"Billy. I want answers! What the hell are you doing?"

"A rapid detox."

"A what?"

"You know, rapid detox."

"That's risky for the chart it's indicated on. This is with the family's
consent?"

"Signature's on the chart."

Phillip skimmed the document. "This is your signature."

"I'm the next of kin."

"Billy…"

"Look, Phillip, it's Diane, ok? So back off!"

"Billy, hold on. Diane. The patient you're performing a rapid detox for
herein on is Diane as in
mother of your child used to work here been missing for the last three month
Diane?"

"Yep."

She'd never really told Billy she'd had a problem. She saw how he'd reacted
to marijuana. She
had mentioned she'd hung out with the pot heads, but she hadn't mentioned
she'd been one. She'd
also shot up a couple of times. But she'd quit. End of story. Never no more.
But she'd never
found the courage to tell him. She certainly couldn't tell him now.

She didn't even remember how their fight started. They were both stressed
out. They'd yelled and
screamed at each other for at least three hours before they'd woken Emily
up. Then had come the
brawl about whose fault it was that she'd woken up. They still weren't
speaking. She toyed with
the idea of talking to Aaron or Kate about the situation, but she didn't
want her dirty laundry aired
all over the hospital. She was still mulling when Keith came up behind her.

"Boo."

Diane jumped. "You scared me!"

"How you doing?"

"Excuse me?"

"I overheard Billy ranting to Aaron in the locker room. Sounded nasty."

"So I'm the bad guy?"

"I didn't say that."

"Forget it, Keith. Just pretend you never heard it. "With that, she stalked
off.

From that moment on, nothing went right for her. She cut herself in the ER,
effectively taking
herself out of commission. Then, when she was going through her mail, she
found a letter from
Jake, lamenting her leaving research and Africa and all the exciting things
he was doing now.
She'd stared at that letter for a long time. She missed research. She loved
working in the ER, but
she ached for research. She'd come back for Billy. She'd never regretted
that decision. Up until
now.

Emily swung her feet under the table. The five-year-old's face was a picture
of uneasiness. The
dinner table was silent except for the sounds of chewing. Mommy and Daddy
were mad at each
other. She wanted to cry; she was scared that they hated each other. But she
wouldn't cry. That
would just cause another fight.

Billy got up from the table. He stalked over to the fridge and grabbed a
beer. He knew Diane
hated it when he drank in front of Emily, but tough. Right now, he wanted
her to hate it. As he
popped the top off the bottle, he noticed a letter on top of Diane's papers.
Loft. Africa.

He picked it up and held it between two fingers. "What's this?" It was the
first thing he'd said to
her in two days.

Diane ignored him. "Emily, eat your peas." The little girl was pushing her
food around her plate.

"Jake Loft?"

"Do you read my mail now, Billy?" She rose from the table.

"So what if I do?"
"Forget it, Billy. It was an informative, friendly letter about research."

"Does he want you?"

"Gee, I don't know Billy. Why don't I just hop a plane, sleep with him, and
ask him!"

"That's not what I said!"

"But it's what you meant!"

"Really! What, are you psychic now? What am I thinking, huh?"

"I don't need to defend my friends to you! You don't own me! Maybe he does
want me to go to
Africa! Maybe I should go! I should have never left!"

They were silent. Billy swallowed. "That was the most cruel, selfish thing I
have ever heard you
say. What about Emily, huh? Do you regret her? Huh?"

"Billy, you know that's not what I meant! Don't you dare drag Emily into
this!"

"Then what did you mean?!"

"That I shouldn't have married you!"

"Right now, I agree with you? I should have dumped you on our ass after I
found out about you
and Aaron! Hell, It was probably the first of many, wasn’t' it!"

"I don't need this, Billy!" Diane grabbed her purse and coat.

"Where are you going?"

"To work!" She slammed the door behind hr. Billy slammed his hand into the
counter. A quiet,
sobbing sound woke him form his anger.

"Emily, baby, don't cry." Billy picked up his daughter and held her. "Don't
cry baby girl. It'll be ok.
Mommy and Daddy both love you very much. Don't cry baby."

"Is Mommy coming back?" she gasped through sobs.

"Of course baby. Of course."

Diane was in the supply closet looking for a zpack. Her eyes fell on the
methadone. It would be
so easy. She was trapped. So trapped.

Keith looked up in surprise when he saw Diane Grad standing in the hallway
with a dazed look on
hr face. "Diane, what are you doing here?"

She looked up and smiled at him. "I didn't have anything to do, so I decided
to come in."

Keith looked at her grin and hr eyes. "You're high."

"What!" she snorted. "Come on, Keith."

"If I know one thing form this job, it's what high is and you are high."

"Keith…"

"Go home Diane."

"Fine. Fine. I'll just go home."

Keith watched her leave. He didn't think about it again until he saw Billy
right before he went off
shift.

"Hey, Keith, have you seen Diane?"

"Yeah, I sent her home about one this morning."

"She didn’t come home."

"What?"

