"Listen people." Called out the President and the four closest people of his staff stayed quiet for a moment. "Alex, check out the quote that was sent to the media."

Alex McLean nodded as he picked up the papers that had arrived to his office that very same morning letting him known about a misquote from one of secretaries of the President. The Deputy Communications Director spoke up before leaving, "I'll have the papers about the televised interview this afternoon, we should discuss it."

The president nodded as McLean left the room. Turning around to the Deputy Chief of Staff, he spoke. "I need those numbers about Public Education in my desk right now. I'm supposed to be meeting with the Secretary of Education in..." Lifting his wrist so it was in his eye level, he continued. "two hours, I should be able to see the papers before then, don't you think Brian?"

Brian Littrell chose one of the files from the pile he had under his arm. Opening it, he looked in it for the required paper. Walking over to the President, he gave it to him. "Here it is Mr. President. Always ahead of time."

The President smiled. "Good. Very impressive."

Brian nodded and gave him a small smile before leaving the room for his office. There were always papers to be checked and review once or twice before being actually accepted.

"Howie, what happened about the meeting with the President of Germany?" Walking over to his desk, the President took a seat.

"He's supposed to be arriving in two days Mr. President. A tour through the White House and the FBI was scheduled." The Communications Director Howard Dorough answered as he took a look at this ever present agenda. "You're supposed to discuss an agreement between both countries."

The President sighed. "I know. I've been postponing it for months already. I'm gonna need the papers of their economical situation."

Howie nodded. "I'm on it Mr. President." Looking at both men left in the room, he left.

As the door was closed, the President walked over to where the White House Chief of Staff stood. The man who had helped him in every step of the way for the past twenty years, ever since his postulation as Mayor of Florida.

"The papers about the state of the National Bank should be already on your desk Mr. President." The Chief of Staff spoke as he saw the President standing up and walking to him. He gulped.

Nodding slowly, the President kept walking closer to his friend.

"And the review of the Charity you and your wife will be attending tomorrow is there as well, you should read it and see if you still want to go."

The President nodded.

The man gulped.

The President walked closer until he was standing only inches away from his advisor. Pressing the man against the walk, he placed his hands on the man's shoulders. Leaning forward, he kissed him softly. He started running his fingers through the man's hair. Parting his friend's lips, the president intensified the kissed. When he finally pulled apart, both of them were a little breathless.

"Mr. President--" The man started.

"Mr. President?" He questioned. "What happened with Nicky, or love, or honey, or even Kaos? What happened with all those sweet words you used to whisper me in the ear whenever we were together, after we made love?" He asked softly in the older man's ear.

"Mr. President, this..." Kevin said nervously as he motioned for the both of them pressed tightly against a wall of the Oval Office. "this... we shouldn't be doing this."

"Why not Kevin?" Nick questioned softly as he started giving him feather like kisses on his neck. "I know you like it." Looking at the emerald green eyes of his Chief Advisor, he continued tenderly. "And so do I."

"But it's wrong..." Kevin started, trying to hold onto what little sanity he had left whenever he was in Nick's arm. Whenever the young blond was this close -- oh, so very close -- to him, all he could think about was his strong arms, his soft velvet blond hair and his bottomless blue eyes.

"Why?" Nick continued his path down Kevin's neck, over his Adam's apple and to the other side of his clavicle.

Placing his hands against the wall for some sort of support, as he could feel his knees getting weak by the second, Kevin tried to argue, "Your wife."

"I don't care about her." Nick continued placing soft kisses all the way to Kevin's ear, nibbling slightly on the tender flesh.

"Your secretary is outside." Kevin was barely able to breath out. Thinking clearly was being too difficult. Thinking at all was being too damn difficult.

"I don't care about her either." As Nick found his way to Kevin's narrow and pink lips, he kissed him again. Lovingly this time. Tasting the older man like the very first time almost eleven years ago.

A knock was heard and Nick pulled away immediately. Walking over to his desk, slowly he took a seat in front of his dark oak desk. Trying to catch his breath, Nick looked through the papers that were scattered around needing him to review them.

Kevin took a couple of breaths on his own as he run his hands through his disheveled hair. When he was sure it wasn't going to look he had just been pressed against the wall by the President, he rearranged his expensive tie that made a perfect match with his dark gray suit.

Nick looked over at Kevin, when the older man nodded, he spoke. "Come on in."

Karen, the President's secretary, walked in the office. Glancing over at both men that were standing in the office, she spoke to the President. "The Secretary of Education is on line two Mr. President and Mr. Dorough send the papers on Germany's situation." Walking closer to the desk, she handed him the file.

