Turning on the switch, the light hurting his eyes, Nick shut them and covered them with his hand. "Fuck," Nick repeated, moving his hand away from his face, trying to get used to the bright illumination.

After doing his business and taking a shower, Nick stood in front of the mirror, a towel draped around his waist. Rubbing his hand against the mirror, brushing away the water vapor accumulated there during his shower, Nick looked at himself.

He sighed softly, a sad sound that would make anyone's heart clench. Nick let the towel drop to the floor, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

His hands started roaming his body. His chest, not as solid as any of the guys; his belly, fluffy; his side, baby fat accumulated all over. His stomach sloped considerably outward, love handles visible at the sides. Pressing his fingers against the soft and tender white skin, the extra tires could be seen, giving him a tubby look.

Nick sighed again, his fingers still clasping his excess of weight. He didn't have abs, he had stomach. He didn't have six pack, he had a plumb belly.

Feeling tears pricking in his eyes, he shook his head forcefully, his fists rubbing his closed eyelids.

No wonder he doesn't want me, he thought sourly, I'm fat. Why would he want a fat guy when he can have anyone?

He doesn't want you, his mind answered back like every time this thoughts wondered this way, because you're a guy. He isn't gay Nick, we've been over this before. He isn't gay and you better deal with it now.

Taking a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, Nick finally opened his eyes. He had tried, he swore he had tried. He had dieted for over three months, barely loosing a pound. He had been going to gym religiously every morning, not really caring that he'd had to wake up at six so he could be ready by breakfast at eight, his waist not narrowing even an inch. No matter what he tried, no matter how hard he tried it, it just didn't work. He could never have the solid chest Brian had naturally inherit or the hard abs AJ had to show for.

And he could never have Kevin.

*****

Jaws hit the floor, eyes were wide open, breath was sucked out of lungs, speech was taken from their minds as they looked at Kevin.

He was standing before the couch and two arm chairs in the middle of his hotel suite, his arms crossed over his chest, waiting for the guys to react. To react differently that they already had, because gapping at somebody wasn't a reaction -- or not the reaction he had been expecting.

"You--? You--? I mean-- I thought--"

Kevin forced himself not to smile. At least Brian tried and had initiative, he had to give him that much. Even if his mind wasn't really connected with his tongue at the moment, he had to give him that much.

He waited for somebody else to try and stutter something.

"You're shitting us, right Kevin?" Howie blinked a couple of times before adding at his own speech, "I mean, what about Kristin? You dated her for-- what? Four years?"

The oldest of them all shrugged. "She knew," Kevin said calmly, "she knew all along. Actually, she was one of the first people I came out to. She knew I needed a cover for the sake of the group and was nice enough help me through. We thought that breaking up before the album came out was a good idea."

AJ stood up quickly from the armchair, shaking his head absently, walking over to the small minibar standing by the side of the room. "I need a drink," he muttered, not really explaining himself.

That was three out of four. Now Nicky...

Kevin's eyes moved over to the blue orbs, trying to find an answer to his internal question. Out of them all, he thought Nick would take it the worse. Brian had freaked out, but he had been talking with him for the past months about the subject and had come to the amazingly conclusion that his cousin would most probably be fairly ok with it after the initial shock. Howie was surprised, he understood, after having witness six years of straightness and late nights at clubs hitting on women. AJ just didn't see it coming, which was what actually stunned the younger man. He had always felt specially proud of knowing the rest of the guys the best -- specially when it came down to Kevin. But Nicky... Nick was the one who looked up to him.

Nick was looking at the floor, refusing to meet Kevin's gaze as he felt the older man's eyes on him. He bit his lower lip harder, hoping he wouldn't draw blood. His mind was racing, his heart beating frantically. He had to have heard wrong. He had to have...

But you didn't! His mind screamed at him. You didn't! He said he's gay you moron. He said it!

Ever so slowly, Nick lifted his eyes to meet Kevin's. Dazzling blue eyes met piercing green ones. Fear, doubt, nervousness could be seen in the green pools and Nick's heart clenched.

He was about to say something, to let Kevin know that he didn't hate him, that Kevin would always be his brother and friend, no matter what, when the sound of two surfaces finding each other rather forcefully attracted their attention.

Breaking eye contact, Kevin turned around to see AJ's hand on a glass -- the one he had apparently slammed onto the counter --, grimacing over the nasty taste of straight Scotch.

