Part 16
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Peter had watched the growing relationship between his father and Skalany for quite some time, and he still wasn't sure what he thought of it. As he saw them together this evening, it surprised him to realize that it really didn't bother him to see Skalany lay a possessive hand on Caine's and his father link his fingers with hers.
Kacie chatted with Kermit about the latest computer technology at the hospital. Peter watched in fascination as Kacie's eyes glowed first a dark blue, then violet, always changing as she shifted her glance from Peter to Kermit. {My father once described my mother as having an iridescent quality. That's the word for Kacie, too. Iridescent.} He didn't realize he had spoken aloud until she stopped talking and turned to him.
"Did you say something?" she asked, her eyes shining with open affection for him.
He returned her smile and shook his head. "No, nothing. Just thinking out loud."
Caine glanced their way and smiled benevolently. The smile faded and he looked at Peter with a serious expression. "My son, we must talk."
Peter looked at him quizzically over the glass of beer he was sipping. "What's up?"
"I am leaving on a journey in the morning," Caine informed him. "I do not know how long I will be gone."
Peter set down his glass carefully. Several questions leaped to his tongue, but he knew better than to voice them.
Skalany pouted, "Aw, Caine, we've only just got you back." She patted his hand.
"Why do you have to leave?"
Heads swiveled to look at Kacie. She had taken in the downcast expression on Peter's face and spoke without thinking. "I don't understand how you can keep doing this to Peter." Her eyes glittered angrily.
"Kacie." Peter put a restraining hand on her arm, but she ignored him.
"You tear his heart out every time you walk away, and you act like it's no big thing. Do you enjoy seeing him in pain?"
"Kacie, let it go," Peter warned.
"I will NOT let it go!" She pulled away from Peter and leaned over the table toward Caine, for all the world like a she-bear defending her cub. "Peter has lived half his life without you, and you desert him time after time like you don't even care. You were given a second chance at a relationship with him. I don't understand this way of life that puts anyone and everyone ahead of your own son. What kind of man are you?"
"I am Shaolin."
"Is that an explanation or an excuse?" she shot back, face red and angry. "Maybe what I should have asked is what kind of father are you?"
Peter grabbed her arm again, fingers clamping around her wrist like a vise. "Back the hell off, Kacie," he snarled. "This is none of your damn business. He's not your father!"
Her face paled and she jerked her arm away from his bruising grip as she stood up. "You're right, he's not." She grabbed her coat and purse and rasped out in a voice hoarse with emotion. "I can never have a relationship with my father again, and you two, you-you-you waste the time you have!" She stumbled over her chair as she fled from the room.
Peter stared at his father. "Pop. Pop, she had no right to talk to you that way."
Caine gave him an inscrutable look and rose to his feet. "I must go and prepare for my journey. Good night, Mary Margaret." He kissed her hand. With the fist in palm salute to Peter, he bowed and said, "Good-bye, my son," and was gone.
Peter finished his glass of beer in one long pull, setting down his glass with a thump.
"Aren't you going after Kacie?" Kermit asked.
"Why should I?"
Peter poured himself another beer while Skalany and Kermit exchanged looks. They settled in for what they knew was going to be a long night.
He lowered the flute from his lips and sat listening, head cocked to one side, as he heard a timid knock at the front door. Rising fluidly to his feet, he went to answer it. He opened the door to find Kacie standing there, shame-faced and shivering, obviously having been caught in the rain.
"I have to say this quick, before I lose my nerve," she quavered. "I had no right to speak to you the way I did. I was incredibly rude and disrespectful and I am thoroughly ashamed." She backed away, hands shoved deep into her coat pockets, unable to meet his eyes. "I would ask for your forgiveness, but my behavior was inexcusable." She turned and started to walk away.
"Wait."
She halted at the sound of his voice and stood tensely waiting.
"Please, come in. You are wet and cold."
She turned slowly back toward him, looking up at him, eyes full of sorrow and remorse.
"Come." He motioned an invitation with his hand.
She preceded him into the flat and stood shivering just inside the door.
"You must get out of your wet clothing." Caine removed a set of kung fu workout clothing from a closet shelf. "You can change in there." He nodded toward the bathroom.
Kacie returned in a few minutes with the tunic wrapped snugly around her slim form, belt tied at her waist. She held her wet clothing in her hands. "I didn't know what you wanted me to do with these." She glanced at him briefly, before lowering her eyes.
He took the clothes from her and spread them over a radiator to dry. "Come. Have something to drink to warm yourself." She obediently followed him and sat across from him at the kitchen table.
"Thank you." She spoke softly. "You are being very kind after I was so awful to you." She took a grateful sip of her tea and kept her eyes focused on the middle of the table.