Nick nodded. "Thanks." He turned around and was about to speak to the older man, but Kevin beat him to it.

"You should take that phone call Mr. President." Kevin gazed at Nick before turning around and following Karen out of the office. As Kevin was closing the door, he could hear Nick sighing softly.

Kevin made his way over to his office - the closest to the Oval office. He didn't speak to anyone. He didn't look at anyone. The only thing Kevin had in mind was getting to his office, where he could think clearly - where he could think.

As he entered the dim room, he closed the door and sat heavily on his chair. Propping up on his elbows, Kevin hid his face in his hands. Why did things had to happen like this? Why couldn't he just forget about everything at once and try to focus on his work?

Before he could come up with an answer, his door opened and closed in only an amount of two seconds. Kevin didn't need to look up to know who it was and why she was there. His guess was only confirmed when she spoke up.

"What happened now?"

Kevin sighed. "Good morning to you too." Running his fingers through his hair one more time, he looked up and met her coal black eyes hidden behind metal oval glasses that gave her an air of intelligence and confidence that seemed to irradiate from her. Her chin high black hair was neatly combed as she loved having it that short. It was a lot easier to keep, she used to tell him, besides it never came to her face. With a dark blue skirt up to her knees and matching jacket, the white shirt she was wearing underneath brought out her classic features and pearl like skin.

"What happened Kevin?" she questioned softly as she walked closer to him, her high heels making an striking and unique sound against the wood floor.

Picking up the review papers about the legislation that was supposed to be send over to the Congress that very same afternoon, Kevin tried to act like nothing had happened. "You should knock before you enter, you know?"

She chuckled. A soft sound that seemed to give you the coded message that she knew something, something you had no idea she had her hands on. "How long have we known each other Kevin, ten years, fifteen?"

"I lost count." Turning around he saw a small smile played on her pink and perfect lips, a twinkle in her eyes letting you know there will be light after the storm.

"Exactly." Leaning against his desk, she run her fingers through the edge of the only picture that stood in his desk. A picture of both of them, his arms around her holding her tightly against his chest in the middle of her back yard so many years ago she felt suddenly old. "What happened?" she asked a lot softer.

Kevin didn't answer. Instead, he lowered his gaze to the page on top of his desk. The letters and words seemed in a foreign language all of a sudden. Nothing seemed to make sense and it wasn't the first time. How had it come to this? How had he changed from that confident man who had everything planned for the rest of his life to this frightened boy who didn't know if he was coming or going?

"He did it again, didn't he? He kissed you?" Her voice was low and tender, understanding what he was going through, trying to help him. Keeping the secret.

He could only nod, knowing better than to try and keep it from her. Kevin had long ago discovered it was a lot easier just give up and tell her right away. She would find out, eventually. One way or the other, she always found out.

It was her turn to sigh as she placed her hand on top of Kevin's folded ones. The older man looked up to her, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. Slowly, she caressed his cheek as Kevin let out a soft breath at the tender touch, closing his eyes slightly. A lonely tear made its way down Kevin's cheek and she brushed it away with her other hand.

A moment later Kevin opened his eyes and looked at her. "Thanks." He whispered.

She gave him a reassuring smile. "Anytime Kev. Anytime." Pulling away her hand from his face, she placed it on top of the desk as she rested her weight on it. "You know this has to change, right?"

"What can I do? What can I tell him that I haven't already?" His voice was half pleading, begging for an answer he didn't seem to find no matter how many times he thought about it, no matter how many nights he spend up looking at the ceiling just trying to come out with something that could actually work out.

"He has to understand." She said, her voice confident and firm. The very same voice she used with Congress men or the press. "Nick needs to understand you are not his property. He can't just play with you like he always does. He can't kiss you and the next minute pretend you're just friends. He can't do that."

"He won't listen." Kevin said softly as he lowered his gaze to the his left hand, where a simple gold band stood in his middle finger. A promise long forgotten. "I've tried to tell him, he won't listen. He says..."

But she cut him off. "He thinks he's got power over you." Looking at the broken figure of one of her best friends, she knew the young blond was right. He had an ever present power over Kevin. "If he won't listen, then quit."

"I can't!" Kevin said quickly, forcefully, lifting his sapphire green eyes to met her depthless black ones. "You know I can't quit JP. He needs me here. I can't just leave, I'm his Chief of Staff. I can't--"

"You won't." JP stated. "You won't leave him because you can't do it. You just can't leave him." She sighed softly. "You don't want to leave him."