"Ok," AJ looked up, fixing his eyes with Kevin's, "this is the truth, isn't it?"

Kevin nodded slowly. "Yeah. I..." He gulped. "I hadn't really been planning on telling you guys, but..." He shrugged, sighing softly. "I just thought you should know."

"You're right," Howie started calmly, looking at the floor, "we deserve to know." He looked up, a small smile on his face. "At least you told us. That's good."

"You're gay." Brian stated out of the blue, his voice so soft the guys barely even heard him. "You're gay."

Kevin nodded again. "Yeah. I know this isn't... this isn't exactly what you guys were expecting from me when I called you to this meeting --"

"No shit," interjected Howie.

"--but I just had to tell you," Kevin finished. "We've never kept secrets from each other and I didn't want to the be first one at it."

Kevin, being so focused in his small speech, didn't see Nick flinch when he reminded them they'd never lied to each other. Nick knew it was really coward of him not telling the guys now, after Kevin had broken through -- so to speak -- for him.

Brian sighed, long and slow, then started fidgeting with his fingers. "I guess... it must have been hard for you to lie." His clear blue eyes found his cousin's dark green ones. "You've never lied to the family." He paused. "You've never lied to me before," he added softly.

Kevin could feel a lump in his throat threatening to choke him to death. Brian was right. He had never lied to his family, to the guys, let alone to Brian. However, that was exactly what he had been doing for the past ten years.

Suddenly, Brian was out of his chair and walking over to Kevin, engulfing the taller and older man in a bone breaking hug. "I love you," Brian said through his tears. "I'm glad you told us."

Kevin hugged his cousin back, his own tears welling up in his eyes. Not even a second later, three more pairs of arms were around him, telling him just how much they cared for him and how nothing had changed. Kevin let out a soft sigh of relieve he hadn't know he was still holding.

When they finally pulled apart and the guys had, somewhat, recovered from the shock and tender moment, they sat once again in the living room.

Seeing his fingers fidgeting on his lap, Kevin knew it was now or never. He had already gone through the worse, this wouldn't be so bad after all.

He took a deep sigh, forcing himself to face what was next. "Guys?"

The four of them, who had just seated, looked up at him, waiting for Kevin to continue.

"There's something else." Kevin stood up and walked over to the door leading to the bedroom. He opened it, a bright smile creeping his features, then peaked inside. "Come on." He paused, chuckling slightly. "Oh please, it'll be alright." Reaching inside the room, Kevin seemed to get a hold on something before pulling it out of the room.

Once again jaws hit the floor, eyes were wide open, breath was sucked out of lungs, speech was taken from their minds as they looked at Kevin and the guy standing besides their old friend.

"Guys," Kevin started again, the smile still on his face, "I want you to meet David. My boyfriend."

The four bandmates looked at each other before staring back at the stranger.

He could have been called cute, good looking, and it wouldn't be a mistake. David was about 5'9", shinning blond hair, dark blue eyes and pearl white skin. His pink lips, chiseled cheeks and Greek nose gave him an stunning face that just seemed to scream to look at him.

He could have been called cute, good looking, and it wouldn't be a mistake. Except for the teeny bitsy detail that was his weight. David was, wild guessing, 220 pounds. He had quite a stomach, the excess of weight pulling out at the sides. His arms were wide, his neck barely visible by the double chin. Dressed in only dark dress pants and a button down shirt, the weight was more than obvious.

Kevin's arm moved over to David's shoulders, squeezing it softly, green eyes shinning lovingly.

"Hi," David said shyly, the left corner of his mouth barely twitching up.

The guys looked at each other again, jaws still on the floor, eyes totally wide open, breath sucked out of lungs, speech taken from their minds as they looked at Kevin and the heavy man standing beside him -- his boyfriend.

*****

It was only two hours later, after David had left, that the guys could feel themselves relaxing. They had been talking with David for a while, trying to get to know the guy, without actually staring at him. It was amazing the familiarity with which Kevin and David sat and snuggled on the love seat. Or the way David's arms held Kevin tightly to his broad chest. Or how Kevin nuzzled the other man's neck every once in a while. And, specially, the love with which the two of them kissed before David had to leave.

"Holly shit." AJ didn't even try to stop the curse from his mouth, needing the release after two hours of biting his tongue from the smart comments.

"So," Kevin asked, sitting back on the love seat, one leg crossed and under him, clenching the pillow, his eyes dreamily, "what do you guys think of him?"

