SouthPark Is Not Enough
by: kyle b.

in the fine tradition of Geno- some needed notes!:
1)ok this is a parody in more than one way, all the simultaneous,
expected, back to back action wasn't put there purposely, that's just the
way it happened; but it helps me poke even more fun.
2)don't take this wrong though. i love Bond flicks.
3)here are some character discriptions:
PIP/ james bond. a witty self concious british secret agent.
name in the story: pip pirrip (008)
WENDY/ christmas jones. a firecracker of a plutonium genius.
name in the story: Wendy Jones
KELLEY/ elecktra king. a sweet,cute, innocent little bad girl.
name in the story: Kelley King
KENNY/ a bullet to the head takes away his 5 senses= super villian
name in the story: Kenny Mc Cormickov
CARTMAN/ a fat, humorous, caviar and casino business tycoon with info.
name in story: Eric Cartmanski
BEBE/ agent M. one of the older forces, pretty much pip's boss.
name in the story: Agent B
BUTTERS/ i added him for fun. he plays a rookie agent.
name in the story: Agent Butters (or Rookie Butters)
SHELLEY/ a sniper in the beginning of the film.
no name in the story.
LET THE STORY BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

scene: pip is walking through HQ when he sees butters, a rookie poking
around a brief case. he looks up to see pip.

Butters: oh! 008! glad to see you. this came for you, making a strange
sound......

Pip thrust open the case to find a bomb planted inside. he grabs the case
and sprints toward one of those big, glass plated windows just as the bomb
explodes. admist the broken glass, and firey red flames flies Pip. he lands
into a rather comfy looking hedge. un-harmed he gets out and brushes off his
blazer. he then spies a small red dot on it. he looks out to the bay to find
a sniper in a boat about 60 meters out. the sniper realizes pip sees her and
speeds away.

Pip: (to himself) not if i can help it.

he finds a boat and goes after her.
pan to Butters and agent B looking out where the galss plate window used to
be.

B: tsk tsk tsk.
Butters: woah. he's the greatest.
B: yeah, sure. do you know how much these damn windows cost?

Butters shrugs.
pan to pip chasing the sniper. she hit's a propane tank setting all the
things behind her on fire. Pip gulps, and hits a loading ramp and goes
through the thinnest part of the flames. the sniper's boat pulls ashore as
she gets out in hopes of hijacking a hot air baloon. she sucseeds, and looks
down to find pip on a rope anging from the baloon.

sniper: GET OFF! TURD!!!
Pip: righto.

he lets go and in midair looks at his watch, then looks up to watch the
baloon turn into a nasty explosion.

sniper: TUURRRRDD....................(fade out)

he lands in a giant haystack. we see him dissapear through the top and roll
out the bottom. he pulls himself to his feet and brushes himself off. he
looks up again to see the smoke clearing away.

Pip: you shouldn't have told me to let go. dreadfully sorry.

he takes out a Terrance & Phillip walky talky. he speaks into it.

Pip: B? could you give me my status please?
B:(through walky) about 45 degrees and 65 lattitude.
Pip: meaning i am.....
B: if i'm not mistaken, you're over by the Jenkin's place.

pip glances around. he sees an old house in front of him. to the left he
sees the Island Of Misfit Mascots Refuge.

Pip: that is certain B. do you copy?
B: copy. get back to HQ, i need to speak to you.
Pip: righto B. over.

he slips on some roller skates and pulls out a small remote control.

Pip: thank you Q.

he presses a blue button and zooms forward.

Pip: oh dear!!

a few seconds later we see him pull up in front of HQ, he walks inside with
the skates still on.

B: 008! take off those skates!! you'll mark my tile!!
Pip: right away B.

he slips off the skates and places them on the floor.

B: this boy was found gagged, bound, and murdered this morning.

she hands him a picture of Jake, the kid with the green shirt from the
Getting Gay With Kids  choir. ya know; the one with the solos, he got eaten
by the "pretty flower" and he always said "did you know that ......."

Pip:  that's the chap from the kid's choir right?
B: right, we have Kenny Mc Cormickov as our prime suspect.

a holograph of Kenny's face appears. a small gash appears on his forehead.

pip: what happened there?
B: he got shot in the head, but didn't die. the bullet is wedged between his
brain and it is slowly taking his five senses away. as of now he cannot fell
any pain.
pip: (gulp)

B hands him a picture of Kelley.

