Title: Tarnished Hearts
Author: Megan Faye
Rated: PG
Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager and all of its lovable (and not so lovable) characters. Sara Evans owns the song 'Saints and Angels' upon which I based the story.
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Chakotay stared blankly at the bulkhead in front of him. Kathryn had turned away after New Earth and had him dangling between friends and something more for the last 4 years. He didn't know if he could hang on to his love for her much longer. "I can't let her break my heart again," he said to no one in particular. "Every look, EVERY SMILE! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE KATHRYN!" he screamed. Chakotay slammed his fist into the desk. Involuntary tears fell from his eyes. Not for his broken hand; for Kathryn. Everything he'd done had been for Kathryn.
Chakotay left his quarters, holding his wounded hand.
"Commander," Kathryn Janeway said, catching up to him. "What happened?"
"The bulkhead and I had a disagreement." He felt the anger rush away with her growing smile.
"Who won?"
"Let's just say I'm the one who need repairing." Kathryn smiled and tapped the console to stop the turbo lift on their deck. Moments later, it opened and they silently stepped in. "Deck five." He turned to face Kathryn. "I can't do this anymore, Kathryn. I know why you won't let me in."
"Protocol-"
"Forget the protocol! You are so afraid of getting hurt again! Kathryn, I'm not going anywhere! I'll always be here, but that doesn't mean I'll wait for you forever!" The doors opened and he stalked off, leaving Kathryn standing, tears welling in her eyes.
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"Capatin! I love your costume!" Neelix greeted handing her a drink. "Are you enjoying the Christmas party? I'm not quite sure if I got all the details of the tree right, but no one has complained." Kathryn looked at the tall pine in the corner. A star on top illuminated the room, along with little candles all over the tree.
"Its perfect, Mr. Neelix. Its 19th century Earth, isn't it?"
"Yes. Naomi was digging through the history files on Christmas and wanted an ancient celebration. I think its because of the dresses she saw. I replicated her costume for her yesterday, and she's been wearing it since. Sam had to beg her to recycle it so she could take a bath."
"Then the Christmas gift I picked for her will be great."
"So YOU are the one that drew her name! She was worried that Tuvok had gotten it. Just what a kid needs on Christmas is a long logical story." Kathryn laughed and wandered off.
"Captain?" Naomi asked, lightly tugging on Kathryn's long skirt. Kathryn turned and lifted the three year old into her arms. "I have to kiss you. You're under the mistle toe!" Naomi planted a kiss on her friends cheek gleefully. She stepped out from under the small plant.
"That was very sweet, Naomi." Kathryn let her down as Chakotay stepped up. "Commander," she stated blankly. "I trust your hand is better."
"Much, thank you."
"Commander," Naomi called. Chakotay knelt down to her eye level.
"Yes, Bumble bee?" Naomi giggled at the nickname. He always had a new small animal to call her.
"You have to kiss Captain Janeway!"
"Why?"
"You're under the mistle toe, and she was the last one caught under it," she informed him. "Captain, kiss him!" Kathryn blushed.
"I have to go, Naomi. I have bridge duty in 15 minutes," Chakotay argued.
"Tradition!" Naomi said, frowning, and lower lip trembling. Chakotay stood and gently pulled Kathryn to him. The whole holodeck fell silent as they kissed for a long moment. What started as a simple peck had turned into a very passionate, loving kiss. "Wow," Naomi whispered.
"I, um, have to go," Kathryn said, running out of the holodeck.
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Kathryn sat in the cargo bay behind some storage containers staring out into nothing. 'How dare he!' she thought to herself. 'I can't let myself be in-love with a member of my staff. Its against protocol.' Kathryn cried silently.
"I know you're in here," Chakotay said. "You don't have to come out. I know exactly where you are. I want you to listen, Kathryn. I love you. I would never hurt you.
"We're only human, Kathryn. We walk on broken ground. We lose our way, come unwound. We'll turn in circles, Kathryn. We're never satisfied. We'll fall from grace; forget we can fly. But through all the tears that we cried, we'll survive.
"Because when we're torn apart; shattered and scarred, Love has the grace to save us. We're just two tarnished hearts, but in each other's arms, we become saints and angels."
"Is it really that easy for you? Recite some old song that Paris taught you and you think you can make me love you?" Kathryn stood and turned to him. He was out of uniform. "Aren't you on duty in 15 minutes?"
"No. You said you can't love me because you can't love your first officer. I solved that. I'm resigning as first officer, Kathryn."
"What are you talking about," she asked, becoming more annoyed.
"You are more important to me than a rank or position, Kathryn Janeway. If you can't see that, I can't be your first officer. If you can't trust me enough to know I'd never hurt you, then I can't be on this ship." Chakotay stepped closer to her. "Kathryn, you have broken my heart 1,649 times."
"What?"
"Every day since New Earth you have broken my heart."
"That was 4 and a half years ago, Chakotay."
"One thousand, six hundred, forty-nine days, to be exact. Kathryn, I love you. You told me you loved me on New Earth. You let that wall around you down for a brief moment, and you loved me. Why can't you let it down for a look at what you are shutting out?" Kathryn let tears fall from her cheeks she'd been holding in for 6 years.
"You'll leave."
"No, Kathryn. I would never leave you."
"Something will happen. Its happened too many times. I don't think I could handle it if I lost you." Chakotay took her in his arms and held her tightly. "You can never leave me, Chakotay. Don't start something you can't finish."
"I promise, Kathryn," he whispered into her ear. "I'll love you forever." He sealed his promise with a gentle kiss on her cheek. "We are just two tarnished hearts, Kath."
"Chakotay, shut up and kiss me." Chakotay smiled through tears of joy and kissed his beloved.
~The Beginning