*note: Like I said, this story now has no point to it, do NOT take anything in this serious, it makes no sense anyway.

{Fade in.}
{blank screen. Kyle & Stan are sitting on the floor. Cartman is pacing, Kenny is looking at a magazine.}
Kyle: Goddamnit Cartman, sit down, your gonna cause an earthquake with your weight.
Cartman: AHY! I’m not fat, I’m uh………I have a big heart.
Kyle: Yeah, you’d need a big heart to get the blood all the way around your body.
Stan: You guys, come on, can’t we all just get along?
Kyle: Have you been watching Mars Attacks again Stan?
Stan: Yeah, your point is?
Kyle: Nothing
Wackogirl: Hello again
Stan: Damn, time for another story?
Wackogirl: How’d u ever guess?
Stan: Gee, I don’t know, the fact that all your stories start off like this?
Wackogirl: Not all of them. One of them is normal.
Kyle: Whatever. What is this one about?
Wackogirl: It’s for Sam
Kyle: I didn’t ask who it’s for, I asked what it’s about.
Wackogirl: I’m not tellin
Stan: Damnit!
Cartman: Haha, Stan got yelled at by a girl
Kyle: Cartman, I’d be careful
Cartman: Why?
Kyle: Because in case you have forgotten, Wackogirl is one messed up bitch.
Wackogirl: Why thank you Kyle, when you want to you can be so nice. Anyway, this is getting old, so as soon as Kenny realizes what the hell is going on we will start.
{There’s a long pause. The 3 look at Kenny. He is still “reading” his magazine.}
Wackogirl: Ok, this is getting old.
{There’s a puff of smoke & Kenny’s magazine changes into…….. a Barney play time book!}
Kenny: (screams)
Wackogirl: Haha. {We hear pages turning.}Kenny, Kenny, Kenny, I never thought you to do this.
Kenny: (mumbles)
Wackogirl: No, it’s not that it’s Britany Spears, it’s that fact that she’s fully clothed. Why don’t you read this month’s Playboy, it has her in it.
Stan: I though she wasn’t of legal age yet? (*When I started this she wasn't, but she is now)
Wackogirl: You think they care? I mean, just why do girls get implants, huh? So they can get into porno mags & movies. She already has the implants & the fame, do you really think she’s gonna wait till she’s 18?
Stan: Well, you do have a point there.
Wackogirl: Of course I do. Ok, on with the story.

{Warning, theme song}

{Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman, Patty, Suzzie & Tina are standing on a LONG line. The camera moves up the line & we see a ticket booth & a BIG sign that says “KORN! LIVE IN SOUTH PARK. 1 NIGHT ONLY” underneath in small letters it says “opening act: Brittany Spears, the teenage whore” back to the kids.}
Stan: Dude, this is gonna be cool. Korn is sweet!
Kyle: Yeah dude, I heard they’re gonna give out free t-shirts too!
Cartman: Sweet.
Kenny: (You guys are hear to see Korn?)
Stan: Yeah, why are you going to see this?
Kenny: (The whore, duh! After the show I’m gonna meet her back stage & fuck her until she passes out.)
Tina: I don’t think that’ll be possible with your, (pause, looks around head for the right word) anatomy.
{Suzzie laughs, Kenny tries to hit Tina but Tina ducks & he falls forward.}
Suzzie: Hey Patty, isn’t that funny?
{Patty is staring off into space. There’s a pause.}
Suzzie: Patty?
Patty: (thinking) I wonder what Spam is made of? If vegetable oil is made of vegetables & olive oil is made of olives, what is baby oil made of? Is "the history of sex" gonna be on again? Why does summer suck so much? Do pinwheels really have magical powers? If America is so wonderful, why do you have to be 18 to see certain movies? Why do I have to take Spanish for school? Why won’t they let me take Japanese? What ever happened to Margaret Chow? Did she get her virginity back? Why is Kyle's mom a big fat bitch? Why the hell does my dad put the chocolate syrup in the fridge no matter how many times I tell him not to? Is Boston clam chowder really from Boston? How the (beep) did Cartman loose all the weight he gained in weight gain 5,000? When will the underpants gnomes leave Tweek alone? Why don't I have a famous boyfriend yet? Why are all famous people hypocrites? Why are guys such little perverts? Just how small are the chances that Nikki Pope was a virgin when she entered Salk? Why is everyone jealous of my naturally curly hair? Why is it always the "smart" girls that are stupid enough to get pregnant at 15? Why ain't ain't in the dictionary? Why is Brittany Spears such a little skank? Is it a blonde thing or what? Who does that "genie in a bottle" girl think she's foolin? Are there people who really believe she ain't copyin Spears? What is it with boybands? Why do people like them even though they all suck donkey balls? Is it really only $5 for a sucky-sucky in Vietnam? Why do people buy clothes 4 their dogs?
{Suzzie smacks Patty in the head}
Suzzie: PATTY!
Patty: Huh? What?
Tina: Suzzie said “hey Patty, isn’t that funny?”
Patty: What?
Tina: Neva mind.
Patty: (looks around confused) k

