Kyle: where is every one?
{The other 3 boys walk out & stand next to Kyle.}
Cartman: God damnit, not another fanfic!
Narrator: yes Cartman, another fanfic.
Stan: What is this one about?
Narrator: Well, my best friends birthday is in a month & I have no idea what to get her, so I’m gonna stick her in a South Park story & have her get together with the one guy she really wants.
Kyle: & who might that be?
Narrator: Taylor Hanson
Cartman: you mean….
Narrator: yep
Cartman: NO!!!!!DEAR GOD, WHY!!!!!!!!!! {Starts to cry}
Narrator: cartman, shut up.
{Cartman continues to cry}
Narrator: Cartman, stop crying or I’ll make you secretly love Hanson.
Cartman (goes wide-eyed): I’ll stop.
Narrator: good.
Stan: Miss narrator?
Narrator: yes?
Stan: are you gonna stick yourself in the story too?
Narrator: of course. Why wouldn’t I?
Stan: I don’t know
Kenny: (mumbles)
Narrator: (sighs) ok, fine.
{There is a clinking sound, and a door somewere opend. A girl who’s 13 but looks older walkes out. she is wearing long black shorts & a white tank top with autin powers on it. Her hair is dark brown, curly & reaches just below her shoulders. She is, uh…. Sorta big boned.}
Narrator: there, you happy.
Kenny:(yeah.)
{The girl walkes back out the door.}
Kenny:(mumbles)
Narrator: I’ll have you know there 100% real.
{Kenny’s eyes get wide.}
Narrator: ok, now, lets start the story
Stan: wait, what should we call you?
Narrator: just call me Wackogirl. Now, on with the story.
{Warning, theme song}
{Mr. Garrison’s class. The boys are sitting in their usual seats. There is also another girl in the class. She looks like the girl that walked in earlier, but she is animated in South Park fashion and wearing one of those bucket hats.}
{Mr.Garrison walks into the class.}
Mr.Garrison: Class, today we have a new student. Her name is Suzzie* & I want you all to make her feel welcome. (* some names changed to protect the inocent people who were sucked in by this evil band called "Hanson")
{A girl walks in. she has on black jeans & a red jacket. Her hair is shoulder length, & is light brown/dark blonde.}
Mr.Garrison: class, say hello to Suzzie.
{No one says anything.}
Mr.Hat: you stupid uncle fuckers better say hello to Suzzie now or I’ll come & molest you in your sleep.
Class: Hello Suzzie
{Suzzie looks shocked.}
Mr.Garrison: now Suzzie, tell us about yourself.
Suzzie:uh…..Well, I’m from New York, my best friend is insane & obsessed with this stupid little cartoon on comedy central, & I’m dating Taylor Hanson.
{All the girls gasp}
Wendy: you mean THE Taylor Hanson, of Hanson?
Suzzie: yep
Bebe: no way, you’re lying
Suzzie: no, I’m not lying. Here, I’ll prove it to you.
{Suzzie takes a cell phone out of her pocket & dials a number.}
Suzzie: hey. Yeah. Yeah, the flight was fine. Yeah, ok, I won’t forget. Yeah. Well, the girls here don’t believe that I’m seeing you, but that’s about it. Ok, yeah, I can hold on a sec. K, I love you too, bye-bye.
{Turns the cell phone off.}
Wendy: well?
Suzzie: just wait.
{About two minutes later, a limo pulls up in front of the school. It is one of those super stretch ones. 3 people walk out in trench coats, so we can’t see who they are. They walk to Mr.Garrison’s class. We can now see them; it’s Hanson, all animated South Park style. Taylor walks over to Suzzie}
Taylor: now, who was it that accused you of lying, sweetie.
Suzzie:them (points to Wendy & Bebe)
{Wendy & Bebe are staring in utter amazement.}
Isaac: what’s the matter, never seen a big music star up-close before?
Stan: we saw David Smith once.
Zak: who?
Kyle: you know, David Smith, of the cure? Every one knows who the cure is.
Taylor: never heard of ‘en. Come on Suzzie sweetie.
{Suzzie & the Hanson brothers walk out of the classroom. Wendy walks over to Stan, Stan barfs, then they both start to walk off. Patty, (the girl we saw earlier) walks over to Kyle.}
Kyle: hey, wait a minute. Wackogirl?
{Wackogirl: yeeeessssss?}
Kyle: am I supposed to be dating someone in this story?
