Kevin will turn around during a photo shoot, when Nick it's trying his best not to start laughing or roll his eyes, and Kevin would give him a small smile, a promising smile, and his dark eyes would clear just slightly and Nick would wonder what exactly was Kevin trying to tell him, and then Kevin would turn around once again, and it'd be like the moment was gone.

Nick wonders about that more and more as of lately.

He wonders if he's seeing things.

Because he must be seeing things for his mind to whisper in his ear that maybe there is something lying underneath and in between them.

He tells himself he must be seeing things.

But them something like this happens, like now when Kevin it's leaving for the night, flying over to Boston to meet with someone, someone Nick doesn't remember the name, and Kevin's saying his goodbyes.

He's standing there, in front of the older man as he hugs Brian and then Alex, patting each of them on the back and telling them to behave.

Alex smirks and lifts his eyebrow, heralding a promise to be as bad as he can be and then Kevin's moving towards him and Nick feels like things are different for him.

It has to be different, because whenever one of the guys leave, Nick doesn't feel this. He doesn't feel this awkward, this tightness in his chest, this desolated.

And it has to be a mistake because why would he feel desolated when Kevin it's only leaving for a night. A night Nick would most certainly not feel because they've got an interview later today and then they'll go to bed early for another interview tomorrow morning and it's be afternoon before Nick can feel and Kevin would have been back.

But it's nothing like that. He does feel desolated, bereft, and it doesn't make any sense.

And then there's the way Kevin's looking at him, like his own heart was breaking, and when Kevin leans over to hug Nick, he can almost hear the intake of breath, the pain in such a simple act.

Nick gnaws his lip as not to say anything, even though he was no idea what he'd say if given the chance. So he keeps quiet and only tightens his hold on Kevin's chest, tighter than when he hugs the rest of the boys and he wants to say something, really say something, but he doesn't.

Kevin does the same, places his head on Nick's shoulder, his breath hot against Nick's shoulder blade and Kevin closes his eyes and doesn't say anything either.

They don't move.

They just don't.

They stand there, in the middle of the room, hugging each other, not saying anything because neither of them knows what to say or how to say it and the seconds tick by and neither want to pull apart.

But they must, and Kevin it's the first one to tighten his hold for a second before releasing his grasp on the blond, and Nick takes his cue, letting his arms lose and fall to his sides.

"Take care," Kevin says softly, and Nick almost misses it. "Be good."

He keeps telling himself that even as he sits before a reporter, a smile on his lips even though he feels anything but smiling, and pretends he actually cares what he's been questioned.

He pretends he cares about how he's being compared to Justin Timberlake and how deep it actually is their rivalry with *Nsync. Nick just smiles and shrugs and doesn't say anything. He won't say there really isn't a rivalry because, lets face it, they are boybands and as such they should actually stick together. He doesn't tell him that he thinks Lance it's really cool and Joey and Alex talk on the phone every once and again.

He skips such questions for a while, trying his best not to yawn, he's so tired, and not to think about how Kevin it's probably talking with Amanda, their Press Liaison. He doesn't want to think about how he won't get to see Kevin for the whole day because the older man has to meet with a venue owner and then talk with their management while Nick gets to answer stupid questions and take stupid pictures with a grin plastered in his face.

He doesn't want to think about it.

Hence, he can only think about it.

He thinks about it how he last saw him last night, during the show, because the boys had a breakfast interview and Kevin had to skip it. He thinks about he probably won't even get to see Kevin at dinner, because that's his rotten luck.

And when the reporter asks him about the guys, about the camaraderie, Nick can only smile a silly smile, silliest of them all, rather lopsided and he can beet his money that his eyes are shinning because it's been happing lately, the silly lopsided smile with the shinning eyes whenever he thinks of Kevin and Nick shrugs as natural as he can manage, but it isn't much. He wishes he didn't look like a schoolgirl with a crush because he isn't a schoolgirl with a crush.

He just isn't.

Kevin isn't a crush and he isn't a schoolgirl.

So he can't be a schoolgirl with a crush.

But the silly lopsided smile it's still in his lips and Nick ducks his head and he can feel his cheeks blushing just the slightest, and he mumbles something about friends and brothers and family, and Nick hopes he didn't sound corny, or girly, or plain down stupid.

However the reporter grins and nods and Nick figures he must have said something good.

He sits down on the couch to tie up his boots and he hears a sound, a sigh, barely even audible in the otherwise noisy room, but he hears it.

It's Kevin.

Nick's eyes move sideways, blue orbs shifting to the side and he can see Kevin talking with Amanda. He can't hear them. Nick can't possibly hear what they are saying, still, he heard Kevin sighing and he tilts his head to the side and his curiosity takes the best of him as he waits to see what else happens.

