Forgiveness

by Corrinne

It was late at night. Newly commissioned Constable Benton Fraser ws filling out paperwork. The old typewriter he was using kept sticking and he had to keep making corrections in his report. He was feeling quite frustrated. In the perfect world he envisioned, things didn't go wrong all the time. He was a Mountie. He would go out, apprehend the lawbreaker, and bring him in. Things should be that simple. His father had taught him that the Mountie always gets his man. Odd that, because the actual motto of the RCMP was 'Maintain the Right'. But, he realized that his father was from a different era. Things had been much simpler for Robert Fraser and Buck Frobisher.

Fraser knew that the RCMP was changing, and he didn't really like the changes. He was the same type of Mountie that his father had been. If someone commits a criminal act, the duty of the Mountie is to bring in the criminal. The Mountie should present all of the evidence available, and be able to support the case when it went to court.

He brushed his hand across his eyes. He was tired and needed to sleep. But he knew that his father wouldn't have slept until the report was completed. He returned to typing.

The door to his cold and cramped office opened. Fraser looked up. There, standing before him was his former lover, Sean O'Leary. Fraser couldn't speak. It had been four years since Sean had left him to go back to Ireland and his lover, Jamie. Those years had seemed so long, but with Sean standing in the doorway, they were so short.

The memory of their lovemaking flooded Fraser's mind. Sean O'Leary, Irish with dark auburn hair and twinkling green eyes, had been the first to touch Fraser with love and affection. The first to kiss him and hold him close at night after sweet lovemaking. Sean, whose sweet lips had kissed his cock and sucked him off for the first time: who had lifted his legs and offered him the first feeling of being buried deep into the body of another man. Sean, who had broken his heart by telling Fraser that he had only been someone to fuck.

Sean walked across the room, closing the distance between them. "Fraser, Lad," he said, "I've missed you."

He reached out and took Fraser in his arms. His soft lips brushed across Fraser's in a gentle kiss before his tongue sought, and was granted, entry into Fraser's mouth. Fraser was helpless against the memory and presence of Sean.

Fraser was finally able to pull himself away from Sean's embrace. "What are you doing here?"

"My novel is ready to be published. I need to have releases signed from the people I used in it. Their names were all changed, but it's a legal technicality that has to be done."

"How did you find me? Why did you find me?"

"I went to the town where you lived and found out that you had joined the RCMP. Then I went to the academy at Regina. They wouldn't tell me where you had been posted, but they did lead me to your father. He told me where to find you."

"You didn't tell him about us, did you?"

"No, Lad. You're not one of the characters, but you are in the acknowledgement. I expressed my gratitude to my young Canadian guide, Benton Fraser. So you see, I really should get your signature."

Fraser was nearly speechless. His grandparents had make books and a quest for knowledge a passion in him. Twenty two year old Fraser was overwhelmed at the thought of his name being in a book for any reason.

"Perhaps one day I could read your book."

Sean pulled a manuscript from his briefcase. "Here is a copy of it, Lad. It's yours to keep."

Fraser sat down in his chair and reverently looked through the first few pages. There was a sketch of himself. Further into the manuscript were startlingly realistic illustrations of the places he had taken Sean during the months they had been together.

"These drawings are excellent. Are they yours?"

Sean had expectted that question, and knew that with Fraser, he could only be truthful. Quietly he said, "No, Lad, they're Jamie's work."

In the four years since Sean had left, Fraser had worked through the pain of their parting. He was able to accept now, that Sean had truly loved another .. this Jamie.

"You never told me that he's an artist."

Sean, remembering the day they parted, said, "It never came up, Fraser."

Taking a deep breath and returning to the chair at his desk, Fraser replied, "No, I guess it didn't."

Sean glanced at the desk and the typewriter. "What are you working on, Lad? Are you on the way to becoming an author yourself then?"

Fraser chuckled slightly, "No. I have a report to do on a criminal I apprehended today."

"At this time of night?"

"Yes. You see, this old typewriter keep sticking and I've had to do corrections. It's very time consuming."

Sean picked up the errant machine. "This is almost like the one I use, Fraser. It only needs cleaning. When is your report due?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

"Then why don't you leave it for tonight. I'll show you in the morning how to clean this. It won't take long, but I'm tired enough tonight that I don't want to do it now."

Sean looked arund the spartan room. It contained the desk, a filing cabinet which had seen better days, and a small cot. "Is this where you sleep, Lad?"

"Well, yes. Most of the time."

A slight tension hung in the air around the two. It was late, and cold.

"I have my bedroll," Fraser said. "I can sleep in that and you can have the cot, if that's what you would like."

Sean responded in a husky vice, "No, Lad, that's not what I'd like at all."

Fraser blushed and turned his eyes away. He desperately wanted to be held again in Sean's arms, to feel the love that he had once known there; but didn't know if he could go through that pain another time.

