The guys all are scattered around the room. It's funny, if you see it. There's something so very them in the particular way each one of them are.

Brian is sitting on the couch, plate by his side containing scrambled eggs and one toast; and a cup of coffee in his hands. He's got the remote on the other hand, doing some zapping on the barely audible television.

Walking around the room, going from one side to the other, AJ keeps eating bacon with one hand, the other one holding the plate with the rest of them, scrambled eggs and two toasts. His cup of coffee is probably standing somewhere, waiting for him to finish his plate so he can drink it.

Howie, sitting on an armchair, his cup of coffee in one hand, while his plate is on the arm of the seat. His eyes are focused on the TV, even though he's not really watching. Who could, with Brian doing zapping far too quickly for anyone's taste.

Being the youthful he is, it's amazing to see Nick sitting still. His legs crossed, his plate with more scrambled eggs than he should be eating for it to be healthy, four toasts, and three slices of bacon right in front of him, his cup of coffee next to it on the floor as well, is sitting on the floor in front of the couch, by Brian's side. He's neither playing attention to the TV nor to anything around him. He usually just gets lost while having breakfast.

"Ok guys," I say as I enter. AJ stops his pacing for a moment, before walking toward the small table by the couch, picking up his coffee. Brian looks at me for a second, then changes channel one last time, leaving it on CNN and placing the remote on the couch. Howie's focus turn from the tv over me. Nick's eyes find mine, smiles at me, takes a sip of his coffee and he's ready.

I fill my plate with one toast, just a bit of scramble eggs and barely one slice of bacon. I'm not that hungry today. With a cup of coffee in my hand, the plate on the other and the files under my arm, I walk to the table, place my breakfast and take a seat.

"What have we got today?"

I take a sip of my coffee, looking at AJ over my cup, before opening the files.

"We've gotta leave for the radio interview in thirty minutes, so hurry." I chuckle slightly and AJ glares at me, even though we've been having breakfast for the past twenty minutes. He's the one who just loves taking his time having breakfast. It's usually his fault when we're late. "An interview with Latin Bravo in two hours. Photo shoot following, of course. Lunch. Practice at the venue, meet-&-great, then the concert." I take another sip of my coffee and a bit of the toast. "We're going straight to the setting Bravo has arrange, so if any of you wanna change, then do it now."

I hear AJ cursing, eating three slices of bacon at a time. Howie finishes his cup of coffee, standing up to have another one before being done. Brian eats his toast with some eggs, stands up and places the plate on the food cart. Nick finishes his eggs, leaving the coffee he was never so fond of, and takes just another bit of his toast.

Shaking my head, I watch the guys leaving my room to change. So very typical.

Nick, however, turns around and stands in the middle of the living room area, looking at me.

"Something wrong?"

He shakes his head. He takes a step closer, biting his lower lip.

I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
to see you walking down the road

Something's wrong.

"Nick," I say calmly, "whatever it's wrong, you can talk with me. You know that, right?"

He nods.

I stand up from the table and walk towards him. He takes a seat on the couch, so I sit besides him. He's looking at the floor, his hands on his lap while I look at him. He's usual clear blue eyes seem lost, he keeps biting his lower lip. It worries me whenever he's like this.

"Nick?"

He looks up, but says nothing.

I stare at his dazzling blue eyes. I've always loved his eyes. I give him a tender smile, hoping he can talk with me.

Suddenly, he chuckles slightly. "It's nothing, you know?"

I nod.

"It should be nothing." He shrugs and I don't understand what he's talking about. "Mel and I had another fight."

I nod again. He's been with Melissa for three months now and, eight out of ten, they fight. He met her by a girl AJ knew, who was friends with Mel. They talked for a couple of months and then started dating. Even now, I don't know what drew him to her.

We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
the world around us disappears

"We're always fighting." He sighs again. "We're always fighting and I'm getting tired of it. It was so much better when we were friends. We used to talk on phone for hours and just chill. But now..."

"Oh Nicky," I say slowly. He really likes her, I knew that from the beginning. He'd talk about her all through breakfast, dying to call her after she arrives from school. He really likes her and, at eighteen, he's really hurt it's not working.

He's still looking at the floor. I place my finger underneath his chin, lifting his face and turning it around, forcing him to look at me. I grin at him, and after a second he smiles back. He's smile it's so beautiful. It just lights up the room. He looks so much younger when he's smiling.

