Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such web pages as C++ Stands for Cool++ and Me and My Modem. But enough about me. Let's get on to what we know we all came here for:

Hard core nudity!

I know you most of you were really looking forward to some actual real people nudity, but I'm sorry, naked cartoon characters is as far as my morals will allow me to go. But anyone who is interested in a little unsensored action, take a glimpse at

Hard core me!

How do you like that. And for all you busy on the computer boneing up on your nerd lesson, thanks for stopping by my page. Tell me whatcha think. I personally would enjoy most the football in the groin, but if you want to give me the 10,000 dollars, I'll be glad to take it off your hands. And if you hate my page and think I'm just some mean ogre, well I'll crush your skulls and eat your bones. I don't think you're crazy, just stupid. A lot of you think I've gone into relative obscurity after my bizarre scandal down at the aquarium, but let's not forget my new sitcom premiering this year, Handel With Care. And with the way Springfield time passes, I have a feeling I'll be around forever.

In memory of Phil Hartman

Enter the House that Marge Built (and meet the Freakish Folks who Dwell Within. Come for the freaks, stay for the food.)
For those of you who don't get the metaphor, that means click on a link and go see that character's page. Some people don't seem to be grasping this concept.

Homer J. Simpson (a.k.a. Cueball, the man with no hair)

Bart Jo-Jo Simpson (a.k.a. Joe from Joe's Creamatorium: you snuff 'em, we stuff 'em)

Marge Bouvier Simpson (the head Vampire)

Lisa Marie Simpson (a.k.a. Dorkus Malorkus)

Maggie Simpson

Grampa Simpson (I'm gonna smooch ya like a mule eating an apple)

A Simpsons crossword puzzle constructed by yours truly

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Alright, we all know that every character on the Simpsons has his or her catch phrase. Like Bart's eat my shorts, Nelson's ha ha, and Homer's D'oh. So it would only be fitting that this page have a hook. So here's the deal, if you are the first to e-mail me the speaker of each one liner, not only will I credit you with the winning response on this page, I will send you a check for 40 dollars (checks will not be honored). And I'm sorry to say, if you're so smart that you can get more than 3 right, I'm only gonna be able to give you credit for 3 of them.

One Liner Patrol

That's just a load of crappy crap crap crap-Bart Simpson-solved by Jason Woolfrey

I'm peeing on the seat, gimme a raise!-Frank "Grimey" Grimes-solved by Brad Sprauer

You sunk my battleship (laughter)- Jasper- solved by Mark Perry

The clown, is down!-

No not me folks, he's talking about himself. But thanks for looking-The Happiest Man in Springfield-solved by afterglow

Hehehe, that boy has bosoms. Somebody gimme a wet towel!-Homer Simpson-solved by Jason Woolfrey

Every word you say just makes me want to punch you in the face-Uncy Herb-solved by Jason Woolfrey

Did you have the same backwards talking dream with the flaming cards?-Chief Wiggum-solved by Kourtney Lambert

I was saying Boo...urns-Hans Moleman-solved by Kourtney Lambert

Lady, he's putting my kids through college!-the hot dog vender-solved by Kourtney Lambert

You're what we call in Latin, a Dorkus Malorkus-Bart-solved by Rob Roscioli

I can't hear you son, I'm wearing a jacuzee suit-Mrs. Vanhouten-solved by Henry Truong

Just ask this scientician-Troy McClure-solved by Rebecca Hubbard

Oh great, now I'm upside down!-Homer-solved by Henry Truong

But on the plus side, I knocked over the SunSphere-Nelson Muntz-solved by Mike Calkins

Whoa, triple twist!-

You're not gonna believe this, but now my pants are chafin' me!-Jimbo Jones-solved by Beth-Ann Gregoreski

I am interested in long distance savings. Very interested.- Public Access Television switchboard operator (AKA the pimple face kid)- solved by Tony Stefanik

Forbearance is the watchword. That triumverate of twinkies merely overwhelmed my resolve.-Homer-solved by Rob Roscioli

My cat's breath smells like cat food-Ralph Wiggum-solved by Rebecca Hubbard

Your teef hurt? Well that's too freakin' bad!!-Moe-solved by Brad Sprauer

What time and how burnt?-Cletus the Slack-jawed Yokel-solved by Sarah Schaefer

People, the punch has been spiked!(laughter)-Freddy Quimby-FINALLY solved by Josh "Queenie" Fox

Look at the weak little baby. You're stupid, you stupid weak baby.-

No bowl, stick stick!-the Khlau Kalash vendor in NY-solved by Tony Stefanik

Don't be a cup and ball hog!-Bart-solved by Josh Fox

Let's do it! Let's call room service!-Mindy-solved by Tim Woolfrey

Well, I don't know you, but... yes.-Darryl Strawberry-solved by Rebecca Hubbard

On closer inspection, these are loafers-Rainier Wolfcastle (AKA McBain)-solved by Tim Woolfrey

Since I started my career several years before Krusty I couldn't have learned anything directly from him, but...-special guest star Bob Newhart-solved by Eric Sedbrook

Short answer "yes" with an "if," long answer "no" with a "but."-

I guess I do have the right... what's that stuff?-Homer-solved by Josh Fox

OOoooooo, a head bag. Chock full of... headie goodness.-Apu-solved by Henry Truong

Eat my shorts young man-Principal Skinner-solved by Rob Roscioli

Smell ya later Bart; smell ya later forever!-future Ralph Wiggum-solved by John Zuiker

Now I'm Prune Tracy!-

And don't forget to ask for Jimmy!-New York carriage driver "Jimmy"-solved by Adam Bradley

And if he gets a wollipop I want a wollipop.-Lisa Simpson-solved by Katie Schaefer

Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers-Ralph Wiggum-solved by Katie Schaefer

That oughta hold those little SOB's-Gabbo and Kent Brockman-solved by Bill Berry

Well I guess that wraps everything up in a neat, little, package!-Homer-solved by Bill Berry

Not in my mouth.... the kid would say-Bart-solved by Josh Fox

We don't believe in rules. Like we gave them up when we started living like freaky beatniks-Ned Flanders's Dad-solved by Katie Schaefer

I beat the smart kids, uf... I bent my Wookie-Ralph Wiggum-solved by Bill Berry

Alright, so you're getting pretty good at the identification huh? Well let's see how you can do with this new matching quiz.

Match the character above with the most appropriate past time below. Keep in mind that each past time may only be used once so choose wisely my friend.
1.Homer
2.Flanders
3.Milhouse
4.Bart
5.Lisa
6.Jasper
7.Grampa
8.Nelson
9.Side Show Bob
10.Fat Tony

A. The Funky Grampa
B. Itchy and Scratchy
C. Bonestorm
D. Assassins
E. Picking Huckleberries
F. When Buildings Collapse
G. Happy Little Elves
H. H.M.S. Pinafore
I. Racketeering
J. The Elephant Song



Do you have a Simpsons page with even more Simpsons stuff per square meter than mine has? In fact, is there so very much Simpsons goodness that the page is reaching a sort of critical mass and we soon shall all be engulfed by a veritable Simpsons nuclear chain reaction? Whoa, slow down egg head. Do you think that that's a good thing? Me too. So just drop me a line and I'll add you to my links. sacrilicious1@geocities.com



move along to the lazy man's answer to Cornelius Talmidge
move along to a woman who's as gray as a mule
move along to the creator of the "universe in a tub"
move along to the evil twin
move along to the arch enemy of that baby with the one eye brow
move along to a kidney transplantee
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Slices of American cheese remaining:

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