"I haven't seen her since she left." Billy headed for the elevator.

"Billy!"

"Yeah?"

"She was messed up when she left."

"What?"

"She was high."

Emily snuggled down in her blankets as Daddy tucked her in. She loved her
Daddy, but she
missed her Mommy too. It had been four weeks since Mommy and Daddy had the
big fight at the
dinner table, and Mommy had left. They didn’t talk about it much. Just
before Daddy left, Emily
reached out and grabbed his hand.

"Daddy?"

"What is it baby girl?"

"I miss Mommy."

"So do I."

It was Halloween when Sarah had picked her up at school. Sarah was in high
school Her mommy
was Aunt Kate. She wasn’t really her aunt; she was Daddy’s friend from work.
Sarah was going
to take her to the hospital, and they were going to go trick or treating.
Daddy didn’t think the
streets were safe.

When they got tot he hospital, Daddy was in surgery, so they went to Aunt
Kate’s office. Then
Sarah had to leave to go get her costume. Emily sat with Aunt Kate and read
Madeline. But Emily
wasn’t paying attention.

"Aunt Kate?"

"What sweetie?"

"If my mommy was dead, would somebody tell me?"

"Oh, honey, of course. But your mommy’s not dead."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Then where is she?"
"I wish I knew. Doesn’t you daddy talk to you about these things?"

"I don’t like to ask him. It makes him cry."

Kate smoothed back the little girl’s hair and sighed.

Emily cried all through Thanksgiving. She missed her Mommy. Daddy held her
the whole time, but
it didn’t help.

After she was asleep, Billy collapsed on the couch. The house was empty
except for the two of
them. He was worried sick about Diane, but he was also angry. Not about
their fight. He’d take
back everything he’d said to have her back. He was angry at Diane for
forcing Emily to go
through this.

It was the last day of school before Christmas, and Emily was trying to be
happy. She was sitting
in class watching the grinch when the secretary called her out of class and
told her to gather her
things. Emily strapped on her backpack with a worried expression. Who was
here to pick her up?

In the hall, Emily saw a woman nervously pacing by the doors. As she neared,
the woman turned,
and Emily saw her face.

She began running and launched herself into the woman’s arms. "Mommy!"

"Hey, baby girl." Diane held her daughter tightly. She turned to the
secretary. "Thanks. I’ll take
her home?"

"Should I call Dr. Kronk?"

"No, we’ll stop by the hospital on the way home."

Billy was signing his last chart at the nurses’ station when her saw his
daughter hurdling down the
corridor toward him. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!"

"Whoa, where’s the fire? What are you doing here?"

Emily skidded to a halt in front of him and through her arms around him.
"Mommy picked me up
at school and brought me here!"

"Mommy?" Billy looked up.

"Hi, Billy." Diane stood sheepishly in front of her husband. "I hope you
don’t mind. I picked her
up."

Billy stared at her. "Yeah, well…Listen, Emily, Aunt Kate’s in her office.
Why don’t you go wish
her a Merry Christmas? Is her present still in your backpack?"

"Yes. So’s Sarah’s."

Billy signaled a nurse. "Could you please take her up to Dr. Austin’s
office? Thanks."

As soon as Emily had disappeared, Billy latched on to Diane’s arm and
steered her into a supply
room. As soon as the door was closed behind them, Billy wrapped her in his
arms. Then he held
her at arms length and shook her.

"Where the hell have you been?!"

"Billy, I know you’re mad about the fight…"

"No, no, no. This is not about that. The fight was stupid. You scared the
shit out of me! You
disappear for three months and then just show up?" He kissed her hard. "I
love you, baby doll.
And I glad you’re back, but am I pissed."

"Billy, I know. I just got sick."

"Keith said you were high."

"All right. I was high. I just felt…trapped and the methadone…I had a
problem in collage. I guess
I didn’t kick it."

"Where have you been?"

"Here, there. You really don’t want to know. I played turkey at hospitals
and clinics until I
couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to be with you and Emily."

He looked at her. She had old bruises on her face. "How’d you get beat up?"

"Pick a fight. ER gives you drugs."

"You still using?"

"Six hours clean," she laughed shakily. "It’s rough. See?" She held out a
hand . It was trembling.

"What can I do?"
"Detox me."

Emily crawled into her mother’s hospital bed. She handed a package to hr.
"Merry Christmas,
Mommy!"

"Oh, baby." Diane hugged her daughter.

"I got it just in case. It was my Christmas wish you came home."

Diane nearly cried. She held her little girl and looked at her husband. He’d
been so good to her.

Billy had put her under himself. "Just relax. Take deep breaths."

She smiled as her eyes drifted shut.

Billy hardly left her side. Just watching her breath was enough for him.
She’d been back a day and
a half before they’d started the detox. Billy had taken the day off. The
night she’d come back, he
was completely distracted. Diane had quit cold turkey and he knew how hard
that was. It was
only a matter of time before her withdrawal symptoms were visible or she
used again. He just
hoped he was there when she started. He saw Kate ahead of her in the hall.

