[First of all, apologies to those who take offence of this. I'm in a pissed off mood and letting it go at anyone and everything on South Park. Please forgive me. I'll make a nicer one after.]
[We see the audience of Jerry Springer and the opening music. The title of the
show comes on:
I BEEN LYING TO YOU, GET OVER IT DICK BEFORE I KICK YOU IN DA NUTS!
Then Jerry is
on screen, animated in South Park style.]
JERRY: Welcome to the show, today’s topic: I been lying to you, get over it dick
before I kick you in da nuts. Our first guest is Bebe Kimball.
[The camera pans to Bebe who's sat in a chair, surrounded by other chairs.]
JERRY: She has been cheating on her man.
AUDIENCE: Booooo!!!
JERRY: Now Bebe, tell us, why did you do this?
BEBE: It's just that, Clyde isn't what I thought he would be!
JERRY: Well let's welcome Clyde Goodsman to the show. Clyde?
[The camera goes to a door and Clyde walks in. The captain says on his screen:
Unaware that his bitch has been with another man.]
CLYDE: Whoa cool! Jerry Springer!
JERRY: Welcome Clyde. Listen, are you happy with your relationship with Bebe?
BEBE: Oh yeah man. I'm happy with it.
JERRY: Well Bebe has something to tell you.
BEBE: Clyde...I've been untrue to you.
CLYDE: What?
BEBE: I've been with another guy!
CLYDE: What? Who!? Bring this bastard out Jerry!
JERRY: We're just getting to that! Now, welcome the man who Bebe's been seeing
behind Clyde's back, Stanley Marsh!
[The camera shows Stan walk out. The captain says:
Been fucking Bebe behind
Clyde's back.]
AUDIENCE: Ooooo!!!
[Stan takes Bebe's hand and then kisses her on the lips. Clyde looks pissed.]
AUDIENCE: Wooooo!!!
CLYDE: Stan!? You? Out of all the people in the world you went with her?
STAN: Hey man, Wendy was getting annoying!
CLYDE: YOU ASSHOLE!
[Both start to punch each other up. Those guys come on and pull them apart.]
AUDIENCE: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: Uhhh...welcome to the show Stan. Now, why did you go with Bebe?
STAN: Why not? She's hot as.
CLYDE: YOU SON OF A BITCH!
[Both start to fight again. Soon after everyone's had a tranquilliser...]
AUDIENCE: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
JERRY: And Stan, we understand you have another relationship?
BEBE: What?! You said you dumped Wendy!
STAN: I didn't. I was getting the best of both worlds.
JERRY: Well let's bring Wendy Testuarburger out.
[Wendy walks in. Her captain:
Unaware that Stan's been fucking Bebe behind Clyde's
back.]
JERRY: Welcome to the show Wendy.
WENDY: Hi Jerry! Thanks for letting me on!
JERRY: Now Stan, we believe you have something to tell Wendy?
STAN: Wendy, I've been seeing someone else.
WENDY: What?! Who?! Whoever this bitch is I'm gonna send her into the centre of
the sun!
BEBE: It's me.
WENDY: Bebe?! My best friend and my boyfriend together?!
STAN: Fucking actually.
WENDY: Oh my God! [Starts to cry.]
CLYDE: This can't get any worse.
JERRY: Oh yes it can! Wendy, we understand that you have been behind Stan's back
also?
STAN: What? With who!?
WENDY: Oh it's okay for you to fuck Bebe but not for me to fuck anyone!
JERRY: Well let's welcome to the show, Kenny McCormick!
STAN: Kenny?!
[Kenny walks out, his captain:
Been fucking Stan's girl Wendy, when Stan was
fucking Bebe behind Clyde's back. (Note from C.G: This is confusing, even for me! Man, and I thought mine was confusing!- Wackogirl)
Kenny goes to Wendy and he kisses her and feels her ass. (HLOL from me.) Stan
stands up.]
STAN: Kenny. You fucking asshole!
KENNY: {Well you been doing Bebe!}
STAN: It doesn't mean you can stick yourself into Wendy!
KENNY: {Bring it on you cunt!}
[Both start to bash each other up. Kenny's hood is ripped off and they continue to
fight.]
AUDIENCE: Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
[More guards come on and tear the two up.]