Whatever it is Amanda it's telling Kevin, Kevin doesn't like it.

The older man shakes his head once again, sighs twice and the only shrugs.

Nick it's confused. And worried. Specially worried.

And then Kevin it's standing up and going to the door and Nick it's even more worried than before. They have to be on the stage in fifteen minutes.

In that moment, not really sure of the reason behind his actions, Nick stands up and stops himself before actually going after Kevin.

It's nothing, he tells himself.

It's nothing.

But then that pressure in his chest it's back, and that desolated feeling that takes over himself whenever Kevin it's leaving, each time Kevin pretends to leave.

He must have said something, he must have sighed or breathed in, because Kevin turns around and catches Nick's eyes.

Kevin doesn't say anything, he doesn't mouth anything. He just stands there, by the door, hand on the doorknob and looks at Nick, really looks at him, and then he smiles. Only the corners of his lips curling upwards in the faintest of smiles and his nose wrinkling almost imperceptibly, and Nick nods, for he knows what Kevin means.

He doesn't have to ask, he doesn't have to plead Kevin to come back, not to leave him, not to go, because Kevin seems to know, somewhat, somehow, and in that smiles Kevin tells Nick everything he has to tell him.

He'll come back. He won't leave Nick. He'll return in a minute, in a second, and everything, once again, will be right with the world.

And this one of them.

When Kevin stands before the guys, hugging each of them, saying his goodbyes, Nick doesn't know what do, what to feel.

He feels what he only feels when Kevin leaves. He feels awkward and impatient, his chest tight, his heart hammering and so very bereft, he doesn't know how he can stand it.

As he hugs Kevin goodbye, his hold on the older man tight, not wanting to release him, something in the back of his mind makes him wonder if Kevin will come back at all.

He wants to whisper sweet nothings into Kevin's ears, he wants to be reassure, to be told that nothing could separate him from Nick, but he does either.

He just stands there, hugging Kevin, gnawing his lower lip because he can do nothing else.

Once Kevin releases Nick, the blond only looks down at the floor, not wanting to make a fool of himself. Except Kevin is standing there, before him, and Nick knows this, he can almost feel Kevin before him.

After that Kevin it's gone, in a second, just gone.

And Nick has never felt so morose.

Minutes later, even though for Nick seem like ages, when Kevin goes up to his room to pick up his luggage for his trip to LA, Nick decides to follow.

He doesn't know why, he doesn't understand the reason behind such feeling, such drive, but he goes with the flow. He's mood it's dark and gloom, and even though Kevin it's still in the house, in the city, Nick feels like he's already lost him.

Opening the door slightly, soundless and careful, he sees Kevin, his back turned to Nick, closing his suitcase with the same concentration Kevin does everything.

Nick can't help but smile at the detail, at the simple thing that make Kevin who he is, a strong and assured person who can hold his ground anywhere.

Then Kevin is turning around and it's surprise to see Nick standing there, under the threshold, a smile on his lips.

"Hey," Kevin says softly and Nick almost misses the tender word.

"You're leaving."

Nick's voice sounds so desolated even for his own ears, Nick himself wonders how he can stand it, how he can bare standing there and not just break down in the middle of the room.

Kevin nods, and Nick ponders for a moment if Kevin doesn't hate to leave him as much as Nick hates to be left back.

"I don't want you to."

The words don't surprise Kevin nearly as much as they surprise Nick. In the smile that forms in Kevin's lips, Nick thinks for a moment that it seems like Kevin was almost expecting it, hoping for it.

But that can't be right.

He must be seeing things.

And then Kevin's walking towards the blond, slowly and confident in his steps, with that sashay Kevin tends to walk, like he knows he owns the room, the building, like it's even expected of him.

In five short steps he's standing before Nick, and it's smiling down at the blond in a way that would be patronizing coming from anyone by Kevin. But from him, from this man standing before him, it's loving in a manner it's almost baffling.

"I would never leave you."

The words, once again, are soft and almost gone unheard, they are whispered so low.

But Nick heard them. He heard them, loud and clear, and he knows the meaning behind them, for he had been feeling the same way for a long time now, even before he himself recognized it.

So when Kevin leans over, barely a move from his part for they were so close together before, and places soft lips over his own, and they warm and smooth and much more loving than he could have ever imagined it. And then again, it's very much like he imagined it. Like it, but much more, beyond his imagination, for kissing Kevin it's like coming home, it's like smelling the rain after it fell or hearing your momma it's awake after a sleepless night from fear of your own shadow.

It's perfect. It's home. It's your own.