After much back-breaking research, a plethora of stray paths, and one too many bottles of vodka, The Looney Party has finally unearthed the one thing that has been causing every living soul to be greatly troubled and every great society to fall.  The Looney Party inescapably identified this single thing that has given humankind everything that ails it.  Once this sole object of mankind’s difficulties is revealed and addressed, the world will be able to become the paradise it should be; the paradise every person deserves.  It is therefore our campaign promise, that should The Looney Party be elected to power, it shall address this issue and create a heaven on Earth.  No other party’s candidates can give these types of promises since none of them know what this lone item of distress is.  So, elect a Looney Party member.  If you don’t—well, just remember you’re then responsible for the suffering and continued suffering of the species.