JERRY: Kenny, how long have you been...aquatinted with Wendy?
KENNY: Bout three months.
STAN: What?!
BEBE: Stan! You been with me for a year!
CLYDE: Bebe! How could you!?
BEBE: Easy. Small.
[Clyde looks down at himself.]
JERRY: Is this confusing for you folks at home? No? It's getting worse. Kenny, we
have reason to believe that two people would like to get in the sack with you.
KENNY: What?!
JERRY: Let's welcome them out! Kyle Broslovski and Tina Alvereze!
[Kyle and Tina walk on, their captain says: Both want to fuck Kenny up the ass.
Tina goes up to Kenny and kisses him square on the lips. Kyle then shoves her away
and does the same thing. Tina sits to the right of Kenny, Kyle to the left so
Kenny's in the middle.]
JERRY: Whoa this is confusing. Now Tina, we have reason to believe that you want
to...as you put it...make hot steamy love to Kenny all night long?
TINA: Oh yeah man. He is like so hot! I'd like to get a piece of his ass!
WENDY: Hey! He's my man you fat bitch!
TINA: DON'T CALL ME FAT YA LITTLE TROLLOP!
JERRY: Hang on girls, hang on. Now Kyle, you're gay?
KYLE: I figured this out on my own. Not liking girls and always wanting to hang
around Stan, wanting to help my Dad get a erection. All leads to gayness.
JERRY: But why Kenny?
KYLE: He is just so mysterious in that hood of his, I'd like to lick him any day!
AUDIENCE: Oooooo!!!
KENNY: This is fucking sick!
TINA: Hey Kyle, why not an orgy?
KYLE: Hey that could work!
KENNY: What?!
[I'm pissing myself with laughter here you know? - C.G. Me too - Wackogirl]
JERRY: Whoa whoa, before we get into that department, Tina, everyone knows here
that you have a boyfriend. Let's bring him out shall we? Eric Cartman?
[The camera goes to Cartman as he walks out. His captain:
A big fat ass who
doesn't know what the hell is going on. He sits next to Tina.]
JERRY: Welcome Eric, now are you aware of what's happening here?
CARTMAN: No.
JERRY: Okay. Let's start at the beginning. Bebe and Clyde are going out, okay?
CARTMAN: Yeah, I know that.
JERRY: But Bebe has been seeing Stan behind Clyde's back.
CARTMAN: [Sarcastic.] No! Stan, how could you?
JERRY: And then Wendy finds out about Stan and Bebe.
CARTMAN: [Sarcastic.] Oh poor Wendy...[straight.] not!
JERRY: Then we find out Wendy's been with Kenny behind Stan's back.
CARTMAN: There's a lot of this happening isn't there?
JERRY: Yeah. And now we discover two people have had crushes on Kenny, Kyle and
your girlfriend Tina.
CARTMAN: WHAT?! TINA HOW COULD YOU!?
TINA: Easy.
CARTMAN: What have I done to deserve this!
TINA: It's what you haven't done Cartman.
CARTMAN: What...what haven't I done?
TINA: Fucked me!
CARTMAN: And Kenny has?!
TINA: Once.
KENNY/CARTMAN: What?! When!?
TINA: Don't you remember Kenny? We had that party at my place two weeks ago and
you got into your dad's liqueur and ya fucked me all night?
KENNY: No I don't remember that!
TINA: Course you wouldn't. You were more pissed then your dad.
CLYDE: Is that humanly possible?
TINA: Yeah.
[Clyde whistles in amazement.]
KENNY: Keep my Dad out of this! Or has he fucked anyone here?!
[Kenny's mum raises her hand and Liane Cartman. No one else.]
CARTMAN: MOM?!
KYLE: Oh shut up Cartman, we all know your Mom's fucked everything and everyone in
town.
JERRY: Please that’s on tomorrow’s show. Now is there anyone else we haven't
mentioned? [Silence.] No. That's good. [Pause.] Oh wait we do!?
KIDS: Who?
JERRY: It appears we have another guest, who claims he loves Tina more then
anything in the world, and has been cheating his girl! Come on out Philip Pirrip!
[Pip walks in. His captain:
Has been in love with Tina for ages and wants her to
be his.]
AUDIENCE: Wooooo!!!
[Pip sits next to Cartman. Cartman looks pretty pissed now.]