"I love him." His voice was only a whisper, choked up with emotion as he stated something his heart had known from the very beginning. Something JP herself had known for years and had kept it a secret.

"I know. But this can't continue. You're dying slowly from the inside out Kevin, you know that. He's got to stop using you just when he pleases. You've got to put boundaries." But seeing Kevin sitting on his desk, his eyes brimming with tears, a couple of them already making their way down his perfect sculpted cheeks, and his heart broken just by that intimate touch she knew the President had initiated, she saw clearly as day light that it'd never be possible. Kevin would let Nick hurt him as long as he wanted. As long as Kevin was working with the man. "But you have to want to Kev. "

Kevin sighed as he propped up his elbows on his desk. Hiding his face in the shelter of his hands, he took long and calming breaths. He was the White House Chief of Staff for crying out loud! He couldn't just break down by one kiss on the lips. He was able to stay calm and centered during an India/Pakistan situation about sells of war weapons in the black market, however, he couldn't even think straight when he was kissed. This was not happening.

Running his fingers through his dark hair, Kevin tried to forget about it. Tried to see it and analyzed it as he saw and analyzed every situation he had ever came across. Trying to be neutral and focused. He could get through this.

Seeing his best friend like this, just about to loose what little sanity Kevin had left between his work and his private life - both of them that seem to be getting way too close for his liking --, worried JP endlessly. Absently she run her hand through her hair -- more of a habit than because her hair was coming onto her eyes -, she knew this wasn't the best moment to speak with him. Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder she wasn't sure he had acknowledge, she spoke. "Just try to relax, ok? We'll talk about this later. What do you say if you go by my place after work. We can have a couple of drinks and discuss this... situation. Just you and me and a bottle of Jack Daniel's."

Kevin chuckled slightly, half amazed he was able to produce such a sound with the emptiness he felt in his heart, and turn to see his younger friend. "By the time I'm done it'd be good after one am. You know we'd be way too tired after that and..."

"And I don't care." JP stated as the left corner of her mouth twitched up in half a smile, her ebony eyes, once again, sparkling back to Kevin's jade ones, giving him enough reassurance that everything - one way or the other - would be alright. "It won't be the first time we're up till late talking like the old times. And it won't be the first time we come to work after having a couple of drinks at my place."

"You're one piece of work, did you know that Jo?" Kevin asked softly, hoping both his eyes and tone would let her on just how much this meant to him. How grateful he was someone would care enough about him to spend a few hours with him - when she could easily be sleeping away the tiredness of their stressful job - just talking about his problems.

"Damn right I am!" JP exclaimed as she stood up of his desk with one quick motion, hyperness and joviality that were characteristic of her slipping through the serious demeanor and facade she adopted during work. And even though she didn't let on just how important and meaningful the shorten of her name had gotten to her heart, she knew that Kevin would see it in the darker -- if that was even possible -- shade her eyes would take whenever the older man would call her 'Jo'. Tenderness swarming all over her as she saw, palpable as the day, just how much Kevin did care for her, how much she meant to him. Because even herself doubted of her friendship with him. Of the fact that someone could care for her. And whenever Kevin called her Jo, he would let her know he cared for her. Always. They had been friends so very long, words weren't even necessary sometimes.

"Thanks God." Kevin added with a witty smile. "I don't think the world could take another person like you."

"Ah!" JP gasped, pretending shock so very well that if Kevin didn't know her better, he could have thought all air had left her lungs in just 1.2 second. "Shame on you Kevin! Shame on you!" She reprimanded him with her foreign finger out barely missing his nose by an inch. "You are going to be so dead when we get home it's not gonna be pleasant."

Her head high, she turned around on her high heels. As she reached the door and placed her hand on the doorknob, she heard Kevin ask, "You're the Director of Intergovernmental Affairs, not a Ph.D. on Psychology, how can you know so much about me?"

JP turned slightly, her left eyebrow raised up like it always did when she was half serious, half joking. "I did take some advance courses in Psychology when I knew I'd have to work with you." The corners of her mouth twitched up in a full grin as she opened the door. Her soft giggles could barely be heard after the door was closed.

Placing his forearms against the dark wood of his desk, he sighed softly. Kevin was grateful to the heavens above for the young girl and great friend he had found in JP. It had been fate that had brought her to him on her senior year of Law school in Yale. Kevin had gone to see an old teacher of his back in his college years in Harvard, who happened to be a teacher of hers as well. She had been discussing quiet adamant and confidently with the experience professor, after classes, on her position about an old - and already revoked -- Gun Control Law. Their discussion had continued for almost half an hour, Kevin witnessing all of it behind the ajar class room door, as she had called out on him statistics all around the country and about ten or even twenty years old. At that point the old -- and already tired teacher -- had told her that the law was the law and until she had her Master, she wouldn't be able to do anything against it, fully knowing that he was going to loose the fight at the end. The young girl, barely 22 at that time, had let a smile upon her lips at the tired features of her docent. Nodding at him, she had left the room.