B: Jake's little sister. kidnapped not too long ago by mc cormickov.
released after Jake paid the ransom.
Pip: my mission?
B: i'm getting to that! we fear that Mc Cormickov may kidnap Kelley again.
you must protect her.
Pip: righto. i'll get on it.
B: no mess ups Phillip.
Pip: mmm-hmm.

pan to a jet landing in Costa Rica, he sees Kelley practicing her dance
routine. he taps her shoulder.

Pip: Ms. Kelley King?

Kelley turns around.

Kelley: that would be me.
Pip: i've been looking for you. i'd like to ask you a few questions.
Kelley: first i have a question.
Pip: shoot, blondie.
(i know that was so not pip, but i had to. besides; it's my fanfic!:P)
Kelley: who are you?
Pip: Pirrip,Pip Pirrip.

Bond theme plays.

Stan: WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!! CUT! STOOOPPP!

he walks onto a blank set with Kelley and Pip standing there.

Stan: who's directing this?!
kyle b: i am.
Stan: well, who's casting director?!?
kyle b: well, me.
Stan: ok,ok, why's Pip James Bond?!
kyle b: why not?
Stan: cuz, uh... i mean look at him; he's a melvin!
kyle b: so?
Stan: so, why aren't i James Bond?
kyle b: cuz; you're not british.
Stan: WHAT!? Pip's french!!
kyle b: he's british.
Stan: is not!
Pip: am so!!
Stan:  well, am i gonna be in this production at all?
kyle b: maybe; maybe not. well, i need to finish this scene. ciao!
Stan:(walking away) women.......................
kyle b: sorry for the interuption guys! ACTION!!!

Bond theme continues

Pip: so tell me,Miss King; do you know anything about Kenny Mc Cormickov?
Kelley: that's the bad bad man who killed my brother!! why?!
Pip: i'm trying to find out why he'd want your brother dead.
Kelley: Jake had made strange friends in the soviet, they had made a bet
about something; and he won. they were very bitter.....

Kelley begins to cry.

Pip: there there. have you been okay since the kidnapping?
Kelley: well i-

she looks up to the sound of a jet black helicopter hovering above.

Pip: c'mon!

he grabs her arm and leads her into an abandoned building. Kelley coughs and
a board from the cieling falls and hits Pip on his left shoulder.

Pip: ow!  you're not safe here! you're coming with me! let's go!
Kelley: oh Pip! it's soo reassuring to know that i have a strong man on my
side who is looking out for little old me.

Pip smiles.
The aboard a plane and fly out of there.
pan to a Kelley's london flat.
it's morning. and Kelley, asleep reaches over for Pip. she reaches further
and further and then THUD! she falls on the floor. she groans, wakes up and
looks on the bed to discover that pip isn't there. she has a puzzled look on
her face.
pan to a plutonium mine somewhere in the Chzech republic.
Pip walks out of a van wearing an obvoius faux mustache and uniform.

Pip: (under his breath) let's hope people here aren't too bright.

Wendy is spotted looking at sheets for plutonium tests.Pip grins and walks
over to her.

Pip:(trying to cover up accent) uh,..... excuse me Miss, i do belive i need
to talk to you.
Wendy: ya do, huh?
Pip: uh..yes ummm..... well, you see um...
Wendy: yes?.........
Pip: uh....can you locate me to the mine shaft?
Wendy: (suspiciously) oh, uh-ok... over there.

she points to the easily found shaft.

Pip:(adjusts his collar) oh.....uh...thank you.
Wendy: mmm-hmm

he walks inside the mine shaft to find Kenny.

Pip: Mc Cormickov?
Kenny: (oh? who are you?)
Pip: nevermind that, i'm on to you!
Kenny:(you are, are you?)
Pip: you kidnapped Kelley King!
Kenny: (hey, i gave her back; didn't i? just after Jake payed the ransom i
believe.......)
Pip: and you murdered Jake King!!
Kenny:(hey, c'mon now; i didn't say thaaat....)
Pip: you did! didn't you?!

Kenny bolts through a doorway.Pip runs after; but is stopped short to find
Kenny pointing a gun at him. Pip whips out his gun. Wendy walks in. Kenny
shoots at her but misses.Pip shoots at Kenny Hitting his hand, which left a
small hole in his palm.

Kenny:(heheh, nice try.)