{Wackogirl: I know you don’t like girls & all, but I really don’t give a flying fuck ‘cause you’re the only cute guy on this show, so I’m making you go out with my south park alter-ego.}
Kyle:damnit
{The girl walks over to him}
Girl(patty): come on Kyle, let’s go.
Kenny: (hey, why don’t I get a fucking girlfriend?)
{Wackogirl: (sighs)ok, fine, here you go}
{Kelly appears next to Kenny}
Kelly: Hey Lenny (picks nose)
Kenny: (come on babe, lets get the fuck away from these people)
Kelly: Ok Benny
{They walk off.}
Cartman: HEY! Stupid narrator person?!
{Wackogirl: Yeeeeeeessssssssss?}
Cartman: god damnit, do I get a girlfriend?
{Wackogirl: normally, I wouldn’t be so nice, but I’m in a generous mood, so, here you go.}
{Eileen* appears Animated in South Park fashion. She is wearing the sweet shirt she has with the fish bones on it.} (*name changed so mom won't yell at me)
Cartman:(under breath)god damnit
Eileen: come on Cartman honey, let’s go.
{Cartman mumbles, then walks off with Eileen.}
Wackogirl:ok, let’s see, what sorts of fucked up stuff should I do now? I know.
{Next scene}
{Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, Wendy, Kelly, Patty, Eileen, Suzzie & the Hanson brothers are all sitting in a booth. There is a big fan above them. There is a cracking sound, & Zak looks up.}
Zak: you guys hear that?
Kenny(laughs nervously) (mumbles) uh, no, let’s just leave before something happens.
{They all start to get out of the booth. Kenny is about to get out when the fan falls on him.}
Stan:oh my god, they killed Kenny!
Kyle:you basterds!
Isaac: look!
{Points up. Marilyn Manson is standing above the fan holding a chain saw}
M.M.:damnit, those little brats got away. Oh well, I’ll get them someday.
{He laughs & walks away}
Stan:dude, this is pretty fucked up right here
Kelly: things couldn’t get any weirder.{picks nose}
{Wackogirl: oh yes they can}
Cartman: oh man.
{Just then Pip walks in}
Pip:’ello gentlemen, any of you blokes know what’s going on here.
Cartman: no, Pip, now go away, no one like you.
{Wackogirl: that’s not very nice Cartman. Now you will pay.}
{There is a flash of light, & suddenly Pip turns into… Chris Jerico!!!!}
Suzzie: Chris Jerico?
Jerico: yep, it’s me alright. I just like to go around as a little British kid for fun. Now, who wan’t to go for a ride in my super-super-super strech limo?
{All the kid’s exept Taylor rais there hands.}
Taylor:no, Suzzie's mine.
Jerico: not any more, Suzzie, come.
{Everyone walks off, Suzzie is holding Jerico’s hand. Taylor is just standing there.}
Taylor;NO, NO!!!!!!!!
{Taylor starts to cry like a little baby. We see a shadow behind him. Taylor turns around & we see his eys get wide. We can hear a chain saw & some one laughing really evil-like. Taylor starts to scream just as…}
{Screan turns black. The 4 boys walk on.}
Stan: dude, that’s it?
Wackogirl: yeah, I know, I’m weird, but what can I say, I couldn’t think of anything else.
Kyle:Wackogirl?
Wackogirl: yes?
Kyle:seek mental help.
Wackogirl:no,if I did, I wouldn’t be the really tall insane girl at salk. I’d just be the really tall girl & that would suck.
Cartman:whatever. Screw you guys, I’m going home.
{A lightning bolt comes down & hits Cartman as he starts to walk away.}
Cartman: OW! What was that for.
Wackogirl: just one more thing, then you can go, k?
All: fine
{The words “happy birthday “Suzzie” apears in big letters over them.}
All: Happy birthday Suzzie
Cartman:there. Now can I go?
Wackogirl: yeah, sure. Here, it’s for putting up with me
{A bag of cheesy poofs apears in each of there hands.}
Cartman:sweet.
{He walks off, eating the cheesy poofs. Kyle looks over at Stan}
Kyle: Stan, I’m sorry to steal your line, but this is really fucked up right here.
Stan: I couldn’t have said it better myself.
{The two walk off, starting to eat there cheesy poofs. We can see kenny’s dead body in the corner. A bunch of rats come & drag his body away. Then it comes to…}
The end
