only would he die of embarrassment, but he'd most probably loose a very good friend as well.

"After the holidays? Nick, you have to tell him right away!" She was very happy for her son. He'd finally chosen the right answer. Now, it was only a matter of waiting and hoping that Kevin felt the same way, otherwise her son was gonna be devastated.

"Now? Mom, I can't. He's in Lexington and this is something I can't do over the phone." As much as he wanted to talk with Kevin now that he actually got the guts to do it, he couldn't do it in such an impersonal way as the phone. It just wasn't right.

"Then go to Lexington! Nick." Placing both her hands on either side of his face, so he was looking right into her eyes, so very similar than his very own, she continued. "You are in pain just by being away from him. If you have a chance to change that, to be happy with him, then, please, take it. Go there and speak with him. You own it to yourself and even to him, if there is something worth fighting for."

Tears once again in his eyes, he nodded numbly. He couldn't believe his mother could feel his pain just like her own. He was in pain, in so much pain he couldn't believe he had gotten through the dinner without shedding a couple of tears himself. He would go. He'd go and see if there was actually a chance for both of them.

Embracing her one more time, he pulled away and kiss her forehead. "Thanks mom. Thanks for all." Giving her a small smile and with a new determination now, he dropped the wash cloth he still had in his hands, he turned around to leave the house.

"Wait!" her mom called out. Nick turned around and looked at her. She half run over to the kitchen counter on the other side of the kitchen and picked up a key chain. Throwing them at him, she smiled. "Take you father's car."

Nodding at her, he turned around and left the house.

Jane heard the main door close and smiled. She was praying to God that everything turned out fine.

"He went for him." She heard a voice from behind her.

She turned around to see who it was. Her husband, on his pjs, stood there leaning against the kitchen door that opened to the hallway. A smile was on his lips and his eyes were shinning with love.

"I didn't know you could convince him." Bob Carter said as he walked over to his wife and held her close. "You did good."

"I just hope Kevin feels the same." She said as she placed both her arms around his waist and settled her head on the crook of his neck. "I just want him to be happy."

"He will." Bob stated as he looked through the kitchen door at the main door, door his son had just walked through in hopes to change his future. "I'm sure he will."

Jane nodded against his husband's neck, praying for his son to find what he was looking for.

*****

Opening the car door forcefully, he got in and started the engine. Nick increased the speed of the car, steadily going way past the speed limit. He barely flinched when he made a violent turn, honked at a slow driver, cut lanes and went straight past a red light, just missed hitting another car. He had to get to the airport as soon as possible. Before his courage and determination left him.

'I'm on my way Kevin. Please, just wait for me.' he thought with a smile as he parked on the airport.

*****

Brian closed the door of his room and walked over to his bed. Christmas dinner had finished a couple of hours ago and everyone had gone their own way. His parents where in their room, knowing that tomorrow they were gonna have an early start, since the kids were going to want to wake up as soon as possible to open their presents. His aunt Ann was asleep as well. His brother and wife were in the living room along with Jerald, Tim and Tim's wife. The children were fast asleep, knowing that the sooner they all sleep, the sooner next morning was gonna come.

Kevin. Kevin had left a little while ago, saying that he wanted to walk for a while. The younger Kentucky cousin sigh. Kevin had been slightly fine during the dinner, even though he had barely said a word unless there was a question directed to him. He was in pain and the whole family had realized that, even though they haven't asked the question aloud, knowing better than to get in Kevin's life. The only ones who knew the reason to Kevin's glumly mood were himself and Ann.

He was still a little bit shocked at the fact that his aunt knew about Kevin loving Nick. And she was fine with it. Well, there were some things better not to question, specially if it is for your own benefic.

He glanced at his watch, it was a little over eleven, the rest of the guys should be up due to time different. Picking up the phone, he knew he had phone call to make. Dialing the already known number, Brian waited three rings until someone picked up on the other side.

/Talk to me./ A voice said through the line.

Brian smiled, classical Bone. "AJ, it's me."