{The words 4 hours later appear on the screen. The sun is setting. The kids are next in line. The people in front of them walk away & they move up. As soon as they get to the window, the lady pulls down a shade that says “sorry, sold out.”}
Patty: Sold out? Goddamnit, this sucks!
All: Yeah
Stan: Well, we could forget about seeing the concert or…
Kyle: Or what?
Stan: Or we could wait until the night of the concert & buy tickets from scalpers.
Cartman: Kenny can’t even afford tickets, how the hell is her gonna pay a scalper.
Stan: Oh yeah, sorry Kenny, I guess you’ll have to miss the concert.
Kenny: (No way man, I don’t care what it fucking takes, I wanna fucking see Brittany Spears so I can…)
{Tina cuts him off.}
Tina: We know.
{Kyle yawns.}
Kyle: It’s late you guys, we should all go home & then we’ll think of a solution tomorrow.
{All agree & walk off in different directions.}

{Fade out.}{Fade in.}

[A bed room. Patty is asleep when the phone rings. After 3 rings she picks up.}
Patty: (still half asleep) Huh? (pause) Tina? What…? (pause) ok, fine, whatever.
[Turns on the TV. There’s a news report on. That news guy is on the TV.}
News guy: And now for a breaking news story, here’s chick that thinks she’s pretty fly for a white guy.
{There’s a girl wearing really baggy jeans, a shirt that says “Korn” on it and is 2 sizes too big, is wearing a bunch of bracelets like Jesse Camp and has her hair done up like his too.}
Chick who thinks she’s pretty fly for a white guy: (sounds kinda like Jesse Camp) Thanks homie. As all you totally fly dudes out there know, the teenage whore Brittany Spears was supposed to be in Korn’s concert, but it turns out that she can’t do it because she’s now dead. Man, it was cool. This wacked chick broke into her house, cut off her thingies & just walked away. The whore tried to run after her, but being the little skank that she is, she had to pose for some pictures. Being totally phat, we somehow got one of these pictures.

{We see a picture of Brittany Spears animated in South Park style, wearing a white tank-top & white bikini bottoms. She is flat on top & her shirt is all red in the spots where her fake thingies would be. She has her head leaning to the left & she’s smiling. }

CHTSPFFAWG: There ain’t no one suspected yet, but we down here on the west side think that it was that “genie in a bottle” chick because she was tired of people saying she was imitating Brittany, even though all us homies know she is.

{Camera back to Patty}
Patty: yeah, sure, ok, see ya.
{Hangs up the phone. Leans under the bed & takes out a piece of paper.}
Patty: Damn, someone else got to her before I could. Oh well, next.
{We see the list. It says:

1.Brittany Spears
2.Kate Moss
3.The Ally McBeal chick
4.Maria Carry
5.Jennifer Love Hewitt
6.Katie Holmes
7.that chick that got locked in the bathroom w/ Seth Green in “Can’t Hardly Wait”
8.Fagstreet boys (BSB)
9.N’sux (‘N sync)
10.5 horney gays (5ive)
11.98 combined IQ’s (98 degres)
12. UFO (LFO)
13.Leo DeCraprio
14.All the assholes on Dawson’s Creek.