Kevin had talked with his teacher afterwards, asking about this young but promising student. The older man had told him she was quiet a woman, great student and very dedicated to the job. Kevin had known from that moment on, that he had to met her. After looking for her in the campus that afternoon, Kevin had asked her to join him in the campaign for a friend of his that was running for Congress -- and who would end up being President. She had accepted the day after, getting her Master only three months after that day. JP had enjoyed the working environment so much, she had ended up getting a Master in Government Affairs in Yale as well.

And now... now she was her only connection with sanity. The only person keeping him together from times like this. Times when everything seemed to crumble around and his heart ache with the knowledge that some things weren't meant to be.

That his love wasn't meant to be.

Opening the last drawer of his desk, he moved his hand to the very back of it. There, his fingers barely touching the smooth surface, Kevin retrieved the piece. Moving it over to the top of his desk, he placed it there.

Staring back at him were the most beautiful baby blue eyes Kevin had ever seen.

Simple silver frame protected the important picture of any damage. It was an old picture in itself. Maybe ten years old. Maybe even more. It had been taken back in Nick's old house, one day when both him and a couple of friends had just been hanging out there, chatting and having a good time.

The photograph showed Kevin and Nick, the pool in the background. Sun could be seen in the reflection of the water and the grass was against their feet. Kevin wasn't in his usual office clothes, but only in a pair of old jeans and a blue Kentucky Wild Cats T-shirt. His hair was spiky, as he used to have it back in those days, and a pair of very comfortable sneakers were at his feet. Nick was somewhat in a very same outfit. Loose cargo pants and a white shirt, sneakers as well. Neither of them had a caring in their minds. They didn't have to worry about public appearances or personal attires. Let alone hush kisses and broken promises.

Kevin's right arm was around Nick's shoulders. His fingers barely clinching at Nick's right shoulder, trying not to let show just how much meaning and power that simple touch had over the older man. Not letting the camera into an already started affair. Not letting anyone realize just much they care for the other.

His left hand was tucked securely in his pocket as Kevin smiled to the camera and didn't let his feelings be shown in face. His facade -- his now ever present poker face -- couldn't possibly hid the emotion you could see in his sea deep green eyes. Because, if you look closely enough, anyone would be able to see that their love run a lot deeper than in just mere friendship.

Nick's left arm wasn't visible in the picture and Kevin could remember perfectly fine, like the picture had only been taken the day before, that his fingers had been bushing against Kevin's back slightly. Nick's thumb and foreign finger holding onto the brown leather belt Kevin was sporting that day, while his right hand was dropped to a side in a very laid off manner.

That picture was a reminder of a time when the worries were the minimal. When soft velvet like kisses were an everyday habit. When bright smiles and shining blue eyes were meant for him, and him alone.

Kevin sighed as he let himself down the memory lane. After graduation from high school, Kevin moved out of his parents' house and Lexington itself and onto his adult life in hot sunny Florida. Kevin had been in his freshmen year of Law school in the University of Southern Florida when his younger cousin Brian spoke with him about moving out from his home in Lexington over to Florida and onto Kevin's apartment. Kevin didn't like the idea at first, but after a lot of thought -- and a lot of convincing from Brian --, he ended up accepting.

At 18 Kevin Richardson accepted his 14 year old cousin Brian Littrell into his home and into his life -- for good. Not even two months later young Nick appeared in the picture. Brian had met the 10 year old blond in the cafeteria and became fast friends.

Nick made his way into Kevin's heart in only a matter of weeks. At age 19 Kevin felt like he had two kids already: Brian and Nick.

Even when Brian finished high school and was accepted in the same university Kevin was attending for Economics, Nick stayed as a regular visitor at Kevin's flat. As soon as the older man finished college, he acquired a job in a well settled Law Firm. In two years Kevin was able to afford a bigger place, and when Nick finished high school, he too was accepted in the University of Southern Florida for Law school -- following Kevin's steps. Brian was already in is junior year and Kevin had gotten a high place in the line of rank with the Firm. Being the three of them as close as they were, Nick soon moved in with them when his parents decided to move to New York.

