You Know You're Obsessed With That '70s Show When...

Omigod, I think it's chronic!

We all know the signs, we've all experienced the symptoms...if you have any suggestions to add to this happy page, e-mail me ASAP. Now, unless you're Kelso, start reading this and giggle profusely. If you're Kelso, just giggle profusely. That's all you seem to do anyway, lover!

You Know You're Obsessed With That '70's Show When...

*You make up a lame excuse about needing rest so that you can have Sunday nights free to watch the show. (If you work for Brier Hill Pizza, uh...I didn't say that. Forget you read this, OK?)

*You've set up a betting pool about the number of brain cells Kelso has. (I'm telling you, he has two...and I'll bet five bucks on that.)

*All your friends are perplexed and a bit peeved when you start calling them all whores. (Isn't that right, whore?)

*You lead covert operations to run in and out of places that sell magazines and nab teenybopper magazines with info on the show without seeing anyone you know.(No, officer, that isn't my Teen Beat magazine!)

*Whilst taking notes in Astronomy, you write down the name Christopher Columbus as Topher Columbus. (...And after Topher Columbus discovered America, he celebrated by eating a nice juicy Fatso Burger.)

*You actually think that Hyde's conspiracies have merit. (Amoco is trying to take over the world! Damn the man! Save the Empire...oops, wrong thing.)

*You have philosophical discussions about Eric and Donna's uber-romantic tension.(Did you see the way they looked at each other at the burger joint? Rhett and Scarlett, eat your hearts out!)

*You have memorized the theme and sing it while driving. (Could it be...the next Bohemian Rhapsody? Sing it, Butch Walker, dahlink, for Freddie!)

*Your greeting to people? 'Hello Wisconsin!'(And let's send a shout-out to Virginia while we're at it, shall we?)

*You weed out prospective friends by whether they prefer Mila or Laura.(Of course, we know who Obsessed loves....)

*The bbs board on the show becomes your second home. (We will take over the Net, Fuchsia and leelaX...heh, and then we will rule the planet!)

*You become ecstatic at the thought of actually owning a That '70's Show keychain, even though you never put keychains on your keys. (I'll frame the dang thing!)

*You cause your printer to run out of ink from printing up all the pics and articles on the Web.(Speaking of which...anyone have 32 bucks I can borrow for a new printer ribbon? Any whores out there?)

*The password to one of your accounts has to do with the show.(And if you think I'm saying which one and giving that password out, then you make Kelso look like a Harvard man. I learned my lesson the first time I was hacked okay!)

*All of your money is going towards a 'Get Me To LA So I Can See A Taping' fund. (It worked, so I am now saving AGAIN! Stop the insanity!)

*You consider buying a new VCR so you can record the show instead of pining for another episode all week. (Damnit, what the heck happened to all my money?)

*Your worst enemy is no longer the kid who taunted you in grade school...that honor is now bestowed on Laurie Forman, Satan's Spawn. (Well, look at her! She's evil personified!)

*You spend countless hours musing about exactly where Fez is from. (My bet? Madagascar. It's just fun to say.)

*You make a psychotic web page filled with your warped sense of humor just to show that you love the show. )Not like I'd do that or anything...)

*The smiley face is used to excess in your letters.(:) :) :) :) Sick of them yet?)

*You actually consider buying a Vista Cruiser and calling it 'The Eric-Mobile'. (Lo and behold...the Vista Cruiser.)

*You watch old episodes of Roseanne and Cybill in the hopes of seeing Danny Masterson. (Now that is obsession. Roseanne? ARGH!)

*Your response to the world's oddities is a heavily accented 'Oh, I see...'(You know, oddities? Like Hyde's hair!)

*You dispense advice to your friends straight from the mouths of Red and Kitty Forman(....and remember, when you're driving...no doughnuts in the car!)

*You buy a Richard Nixon mask and look for an opportune time to use it.(Why the heck are you streaking during the political debate on TV?)

*You break the waterbed with a Roach Clip. (Gee, let's go swimming!)

*You spend your Friday nights driving around in search of a Fatso Burger.(I'm craving a Fatso Burger...I have no idea what they serve, but still!)

*You spend your Saturday nights looking for a 45 of 'Hello, It's Me!' (Uhm, ma'am, I've never heard of a Todd Rundargren. Rundgren, yes. Rundargrin, no!)

*In a job interview, you mimic Hyde and Kelso combined.(And if you do that--as in, you say you'll be in prison in ten years and your best asset is your butt--well, have fun in your occupation as a beach bum, okay?)

*Your idea of an educational experience is watching 'The Adventures of Doofus and Diligent'. (You're such a square!)

