To Part 12
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He sat at the dining room table sorting through a stack of files Kermit had brought from the precinct, glancing up from his work from time to time to check on how she was feeling or if she needed anything.
As he prepared to boot up the laptop computer Simms had also sent with Kermit, he noticed Kacie rousing from her nap.
She struggled to sit up, grimacing a little and emitting a small grunt of pain.
"You OK, Kace?" He left his makeshift workstation to sit next to her on the couch.
"Oh, it's the change in altitude when I sit up after I've been lying down for awhile," she complained. "When your head feels as big as a beach ball, your balance gets thrown off."
"Can I get anything for you?"
"Mm-hmmm. Hold out your arms."
He did as she requested, and she eased herself onto his lap and rested the uninjured side of her face against his shoulder. "There," she sighed. "That's much better."
"I'm not going to get much work done this way, Kace."
"I know. Just give me five minutes. Then you can go all the way over there to work again and leave me over here...all by myself."
"You trying to make me feel guilty?"
"Yup," she replied shamelessly. "Is it working?"
"Maybe. A little." He kissed her head and enjoyed the feel of her in his arms. He frowned, and started to speak tentatively. "Honey, can we talk about what happened the other night?"
He felt her stiffen in his arms. "Why?"
"Captain Simms wanted to know if you were going to file assault charges against Eppy."
Muscles still tense, she remained silent a moment before raising a hand to touch the bandage by her eye. "What do you think we should do?"
Peter bit his lip thoughtfully. "Sweetheart, if I thought for one second that he deliberately set out to hurt you, I think I would have to kill him."
Kacie drew a trembling breath. "But, since he was drunk, that makes what he did OK?" Peter flinched at the barb and she was instantly contrite. "I'm sorry, Hon. I shouldn't have said that to you. That was mean."
He swallowed hard and dropped his head to rub his cheek "Do you...blame me...for this?"
"Oh, Honey, no!" She shifted her position in his arms and turned his head, forcing his eyes to meet hers. The pain and guilt she saw there made her own eyes tear up. "How can you even think such a thing?" She reached to tenderly touch his cheek with the tips of her fingers.
"I made you dance with him, and I could see that you really didn't want to."
"You didn't MAKE me dance with him, Peter. I agreed to. Granted, it was against my better judgment, but it was still my decision."
"Sweetheart, do you want to talk about it?"
She stayed silent a moment, and cuddled closer before replying softly, "What do you want to know?"
"I want to know how you really ARE, Kace. I know that, physically, you feel a little better today. But what about inside?"
"I don't know, Hon. I don't know how I feel. I just remember him being stumbling drunk and...grabbing at me. I fought him to get away, and I kept looking for you, to help me. But I couldn't find you." Her voice faded away, and he felt her start to shiver.
"I'm sorry, Kacie. I lost track of you once you were out on the floor, and I had no idea any of that was going on."
"It was so scary, Peter. I couldn't remember anything about what Dad and Kevin had taught me. I-I-I just froze. When I finally got away, I thought I could get to you, but he grabbed me, and then all of a sudden it felt like my face exploded. The next thing I knew I was on the floor, and there was blood on my face and in my mouth and eyes." She shuddered and clutched at his arm.
He wrapped her more securely in his arms and rocked her there. "I still feel responsible for this, Kace. I feel like I let you down somehow...like I set you up for it." He lightly kissed her forehead, just above the bandage. "There I go, falling off my white horse again."
"No, you didn't. Mary Margaret told me how Kermit and the rest had to peel you off him, after you found out what happened. And the first thing I was aware of when I came to was that you were with me and holding my hand."
He took her chin in his hand and carefully tipped her head to kiss her lips. "I love you, Sweetheart. I'd give anything to trade places with you right now. I can't stand the thought of you being in pain."
"Like I didn't know that." She kissed him back and snuggled against his chest. Sighing, she said softly, "I just want to forget about the other night. I don't want to deal with filing charges or having anything else to do with that man. I don't want to see him again, Peter. I don't even want to think about him. I'm sorry. I know that he's your friend, but he frightens me. There's just something about the look in his eyes when he drinks that scares me to death. He's your friend, and you can do what you want with that...I'm not saying it's either him or me, or that because of what happened I forbid you to have anything to do with him. I know that he's...someone important to you, to your past. But please, just keep him away from me, OK?"