/Rok, good to talk with ya. Hold on a sec, I'm gonna make a three way./ AJ said as he picked up the cordless phone and dialed the appropriate numbers for a three-way call

- Hello.

/Howie! How are ya bro, I've got Brian here. Hope I didn't got you in a bad time/ His dinner with his mother had finished about half an hour ago, now she was watching something on the tv, wanting to give him some alone time.

"Hey Howie!" greeted the younger Kentucky cousin.

- Hey B! It's ok J, dinner is over.

Taking a deep breath, AJ brought up the subject they knew they had to talk about. /I think its time we talk./

Brian nodded, even though he knew the guys couldn't see him. "You're right. Somehow I'm sure we should reconsider our decision, don't you think?"

- After what we saw on the airport, I'm ready to change my vote.

/I know what you mean Howie, those two are just too blind to see that they love each other. There's got to be something we can do. I'm not planning on letting them be this miserable any longer./

"And you haven't even seen Kevin today. He's been sulking all day long and even Ann notice. And, get this guys, she knows." Brian hold the receiver away from his ear, anticipating their reaction.

-/WHAT?!?!/ they both questioned at the same time.

/You're kidding, right B? You have to be kidding./ Said AJ, even though it seemed as if he was talking to himself and not with the guys.

"I'm not Bone. I'm not kidding. She told me to today that she knew Kevin was in love with Nick. I was as surprised as you two."

- How did she find out? - questioned Howie as he walked around the living room. His family had finished dinner about two hours ago and the kids were playing on the backyard with the rest either talking or just keeping an eye on them

"She said she saw it last year. Kevin was looking at Nick with puppy dog eyes or something like it."

/Is she fine with it? The last thing Train needs is her quoting Exodus on him./

"She seemed fine, didn't say anything out of charts."

/Ok, back to our first question. Are we gonna tell them?/ AJ had been wanting to tell both of them, not only that three of them knew about their feelings, but also that they suspect the other felt the same way.

- I think you're right on that Bone, they are way too down for my taste. We should at least talk with one of them and see what happens.

"You're right Howie, I hate seeing Kevin like this." Brian walked over to the window and looked through it. His room had a nice view of the backyard and the stable. The dim light provided by the street lights at either side of the field illuminated the gardens and the stable.

/So, when do we talk with them?/ If it had been for AJ, they would have told them back when they just found out.

- What about after the holidays? This is something we can't talk through the phone.

"You're right, better after the holidays. Who do we talk to first?"

- What about Kevin? See what he thinks and maybe convince him to talk with Nick. Brian, do you think he'll agree?

"You know how stubborn Kevin is, I'm sure he's settle for being alone for the rest of his life, thinking something along the lines that Nick would never feel the same way. But we can always try." Looking at the stable, he couldn't believe his older brother still ride. He hadn't ride since he was a kid and would most certainly fall if he tried now. But Kevin love riding and would do it as often as he could. Just then he saw Kevin walking through the fields, on his way to the stable. 'So there you were Kevin' he thought to himself. 'At least you're not sulking in your room'

/Hopefully we'll be able to change his mind. That tick skull of his needs some corrosive, don't you think?/ AJ asked with half a smile, knowing that the guys would understand he was only joking.

- I don't think that could even work... he's so very bull headed.

"Thanks God it doesn't run in the family." Brian stated grinning at the thought of him acting like Kevin. Nope, he was way too meticulous and serious, it is better just having one of them in the family and Brian didn't fit the requirements.

/Keep believing that Brian, and with some heavenly help, you won't turn into a crazy old man./ AJ chuckle.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. So very funny Bone." He saw Kevin getting in the stable and smiled to himself. 'Look at the horses and just calm down Kevin, you'll be happy soon enough' he thought tenderly.

*****

Kevin walked into the stable and started to look around. He had been walking around the house and through the huge yard for the past hour hoping he'd be able to relax enough to enjoy the next day and not as he had been during the dinner. He hated feeling so bad when he was with his family, but there wasn't much he could do about it.