He hugs me tightly, placing his head on the crook of my neck. I grin at the affection, drawing him closer to me. One hand is on his back, while I run my fingers through his hair. He sighs softly, his breath tickling my neck, snuggling even deeper.

It's just you and me
on my island of hope
a breath between us could be miles

I remember when he was only kid and I would be sitting on the couch in my room or in the bus, he'd come in and lay down on the couch, his head on my lap. I think we both got used to it at some point. I would continue my reading, my fingers running through his blond locks while he'd take a small nap.

And a couple of times, when Nick had been sick, I had stayed with him all through the night. He would tussle and turn around, sweating all over. Intensively, he'd look out for my touch even though he was still asleep. I didn't know anything except the fact that when I held him, he'd calm down and continue sleeping peacefully with his head on my chest and my arms around him.

Even though I'm now holding him close to my chest, I know everything around us has change. He doesn't take naps on my lap anymore. He doesn't come to my bed in the middle of the night because he's scared to sleep alone. I don't kiss him on the nose like I did when he was fourteen. He doesn't give me pecks on my cheek when I buy him a Nintendo game.

Everything has change.

And I miss those things I've lost with Nick.

"I don't wanna break up with her."

His voice is muffled, but I hear him clearly.

I nod. I know that. He really likes her, but it's just not working.

"Nicky," I say tenderly, "I know you don't, but maybe it's the best."

"I like her."

"I know, but maybe you two are just better as friends."

He lifts his head just enough for his eyes to meet mine. "You think?"

I nod again, a smile on my lips. "You're really great as friends." He lays his head on my chest again. "You should talk with her. I'm sure she's realize this just isn't working."

"She's nice."

"I know that. She's really nice." The times she's joined us on tour, she's been really great. "Try to talk with her."

He nods. "Thanks."

I chuckle. "Your welcome. You know you can always come to me."

He nods again.

Let me surround you
my sea to your shore
let me be the calm you seek

We stay silent for a moment.

"I like it here."

I chuckle at Nick's comment. "Oh, yeah?"

Nick nods. "Yeah. I like hearing your heartbeat."

I smile tenderly, even though he can see it. It's things like this that remind me of that blond sweet I met four years ago. He's got a great heart and just a lovable character.

He's older now, though. And with that, there's something else for me to love about him. from the way he sings passionately to how he smiles at the fans even when he's tired after a concert.

Going against better judgment, I place a kiss on his head. I haven't given him a kiss, not even a small one on his head, since he was sixteen.

He's sitting right next to me, hugging me tightly, and I can't help miss him. Miss what I had with him. That special connection we used to held.

I miss showing him I love him.

I close my eyes slightly. He's so sweet with anyone and just so very comfortable with me. How can I want to change that?

I take a deep breath.

I try to forget it, enjoying running my fingers through his hair.

Oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away
and I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the words to say I need you so

After a moment, Nick squeezes me for a second, then lets go of my embrace. My heart tightens.

He smiles. "Thanks Kevin."

"There's nothing to thank. Don't worry too much and just talk with her."

He nods. "I will." He's grinning from ear to ear, his eyes dancing and his cheeks barely reddening.

My heart soars.

He's an angel. He's my angel.

It's his eyes I see in the back of my mind when I close my eyes when I sing. It's his hands I feel in my chest when I sleep. It's his lips I imagine against my lips when I kiss someone else.

It's him.

It's always been him.

He stands up, still smiling. He turns around, walking towards the door.

"Nick!"

He turns around once again, a puzzle look on his face.

I don't know what made me call him out. I stare at him for a moment.

There is so much I'd like to tell him. I wanna tell him that there's nothing for him to worry about. I wanna tell him Mel and him will stay as close friends. I wanna tell him he can always reach out for me. I wanna tell him I'll always be there for him.

Somehow, I wanna tell him I love him.

Oh and every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away
and I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the words to say I need you so

I stare at him for another moment.

I smile tenderly, the smile barely reaching my eyes.

"Nothing," I say softly, my voice barely above a whisper.

I can't.

How do you want me to look at you and say I love you?

How can you ask me that much?

"Better hurry," I add, "it's getting late."

He nods, gives me one last smile, then turns around and leaves the room.

I sigh softly.

I can't.

I just can't look at you and say it.

It's too much for me.

I sigh again.

I stand up and walk to the table. I take a seat and look at the papers.

Things to do next week and next month.

Maybe then I'll be able to tell you.