"Whatever you want, Sweetheart. But, for what it's worth, he doesn't remember a thing about most of the night. You were right, Kace. He does have a drinking problem, and he needs help. He told me that he's been having these blackouts pretty regularly. I-I have to try to help him."
"I know." She patted his chest. "You wouldn't be you if you didn't. It's part of your Shaolin background, isn't it? Like what I learned when I was growing up: turning the other cheek, like it says in the Bible." They both fell silent.
Kacie sighed dramatically. "I suppose my time is up I have to let you go back to work now. All-l-l the way over there."
He grinned at her theatrics. "That's right, Hon. Your five minutes were up about a half an hour ago."
"Rats. When did you turn into a clock watcher?"
"I just figure that if I can get stuff done here, Simms won't be on my case to come back down to the precinct so soon."
"Well, since you put it like that, get back to work! What are you waiting for?" Kacie climbed off his lap and had Peter help her to her feet.
"Where do you think you're going?" He noticed the frown on her face.
"Oh, I thought I'd make some tea."
"You all right?"
"I got a little headache, that's all."
He looked at her sharply. "You aren't feeling so hot, are you?"
"I'm all right," she insisted. "My head just hurts some."
"You go crawl into bed and I'll bring your tea to you."
She disagreed with him quickly. "No. I...wanna just stay here on the couch. I rest better when I know you're close."
"Honey, is there somebody you could maybe talk to about all this? We have a counselor through the precinct that deals with victims of violent crimes...I could set something up for you."
Kacie looked at him ashamedly. "Am I handling things that badly? You think I'm turning into a basket case again?"
Peter looked at her quickly. "I never said that, Hon. I just want you to be completely OK, and if talking to someone would help you..."
"I *AM* talking to someone. I'm talking to you, aren't I?"
He could see that she was getting upset, and that her eyes were getting the glazed-over look he'd learned to recognize when she was in pain. "All right, Sweetheart. You just settle back down on the couch and I'll bring you your tea."
"I hope you know you're going to spoil me with all this attention."
"I hope you know that I love spoiling you."
The phone rang then, interrupting their conversation. "Honey, you won't leave me, will you?" Kacie asked anxiously.
"I don't care if it's the President. Nobody could pry me away from you." He spoke into the receiver, "Caine here...Oh, hi, Paul...come over to visit tonight?"
He looked over at Kacie, who was shaking her head and forming the words 'not tonight'.
"Paul?...I don't think that's such a good idea...No, she's feeling some better, just not up to visitors yet...Tomorrow?"
Kacie nodded and half-smiled, this time forming the word 'food'.
Peter grinned as he said, "Tomorrow would be great...Yeah, how did you know we'd be running low on?...Oh, my father stopped by...Tell Mom hello and thanks...I'll tell her...See you guys tomorrow...Bye."
"Paul said they send you their love, and they'll swing by around lunch time tomorrow," he informed Kacie, as he sat her back down on the couch. "Pop told them we'd be running low on what he calls 'real food' again, and that you need somebody else's cooking besides mine to recuperate on." He pretended to look insulted. "Where did everybody get the idea that I can't cook 'real' food, anyway?"
Kacie giggled. "My guess is that they came to that conclusion after years of watching what you eat. Didn't your father once tell you that the food you ate was at least as dangerous as the work you did?"
"I eat good stuff..." he started out, and as she stared at him pointedly, he finished lamely, "...sometimes."
Kacie had been home for three days when the doorbell
rang at the apartment. Peter answered the summons to
find Skalany and Jody grinning at him behind twin stacks
of files.
"Bet you never realized how much unfinished paperwork you had lying around the precinct," Jody teased as she saw the dumbfounded expression on Peter's face.
"Where's Kacie?" asked Skalany. "We've come to kidnap her."
"Kidnap me? I'm not going anywhere looking like this," Kacie protested as she walked out of the bedroom in baggy sweats, her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. She hadn't been able to do more than give her hair a token washing in several days, and she looked it.
