by Stephanie Meyer

the author doesn't own them. the belong to whoever made them up. I have no money. I don't claim
them.

It was the damnedest thing he'd ever seen. The whole hospital was still reeling from Alan's attack when
the ER was flooded with casualties from the police raid. He vaguely saw the police talking to Diane
before Dennis summoned her. He went back to the kid he was stabilizing. But soon Billy was
distracted from his task. A scream caught his attention. He looked up to see Diane standing over a
gurney, pushing her hand into a kid's gunshot wound. The look on her face astounded him. Diane, who
to his knowledge had never knowingly harmed another human being, was digging into a flesh wound
with her fingers. Danny moved to stop her, but she wouldn't budge. Finally, two orderlies physically
picked her up and dragged her away while she screamed her death sentence at the kid. He assumed
that Alan's shooter had been positively identified.

A week or so later, Billy came upon Diane sitting in the observation room.

"Hey, I thought Kate told you to go home."

"She did. I can't."

"Diane..."

"Don't, Billy. Kate and I have already had a heart to heart. She wants to help me, I know. But she
can't, Billy." She shook her head, her eyes wild.
"Nobody can."

"Diane, listen to me...."

"NO! I don't want platitudes. Gary Poltran may have pulled the trigger, but it's my fault Alan's dead. If
I hadn't set him up with my pregnant girlfriend, we wouldn't have been on that train. We wouldn't have
been there. Alan would be alive and Alicia would still have her father. I took him away from her, Billy.
I'm a curse. I should just kill myself and save everyone the grief. Hell, at the very least, the lawsuit that
should come out of this thing would be settled."

Billy took her by the shoulders. "Diane, it is not your fault Alan died. It is Gary Poltran's fault and no
one else's. You are not cursed."

"I killed three people by just being in contact with them."

"You were asymptomatic. You couldn't have know."

"I don't deserve to live."

"Well killing yourself isn't the answer."

She tried to break his hold on her. "What do you know?! Why do you care?!"

"I know that running away won't help! It never fixes anything, Diane! That's what suicide is! Running
away is the selfish, easy way out. It punishes the people that care about you! I already lost one friend
recently! I'll be damned if I'm going to lose another one!"

Diane stopped struggling. "We're friends?"

"Yeah, friends."

Diane's face crumpled and she lost what composure she still had. Here was someone who cared about
her, who didn't reproach her for her actions in the ER, and who wasn't going to baby her feelings. Hell,
Billy would probably literally shake her out of this than anything else. She needed that. She needed him.
He would protect her, and right now, she felt like she needed to be protected. She began to cry.

Billy let go of her shoulders, and she sagged against him. He gingerly wrapped his arms around her as
she cried onto his chest. He didn't think she'd cried yet. He let her sob.. He began to gently rock her.
He knew one thing, he couldn't let her be alone.

Once she'd stopped sobbing, he dug a tissue out of his pocket and placed it under her nose. "Blow."

She did. Then he wiped her eyes with his sleeve. "Listen, I want you to stay with me and Danny
tonight, OK? I don't think you should be alone."

Diane nodded. It was nice to be taken care of. Plus, Billy had said it wasn't her fault and Billy Kronk
did not lie.

Danny looked up from where he was sprawled on the couch with a sleeping Gordie, even though he
wasn't too fond of the animal, when he heard Billy unlock the door. What surprised him was that Billy
was supporting a nearly exhausted Diane Grad.

"Billy. Diane."

Billy nodded to his roommate and led Diane to his bedroom where he guided her to the bed. He took
off her coat and her shoes and laid her down. "Get some sleep."

"But..."

"I'll crash on the couch with Gordie. Now sleep."

"Danny?"

"I'll explain. Now sleep."

She did. She hadn't slept in three days and was exhausted. She vaguely realized, just before she drifted
off, that she felt safe.

Billy entered the living room and threw himself in a chair. Gordie trotted over and plopped on his feet.
Billy absently scratched the dog's ears.

"Care to tell me why Diane Grad is in your bed?" Danny asked with a raised eyebrow.

Billy stopped scratching Gordie and rubbed his own temples. "I didn't think she should be alone. She
doesn't have anywhere else to go. Besides, here I can make sure she doesn't do anything stupid."

"Like in the ER?"

"More like blowing her own head off."

"What!?"

"She blames herself for Alan's death. She thinks she's cursed! I found her in the observation room, and
she was talking about killing herself."

"She's taking this harder than anyone thought. Kate had to make her leave the hospital. She holed up in
her lab for four days straight."

"She was there, Danny. She saw that kid pump seven bullets into the eel. Jesus Christ. After it
happened, no one thought to check on her. Except Dennis, but then he got pissed at her for attacking
the shooter. How could we all just ignore her?"

"We were busy worrying about Alan. We were too concentrated on saving him and his recovery to
think about Diane."

"We should have done something after what happened in the ER."

"Acknowledging Diane's grief would have been acknowledging our own. Nobody's good at that, Billy."