Sean saw the hesitation in his eyes. "It's allright, Lad. I understand. Your cot will be fine. And I'll help you with your machine in the morning so that you can do your report on time."

Fraser didn't know how much time had passed. He tried to sleep but found that he couldn't. He thought he was over loving Sean. There had been a few instances in the last four years when he sought someone who could replace Sean, but the encounters had been, while sexually fulfilling, bereft of emotion.

Giving in to an urge that he knew he would later regret, he left his bedrool and slid under the covers on the cot and whispered, "Sean? Would you kiss me again?"

Sean took Fraser's face in his hands and asked, "Do you really want this?"

Fraser sighed deeply and said, "Oh, yes, Sean. I want this."

Sean put one hand on Fraser's face, and leaned over to kiss him. Fraser's lips were as sweet as he remembered. Of all the young men with whom he had sought pleasure over the years, only Fraser couild have taken him away from Jamie. Heat spread through Sean's body as he slipped his tongue into the warmth of Fraser's mouth. A sharp intake of Fraser's breath was his reward. Oh, the lad had such deeply buried passion. Both of Fraser's hands buried themselves in Sean's auburn locks. Soon Fraser was returning the kisses. Sean sucked Fraser's tongue into his mouth and marveled at the feel of it running across his palate and across his own tongue.

Rolling Fraser to his back, Sean slowly unbuttoned Fraser's flannel shirt, then his longjohns. Once enough buttons were undone, he lowered his head and took one of Fraser's nipples into his mouth.

A low, nearly inaudible moan escaped Fraser's throat as Sean manipuled first one nipple, then the other with his talented and experienced tongue. Fraser's mind immediately went back to the first time Sean had done this. He had only been eighteen, and untouched. Having 'known' neither male nor female until them, Sean had introduced him to a new world.

This time he knew about Jamie; knew that Sean loved the man. This time he wouldn't let himself believe that Sean loved him. He only wanted to recapture the wonder of their lovemaking.

Sean went back to kissing Fraser's lips. Those soft, young lips parted eagerly beneath his yet again. He cherished the memory of the first real kiss that they had shared. Fraser had been so innocent, so unaware of his latent homosexuality. One of the things that he would always treasure about Fraser was the knowledge that he had been Fraser's 'first'.

Unable to hold back any longer, Sean drew back and whispered, "Fraser, Lad, will you let me suck you?"

Fraser couldn't even form an answer into words. He could only shake his head in affirmation to Sean's request. The thought of the lips that had just been kissing him wrapped around his cock sent a surge of heat running through his veins.

At the first gentle kiss Sean placed on the head of his cock, Fraser let himself go back the memory of the first time Sean had done this for him. It had been a moment of such extreme pleasure that he believed no man could do that who did not love his partner. For a brief instant, Fraser thought of Jamie. He quickly pushed that thought from his mind as Sean's mouth dropped down and took in his dickhead and gently sucked. He fought back the urge to thrust himself completely into Sean's mouth.

Inch by slow inch, Sean took Fraser, his teeth pulling more and more of Fraser in. Sean drank deeply of the musky scent as he drew in that well remembered cock. He lapped his tongue around the head, taking in the first sweet drops of liquid that formed as Fraser's body reacted to him. Sean knew why he was so drawn to Fraser. The raven hair, the startlingly blue eyes, the appearance of innocence and tenderness of heart. Fraser was so much like Jamie.

"Sit up, Lad."

Fraser did as Sean requested, and sat with his back against the wall. Sean moved so that he was lying on his stomach betwene Fraser's legs. He slipped his hands beneath Fraser's hips and lifted him upward. This way he could make it last a long time, a slow and sensuous blow job that he had never before given anyone but Jamie.

For several minutes Sean concentrated only on Fraser's cock. He gently took as much of Fraser as he could in his mouth and sucked as he made his way back to the top. He ran his tongue along the now enlarged vein, stopping to suck lingeringly on the head.

Freeing one had from Fraser's hips, he reached up and lightly pinched at a taut nipple. Fraser moaned and spread his legs further apart. Sean was grinding his own screaming cock into the thin mattress of the cot. Sensing that Fraser was very close, Sean abandoned the nipples and inserted one finger as deeply as he could into Fraser's anus. His finger stroked Fraser's prostate gently but thoroughly.

Fraser could feel the heat rising from deep within himself. His semen created an almost burning sensation as it traveled from his testicles, up his shaft. With one final probe and one hard suck, Sean drew Fraser's soul from him as Fraser exploded in his mouth.

Sean was very close himself. Taking the last of Fraser's fluid he said, "Quickly, Lad."