Nick's involvement into politics started as a hobby in his sophomore year of college, developing into something of a passion soon enough. His desire to run as a Mayor of Florida two years after he graduated was such, that he drove both Kevin and Brian into the picture. The three of them, together, seemed invincible. Nick even brought into the group two guys he had met in college. Actually, he had met Alex, only two years older than him, who had introduced Nick to his friend Howie - two years younger than Kevin. Nick's winning was settle with a difference of 11%

Nick's next goal: Congress.

By this time the five of them had more experience into Politics and they felt more prepared with the help of JP, who Kevin had met only months before. They had their circled completed.

And, at some point, Kevin had fallen in love with Nick.

Kevin couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when friendship developed into love, when a simple touch in the arm would send goosebumps to Kevin's skin or when a small smile would mean cardiac arrest for the older man.

To Kevin's own surprised, one night during the Senate campaign, Kevin and Nick stayed late talking about their lives. Kevin had married a co-worker of the Firm two years before Nick finished college. Nick, for his part, married an old friend from college after the State campaign. After rambling about their sex lives -- or lack there of--, Nick had asked Kevin if he had ever kissed a guy.

Surprise was an underestimation, Kevin was down right dumbfounded.

"No," Kevin had stuttered after a minute of just staring at the young blond. "No." He repeated.

"Neither have I." Nick had said, his voice letting Kevin believe it was somewhat of a regret. Looking down at the papers scattered around the table, Nick started folding and unfolding the edge of one of them.

Silence took over the small room and Kevin didn't really know what to do. He had dreamed about kissing the young blond, but he had never ever let himself believe it could actually happen. It was pointless, it was torturous. Both of them were married and, even though Kevin himself didn't love his wife anymore, he was sure Nick did. The thought of the two of them being together was down right ludicrous.

And then it happened.

Nick looked up at Kevin, aqua blue eyes found emerald green ones. The blond leaned over his chair, moving closer to where Kevin was sitting, and placed his hand on Kevin's neck. Brining Kevin's lips to his, Nick kissed him.

The kiss was soft, tender, ever as romantic and sweet as Kevin himself had imagined it. The connection he felt at the moment was magical and perfect and Kevin wished it could last forever. And even his mind let him believe the touch did lasted forever, when Kevin's logical side told him it barely lasted a minute.

Then everything changed. Nick started applying more pressure in the kiss and requested entrance, which Kevin allowed without too much of a fight. Hands started roaming new bodies and textures. Shirts and ties were thrown all around the small room.

And sheer bliss touched Kevin's heart.

After that, after that intimate moment Kevin and Nick shared, after making love the sweetest and most beautiful way Kevin had ever imagined, the older man thought everything would change. That they could be together, love each other openly - or as openly as they could being in the public eye most of the time.

But it didn't. And Nick made perfectly clear that it wouldn't.

From that point on, nights were spending working late in either the office or a nearby hotel. Kevin himself accepted the fact that he couldn't continue being married to a woman he didn't love and cheat on her, so he got a divorced. Nick excused himself from doing the same because the Senate campaign was in full force and it wouldn't look good if he was to get divorced in the middle of it.

Nick told Kevin ever since the beginning of their small love affair, that that was it. Kisses in the dark night and sex in a hidden room. He wasn't meaning to take it any further. And Kevin agreed to it. Kevin would take whatever it was he could get, as pathetic as that sounded.

But as time went by, and Kevin started wanting more - needing more. He knew he had accepted Nick's boundaries about the relationship, but suddenly, it just wasn't enough. Having to endure seeing Nick kissing his wife in one of the many parties thrown by the Congress was a stab in his heart each and every time. Kevin talked with Nick about that. If their relationship was to stay that way, then they'd better call it quits. However, much to Kevin's surprise, Nick refused. The blond told Kevin that those soft kisses in the darkness of the night did mean something to him and that Nick didn't want to loose it. He even promised Kevin he'd divorce his wife as soon as his three year second period on the Senate ended. And Kevin believed him.

Three more years went by with Kevin playing Nick's mistress all along. Both of them would take a weekend off to some deserted place in the middle of nowhere, where they would enjoy the solitude and their love. Or what Kevin called love. They would plan their future together, how Nick would divorce Grace and Kevin would be the only person in his life. And Kevin believed him.

But it was a lie. It was all a lie. And Kevin was to find out the worse way.

Nick and the group had been thinking about him running for President. The idea in itself seemed amazing and just what they needed, the top of the stairs. Kevin had been fearful of that. If Nick was to run for President, the divorce would attract unwanted attention to the party. Their relationship could never be public. A gay Congress man was one thing, a gay President was something totally different.