"I feel like a rotten human being."

"Would a rotten human being be camped on the couch while a beautiful, vulnerable woman is asleep in
his bed?"

"No."

"Listen, I pulled the graveyard so I've got to jet. You can crash in my room."

"Thanks."

"No problem. But Gordie can't."

Diane was dreaming. It all happened again. In slow motion. The popping sound. The blood. It was all
over her. On her hands. She couldn't get it off. She woke up screaming. But she didn't wake up alone.

Billy had heard her and rushed in to wake her. He held her now as she cried. As her sobs lessened, he
asked, "Want to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. Maybe later."

He moved to leave but her frantic grip stopped him. "Don't leave. Please, stay with me?"

Billy gave in, not caring how it would look. He lay down next to her. She snuggled close to him,
seeking out his security and warmth. They both feel asleep.

Sometime during the night, they had wrapped their arms around each other. Billy awoke slowly. He
could feel the soft body pressed up against him and smell the sweet, flowery sent of 'chic' shampoo. It
felt good. Too good. He remembered who was in his bed and why. Suddenly he was wide awake.
Shit. He hoped she was still asleep. He left the bed and went to go take a shower. A cold shower. A
very, very, very, cold shower.

Diane was awake when Billy jumped out of bed. She lay still so not to embarrass him. She guessed she
should be flattered. But in reality, in spite of everything, she was just wishing he hadn't got out of bed.
She wished they'd done something about his 'problem.' God, was she so screwed up that she was
having fantasies about Billy Kronk? Not that that was a bad thing.... She heard the shower. A cold
shower. That was what she needed. Billy was taking... She slammed the door on her thoughts. She
was confused enough as it was. She didn't need anything else to be conflicted about.

Diane climbed out of bed and wandered into the kitchen. She was rummaging through the cabinets
looking for coffee when she heard the shower turn off. Seconds later the front door opened and Danny
walked in.

"Good morning."

"Where's your coffee?"

Danny reached over her head into a cabinet. "You'll have to heat water in a mug. It's instant. Don't
have a coffee maker. Fire hazards."

"So conscientious." Diane started her coffee.

Billy entered the room. He tossed some clothes at Diane which Danny caught. "Thanks Kronk, but I
don't do the sweats thing."

"They're not for you, Nyland. They're for Diane so you'd have something clean to wear to your
apartment."

Diane looked up in fear. "I can't go home. I can't get back on....I can't."

"Relax. I'll drive you. I was just going to suggest that you grab some of your clothes and such and bring
them here. Wouldn't want to start any rumors would we?"

Diane blushed. She put down her mug, grabbed the clothes form Danny and headed for the shower.
"Thanks."

As soon as the bathroom door had shut behind her, Danny looked at Billy with questioning eyes.

"What?"

"Should I annex another room or will you two be sharing?"

"There is nothing going on between me and Diane. We're just friends. That's all."

"Sure. That's why you're secretly picturing joining her in the shower."

Diane toweled off and slid into the clothes Billy had provided for her. The sweat pants and
blackhawkes T-shirt swallowed her. They smelled like Billy. She wandered what his skin felt like. She
gathered her clothes and walked out of the bathroom. She stood in the hallway, listening to them. Billy
was lounging against the sink.

"Shut up, Nyland."

"Hey, Billy, I'm just saying...."

"What, you two can't go five minutes without sniping at each other?" Diane grinned. It felt good to
smile.

Billy looked up. Diane stood there barefoot, her wet hair hanging in a curtain around her head, with a
smile on her face. She was beautiful. When did she become beautiful?

Danny rolled his eyes. "I'm hitting the sack. I'll see you two later."

Billy couldn't take his eyes of her. "We should go. I've gotta be at he hospital by eight."

"Let me get my shoes."

As Billy watched her disappear into his room, a thought registered in his muddled brain. He had seen
her bra and panties scrunched up in the clothes she was caring. She wasn't wearing any underwear.
And she was wearing his clothes. Diane Grad was naked under his blackhawkes shirt and a pair of
sweats. Suddenly his lips went dry. This was not conductive to his focusing abilities.

Diane threw on her shoes and coat. Then she and Billy headed for his car. She wondered if he knew
that she had 'gone commando.' Interpreting the sideways looks he was giving her when he thought she
wasn't looking, she assumed he did.

They were silent during the ride to her apartment. Too silent. Diane was beginning to realize how good
she was feeling. It made her feel guilty. She wouldn't be here with Billy if Alan weren't dead.

Billy noticed that her mood was darkening during the ride to her apartment. This was not good. They
parked outside her building. She led him upstairs.

Once they entered the apartment, Diane disappeared first into the bathroom and then into her
bedroom. When she reappeared, she handed both a duffel bag and his sweat pants to Billy. She was
still wearing his T-shirt (now over a bra his eyes told him) but had donned jeans.

"I hope you don't mind me keeping the shirt for now."

"No, no. You ready?"