Walking over to one of his older cousin's horses, the one Kevin care for the most, he patter her nose.

"How are you Penelope? Does Harold ride you often enough? I wished I could ride you." He said softly, as he kept running his fingers through her mane. "I'll ride you tomorrow, ok? It's already dark and Harold would kill me if he found out I was riding you this late."

Holding the horse's head in both his hands, he placed his forehead against her forelock. "I wish you could help me." He sighed. "I miss him, you know. I'm not gonna see him for only two more days, but I'm still missing him."

Feeling his eyes brimming with tears, as usually happened whenever he thought of his love, he didn't stop them this time. He'd have time to pull himself together before heading back to the house. "I love him so much Penelope, so much. And he doesn't even know I exist. Sure, we're friends and everything, but nothing else." Sniffling, he continued. "It's silly, I know. I've been telling myself the same thing for the past two years, but I can't change what I feel."

Pulling away just enough for him to see the horse's brown eyes, he spoke. "Do you think he'd hate me if I told him? What about Brian or the rest of the guys, do you think they'd hate me?"

Placing his forehead as he had before, Kevin continued his confidence. "Even if they wouldn't hate me, I don't think I could tell him, he'd feel awkward with me, and I don't want that." Letting the tears fall freely through his perfectly sculpted cheeks, he forced himself to keep a steady breathing, as he was starting to hiccup after letting out everything he had had bolted inside. "Did you know that I had never said this aloud. I'd always think about it, but never really say the words." Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself to say something he had known for a long time, but had never had the need to actually say the words. "I'm in love with Nick."

"You are?" a voice asked from behind.

Turning around, afraid someone had heard his heartfelt confession, Kevin focused on the outlined of the person standing by the stable's doors. As the person took two steps forward, so he was under the light, he gasped. "Nick?"

The tall blond started walking slowly over to his older band member, hoping not to scare him as he had just a second ago. He knew he shouldn't have heard Kevin's confession, but when he had gotten to Brian's house, Nick had seen him walking into the stables and had followed. As he was about to speak, Kevin had started talking to the horse and Nick couldn't help but smile at the silliness of it, then, suddenly, the conversation had change from his plan on riding her the next day to his deepest feelings. Nick just stood there, listening to Kevin opening his heart to a horse instead of one of the guys, or Brian himself.

"I'm sorry I heard, I shouldn't have." Nick apologize as the space between him and Kevin was barely two feet.

"How much did you hear?" Kevin was barely able to get out. Nick had heard him, even if he hadn't been there for long, he had heard his last words and that was enough for him to know the truth. His tears had stopped falling shortly after he had seen Nick, trying to regain as much composure as he could knowing the person he loved now knew about his feelings. However now Kevin could feel new tears welling up in his eyes, as he knew Nick was about to assure him that nothing could happen between the two of them.

"All of it. I'm sorry." The young blond could see Kevin holding every emotion he was feeling inside his tick wall of protection. He had to get through it, he had to talk with him and tell him that there was nothing to fear about. That he did loved him back. And so very much.

"I... you weren't supposed to hear that. You weren't supposed to." Kevin didn't know what to say, how to act in front of his younger friend. Nick now knew about his feelings. He knew.

"I know, I just... I came here because I had to tell you something." Taking two steps forward, Nick placed his hands on either side of Kevin's face, as he could see tears running free down his cheeks just by the simple touch. It moved him deeply that this simple action meant so much to the older man. "I had to tell you before I lost courage." Taking a deep breath, he prepared himself to change both their lives. "I love you."

Kevin stared right into Nick's clear baby blues as the words started sinking in his psyche. Nick was in love with him. The one and only person he had ever loved so much, loved him as well. He couldn't believe something like that could actually happen. He opened his mouth to say something, but it seemed as if his most basic functions had stop working when those three words had been said. He couldn't utter a word. He couldn't do or say anything besides thinking that Nick *did* loved him.