Patty crosses off Brittany Spears. & picks up the phone.}
Patty: Suzzie? You’ll never believe it…

{Fade out} {Fade in}

{The play ground. Every one is standing around, doing nothing.}
Suzzie: Hey, did you all hear about Birtany Spears?
Kyle: Yeah, I wonder who it was?
Kenny: (Well, whoever it is, I’m gonna find out so I can kill em. He ruined my chances of scoring with her.)
Tina: Kenny you never had a chance of scoring with her.
Kenny: (Yes I did, as long as I offered enough.)
Tina: Oh yeah, I forgot what a little skank she was. Hell, even fatass here would’ve had a chance as long as he paid enough.
Cartman: That’s ri…hey!
Stan: Yeah but what are we gonna do about the concert? We still need tickets.
{Wendy walks over.}
Wendy: Hi guys.
All: Hi Wendy
Wendy: Hi Stan.
Stan: Hey Wendy.
Wendy: Did you guys here about Britany Spears?
Patty: Yeah, it’s about time someone did that.
Wendy: How can you say that? She was a talented young singer.
Suzzie: Wendy, the only talent she had was making stupid people think she was a sweet, innocent, normal girl. I mean, what normal 17-year-old has implants?
Wendy: She had implants?
Tina: Well, how else do you explain her going from flat in the video for “hit me baby one more time” to D in “sometimes”?
Wendy: I thought she was just stuffing her bra.
Kyle: Well now you know.
Wendy: Well, then now I don’t like her. Thanks you guys, I was almost going to take up a collection around school in her name.
{Just then, a girl walks up. She’s wearing jeans & a blue shirt. She has really long brown hair.}
Girl: Hey you guys
Patty: Sam? What the Hell? Is there something that says all my friends must move to South Park?
Sam: Uh, you’re the one writing this
Patty: Oh yeah. Well, then never mind.
{Everyone looks at her weirdly}
Sam: Well, anyway, guess what I got?
Suzzie: What?
Sam: These
{Takes out 10 tickets. They all say “Korn” on them.}
Patty: Oh my god, how’d you get them
Sam: I don’t know, you’re the one writing this, you tell me.
{Wackogirl: No, I’m the one writin this Sam, she doesn’t know, only I do.}
Sam: Oh, well, if you must know, I got them from a group of 10 year old girls who were just goin to see the whore.
Stan: Ok, you’ve got 10 tickets, so that means all of us can go & we’ll have 2 left over.
Kyle: Well, who else should we invite?
Stan: We should invite Wendy.
Tina: Ok, then who else to invite.
{All think for a while.}
Sam: Ok, whoever walks by next is coming with us.
{A few moments pass. Just then, someone walks by. Its…….Pip.}
Cartman: No, not Frenchy.
Sam: Ok, {Walks over to Pip.} Hey, kid, you wanna go to the Korn concert with us?
Pip: You, your inviting me to spend time with you?
Sam: (kinda annoyed) Yes, now, do ya or don’t ya?
Pip: (about to cry) I would be honored
Sam: Woah, hey Patty, check it out, he’s gonna cry!
Cartman: Yeah, ‘cause he’s a wussy little frenchy.
Sam: Listen kid, just meet us here on Saterday at 5, k?
Pip: Yes, & thank you for inviting me, I’ve never had any real friends, of course there was Damian, but he didn’t really…
Cartman, Kyle, Stan & Kenny: Shut-up Pip!
Pip: Right-o.
{He walks away. Sam walks back to the other.}
Stan: That is one weird kid.
Tina: Pip or Sam?
Stan: Well, now that you mention it, both.
Cartman: AHY! Can I go home yet?
Patty: Ok, lets all go home and meet back here on Saturday.
All: Ok
{Everyone walks off screen.}