"I've got to use the bathroom. Why don't you go throw my bag in the car and I'll be down in a minute?"

"I'll come back up."

No wonder she's scared to go home, Billy thought as he walked out to the car. This neighborhood
sucks.

Diane finished washing her hands vacantly. She shut off the water and grabbed a hand towel. Then she
opened the medicine cabinet, searching for anything she might have missed. Most of the stuff was
regular over the counter medications. Aspirin, Tylenol, cough drops. Her eyes landed on a small box.
Diaphragm. She froze. Part of her mind said 'take it, start something with Billy!' The other part of her
screamed 'you heartless, insensitive bitch! You kill Alan Birch, a man who was in love with you, and
you're thinking about fucking Billy Kronk!' Diane stared at her reflection in horror. Alan had been in
love with her. He loved her. She hadn't seen it till now. She hadn't loved him back. Oh god. He'd
known.

Diane slammed her hands into the mirror. The old glass shuddered as its fastenings to the wall gave
way. The mirror fell, crashing into her. As the glass dug into her skin, she began to cry. She didn't feel
the cuts or see the blood.

Billy was just walking in the door when he heard the crash. "Diane?" When she didn't answer, he
knocked on the door to the bathroom. "Diane?" He opened the door. "Oh my God. Diane, don't
move."

She was rocking back and forth, sobbing. "I'm sorry Alan I didn't know I didn't know I didn't
know....don't touch me! Don't touch me!"

The last was screamed as Billy tried to extract her from the broken glass. She was cut, bad. She'd only
been cut a short time, but there was blood all over the place. He grabbed a towel and wrapped her
arms in it. The lacks on her face could wait. He picked her up and carried her out of the apartment.
She was still sobbing, "Don't touch me," broken by "Just let me die," and "I'm so sorry."

Dennis Hancock was having a relatively slow day in the ER. That ended abruptly when Billy Kronk
strode into the ER, the huddled bleeding form of Diane Grad nestled in his arms.

"What happened?"

"She went ballistic in the bathroom. Shattered a mirror over herself. She may have severed an artery."

"Your bathroom or hers?" Dennis asked as they got the still sobbing Diane onto a gurney.

"Hers, what are you implying?"

"Nothing, let's just take care of her."

Diane had been stitched up and cleaned up. She had stopped crying. In fact, she had stopped
speaking. Dennis was trying to talk to her.

"Diane, you have to tell me what happened. How did you get cut?"

Diane just stared at the ceiling.

"Diane," Billy questioned, "did you mean what you said? To let you die? Did you hit the mirror on
purpose?"

Diane bit her lip and blinked.

Billy sighed.

"What the hell kind of question was that?" Dennis was incredulous.

"Nurse, could we get some restraints?" Billy ignored Dennis's question.

"Damnit, Billy..."

"She's suicidal, Dennis!"

"Diane is not..."

"She told me! She told me! She told me and I wasn't smart enough to help her fast enough."

"What are you talking about?"

"She thinks she killed Alan."

Dennis sighed. Now what were they going to do?

Billy and Kate sat in Phillip's office.

"Are you sure she's suicidal?" Phillip ran his hands over his head.

"Phillip, she told me she should just kill herself."

"Did she mean it?"

"Given her current condition I think she did." Billy got up and started to pace.

"Phillip," Kate interjected, "Billy's right. She's been exhibiting unusual behavior."

"Kate..."

"Don't start, Phillip. You have your closure. Diane may never get hers. Your weren't here. You didn't
see her. She holed up in her lab for four days straight. When I told her to go home, she pulled a gun on
me! Diane Grad pulled a gun on me! Then she's practically comatose in the observation room, then
admitting how much rage she feels? If she's internalized it all, god knows what she'd capable of."

"She pulled a gun on you?" Phillip was aghast.

"It's in my desk."

Billy interrupted. "She keeps saying she killed Alan."

Phillip's reply was adverted by the arrival of a floor nurse. "Dr. Kronk, Dr. Grad is asking for you."

Billy jogged down the hall. He could hear her three rooms down. Well at least she was speaking again.
He didn't notice Phillip and Kate hot on his heals.

"Get these damned things off me!"

Billy interceded for the harassed nursed. "Diane, don't yell at the nurse. I told them to put you in
restraints."

"Bastard! Why?"

"I don't know! May be because you cut the hell out of yourself!"

"It was an accident. I didn't mean to cut myself!"

"So if I take the restraints off, you won't do anything stupid?" He leaned over and undid them. He was
right there. What could she do?

A mean left hook. Billy stumbled back a bit.

"Be glad the iv was in her right," Kate whispered to Phillip. He had to agree with her.

"Damn it Diane! What the hell was that for?"

"I trusted you."

"Yeah and I leave you alone for five minutes and you try to put yourself through plate glass!"

"I just.... I couldn't... God, Billy, he loved me and I didn't see it! I didn't see it!" She collapsed in tears,
in Billy's arms.