Kevin and Nick had discussed it.

"It's an idea babe, just that, a mere thought. Don't worry love, I've got no plans in running for President. You know I can do a lot more in the Congress than in the White House." Nick had said after Kevin had questioned the blond about it. Nick had kissed his neck softly, so very tenderly, whispering a million promises in the older man's ear.

But one morning, while Kevin had been drinking his coffee to go to the office were he was to met Brian for some papers about a new legislation, he heard what would the nailing of his coffin.

In the 7am morning news, Life from Congress man Nick Carter's house, he announced he was running for President.

Tears formed in Kevin's eyes as he heard the news and saw the man he loved, the very same blue eyes who had told him not even a week ago that he wouldn't do it, that he wouldn't run for President, looked at the camera and smiled for the pictures along with his beautiful blond wife and two daughters. His whole body had gone numb and his heart had broken in millions of pieces. The sound of his coffee mug breaking against the cold tiled kitchen floor and the questions and answers from the TV the only sound in the room.

It was miracle Kevin had made it to the office in one piece. He barely remembered the way from his house to the car, let alone the whole ride or the way from the Congress parking lot over to Nick's office.

Kevin asked Nick about that - about his running for President - in hushed tones, not knowing who could hear them talking in the rushing hallways.

"I mean, come on Kevin! It was obvious I was gonna do it." Picking up a paper regarding an interview he'd give to CNN later that day, Nick had finally lifted his eyes to met Kevin's. And, for the first time in more than twenty years of knowing him, Kevin had realized just how cold and dark his usually baby blue eyes had become. "It's the only way to go forward in my Political career."

Kevin had only looked at the blond man with teary eyes and had left the room, going back to his house to swallow in self pity.

And that had been the way JP had found him in his place - sitting against a wall in the middle of the living room, his arms around his legs, his head resting on his knees, his body trying to be as small as possible as his sobs rocked his body like a leave in autumn, hoping to mingle against the dark gray color of his living room and an empty bottle of Whiskey scattered two feet away.

*****

JP had known about Kevin being in love with Nick almost since Kevin himself realized it. She just had this uncanny ability to read him like an open book in the middle of the day - it was amazing and scary at the same time.

One of the many nights, as both of them had gotten used to so far, Kevin and JP had gone to her house to have a couple of beers after work in Florida's City Hall. They had been talking about the day, the cut they'd have to do to the budget because they were spending too much money already, and Kevin had made a comment about how she shouldn't worry too much because Nick'd find a way to make it work, when she had said something that froze him cold in his spot.

"You really love him, don't you?"

Kevin had blinked a couple of times before his mind had started working again and he was able to stutter an answer.

"Yeah, of course I love him, I've known him since he was ten. I love him and the guys like my younger brothers."

She had tilted her head slightly to the left, a habit he recognized as totally JP-like, then she had done something she had never done in the year he had known her. She had giggled. A very girlish, very long giggle. A giggle that reminded him of his times back in high school when he'd be with his buddies walking down the ails during half period and he'd turn around and see Andrea Asian - one of the prettiest and most popular girls in school, even if she herself was only a junior - looking at him and his three friends, then turning back to her three girl friends and the four of them would start giggling like they just live for that. They would place their hands on their mouths and lean closer together as they kept giggling while giving the four guys from senior year small glances every once in a while.

Then he remembered - because, yeah, he usually forgot JP was 12 years younger than him; how was he not to forget when the girl could cut down any reporter that just got too snobby for her taste or nail any Lawyer from the Economic Bureau that just wanted to give her a tough time? - that she was a young girl who probably giggled like that with her school or college friends over the phone while talking about the cute guy they had dated back in that time, and even if she had never shown herself like that - somehow so free, so liberated and so very herself - before, Kevin was happy she was comfortable enough to do it with him in the privacy of her house and their night gatherings.

"No, Kevin", she had said as she chopped his forearm playfully - something new to him as well as it seemed she had this unspoken rule of never letting anyone into her private space -, "I mean really love him. You are in love with him, aren't you?"

"Has anyone ever told you you're nuts?", he had asked in the spur of the moment, trying to buy himself as much time as possible while praying she'd just let the matter drop.

"Yep", JP had said somewhat proudly of the fact, "always. My school friends usually, and my best friend from college, but that's not the point." She had scoot over closer to her end of the couch as she leaned forward, silently telling Kevin to do the same thing on the armchair he was sitting, and whispered, not wanting anyone to hear what she was about to say even thought they were alone in her place. "You don't have to lie to me, you know? Even if you tell me you don't, I know better. You and I know you do, so why don't you just cut the act and say it already, huh?" With that she had slumped backwards, resting herself against the back of the couch and dropped her arm along the side of it, half waiting for his answer, half not really needing it.