{Fade out.} {Fade in.}

{The playground, it says “Saturday” on the screen. Patty, Tina, Suzzie & Sam are standing around. Suzzie & Tina look the same, but Sam & Patty have on Korn shirts. Patty also has her hair in dreadlocks in really wild colors. They all look annoyed.}
Tina: Damnit, where are they?
{Wendy walks up.}
Wendy: Hi guys.
All: Hey Wendy
Sam: Wendy, do you know where the other are?
Wendy: No
Sam:(looking up) WACKOGIRL!?
{Wackogirl: yeah?}
Sam: Where are the boys?
{Wackogirl: Well, if you had read the script you would know, now wouldn’t you?}
Sam: (Mocking, like Cartman does) well if you’d read the script you would know, now wouldn’t you?
{Just then, the boys walk up.}
Sam: Ok, now we just need that blonde kid.
{Then Pip walks up.}
Pip: ‘Ello everyone. Well, I’m sure we’ll all have a golly good time ‘eh?
{And, because I am the wonder fanfic writer that I am, everyone is suddenly at the concert.}
Cartman: You ain’t a wonderful fanfic writer.
Wackogirl: Yes I am
Cartman: No your not
Wackogirl: Yeah? Well, well, screw you, hippie. Where was I? Oh yes, the concert.

{A really big room with a huge stage on it. Korn is on stage, finishing the song “Blind”. There is a really big mosh pit on the ground level, zoom in to everyone.}
Patty: (screaming) This kicks so much ass!
Sam: (screaming) What? You want some glass?
Patty: (screaming) What? You want ass?
Sam: WHAT?
Patty: WHAT?
{They both look at each other. Camera moves from Patty’s eye’s, to Sam’s eyes, back to Patty’s, etc, etc. Both shrug.}

{*Authors note: Ok, I have really written myself into a corner now. I have no idea what should happen at the concert, so I’m gonna have to cut this part a little (ok, a lot) short. Don’t worry, it won’t affect the story (well, right now, the story has no real point to it anymore, so who cares?)

Wackogirl: Ok, because I’m stupid and can’t come up with anything, everyone is magically transported back to school the next day.
Patty: WHAT!? You mean I don’t get to see Korn?
Wackogirl: Nope, sorry.
Patty: Damnit, I wanna see Korn! {insert stupid wine here}
Wackogirl: (sigh) Here, have a recording of all the songs from the concert. It’s better then nothing.
{A tape appears in her hands}
Patty: Oh well, I guess it does beat nothing. {Walks off} (singing softly) Check you out punk, yes I know you feel it, you look like one of those dancers from the Hanson video you little fagget, hoe.
Wackogirl: Oh great, now that song will be in my head all day. Oh well, where was I? Oh yes:

{Everyone is now in school on the playground, standing around and talking about stuff. Zoom in on everyone}
Sam: Damn, that concert last night kicked so much ass!
Stan: It did
Wendy: I don’t really like that kind of music, but it was kinda cool.
{Wackogirl: (softly singing) To bad, I got your beans in my bag, you stuck up sucker, corny mother-fucker…}
Tina: What is that?
Suzzie: I don’t know.
Patty: AYH!
{Wackogirl: (still singing) …so what you thinkin Mr. raggedy man, doing all you can to look like raggedy Ann?}
Cartman: AYH! Whoever that is, shut up now!
{Wackogirl: AYH! I’m the one writing this, I can do whatever I want.}
Cartman: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do? Huh, bitch?
{Wackogirl: I could bring back Hanson.}
Cartman: AHHH!!! No, I’ll be good.
{Wackogirl: good.}
Kyle: Uh…..where were we?
Kenny: (We were saying how Cartman’s mom is a dirty slut.)
{All laugh}
Cartman: AYH! We were not, we were talking about uh…..oh yeah, Suzzie hooking up with that really hot guy with the Limp Bizkit tattoo.
Patty: Cartman, that didn’t happen, Suzzie has Taylor, or whatever his name is. The only people who hooked up were Sam and Pip.
Sam: No we didn’t, just went off some where were we could talk…
Kenny: (and fuck.)
Sam: Ew. No, not him. I just went ‘cause Pip had an asthma attack from all the drugs and I went with him so I could laugh at him.
Tina: Oh yeah, that reminds me, Patty, did you really take the drugs from that guy?
Patty: (nervously) No {puts hand in pocket}
Tina: Ok, (looks at her suspiciously) if you say so.
Patty: (thinking really fast, close up on her eyes, which are moving back and forth really fast) Uh oh, Tina knows, gotta find somewhere to hide drugs, gotta hide, gotta hide, gotta, gotta, gotta…
Sam: PATTY!
Patty: (shaking head) huh? What?
Kyle: Oy Vey, are you SURE you didn’t take any drugs from that guy?
Patty: (nervously) Yeah, I mean no, I mean, I didn’t take anything!
{We see Patty’s POV, everything has a green hue to it. She looks over at the building, a clown face arrears on the wall & starts laughing. She looks down, the snow melts and grass grows so it’s all she can see. It suddenly turns purple. (Author’s note- I’ve never done LSD or any other illegal drugs, I’m writing this part based on things I’ve heard from health class)}
Sam: Are you sure?
Patty: YES I’M SURE! YOU’RE ALL JUST JELOUSE ‘CAUSE THE VOICES TALK TO ME! {She walks off, talking to herself}
Stan: ‘Kay?
Tina: Don’t worry, that’s normal for her.
Stan: Oh.
Suzzie: Ok Sam, so you and Pip did hook up, or you didn’t?
Sam: We didn’t
Tina: It’s ok Sam, you don’t have to lie to us.
Sam: I didn’t! {she walks off in the same direction Patty did}
Stan: ‘kay?
Tina: Ok, am I the only one who thinks that Wackogirl has no idea what is gonna happen next, or it high or something?
Suzzie: (sounding high) You want some weed?
{Both her & Danni crack up}
Kyle: What is that all about?
Suzzie: Long story.
Cartman: Uh……what’s going on?
{Wackogirl: Damnit Cartmcn, you really are stupid}
Cartman: Oh yeah? Well, uh, at least I have a life.
Tina: Yeah, one that revolves around cheesy poofs.
{wackogirl: hehe}
Cartman: AYH! I’ll…
{suddenly, Cartman disappears}
{Wackogirl: Sorry, I couldn’t listen to him anymore.}
Wendy: We’re not complaining.
{Wackogirl: Well, hum, now that I have no idea where this is going, let’s head back to Happy Burger!}