He reached out his hand and gently lifted up her chin to force her eyes to meet his. "Your words were from your heart and you spoke out of your affection for my son. There is no dishonor in that."
Her lips crimped. "Please don't be angry with Peter because of me."
"I am not angry with Peter." Caine looked at her in surprise.
"Then why are you leaving him? I don't understand how you can do this when you know how much it hurts him. I'm just afraid you'll stay away because I offended you."
"I love my son more than my own life. I will not be gone for long."
"I don't see why you have to leave at all. Maybe Peter understands all this better than I do, but I can't stand to see him look so hurt."
"You have strong feelings for my son."
"He's the best friend I've ever had. And-and I guess that's why I overreacted tonight and lost my temper with you." She took another sip of tea and set the cup down, idly tracing a ring around its rim.
"Why were you out in the storm? Do you not have a car?"
She blushed and grinned wryly. "I was so upset when I left Chandler's that I just took off on foot. Before I knew it, I was in Chinatown. I asked around until someone told me where you live." The blush deepened. "It took me another hour to get enough courage to come and talk to you."
"You find me so...intimidating?"
"No. I was just that ashamed and embarrassed."
"The matter is forgotten."
"You are very gracious." She smiled gratefully at him.
He shrugged. "You are a good friend for my son. He has been more at peace with himself since he has known you."
Kacie's chin trembled. "He didn't look very at peace tonight. He's really mad at me."
"Peter can be very volatile at times." Caine spoke with an indulgent parental smile. "He will, as you would say, get over it."
"I don't know," she said shakily. "I don't think he'll ever speak to me again."
Caine chuckled and punched her chin in a gentle caress. "I think you worry about things almost as much as Peter."
Kacie glanced at her wristwatch and made a dismayed sound. "Oh, my gosh, I didn't realize it was so late! I've gotta get home."
"I will walk with you to get a cab to your car," Caine told her. "It is not safe for you to be out alone so late at night."
"I'll take these home and wash them," she said, indicating the clothing she was wearing.
"You can return them the next time you come to visit."
"You would really want me to come back?"
"You are always welcome here," Caine told her as she gathered up her things and they walked out the door together.
Peter refilled his coffee mug and set it down on his desktop before rummaging in a drawer for an ancient bottle of aspirin. He opened the bottle, shaking three tablets into his palm and throwing the now-empty container into the trash. Tossing the aspirin into his mouth, he washed them down with several gulps of the bitter-tasting coffee, his head throbbing painfully and his stomach roiling uneasily. {I don't know if it's this hangover or the fact my father's gone again that's bugging me most. Damn it! Why did Kacie have to open her mouth?}
He rose stiffly to his feet and walked over to the four-drawer file cabinet, opening the top drawer and searching for a file. After several minutes of fruitless searching, he gave up in frustration, slamming the drawer shut so hard it immediately popped open again.
"Peter?" The soft, tentative voice made him whip his head around.
Kacie stood timidly beside his desk, arms wrapped around herself protectively. Her eyes were huge in her pale face. "Peter, I..."
"What are you doing here? Everybody in the city suddenly get healthy?"
She recoiled from the sneer on his face and the venom in his voice. "Peter, I just wanted to..."
He made a chopping motion with his hand. "Save it!"
She took another step back from the cold fury on his face.
"Unless you're here to report a crime or file a complaint, I suggest you leave. I'm not interested in anything else you might have to say."
The squad room fell silent, and Skalany and Kermit stood frozen by the door to Kermit's office.
Kacie's face went red with embarrassment and then turned white. Her eyes darkened to obsidian orbs and she blinked twice before replying quietly, "Sorry to have bothered you, Detective Caine. You can be sure it won't happen again."
She turned and walked away, muscles at the corner of her jaw twitching and hands buried deep in her jacket pockets.
Peter watched the retreating back as it disappeared around the front counter and down the corridor. Slamming shut the partly open file drawer, he leaned against it, head on his arms.
"I live here."
"You-you-you said the other night you had a journey to make."
"I changed my mind." Caine smiled a half-smile. "It no longer was necessary. This disappoints you?"
"No!" Peter laughed out loud in relief. "I'm just surprised. You-you've never changed your mind before."
"Perhaps, after the other night, I am seeing things differently."
Peter's face darkened. "Pop, about the other night. Kacie had no business talking to you like that, and..."
Caine raised a hand to interrupt. "This is not about Kacie, my son. This is about you and me."
Peter fell silent then, not sure where this was leading. Caine motioned for him to sit, and he crossed his legs to lower himself to the floor.
"Peter, do you remember how I once told you to learn to see with more than your eyes?" At Peter's nod, he continued. "When I must leave on a journey, I am not leaving you, my son. Those are times I have a different path to walk, some duty to fulfill." He leaned forward to tenderly caress Peter's cheek and jaw with the tips of his fingers.