Kevin hadn't said anything to it. What was there to say? The look in her eyes and the tone of her voice had told him that she knew, she just knew the feelings Kevin had been having for Nick for the past year or so. The older man had sighed softly, the air leaving his lungs through his slightly parted lips without him even noticing it, and dropped his gaze to his unfinished beer that was still being held by his hand.

"How--?"

She had shrugged easily, like he had just asked if she had seen his car keys, then she had smile. A real smile. Not the ones she'd give some representative from the different offices they dealt with day by day, but a smile that reached her ebony eyes and lit her face. "Dunno", the word leaving her lips so easily, it made Kevin believe she used them everyday instead of the ever political correct language they needed in their job, "I just... I just know. The way you look at him, the way you smile when he laughs, the way you touch his arm when you two talk. I just knew."

"Just like that?"

"Yeah, just like that." And he probably got a very frightened look because she smiled sweetly and placed her hand on his, squeezing it lightly. "But, don't worry, no one else knows. I don't think they could. I just... I don't know, it's like your eyes tell me everything. They change shades of green with your mood and it's just easy for me to see it. Your behavior and the tone in your voice as well." She finished with a shy smile, like she never intended on upsetting Kevin, on making him obvious to people who really didn't know him that well.

"Well", Kevin started, not wanting JP to feel uncomfortable around him just because she was able to see the real Kevin, not the one he projected to the outside world. "It's great you can do it, read me so well, because sure as hell no one else can. Not even Brian and I've known him all his life."

"I'm telling you this," she explained, "not because I want you to be scared of it, but because I want you to know you can trust me with this. You can talk with me. I know what it is to love someone in the shadows and under wraps, and it's not the best feeling in the world." She sighed softly and Kevin knew, by her behavior as well, that there was more to her than she let on. "I'm here, if you ever feel like taking about it, or ranting. If it ever gets to be too much for you... My friends say I'm a good listener, so..." Picking up at the brand of the beer, lifting the corner of the sticker where the name was printed, she folded it slightly. She had talked too much, she knew that, she had just said too much half an hour ago and now, she probably had scared Kevin.

Kevin knew this, this idea that was going through her mind like she had screamed it to the sky, that her just performance on psychological profile had been too much, too deep, for anyone to feel comfortable around a girl who could just read you like that. And he did something that surprised him. He stood up from his seat and moved over to the couch. Sitting by her side, she looked up at his emerald green eyes, questioning in her glance. He smiled at her and embraced her tightly, burring his face in the crook of her hair as he smelled the unique strawberry essence that was held in her soft locks.

"Thanks," he shocked out, the tears he had been trying not to let show taking control over his voice, "Thanks for this. For giving me this."

JP pulled away from the embrace, her fingers moving to Kevin's cheeks to brush away his tears. "What," she asked softly, her thumb caressing Kevin's soft skin, "What have I given you?"

He chuckled slightly, something he hadn't let himself do in the longest time, the sound coming surprisingly easy from his throat, instead of hoarse, like he'd have guessed. "How can you ask that? You've given me something it's been ages since I last had, since I lost." Twin tears fell down his piercing green eyes - eyes that had faced, and would face, Congressmen, Ambassadors and Presidents from different countries -, ever so cold and controlled but which now seemed dark green pools of sorrow and pain that had been bared for ages in them, something that amazed her and touched her deeply, knowing he hadn't shown himself so openly to anyone in years. "You've given me someone to trust."

She leaned over, her own eyes shinning with tears she knew would shade in a minute or two, and kissed away his, her lips soft and tender against his skin. A touch that let Kevin believe he could be loved, even if the one he was in love with would never feel the same way. A touch that amazed Kevin in the sensibility and purity of it, letting him know he had found a great and dear friend in the younger girl.

And they had hold onto each other, the tenderness and love shown to him in that simple action enough for the older man to break down once again, into the morning. The sun had surprised them as it shone through the windows and onto their faces as they had been laying on the couch, curled against the other in a way that let you know just how important it had been for both of them.

*****

Ever since that point - when she told him she knew about his love for Nick -, they'd talk about it whenever it just got to be too much for Kevin. She was the first one to know about that kiss between Nick and him shared in that small office back in the Senate campaign. And what had happened next.

But she hated the idea of Kevin and Nick sneaking around at nights to be able to be together. She had told Kevin he should talk with Nick, see if their relationship had a future. Kevin didn't want to give an ultimatum to Nick, fearing the young blond would call it quits.