{So, everyone is transported to Happy Burger and sitting at a long table.}
Sam: Well, I wonder what fucked up shit Wackogirl is gonna pull next.
Patty: Beats me.
Tin: Patty, Wackogirl is you. Do you have any ides what stupid shit you’d do now?
Patty: Hum……..no. You’re right, she is me, but a more insane version of me.
Wendy: That’s possible?
Tina: We’re screwed.
{Just then, a girl with shoulder length brown hair shows up at Happy Burger.}
Wendy: Dude, when will Wackogirl stop adding people to these stories?!
{Wackogirl: I can’t help it. I’m too damn nice. They ask, I write. What can I say? Anyway, everyone say hello to Melissa!}
Everyone:(weakly) Hi Melissa.
Sam: What are you doing here Melissa?
Melissa: I have some…business to finish.
Patty: Oh, what kind of business?
Melissa: Nothing important really…
{By this time, everyone realizes that Melissa is holding something behind her back}
Tina: What are you hiding Melissa?
Melissa: Nothing…
Sam: No, tell us.
Melissa: (To Sam) Alrighty then. (Evilly) I have a surprise for you, my dear friend Sam.
Sam: Really? What is it?
Melissa: This! {Takes a knife out from behind her back and stabs Sam multiple times in various parts of her body. Everyone else is just staring at her.} (as she’s stabbing Sam) Take that…and that…and that for good luck… {By now Sam is dead (*Yeah yeah yeah, morbid, I know, but this is what Melissa wanted, and Sam didn’t’ really mind, so I'm doing it.)}
Stan: Oh my God! She killed the butch chick!
Kyle: You bastards.
{Cartman suddenly fades back in. He looks from Sam lying on the floor dead to Melissa holding the bloody knife. He looks back and forth a few times. He finally stops at Melissa, and he gets a funny grin on his face. The little paper hearts start floating over his head. Melissa notices this.}
Melissa: NO! I’m not that desperate! {She runs off, Cartman runs after her (And amazingly, he actually can run!)}
Kenny: (Well that was an unexpected turn of events)
Suzzie: You can say that again.
Stan: So, what do we do with her? {points to Sam’s body, which is not covered in rats.}
Kyle: I don’t know, burn it?
Patty: Nah, stick it in a coffin and put in a bunch of killer-pissed-off-dung-beetles (a.k.a. Scarabs from The Mummy)
Suzzie: What will that do?
Patty: Nothing, it’d just be cool.
Tina: I say we cover her in gas and light her on fire.
Cartman: How about we put her eye in a box of Cheesy Poofs and say we found it in there & sue them and make them give us free Cheesy Poofs for life.
{Everyone looks at him}
Kenny: (Wait, I thought you went running after Melissa?)
{Wackogirl: Whoops. Hehe, my bad.}
{Cartman disappears again.}
Stan: ‘Kay? Anyway, I think we should tie a weight to her foot & throw her in Stark’s Pond.
Sam: I think we shouldn’t.
{Everyone turns and gasps. Sam is standing there, alive, but this time with a tail. She is a Saiyan (*It's from Dragonball Z, a saiyan is like a human but with a tail and they transform when it's a full moon. I normally wouldn’t do something like this, but like I said, I’m too damn nice and Sam asked me to do this and, well…I really have to learn to say no to stupid things like this.)
Patty: Hey, I thought you shoved your tail up your ass during the day?
{Sam chokes Patty with her tail. She then runs off after Melissa}
Tina: If I didn’t know better, I’d think Wackogirl is high.
Kenny: (I think she is)
{Wackogirl: AYH! Churlish)
Stan: Churlish?
Suzzie: Rude.
Stan: Oh.
Kenny: (I still think Wackogirl is high.)
{Wackogirl: Nah, I don’t even think they have drug dealers in L-Town, too poor.}
Patty: I think they have them in the high school.
{Wackogirl: Oh well, I ain’t a druggie, so who cares?}
Stan: Sure you’re not.
{Wackogirl: I’m not}
{Just then, Sam walks in, dragging Melissa by her neck with her tail. Cartman is still running after Melissa}
Sam: Ok, what should I do with her now?
Patty: Hum…let her go?
Sam: No, too easy.
Tina: Make her spend the night over Eileen’s house?
Suzzie: She’s dead, remember? Cartman ate her. (*Literally, not like that)
Tina: Oh yeah, forgot.
Sam: Oh well, I’ll just do this. {Swings Melissa around with her tail a few times, then lets her go. Cartman runs over and hugs her.}
Cartman: Did that stupid hippie hurt you?
{Melissa tried to get away from Cartman, but she is too weak to.}
Melissa: You will die for this, Wackogirl!
{Wackogirl: Hehe, what’re you gonna do? Huh?}
Melissa: I’ll think of something. You wait and see.
{Wackogirl: My ass.}
Kyle: Well, this is going no where.
Patty: Yeah, this is hella long for one of Wackogirl’s “no plot, written simply because I’m an odd child” stories.
{Wackogirl: I know, but I have no idea how to end it.}
Patty: How’s aboot this? {She takes out a machine gun and shoots everyone dead.}
{Wackogirl: Ok, that had a point to it.}
{Patty is suddenly shot dead.}
{Wackogirl: And because I’m out of idea’s all together, we finally come to…}

The end {thank you God!}