"Go ahead, push your luck, find out how much love the
world can hold. Once upon a time I had control and
reined my soul in tight."

"It felt like a winter machine you go through and
then, you catch your breath and winter starts again,
and everyone else is Spring bound. When I chose to
live, there was no joy, its just a line I crossed, so
I was not lost, or found."




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I placed the razor back on the sink. Killing
myself would be easy, but I was never one for the easy
way out. Never. There's no joy in my choice to live,
oddly. I just crossed a line between my soul being
dead, and my body being dead along with it. I had
control of my feelings, once upon a time. I reined
them, and heere they come now, like a bat out of hell.
I wasn't lost this time. But was I found?


Its Chakotay's fault. If he didn't fall in-love
with me, I wouldn't feel this way. I feel like I am
being shown everything I've ever wanted, but being
told 'Don't touch, Kathryn.' Damn my morals. Damn them
to hell. Why can't I love him? I pushed my luck. I
found out how much love the world can hold by pushing
it to the breaking point and watching it explode. It
feels like a "Winter Machine," that you go through;
you catch your breath and winter starts again while
everyone is Spring-bound.


Now he's got Seven. It won't last. Once gravity
gets ahold of those perky breasts and perfect butt,
he'll see he should have waited a few more weeks. Once
we made it home, I'd have given in to my heart, but he
didn't give me time!


I'll not cut my wrist tonight. Maybe something
good will happen tomorrow. 'Its better to have fallen
in-love, then never to have fallen at all.'


I didn't choose life. It chose me this time. At
least we're on Earth. I got them home. Now what?




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Somewhere in Montana


Seven wrapped her arms around her beloved
Chakotay. He stirred gently.

"It's just me, Love, " she whispered.

"Mmmmm."

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Kathryn," he mumbled in his sleep.



The End