Knowing Kevin was probably shocked at the statement, just as much as he had been when he had heard Kevin say he was in love with him, Nick decided this was as a good moment as any to do something he had been waiting long enough to do. Closing the small space that was between both their faces, Nick brought Kevin's lips to his in a soft and tender kiss.

Nothing else matter for either of them, as all their expectations and hopes were concealed in that earth shattering kiss. For one simple and unique moment in the course of eternity, both of them were exactly where they wanted to be: in each other's arms.

Kevin felt himself fly as he was dancing on a cloud. He had never been so happy in his life as he was the second Nick's lips touched his. Tentatively at first, Kevin responded to the kiss. He started placing soft butterfly kisses on Nick's lips, pulling his lip slightly. Needing to have him closer, he placed his hand on the back of the younger man's neck, as his other hand made its way to his back.

Nick started applying more pressure on the kiss, daring to do something more, he run his tongue over Kevin's slip, silently asking him to part them.

The older man, feeling Nick's touch on his lips, parted them, allowing him full entrance. They started to kiss passionately as they were both finally aware of the other's feelings. They were together and nothing else matter in that moment.

When the kiss ended, they were both a little breathless. Kevin pulled away from Nick, his lips lingering on Nick's upper lip, and gazed at the blue eyes of the one he loved so much. Kevin could feel his heart melt with tenderness, as he saw the love he felt for Nick reflected on the pool of ocean blue that were his love's eyes.

Nick caressed Kevin's cheek with his thumb, as he let himself drown on Kevin's sapphire green eyes, its depth still amazing the young man. The unbelievable and unimaginable had happened, Kevin felt the same way.

"I love you Nick." As the words left his lips, Kevin smiled. He was finally doing something he had wanted to do for what seemed ages, he was finally saying those words to the one who held his heart.

"I love you Kevin." The feeling of utter calm and love Nick could feel running through his body was breathtaking and knew this was the first time he had ever felt like this, so happy he felt as if he could reach the sky and touch the stars. He was in love.

Nick leaned against Kevin's chest in a sweet embrace, placing his head on the crook of Kevin's neck. Everything seemed to take upon new life just by knowing that Kevin loved him. The smell of Kevin's cologne, the touch of Kevin's body against his own and the sound of Kevin's even breathing. Everything was better and more beautiful. He placed both his hands on Kevin's back, needing to have him closer to him, as closer as the laws of physics allowed both of them.

Kevin placed one hand on the young man's back, while his other hand started caressing his love's neck, softly running his fingers through his blond locks. Time stood still and eternity cease to exist as the only thing that registered in his mind was the simple and most enchanting fact that he was holding Nick, the object of his affection for the past two years, in his arms. Holding him and showing him just how much in love he was, how much he needed him and wanted him in his live, so very in love of each other that nothing else matter for either of them. It was as if the stars had collided and the world had stopped turning and he never wanted to let go of him.

As the couple stood still in the middle of the stable, the only sound in the room was their even breathing as they took in what had just happened. They had opened up to each other and had found the most marvelous gift: love.

Somewhere in the back of Kevin's mind the knowledge that it was December 24th, so very late it was probably way past midnight, making it already December 25th, struck him. Holding Nick even tighter, he spoke for the first time since Nick had expressed his love for him. "Marry Christmas Nicky." His voice was soft and tender, fully knowing that it meant something more than just words now as they both knew just how deeply their feeling run for each other.

"Merry Christmas Kev." Nick said as he nuzzled the older man's neck and took a deep breath, the smell of Kevin's cologne and skin filling his senses. This year Christmas had changed and he couldn't have been happier about it. He had gotten the only thing he could have asked for as a Christmas wish, the man he loved was in love with him and was holding him tightly against his chest. Live couldn't be better.

They stood like that, just holding each and marveling upon the new revelation of their answered love, for what seemed like ages. Sheer bliss were the only words that could sum up the incredible feeling they were experiencing. For the first time in years both of them had what they wanted for Christmas: being with the one they loved and being loved back.