"No arguments, Katherine Christine," Skalany admonished. "We are hauling you off to our favorite salon to get your hair done. I've already warned them we'd be bringing in an invalid, so they'll be ready for you." The grin on her face took away any sting from her words.
Kacie's eyes widened into saucers and she grinned happily. "Oh! A real shampoo? That'll be heaven! Let me change clothes first. Take me two minutes."
"Is that two minutes YOUR time, or rest-of-the-world time?" Peter teased, and she stuck out her tongue at him before leaving the room.
"Thanks, you guys." Peter looked at his co-workers gratefully. "We've been trying to figure out a safe way to get her hair clean without getting her stitches wet or smacking her nose on something. We just couldn't find a way that either wasn't too uncomfortable or just plain didn't work. Thanks for getting her out of here, too. I couldn't talk her into stepping foot out of the place to go anywhere for any reason."
Kacie came from the bedroom clad in jeans and a polo shirt. "Hey, you know, maybe I should get it cut while we're..."
"Don't you dare!" Peter exclaimed emphatically. "Your hair is perfect the way it is. Whoever touches one hair on your head will die like a dog!"
"Silly man," Kacie made a face at him. "I meant get the ends trimmed. First a clock watcher, then a conclusion jumper." She went over to him and put her hands on his waist. "Now you can be a wife-kisser before I leave."
Skalany and Jody indulgently watched the two say their goodbyes. "Geez, Mary Margaret," Jody commented dryly. "We're just taking her away for a few hours. Kinda makes you wonder what kind of goodbyes they need to be apart for a whole day."
"Yeah," agreed Skalaney. "Hey, Partner, maybe you should just come along with us instead of staying here. We hate to break up this happy couple."
Peter blushed and growled, "You female types get out of here so a man can get some work done."
After the trio laughed their way out the door, Peter stood thoughtfully. Quickly making up his mind, he snatched his car keys off the counter and headed for his foster parents' home.
Peter rang the doorbell and stood nervously waiting
for someone to come to the door. "Maybe I should've
called first," he muttered out loud.
The door opened, and Paul greeted his foster son with a bear hug. "Peter! Good to see you, son. Is Kacie with you?" He looked around expectantly.
"No, Skalany and Jody took her out to a hair salon for the afternoon."
"How is she, really?" Paul asked as they walked down the hallway toward the kitchen.
"Healing. A little jumpy." Peter sighed. "She's been having nightmares. She wakes herself up and falls right back to sleep again. Pop's herbs pack almost as big a wallop as morphine, but Kace says at least she can get up in the morning without feeling like she's high on something." He frowned. "I've tried talking to her about the attack, and I offered to set her up with a counselor to victims of violent crimes, but she wouldn't have it. She keeps telling me she's fine, but the way she acts, she reminds me of Carolyn's little Katie when her mom gets out of her sight."
"Be patient, Son. An incident like that takes a little time to get over."
"I know, Paul, but it makes me feel sorta sneaky about coming here today to see Eppy without telling her first. I know how she feels about him, so it just seemed like a good time, since she's out and I don't have to worry about leaving her alone."
"I meant to call you, Peter. Eppy's not here. He packed up and moved out yesterday. I have no idea where he went or why. He took off without saying a word."
Peter was stunned. "But...he said he was going to get help. I told him that you would help him and so would I."
Paul took a deep breath and put an arm around Peter's shoulders. "Peter, Epstein is an alcoholic. I've visited with his captain over the phone. Eppy's not taking extended leave time, Son. He was suspended. He's been sinking for a long time, according to Captain Logan. Excessive absences, unaccounted leave, and drinking on the job. Lately, these blackouts have been the biggest problem. He has entire blocks of time where he has no idea where he's been, what he's said, what he's done." Paul looked at Peter steadily. "He's just not ready yet to admit he's got a problem -- not to himself, not to anyone."
"He admitted it to me," Peter argued. "The other night, at the hospital, he admitted he had a problem. He told me he needed help."