JERRY: Now Pip, how long have you wanted Tina?
PIP: Ever since she arrived in this town. She means more to me then anything and I
want to be with her.
CARTMAN: You son of a bitch! She isn't yours!
TINA: Yeah! I'm Kenny's!
KENNY: No you're not!
STAN: [To Clyde.] This is confusing.
[Clyde nods.]
PIP: But Tina, you are so beautiful and masterful! You cast a spell of love on me
the day you arrived!
TINA: I can't be with you!
PIP: Why not?
TINA: Because I'm pregnant!
[Silence. Everyone looks shocked.]
CARTMAN: What?! Whos!?
TINA: Kenny's.
KENNY: WHOA!
WENDY: Yeah, and Kenny?
KENNY: Oh no, what?
WENDY: I'm pregnant with your child too.
KENNY: Holy shit dude!
JERRY: Haven't we been busy Kenny?
KENNY: I'll say!
CLYDE: Bebe, you aren't, are you?
BEBE: There are chances I am.
STAN: With mine?
BEBE: Yes.
JERRY: But wait, there's more!
KIDS: [Groan.]
JERRY: It appears that Eric has been going behind Tina's back!
TINA: What?! With who!?
JERRY: In fact, both you and Pip know this person.
PIP: Oh my!
JERRY: Estella Havishm, if you would come out?
[Cartman smiles a big smiled and Estella walks in. Her captain:
Has been cheating
behind her boy friend's back and been fucking Eric. Cartman stands up and he hugs
her and kisses her. Both Pip and Tina look shocked.]
JERRY: Now Estella, we believe you have something to tell Eric?
ESTELLA: Yes. [Turns to Cartman.] Eric, I am pregnant with your twins.
CARTMAN: What?! When did we...
ESTELLA: Half a month ago.
CARTMAN: Ahh. Now I remember.
TINA: You fucked her!?
PIP: You had sexual relations with him?!
ESTELLA: Hey gent, you been behind my back and wanting Tina! I bet you masturbate
whenever you can!
PIP: I do not!
CARTMAN: [To Tina.] Hey! You're pregnant with Kenny's kid! So she's pregnant with
mine!
KYLE: I need a aspirin.
JERRY: So does everyone else with half a brain does.
STAN: That leaves fat ass out.
TINA/ESTELLA: SHUT UP STAN!
JERRY: Seems we have a hella lot of problems here. One: Bebe could be pregnant
with Stan's child; Two: Both Tina and Wendy are pregnant with Kenny's child;
Third: Estella is pregnant with Eric's child. Now, by law, the father has to help
the mother with the child.
TINA: Ha ha Kyle! That means he's mine!
KYLE: Aw! No fair!
ESTELLA: Yes! I get Eric all to myself!
BEBE: Whoo-hoo! In your face Clyde! And Wendy's! He's mine!
WENDY: Wait wait wait, Kenny's poor as, how can he cope with two pregnant women?
[Silence. Kenny looks at Tina and Wendy.]
KENNY: I dunno. I don't know what I'm gonna do! I'm doomed to hell here! I know!
[He jumps up and runs off screen. Wendy and Tina look at each other. We then hear
two gun shots off screen.]
STAN: OH MY GOD! KENNY KILLED HIMSELF!
KYLE: YOU BASTARDS!
TINA: Kenny! NO!!
KYLE: Huh? Kenny!? NOOO!!! Oh well. Clyde, guess it's you and me!
CLYDE: WHAT?!
TINA: Hey Pip, wanna team up then?
PIP: I'd love to!
JERRY: Well seems everything is okay now. Thanks for watching and join us tomorrow
for:
How many people has Cartman's Mom fucked?
CARTMAN: AY!
[After the show: We see me talking with the guys.]
C.G: Thanks guys, I needed that.
CARTMAN: So this wasn't true?
C.G: No no. I was in a pissed mood and I wanted to get it out of me.
[Kenny walks on screen.]
KENNY: {Thank God for that.}
PIP: Well I'm glad we helped you Ms. Cartman's Girl. See you next time eh?
C.G: Will do. See ya guys.
SCAMPS: Bye!
[C.G vanishes.]
TINA: Well that was enjoyable.
[Others throw food at her.]
[END.]
Man, that story put mine to shame - Wackogirl