"Kevin--" Brian shut his mouth, not really knowing if what he wanted to say was the best thing to voice.

"He's--" Howie turned around to look at the guys for help, his eyes pleading.

"He's--" AJ trailed off, walking back to the counter to pour himself another shot of Scotch. He usually didn't drink this much, specially not when they had an interview and photo shoot in the morning, but the occasion was totally worth it.

"He's--" Brian tried again, only to found himself at lost of words.

"Fat." Nick voiced the thought the four of them had been sharing since they saw him. Nick being the only one with the guts to actually say it.

Kevin shrugged nonchalantly, eyes still on the guys. "So?"

"So?" Howie looked at Kevin incredulously. "Kevin, he's really heavy."

Brian nodded. "Really heavy."

"Really heavy." AJ walked back to the armchair, leaning against it. "This isn't about you being gay, k? It isn't. You could have any man you wanted, but he's... he's..." AJ shook his head.

"What Alex here is trying to say and just doesn't have the words to mouth it is that David is really a great guy and everything, but..." Howie paused. "You could be dating someone slimmer."

Kevin smiled softly then shrugged. "I like them big."

"What?" Nick squeaked out, not realizing he had said it until it was too late.

Kevin nodded. "Yeah, you know how there are guys that like thin girls? Well, I like chubby guys." He shrugged again. "I like him."

Brian looked pointedly at Kevin. "Kevin, I'm fine with you being gay -- we all are -- but you're kidding, right?"

He shook his head. "No. We've been going out for three months now and I really like him. He's smart, funny, nice, tender. He's really awesome. He understands my work and isn't bothered by it."

"He's... " AJ paused, not really knowing what to say. "He's heavy Kevin."

Kevin chuckled. "Yeah guys, I know that. You've told me that as well, but I still like him." He shrugged. "I like a man with some meat on his bones, what can I say?" He paused. "I like to have something to hold onto, you know?" Kevin smirked at them, his eyes dancing and his left eyebrow shooting up.

After the mental picture, the guys didn't say anything else about it.

Nick, however, just couldn't take Kevin's word from his mind. I like chubby guys.

*****

Nick walked out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist, hair dripping onto the expensive carpet as he moved over to the chest drawer. Pulling out a pair of sweat pants and a white shirt, he closed the drawer.

It had been three months since Kevin told the guys he was gay. And a month since Kevin and David broke up. Kevin had explained the guys that it had nothing to do with his weight -- talking about the subject for the nthh time and the guys not really knowing how to bring it up -- but everything about the two of them as a couple. They cared for each other, that they knew. The felt comfortable with each other, that much was obvious. But they just didn't love each other as they thought they did when they first started out.

They had parted as friends and, as Kevin had told them as well, they still talked over the phone.

Nick sat on the bed, holding the towel on both hands to dry his hair. He let the towel fall unceremoniously on the bed, picking up the shirt and putting it on. Standing up, he put on the sweats as well.

The sells of Millennium were doing great. I want it that way had been number one on TRL for weeks on a row. The tour was just amazing and mind blowing. Everything was good in the lives of the guys -- for a change.

The five of them were giving 110% on the shows every night. Howie had been totally focused in his barely beginning Lupus foundation. AJ couldn't be more excited about the tour and the performances. Kevin could be found deep in concentration song writing here and there, the ideas flowing from him. Brian and Leighanne were better than never and the guys had started teasing him about wedding bells in the near future.

However, it seemed like for the four of them to be happy, someone had to pay a price. And that someone seemed to be Nick.

Ever since Kevin's coming out of the closet -- or as much as he could come out -- and letting the guys know that he liked them with some meat in his bones, Nick had just stopped caring about his physique. It had seemed great at the beginning. Nick didn't force himself to work out like there was no tomorrow, he wasn't worrying about every little thing he ate, he wasn't looking at the mirror and thinking he was fat. He just being a nineteen year old. And happy nineteen year old at that.

But as time went on, Nick's concern about his weight continued forgotten. And having lunch with AJ at McDonalds and eating Hershey's products between meals with Brian did have an impact on him.

A very heavy impact on him.

Nick walked over to the TV set, looking though the games scattered around the top. He picked up one and sat down on the floor in front of the TV. He put the game card in the slot, turning on the Playstation.