Weak from his own powerful climax, Fraser waited until Sean ws on his back. Then in one graceful movement, he drew all of Sean into his mouth. He could tell that Sean was ready and concentrated on sucking the head, swirling his tongue around it. Willing Sean to cum, Fraser spread Sean's legs and gently cupped his balls with one hand. His touch was all that was needed, and Sean's hips thrust up from the cot as he came.

The next morning, after a quick breakfast, Sean was showing Fraser how to clean the typewriter. Parts of it were spread out on the desk.

Fraser was trying to concentrate on working, but Sean was nuzzling his ear in a maddening way. He almost didn't hear the knock on the door.

"Come in," he said.

Glancing up, Fraser saw a man enter the office and a soft voice said, "Hello, I'm looking for . . . . Sean?"

The room became deathly still. Sean backed away from Fraser, his face gone white. "Jamie? Jamie, what are you doing here?"

"I might be askin' the same of ye."

Fraser was as startled as Sean had been, and equally as upset, for Sean had been nibbling his ear when Jamie entered the room. He studied the man before him. This, then, was James Gordon, Sean's lover. The tension in the room was unbearable. Standing he held out his hand.

"Hello, I'm Benton Fraser. Mr. O'Leary came to get my signature on a release form for his novel. I was working on a report and my typewriter was giving me trouble, so he stayed to show me how to clean it." He hoped that Jamie would accept that explanation.

Jamie returned the handshake. "Then ye would be the one I'm looking for. I need to do some sketches of this area and Sean had told me that ye were his guide. I was hoping ye would do the same for me."

Fraser took a deep breath. "I saw the drawing you did of me. It's beautiful work. It can't be easy to draw someone you've never seen."

"Ah, Laddie, Sean described ye to me well. Only, he failed to mention that ye had been the one to keep him warm at night. Didn't ye, Sean?" Jamie looked from one to the other. Reaching out, he ran his slender fingers along Fraser's face. " 'Tis all right, Laddie. I know about my Sean. Ye weren't the first heart my Sean broke, but ye were the last."

Fraser looked deeply into sapphire eyes as Jamie leaned to him and gave him a gentle kiss.

. . . . . . . . . .

Fraser tossed, moaned, and cried out in his sleep. He woke from his dream to find himself drenched in sweat. He sat up and placed his head in his hands, arms resting on now raised knees. 'Oh, God,' he thought, 'what did I do?' A soft sob escaped him as a tear ran down his face.

Ray, wakened by Fraser's nightmare, sat and put his arms around his lover's shoulders. "What is it, Frase?"

Fraser turned and buried his face against Ray's neck. "Oh, Ray. It was so wrong of me to love Sean. But when I fell in love with him, I didn't know about Jamie. And now, when I think back on it, it's like ... like I was with someone else and it hurt you." Fraser dropped his face back into his hands. "I could see his eyes, Ray. I could see in his eyes how much it hurt him to see Sean and me together. I don't think I'll ever forget that look."

Ray took Fraser into an tender embrace. He didn't like to see his lover hurting like this. "Wha's wrong with you? You told me that ya never met this Jamie."

"It was my dream , Ray. I dreamed that I met Sean again, and we ... we ..."

Ray buried his jealousy of Fraser's first love. "It was just a dream." It was hard for Ray to stay calm as Fraser talked about someone he had once loved so deeply.

Fraser sobbed again and held Ray tighter. "I know. And I know that it wasn't my fault. It was Sean's. But it doesn't make it any easier that Jamie never saw Sean again. He was going home to Ireland and Jamie when his plane crashed. It feels like .. I'm not sure .. as I were responsible."

Ray held Fraser as clsely as he could. "Hey, do ya think that this Jamie would think that it's yer fault Sean couldn't keep his dick in his pants?"

"I don't know. Before I fell in love with you, I didn't care at all about Sean's lover. My God, Ray. They had been together for twenty years, and I didn't care. I didn't understand. I never understood until you." Another sob broke loose. "In my dream? Jamie kissed me, like he was forgiving me."

Ray pulled Fraser down under the sheet with him and cradled Fraser's body against him. "Maybe he did, Frase. Maybe he did."

An hour later, unable to sleep, Fraser got up and went to the home computer that they had recently purchased. He thought he might find something on the internet to occupy his mind for a while and take the vivid dream away. Unconsciously, we went to a web page on Dublin, Ireland. Scanning the headlines of a local newspaper, he noticed an article that said: 'Local Artist Dead'. Going to the story he read it.

"James Gordon, long time resident of Dublin, passed away last night in his sleep. Mr Gordon gained world acclaim in 1956, when he painted the mural of the Battle of Clontarf during the renovation of a Dublin cathedral."

Fraser could read no further. Tears flooded his eyes as he shut down the computer. Maybe Jamie's spirit had forgiven him. Still, it would be a long time before he forgave himself. Returning to their bed, he slid next to Ray, whose arms automatically drew him into their embrace. Even in sleep, Ray provided him the comfort and love that he needed.