Pip turns to Wendy, when he turns back to Kenny, he's dissapeared. he turns
back to Wendy; and forgetting about his accent:

Pip: are you alright?

he covers his mouth in mistake.

Wendy: s'ok. you never had me.

Pip blushes.

Pip: oh......
Wendy: ministry?
Pip: why yes.

Pip glances at a pressure valve for the mine, it's way up. Kenny must have
increased the pressure before leaving.

Pip: come on!!

he grabs Wendy's arm (farmiliar,much?) and runs her out of the shaft before
the pressure tanks bust .it erupts into a big dusty mess.

Wendy: we could have died!!
Pip:(dusts off his shoulder) try not to think about it.

Wendy hugs Pip

Stan:(from backstage) WHAAAT!!!???

he walks onto a blank screen with Pip and Wendy.

Stan: ok, this is really fucked up right here!!!

Wendy: Stan, i'm in the middle of a scene!!
Stan: yeah! with Pip!!
Wendy: it's just a movie Stan!
Stan: but Wendy-
Pip: umm.....security?......

Token and Clyde are seen walking up the the set. they carry Stan off.

Stan: you'll pay for this FRENCHY!!!!!!!!
Pip: oh bother. i'm not french you know!!
Stan: either way!! you'll pay!! (fade out)

Pip shrugs.
The scene continues.

Wendy: who are you?
Pip: Pirrip- Pip Pirrip from the british ministry of defense. i've been
assinged to protect Kelley King from Kenny Mc Cormickov, the fellow from the
shaft.
Wendy: oh, why are you here?
Pip: well; i came here to find Mc Cormickov; and i did. But -uh you being a
scientist, knowing about plutonium and all; i think you can help me. what's
your name?
Wendy: Wendy Jones. simple eh?
Pip: simple enough. my problem is that i need your help with is that Mc
Cormickov has been smuggling plutonium from this mine and is going to use it
to blow the Getting Gay With Kids choir.
Wendy: alright then; let's go.

Pip spies Kenny hiding.

Pip: he's over here!!!

Pip runs past an old mine cart. Kenny jumps out from behind it and grabs Pip
by his left shoulder and brings him down slowly. he's about to strangle Pip,
when Wendy  shoots at Kenny; the bullet hitting him in his left leg. he
let's go of Pip-who scurries away. Kenny starts to walk over to Wendy.

Kenny: (you know that doesn't hurt; right?)

Pip comes up behind Kenny with a large shovel, he raises it above his head
[CLANG!] Kenny falls to the ground.

Pip: let's get out of here; shall we?

pan to the flat.
Pip is yelling at Kelley.

Pip: you've been collaborating with Mc Cormickov!!!
Kelley: WHAT?!
Pip: he knew the board hit my and broke my collar bone!! he knew EXACTLY
where to grab me!
Kelley: i don't know-
Pip: don't play me; you've been working with Mc Cormickov and the kidnapping
was a fix!!!

Pip's frown turns into a disgusted look on his face.

Pip: you murdered your own brother!

Kelley points a gun to Pip and backs him to the balcony. Pip glances down
and jumps. he lands on a tarp above a sidewalk bistro. and runs back to HQ
to talk to B.

pip: Butters!! where's B??!!
Butters: why she went to go assist Miss King- why do you ask?
Pip: never mind. Where's Wendy?
Butters: over there- waiting for you.

she waves at Pip and Pip signals her to come with him. They hop into si BMW
and speed torward the warf and down the pier to an old building. they open
the doors to an office and see Eric Cartmanski eating caviar with girls in
bikinis. Eric looks up to see them.

Cartmanski:( Russian accent) oh, uh, what brings you here Pip?
Pip: i need information.
Cartmanski: well; i might be able to help you.

he gives the girls each a wad of money and shoos them out the door. he
closes the doors behind them.

Cartmanski: specify your needs; Pirrip.
Pip: i need some information on a Kenneth Mc Cormickov and a Kelley King.
Cartmanski: oh-uh; i don't think i can help you there.
Pip: look. i know you know something so just-

he is interrupted by a loud wirring by a helicopter. then blades about
fourteen feet long each come sawing through the office. Wendy Pip, and
Cartmanski ru  out to the side to discover that the blades were attached to
the helicopter which flew away.