After the concert that night, Brian, AJ and Howie had decided to hit the clubs. Kevin had bailed out saying he just wasn't in the mood to go clubbing. Nick had turned the offer down as well, wanting nothing more than to go to bed right after a long hot shower. And as Kevin and Nick had made their way over to the hotel, Nick ended up inviting Kevin over to his room to play some Playstation, saying that the two of them were probably so wired up that they would have to burn some energy before being able to fall asleep.

So now, long enough for both of them to take a proper shower, Nick sat in front of the TV waiting for Kevin to arrive.

Taking another card game in his hands, Nick's eyes darted from the plastic feature over to his sloping stomach. If he had been bothered by it before, if he had forgotten he was gaining weight for the past couple of months, when he looked at himself sitting everything came back at once.

He had put on a good ten, or even twelve pounds, in the course of the last three months. It had seemed like Kevin's words -- I like chubby guys -- was exactly what the blond had been needing. He realized that Kevin could actually like him and that the older man wouldn't be bothered at all by his excessive weight.

Nick had gotten in enough trouble over his decision of just not caring about his weight anymore. First were the fans, whispering behind his back in the meet-n-greets. The stupid comments he could read about on the internet how Nicky was totally chubby. And, if that wasn't even enough, management had gone after him.

Their new managers from the Firm had made themselves clear in letting Nick know that one of their acts wasn't going to be weighting more than he should. A restrictive diet and a exercise program had been their idea to solve the issue, as they called it.

Understandably, Nick had complained about it and right out denied to go through with it.

Management hadn't been happy.

The guys felt like they had been placed in a predicament.

But Kevin stood besides Nick all along.

The eldest of the group had talked with management, letting them know that as long as Nick felt comfortable with his weight, neither of them were to say anything about it. Nick was finally, as Kevin had so wistfully said, growing at his own accord and neither of them had any right to say otherwise.

Nick had never felt better.

Although in that moment Nick had felt totally fine with himself as he was, now he felt almost disgusted. He had never gotten this fat and it was now finally staring to show.

His customs had to be let out, since they were tight around his waist. He had to go shopping with AJ almost a month ago, changing the total of two whole sizes.

Taking another good look at his fluffy stomach, Nick sucked in his breath. It slopped inside, that was for sure, but a whole round of baby fat could be seen just beneath his belly button. Letting his breath out, his stomach slopped outside once again.

Before Nick could try anything else, before he could even think about how fat he was, there was a knock on his door.

Sighing as he stood up, Nick walked over to the door and opened it. On the other side of the threshold stood Kevin in only sweats and a tight white tank top. It was a miracle Nick remembered how to breath, because the sight in front of him was totally heavenly.

He motioned for Kevin to entered the room, closing the door behind him.

"So," Kevin started, "what are we playing?"

Nick walked over to the bedroom, sitting in front of the TV set just as he had before Kevin arrived. He shrugged. "Dunno. I was thinking we could play Quake. It's for two and it should be easy enough for you to catch up."

Kevin glared at him, even though he still had a small smile on his lips. "You mean I'm slow when it comes down to games?"

Nick had to stop the smirk that wanted to creep over to his features. "No, I'm not saying that." He waited enough for Kevin to nod before continuing. "You are saying that."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny Nickolas."

"I try."

*****

Half an hour later, they both sat on the carpet, eyes fix on the TV screen, as Kevin once again got himself killed.

"Damn!" Throwing the controller down in frustration, Kevin turned to look at Nick. "You did this on purpose."

"What? I didn't do anything!"

"Yes you did." Kevin's eyes were fixed with Nick's, his voice slow. "You chose this game so I could loose."

"Kevin," Nick pulled out the innocent smile pretty good, "I did not do such a thing. Let me remind you that you don't need help in getting killed. You were doing a very good job all by yourself."

Kevin glared at him.

The way Kevin's nose wrinkled, or how his left eyebrow crocked up and his green eyes seemed suddenly dark, Nick couldn't help but laugh. It just didn't cease to amaze Nick the ease with which Kevin could get pissed off. It was just adorable.

If there was something Kevin liked about Nick was the way the blond seemed to laugh with his entire body. The way his hair got messed up, or his dimples showed, his body shook or his eyes dazzle was just hypnotizing.

As Nick calmed himself down, he realized that Kevin was looking right at him. And had been for quite some time.