"He was feeling guilty and ashamed then, Peter. And he was probably afraid of losing what he considers his last friend, and that's you. Eppy told Annie and me about what happened the morning after. He cried and kept telling us how sorry he was. I think that, at the time, he was truly remorseful. My guess is that once he found out no charges were being filed -- well, he's probably back out there somewhere drinking right now."
"Didn't you tell him you would help him?"
"Of course we did, Peter. I offered to help him check into a clinic or a rehab program, but he only got angry with me and accused me of trying to have him locked up."
"So he's left town?"
"I don't know, Son."
Peter looked at Paul sorrowfully. "What drove him to this, Paul? I always thought of Eppy as the kind of guy that just rolled with the punches."
"Sometimes, Son, life can hit a man between the eyes one too many times, and he just doesn't have the strength or desire to get up again."
"I still don't understand why he wouldn't let us do something for him."
They moved into the kitchen, where Annie had a freshly brewed pot of coffee waiting. She gave Peter a hug and kissed his cheek affectionately. "Hi, Sweetie. We've missed seeing you."
He lingered in her embrace and explained apologetically, "I've been sticking pretty close to home, Mom."
"How is your better half? And why didn't you bring her with you? We've wanted to come over more often, but thought maybe Kacie could use her rest more than having in-laws hovering around."
"She's fine. Jody and Skalany took her out to get her hair washed at a salon."
The three sat at the table and sipped their coffee. Peter stared moodily into the dark fluid before asking, "Mom, do you know why Eppy bolted? You always seem to have a sixth sense about these things."
Annie sat a moment and considered the question. "The only thing I can remember was that he was watching television, and I heard some kind of special news bulletin about a riot at the state prison. It said something about a guard and some inmates being killed, but I didn't catch all of it."
"Why would something like that bother him? And why would he run away from those of us who want to help him?"
"Peter, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped," Paul answered slowly.
"What do you mean by that? Are you turning your back on him?" Peter asked indignantly.
"That's not what I'm saying, Son. I'll help him in a heartbeat, if he'll let me. I just don't think he's ready to admit to himself he needs intervention," Paul explained patiently. "And until he contacts us again, there's not much we can do. He could be anywhere."
Peter was too upset to think rationally. "So Eppy's out there, somewhere, feeling lost and alone and abandoned." His voice grated harshly in his throat. "Unless you've experienced life like that for yourself, you can't know what it's like. You just can't know."
Annie reached for Peter's hand and held it in both of hers. "Sweetie, you have always been a good and loyal friend to Eppy. But sometimes, the best help for someone is to NOT help them." She paused a moment and added as an afterthought, "Sometimes, you just have to be ready to pick up the pieces."
Peter was totally frustrated. "And how do I help Kacie? I can't stay home with her forever, but I don't like the idea of leaving her alone if she's not ready for it. Am I just supposed to wait to pick up pieces THERE, too?"
"Calm down, Son. We know this whole thing has been rough on you, too. If things get really tough, the two of you are welcome to stay here with us. There's plenty of room, and when you go to work, either Annie or I or the both of us would be here with her."
Peter smiled briefly. "I guess I kinda went off half- cocked there. Thanks for the offer. I have an idea that Kacie won't go for it, though. She doesn't like feeling dependent or like she needs a babysitter. The only reason she puts up with it from me is because...well, just because."
Annie smiled and felt for Paul's hand, which she knew would be nearby. "Because she loves you, Peter, and because she knows you love her." She squeezed Paul's hand gently. "There's a lot I put up with from THIS guy, for the same reasons."
Paul looked at his foster son seriously. "The best advice I can give you, Peter, is to just love her...and I know you already do that."
"It just seems like there should be more that I can do," Peter insisted.
"Sweetie, you have always tried to carry the weight of the entire world, and while you DO have broad shoulders, they're not that broad. No human's are. Just do what you can and let the rest go."
"Have you two been talking to Pop?"
Paul laughed heartily. "Peter, of COURSE we talk. We're your parents."
Peter got to his feet after looking at his watch. "Well, since Eppy's not here, I guess I'd better get home and get some work done while Kacie's gone with Jody and Skalany."
"Hard to concentrate on files when you're home alone with your beautiful wife all day long, is it?" Annie teased.
"Mo-o-m!"