Cartmanski: wait till insurance company hears 'bout this one. oy.
Pip: (points pistol to Cartmanski) tell me what you know!!
Cartman:(normal voice in a slight whisper) damn Pip! i didn't know you could
get like this!!
Pip: (whisper) i'm acting; Eric.
Cartman: oh-oh.
Pip: well then ahem.- tell me what you know!!
Cartmanski:(accent) all i know is Mc Cormickov has plutonium!
Pip: WHERE IS MC CORMICKOV!!!!????
Cartmanski: honestley, i don't know!
Pip: (pulls gun away) okay.....

he and Wendy speed away to Kelley's flat.
Pan to Kelley's flat.
she is waiting for Pip; he bursts through the door.

Pip: where's the plutonium?!
Kelley: oh; Kenny said i shouldn't worry about that. CRAIG! KYLE!

Craig walks in with Kyle behind. they pick up Pip and place him on a strange
chair. they shackle his arms down and shackle his neck to the back post of
the chair.

Kelley: thank you.
Pip: why did you kill Jake?!?!
Kelley: did you ever care to notice that Jake was always the one with the
solos?
Pip: what?! you had solos too!
Kelley: yes. but never as much as dear brother Jakey!
Pip: you're mad!
Kelley: oh come now; i'm not that off. let's just leave this case and label
it as an oh..... "Family Fued"?

Kenny walks in the room with a capitan's hat on. he hands it to Kelley and
kisses her.

Kenny:(oh, i see you've taken care of the little pest problem eh?)
to Pip:(how've you been 008? better than agent B i hope!! heheh.)

little does Kenny know that Pip had asked Wendy to find B. she did and they
are now waiting by the front door of the flat as backup.

Kenny: (sorry i can't stay longer. but; plutonium doesn't wait dearest.
goodbye)

he kisses Kelley again.
he walks out of the room. Kelley walks over to the chaor that Pip is
confined in and tighten the nack shackel a knotch.

Pip:(choked) oh dear.......

Cartmanski burst through the door, only to be shot down by Craig and Kyle.
he falls to the floor, face first. looks up at Pip and fires one last shot
hitting the shackel holding his right wrist. while Kelley's not looking, he
loosens the others and breaks free. as soon as Kelley notices; she begins to
run up some stairs. he chases her up about  seven flights and points a gun
to her.

Kelley: you can't kill me Pirrip- you won't even though i murdered my
brother and frequently loved Kenny Mc Cormickov, and tricked agent B and
locked her up, i'm a bad bad girl Pip, and the sad part to the story is that
you won't kill me becuase you can-

Pip fires a shot into Kelley's chest. she falls back onto a bed. Pip walks
over, examines her and shakes his head.

Pip: tsk tsk. dreadfully sorry dearie. never doubt 008. sleep well.

he leaves the room and out side the flat he finds agent B and Wendy.

Pip: Wendy can you-

Rookie Butters comes puffing up to them.

Butters: anything i can do?
Pip: yes, can you take agent B back to HQ?
Butters: yes sir!
Pip: come with me Wendy. We need to go aboard Mc Cormickov's submarine and
get that plutonium.
Wendy: let's go!

they walk down to the loading dock and slip in the submarine. Pip and Wendy
see Kenny load plutonium into the missle and set the missle to land on the
Getting Gay With Kids tour bus in costa Rica.

Pip: STOP!!

Kenny looks up  to find Pip swing on a pipe and kick Kenny - knocking him
down. he grabs the plutonum, which has been placed into a large tube. Kenny
gets up and chops Pip's broken shoulder with his hand and then tries to
insert the plutonium again. Wendy pushes the plutonium back out then Pip
joins her, they push until it goes through Kenny. he falls over, they run to
the mission control room and abort the mission.

pan to HQ.
Rookie Butters and agent B are watching the two through one of those see-all
tv thingies.

Butters: well, i reckon 008 has outdone himself again.

B:(nods) without a doubt.

caption: LATER.................

pan Pip's flat. Wendy and Pip are in robes on the balcony sipping apple
cider.

Pip: well, we saved an international choir tour.
Wendy: and got rid of two evil assasins.
Pip: cheers.
Wendy: cheers.

their glasses clink.
they look as if they're about to kiss when a loud noise escalates from
backstage.

Stan: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Pip: (rolls eyes) righto then, i suppose we need to cut that. shake
hands?
Wendy:(irritated) okay......

they shake hands.

Pip: jolly good show.
Wendy: you too.


end