Kevin's eyes took the whole form of his younger friend. From his golden hair to the tips of his curled toes. Sitting there on the carpet bare foot and only in sweats, Nick looked even younger than he was. Moving his eyes back to Nick's chest, he could almost see the skin underneath the white shirt. Nick's excess of weight pulling out at his sides was visibly through the cotton, slopping forward on top of the edge of his sweat pants.

Nick could feel a soft blush creeping his cheeks as he realized that Kevin was seeing his fatness. It didn't really make him uncomfortable when they were all changing in the dressing rooms, but here, in his room just sitting down playing Nintendo, it embarrassed him.

Smiling softly, tenderly, Kevin's hand moved to Nick's cheeks. Caressing the tender white flesh colored by the pink color, his fingers moved slowly, his eyes gazing at Nick. His other hand moved to the back of Nick's neck, pulling the blond to him. Before either of them realized what was happening, Kevin's lips covered Nick's with his own.

The kiss was slow, gentle, soft and lovingly. It took Nick's breath away and let Kevin wanting more. It was innocent and passionate at the same time in a way neither of them could describe. It was the opening of something they hadn't realized had been there all along.

Kevin pulled away first, air being needed by his starving lungs. His eyes fell down to Nick's flushed cheeks and swollen lips and was proud to say he was the responsible for that. Standing up in one motion, he took Nick's hand in his and pulled him to his feet. Holding the blonde's hand in his tight grip, Kevin walked him towards the bed.

One of Kevin's hand moved to Nick's side, the other one to his chest, lowering the younger man onto the bed slowly and carefully. Kevin's lips captured Nick's lips again, this time parting and conquering them as their property.

And as Kevin's hands roamed Nick's body, Nick had never felt so beautiful before.

*****

It was still dark outside, the only light being provided by the shinning moon coming through the closed blinds. The were both laying on their sides, Kevin hands holding Nick tightly to his chest. Leaving petal soft kisses on top of his head and on the side of his neck, Kevin couldn't fight the ever present grin plastered on his lips.

Nick turned around just enough so his eyes could meet Kevin's. The night they had spend together had been amazing. Tender and passionate at the same time. Personal and intimate. Beautiful and amazing. He wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world. Even if it had only been a one night thing, at least Nick now had the memory to hold him through the rest of his life. Still, he knew he had to ask.

His right hand moved to Kevin's cheek, caressing it tenderly. Kevin stopped his trailed of soft kisses long enough to look at him.

"Why now?" Nick asked lowly. "I thought you didn't like me. I always thought you didn't like me. Why now? Is it because of the weight? Is it because I put on some more?"

It didn't matter which angle he saw it from, Nick always got the same conclusion. Kevin hadn't made a move on him before because Nick wasn't chubby enough. Kevin liked chubby guys, and Nick had barely had a couple of pounds too much on him. Now... now it was different.

Kevin leaned over, kissing Nick tenderly. "It wasn't that." Kevin's eyes found Nick's, needing to make sure this was crystal clear. "It wasn't that Nick, I swear. I just... You know why I like chubby guys?" When Nick shook his head, Kevin continued. "It's because they don't care about how they look. We live in an industry where looks are everything. How we look is how we're seen to the rest. And I hate that. I hate it. I wanted someone who could see himself and be happy with what he was seeing. It's usually chubby guys I found that in."

He sighed softly, now really knowing if what he was saying was making any sense. It had. Back when he first thought about it and dwelled on the fact that almost everyone he knew were too worry about their looks, this had made total sense. Now he wasn't so sure.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't have dated a thin guy if he wasn't worried about his looks." Kevin continued. "I would. I just never found such a guy. And, over the last couple of months, you've stopped worrying about how others see you. You know the guys and I like you for who you are, not how you look. The fans have to stop worrying about that as well. Management was just being an ass about it." This made Nick smile, smiling Kevin himself.

Kevin's hand moved to caress Nick's cheek as his head was now resting in the crook of Kevin's neck. "You stopped worrying about it and started feeling happy with yourself. I liked that. I love that. I want you to be happy. I want you to see yourself as I see you."

"And how's that?" Nick prompted, totally enchanted by Kevin's slow and low tone.

"As the most amazing guy I've ever met." Kevin leaned over, kissing him softly. "Besides, it doesn't matter anymore." He said smirking.

Nick tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "I mean, it doesn't matter if I like them chubby or not." Smiling tenderly, Kevin finished. "I kinda like you."

"Well," Nick's eyes were dancing and his dimples showing, "I kinda like you as well."