And when JP went over to Kevin's office to talk about the papers concerning Drug control and his secretary Betty Asian - a woman who had been thinking there was something going on between JP and Kevin ever since they met, because there was no way two people with 12 years age gab could be so close without being close - told her he hadn't come in that morning, she had freaked out. As if on cue, the nearby TV was showing the interview with Nick about him running for President, and JP understood why Kevin wasn't there.

They talked all day through, crying and cursing, drinking and breaking whatever it was they could get their holds on. JP knew the next day they'd have to go shopping, but that didn't matter at the moment. It had been one of Kevin's worse days, and JP had been with him every minute of it.

She had tried to convince him that they couldn't continue like that, that Nick couldn't keep using Kevin whenever the blond thought convenient. She told him that Nick didn't love him, because if he did, then he would have never done something like that without talking with Kevin first.

However Kevin continued believing that maybe the blond did loved him. That the husky words whispered in his ear while making love, those random I love you had to mean something to the younger man. He wanted to believe Nick loved him, because why else would he had been with Kevin if he didn't feel anything for him? He wanted to believe it forcefully, telling himself that if they weren't together it was because Nick's carrier was important to him, that his work took a higher place in his priorities, and that was all. That was the reason.

But, in the very back of Kevin's own psyche, he knew that was not the reason. That had never been the reason. And that hurt him. That killed him. Kevin knew had to end it before it actually cost him his sanity and his life, before he let go and succumb into the sweet abyss of desolation and despair.

The morning after that, Kevin had talked with Nick and told him it was over. Their relationship - if it could even been call that - was through. Nick told Kevin they could still be together, even if he was elected President. Kevin refused, but he did accepted to stay in Nick's staff. JP, of course, had gone ballistic after hearing this. The point in ending the relationship was for Kevin to be free of Nick, how was the older man suppose to be free of the blond if they were to work together? But she had understood, she understood exactly his need to be close Nick, even if they were never to be together.

And now, almost three years after that, Nick could still make him tremble by only one kiss. Because it was things like that - kisses Nick would give Kevin when no one else was in the room, simple touches Kevin knew meant more than just friendship, shy glances during conferences or dinners that would make Kevin's knees wobble -, that was killing him bit by bit.

But I let it, Kevin thought to himself as he looked at the picture in his hands, I let him. I've been letting him do this to me for the past years, never once complaining because I know I couldn't live without them either.

Kevin shook his head slightly, the movement barely registering in his mind. He couldn't think about that. He had learned a long time ago that the worse thing he could do was think about it. About what could have happened and what could have been. The only thing it would let him to would be psychological torture, and for that, he had JP.

His finger moved slowly over the smooth surface of the glass that covered the meaningful picture as he let himself drawn in a soft breath when it touched the pearl white skin and baby blue eyes. Eyes that seemed to shine right back at him, that seemed to meet his very own sea green ones, and rosy pink lips that twitched up in a tender smile, lips he could still imagine whispering in his ear sweet words of love and broken promises.

Tears pricked in the back of Kevin's eyes once again, his mind succumbing at his privately kept memories of a dreamily past. He bit his lower lip forceful to keep them from shaking, forcing himself to reduce the pressure in the them, afraid he'd draw blood if he continued biting it so hard. Closing his eyes shut, Kevin placed his whole palm flat against the picture, covering both his and Nick's face. his breathing was short and ragged, the air coming out of his lungs in irregular pants.

I won't cry, he told himself. He wouldn't cry. Not there, his secretary right on the other side of his door, the oval office barely twenty feet from his. Not for him. Not anymore.

Kevin opened his eyes and focused on the blue eyes, blond locks and pink lips. He allowed himself one last look as he picked up the picture from it's side, the silver frame cold against his fingers, and opened the last drawer on his right. Kevin moved his hand holding the picture to the very back of the same and placed the pictured there, face down, and slammed the drawer.

The dark haired man stood up in one quick motion, his right palm pressed against his desk as he took a couple of deep breaths. He needed himself to be calm to deal with the outside world. He needed himself to be Kevin Richardson, White House Chief of Staff, cold and emotionless for his work. And that was exactly who he'd be for the rest of the day. He would mourn over his love later, in the safety of the darkness, at JP's place over a couple of beers and while the young girl was holding him close to her chest.

With steady and confident steps, Kevin walked over to the door, opening it with his right hand, and walked through the threshold. He closed the door after him, his fingers lingering in the doorknob a moment longer than necessary, and let out a soft sigh.