*You keep seeing mirages of kegs on the road.(It's a sign....you need glasses.)

*For no reason, you call your friends Opie and Snicklefritz.(Plus, you muss up their hair while driving. Then they get peeved and it becomes a whole sordid mess involving purple nurples.)

* Adjective of choice? Saucy. (But remember, Hyde is saucier than Kelso!)

The following additions are courtesy of Mariel aka Fuchsia aka one cool chick.Parentheses are still my smarmy comments.

*You make obsessed with lists.(What foolish idiot would do that?)

*You begin every phone conversation with 'Oh my God! Oh My God! (Oh My God!'Yikes.)

*You listen to the Brady Bunch without the sound because they did instead of your old reason, for hating it. (Hey, I just want to see Donna Pinciotti kick Marcia Brady's ass. I'd pay to see that.)

*You hand the phone over and refer to the caller as 'your annoying friend'. (But what if your friends are all annoying naturally?)

*You dream of scrawny neighbor boy Topher Grace.(As all sane people should. Sigh...)

*After an emotional moment, you say 'clean the attic'. (I'm so farklemt! Clean the attic!)

*You tell someone to stop making out because it makes you have needs. (Funny, I did that before Fez said that.)

*Everything has to be cheap or possibly free. (Actually, not only does this make you obsessed, but it also makes you a college student.)

*You submitted everyone's websites to Yahoo! to contribute to the goal of taking over the Internet. (And we will, yes we will, even if the yahoos at Yahoo! have something against That 70s Page!)

*You recite entire episodes with your twin sister. (Hey, I do that with my other personalities. Fun!)

*You try to get AA batteries for your Walkman by trading in your old ones. (And that really really pisses off your mom when she wants to listen to her oldies channel, only to find that the batteries are dead. Trust me, I know these things.)

*Eric Forman's hair changes colors right before your eyes.(This is true. Right now, Fez's Groovy Whores are taking up a collection to send Topher caps and a supply of Rogaine. He's a gonna need it with that chameleon hair!)

*You actually want to go on MTV's FANatic to meet them and have a bunch of bullsh*t reasons planned. (Because of Hyde, I have more respect for people with frizzy hair! And, the Formans have taught my family the true meaning of 'family'. That, and I wanna meet Topher. Ok? Ok.)

*You sit on one side of the table with your friends. (Then, Jackie comes over and harasses you about it.)

These are from Sam...at least, I think the person's name was Sam. Otherwise, I'll feel like Kelso.

*Instead of dressing up and piling into the van for morning service on Sundays, you and your folks get into your pj's and sing hymns during the commercials breaks of 'That 70's Show. ('We sing to thee, basement of all. Forman's basement, place of love...'(

*Your recurring nightmare of showing up to class naked is replaced by missing an episode and forgetting to tape it.(Oh, the insanity!What if you're naked and miss taping it? That would suck even more.)

The next few are from Groovy Whore Abbey! Gotta love those whores!

*You dream about Eric Forman. (Don't we all do that?)

*You wear White Shoulders. (Either that, or you wear the crappy perfume Bob's mom likes.)

*You buy a Todd Rundgren album.(And then you sing 'Hello, It's Me' incessantly, thus making everyone around you ready to smack you upside the head.)

*You have a cast picture in your wallet. (True obsession would be if you showed the cast pic to everyone and said 'Yup, this was the family reunion!')

*You dye your hair a different shade of brownish red every week. (More power to you if you do...just pray your hair doesn't suddenly gain superhuman powers.)

*You're eager to see what different smiley face they use next. (I'm waiting for the whorish smiley face, myself.)

*You write a term paper based on Hyde's theories.(I can see it now...'We're All Cattle, Man!: The Truth About Rock and Roll'.)

*You wear rainbow socks. (And while you wear said socks, you yell 'Michael!' incessantly.)

Here's more additions from the stellar Bubbles!

*You dress up in a toga in your empty pool in the hopes the cast will join your toga party.(Note to Self: Get toga and Heineken...)

*You dye your hair the same color as Laura in the hopes that Topher will fall madly in love with you. (Either that, or you go to a nuclear plant and get your hair to change color like Topher's.)

*You start begging your father to let your friends call him Red. (After that, you beg your Dad to let your friends steal beer from the fridge.)

*You start letting your friends hand out on your basement.(Does the basement have a dryer that can cook fries?)

*You befriend the foreign exchange student. (Not only do you befriend him or her, you teach them the constructive use of the word 'whore'.)

Do you have more obsessions to tell the world? Well, yell really loudly and hope everyone hears you. If your voice isn't that strong, e-mail me.

Dash off a note to me