"Kate!"

"Hey, Billy." She stopped walking long enough for Billy to catch up. "Emily
told me that Diane’s
back. That’s wonderful."

"Shocked me. Listen. I might need someone to look after Emily for a couple
of days pretty soon.
I don’t know when, but soon."

"Well, yeah, but what does Diane think? I mean she hasn’t seen her daughter
in three months."

"Kate, Diane’s the reason I would need someone to watch her."

"Billy…"

"Listen, you can’t tell anyone. Diane’s got a problem as in drug problem.
She quit cold turkey.
She should be going through major withdrawals soon."

"You have to get her into the hospital, Billy."

"I will. I just don’t want to put her through anymore humiliation than
necessary."

"Yeah. Either Sarah or I will be able to look after her."

"Thanks, Kate."

When Billy got home, he was met by a very worried Emily. "Mommy’s sick."

"Sick, baby? How?"

"She’s in the bathroom throwing up." Emily grabbed her father’s arm. "Is
Mommy going to die?"

Billy hugged his wide-eyed daughter. "No, baby girl. Mommy is not going to
die. You stay her,
ok?"

She nodded.

Billy rushed into the bathroom to find Diane dry heaving into the toilet. He
knelt down beside her,
holding back her hair back and supporting her head. She coughed and then
spit. "Nothing to
come up."

"How long?"

"Hour or so." She leaned back against him. "I made the mistake of eating."

"So, solid food is a no, no. You want to go to the hospital?"

"Not yet."

Billy helped her stand. He held her while she washed out her mouth and
brushed her teeth.

"Why don’t you put on something comfy and decide where you want to crash. I
brought an iv
with me. We’ll get you hooked up."

Diane lay on the couch, her head in Billy’s lap. Emily was curled up at her
side, trying not to jostle
her mother’s arm that contained the iv.

"Do you feel better, Mommy?"

"I’m getting there, baby girl." Diane stroked her daughter’s hair. "But
right now, isn’t it time for
you to eat dinner?"

"Yeah. What are we having?"

"Well," Billy said, "Mommy’s having intravenous fluids and we are having
pizza."

Emily climbed off the couch. "With pepperoni?"

"Yep." Billy propped up Diane with a pillow as he extracted himself. "I’ll
start her, then I’ll come
back and fix you up with a new bag, ok?" He kissed her.

"You are far to good for me." Diane watched them go into the kitchen and
closed her eyes. Her
head was pounding. For the past six hours, ever since Billy had come home to
find her vomiting,
she’d been dizzy, running a fever, and clammy. She opened her eyes and the
room swam. Oh no.
Not now. Not in front of Emily. She closed her eyes and swallowed. Then she
felt it. The burning.
It was crawling inside her skin. She had to get it out.

Emily skipped back in the living room to bring her mother a glass of water.
When she entered the
room, she dropped it as she shrieked. "Mommy! Daddy! Daddy!"

Billy rushed into the room. Jesus Christ. He’d hoped to avoid this. Diane
had torn out her iv and
was clawing through her arms. He grabbed his bag and pushed his daughter out
of the room.

"Call Aunt Kate. It’s number three on the speed dial. Stay by the front
door, inside, and wait for
her, ok?"

Emily nodded and did as she was told. Billy grabbed his hysterical wife and
began to bandage
her.

Kate rushed up the front stairs and rang the bell. The door flew open, and a
very frightened Emily
hurdled into her arms. "Where’s your daddy?’

"In the living room with Mommy."

"Stay here."

Kat hurried into the living room to find Billy cradling Diane in his arms,
walking toward the door.
"I heard the bell. Can you take her?"

"Yeah, what happened?"

"She tried to claw her veins out. I’m taking her to the hospital."

Billy sat by Diane’s bed. She could wake up any minute. Her eyes fluttered.

"Don’t talk," he stroked her hair. "you have a tube in your throat. I’m
going to count to three.
Take a deep breath."

Billy extracted the tube as Diane coughed.

"Take a deep breath."

Diane opened the package her daughter had given her. It was a silver locket.
On one side was a
picture of Billy and on the other was a picture of Emily.

"Do you like it?’

"Oh, baby, it’s beautiful! I love it!" Diane embraced her daughter and
buried her face in the little
girl’s hair. "What made you get it?"

"I thought it was a good idea."

Diane looked at Billy. "Don’t look at me. She had Kate take her shopping. I
just forked up the
capital."

Diane leaned over to kiss her husband without letting go of her daughter.
"Thank you."

"For what? The locket?"

"For letting me come back."

"Mommy," Emily interrupted. "Put it on!"

Diane took the necklace out of the box and unhooked it. "Should we let Daddy
hook it?"

"No, I can do it." Emily carefully fastened the clasp. "There!"

"What a big girl. You have your Daddy’s hands. I bet you’ll grow up to be
just like him."

"Mommy, I don’t want to be a surgeon."

"Really, baby girl," Billy broke in. "What do you want to be?"

"A race car driver."