Peter rested his face momentarily in that large, gentle hand and closed his eyes.
"I have never meant to cause you pain when I leave you, my son. I had hoped that you understood why I must sometimes be away from you in body. But you have never been out of my heart or my thoughts."
"I know that, Pop," Peter choked. "At least, my head knows that. It's-it's my heart that can't handle the thought of losing you again, to not know where you are, not even for a few days."
"You know I must be about my business, my son. You have always known this."
Peter nodded slowly, his hazel eyes shining with his love for his father.
"Peter, if you learn to hear with more than your ears and feel with more than your heart, you will always know where I am, and you will always feel me near."
Caine pulled Peter close and held him, much as a mother would comfort her child. Peter felt the residual fear and anger drain away, and he lingered in his father's embrace before sitting up and pulling away.
"You are still troubled, my son?" Caine regarded Peter solemnly.
Peter dropped his head and stared absently at the flickering candles. "Pop, about Kacie..."
Caine's slow smile reappeared. "A warm and loving person."
Peter's jaw dropped. "But, Pop, the way she talked to you..."
"She and I have already put the matter to rest. She came to see me that very same night."
"But she didn't even know where you live."
Caine's smile grew broader. "Come to Chinatown."
"Ask for Caine." Peter finished with a crooked smile that quickly faded. "She came to see me at the precinct, and I-I-I sent her away."
"You are concerned?"
"I said some pretty rotten things to her, Pop," Peter admitted miserably.
"Then you must go to her and admit your wrongdoing."
"I don't think it'll be that easy," Peter said doubtfully. "You didn't see the look on her face." He winced in remembrance of the shattered features and his gut twisted with regret. {Why did I talk to her like that?}
"It is never easy for a man to admit he has been foolish." Caine's face took on a faraway look. "I remember once when I spoke in anger to your mother."
"You and my mother used to fight?" Peter's mouth gaped in astonishment.
Caine shot him an aggrieved look. "We did not fight. We disagreed at times. Your mother could become very impassioned in her opinions. Much like your Kacie." He paused in reflection and smiled. "She reminds me very much of your mother in that way."
"You argued one time?" Peter prompted.
"Yes." Caine's face took back its faraway expression. "I remember that time I spoke thoughtless words in anger. It was like watching an eclipse of the sun." He sighed heavily. "She turned away from me without a word, and I spent the rest of the day wandering. Trying to think of what to say or do." He lapsed into silence.
"What did you do?" Peter asked softly.
"I returned to our home, not knowing what to expect. I walked in the door and she was waiting for me, as she always waited for me. We were in each other's arms and words did not seem so necessary any more." He chuckled softly.
"What?"
"Your mother would sometimes accuse me of starting an argument so we could later make up." The smile on his face was soft with emotion.
Peter blushed and shifted his weight uncomfortably. {Jeez, Pop. I want to know about my mother, but I don't want to know everything!} He sniffed and cleared his throat. "So what are you saying, Pop?"
"You must first seek forgiveness if you wish to find it."
Peter sat quietly a moment longer. "Thanks, Pop, for sharing with me. I hope you're right." He got to his feet, feeling better than he had in days. "You know, Pop, we gotta have more of these little talks."
When Kacie saw who it was, her lips parted in a small gasp of surprise. Her face flushed and she swiftly started to close the door again.
"Kacie, wait," he pleaded, stepping forward to keep the door from shutting in his face. "I need to talk to you."
She stared at him with hurt-filled eyes. "What's to talk about? I figured you said everything you wanted to say the other morning at the precinct, Detective Caine." She turned her back and stepped away from him.
Peter ran a nervous hand through his hair. "Kacie, I-I-I was wrong to yell at you the way I did, both at Chandler's and at the precinct. Sometimes I just don't think before I talk. I'm here because-because I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." He put a hand on her arm and she shrugged it off.
"Don't touch me." Her voice sounded more tired than angry.
"Kace, please. Look at me. I-I-I can't talk to you if I can't see your eyes."
"Just say what you have to say and leave. I'm tired and I have to get up early tomorrow morning."
He fidgeted, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "OK." He took a shaky breath before he started. "I acted like a complete jerk and I'm sorry for the things I said to you. Your friendship..." His voice suddenly choked up and he had to stop and swallow. "Your friendship means the world to me. I'm hoping you can forgive me for being such an ass."
She turned and looked at him accusingly. "You hurt me." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
He dropped his head. "I know."
The silence lengthened between them, and when he dared lift his eyes again, he saw her lips tremble.
"Don't let it happen again."
He held out his arms and she walked into his embrace.
"I'm still going to build up a resistance to that look."
He held her more tightly. {Never. Not if I can help it.}