La Femme Trek
By: Carlos

I was falsely accused of a hideous crime and sentenced to the voyages of the starship Enterprise. I was taken to a place called Starfleet Section One, the most covert anti-terrorist group in the quadrant, who’s five year mission is to contain new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no one has gone before. Their ends are just, but their means are ruthless. If I don’t play by their rules, I die.

Scene One.
Location - The Bridge of the Enterprise.

Captain James T. Operations, commander of the Enterprise, is awaiting the arrival of the newest material for the upcoming secret mission. He fancies himself to the quite the ladies man, having slept with nearly all know compatible life forms in the quadrant. The rest of the crew quietly and efficiently go about their work at their various stations. The doors to the turbo lift swiftly glide open and out steps a handsome, if somewhat rigid, man in a black uniform and yellow-gold skin and shoulder length hair with an obviously nervous, young blonde woman.

Walter Scotty, wearing a bandana, stationed at the engineering console, looks up, then away, and then quickly does a double take as his head snaps back up to gaze upon this beautiful new face on the bridge. “Aye, what’s this then?” he says not realizing he is speaking out loud. He smiles and is caught staring by her. He then quickly looks away embarrassedly.

Michael Data the handsome man, who is actually an emotionless android, speaks, “Here is the new material., Captain. Her name is Nikita.”

Captain Ops looks her up and down. “I, could, score, with her,” he thinks in his odd clipped accent, “Fine, take her, to get, outfitted with, a uniform. We can’t have, anyone, appearing to act, or be and individual, on my, ship.” he says casting her a suspicious glance.

As Nikita and Michael Data retreat to the turbo lift, Captain Ops approaches Maddy Troi, a member of a humanoid race called the Betaziods, who posses the ability to read peoples emotions telepathically and use it against them. “What, do, you think?” He inquires.

“I sense she’s feeling frightened, worried and nervous. She feels she doesn’t belong here and that she has been falsely convicted of the crimes she was accused of. She also does NOT find you sexually attractive.” Maddy Troi reports.

Michael Data and Nikita enter the crew uniform distribution room. Nikita is handed a red uniform by the attendant. “Could I please have a gold one?” Nikita asks. “It seems like whenever someone new gets a red uniform they get killed pretty quickly around here.”


Nikita, wearing her new gold uniform, and Michael head out into the corridor. “Where are we going?” she inquires. “Be patient,” come the emotionless reply. They arrive in the Enterprises crew lounge, Ten Forward.

“How are you adjusting?” Michael inquires. “Fine, fine. Why do you ask?” Nikita says. “I am programmed to make small talk to act as if I’m interested in you as a person,” comes the unflattering reply. “Oh, thanks, ” she says outloud, adding “(for nothing)” in her mind. “Why are we here?” Nikita asks curiously.

“Because you’ve earned it. You have survived two years of intensive training. I have something for you,” he says producing a nicely wrapped package from underneath the table. Nikita excitedly opens it, only to find it is not a token of personal affection or some other trinket, but a class one phaser. Set to “KILL” She looks up, confused.

“There is a Romulan over my shoulder at the table against the railing. Kill him. There is a hatch to a Jeffrries tube at the end of the ladies room. Meet me back at my quarters in five minutes.” Michael orders. He then gets up and leaves.

Nikita, confused as to the sudden change of events, digs deep into herself and rises from the table. She quickly advances on the Romulan and his group, raises her weapon as she arrives at the table and rapidly opens fire. Screams are heard as a panic sets in around the lounge as people scramble to get out of the way. Nikita freezes for a second as she watches the results of her work, as the Romulan begins to vaporize in front of her eyes. She can see into, and then through, the body as it vanishes, leaving only a smoldering spot on the chair.

She is snapped back to reality by the sound of phaser fire and the flashes of light whizzing past her head. She springs to life heading for the first door she sees out of the corner of her eye. Once in side the ladies room she quickly makes her way to the hatch. As she punches in the codes to open it she is greeted by a horrifying sight. The hatch opens only to reveal a solid bulkhead. She begins to wonder what will happen next as she hears the sounds of approaching pursuers and the familiar sound of phaser blasts hitting the door to the ladies room.

Then a familiar voice is heard from the other side of the door, “Aye, Ya can’t be goin’ in there. Damnit, NIKITA’S IN THERE! That’s the womens room, that is.”

Using Walter Scotty’s attempt to delay the Romulans, Nikita clears her head and makes her way through the door marked “Crew Only” This leads her down a short corridor past the galley. She tries to blend in with the cooks and other staff in the galley.

The Romulans have now forced their way into the ladies room just in time to see the second door slide shut and follow close behind. they spot her trying to cross the galley and open fire.

Hanging pots and pans explode off shelves and flying food fills the air all around Nikita. She ducks and dives to the end of a long counter and takes cover. For the next few minutes time seems to stand still as she fires back picking off one or two of her pursuers. Just when the Romulans are about to fire upon her with a photon bazooka, does she remember the personal “jump” transporter she has tucked in to her stocking. This for use in emergencies only and cannot be programmed. It’s sole use is a means of escape to “jump” to a new location as a last resort, not knowing where it will be. As the photon bazooka fires, she hits the panic button and begins to dematerialize.

As Nikita begins to materialize, the putrid stench of rotting Andorian cabbage fills her nostrils. As foul and unpleasant as it is under the best of circumstances, it is one hundred times worse now. She begins to realize she is in the dumpster located beneath the kitchen. Various gooey substances cling to her body as she tries to climb out, only to be greeted by the sound of warning signals and robotic whirring sounds, as the dumpster is about to be compacted. She manages to scramble to safety just as the process begins.


Having angrily made her way to Michael Data’s quarters, offending noses and leaving a trail of dumpster juice in her wake, she barges into his quarters and begins to pound on his chest with her fists. “Why didn’t you tell me it was a job?!” she cries. “You have to be able to perform at any time no matter how you are feeling,” comes the cold reply.

She finds herself collapsing into his arms as the adrenaline wears off. He holds her tightly and she notices that he is warm to the touch. That she did not expect from an android. She looks up at him, feeling protected by his strong but gentle grip.

Michael Data is soon “decloaked” and they find them selves headed for his sleeping quarters. “Can we do this?” Nikita wonders aloud. “I am programmed in multiple techniques of pleasuring.” comes the reply. “Humans sometimes perform better after a good shagging as well.”

Later on the bridge, Captain Ops is facing the Romulan Ambassador on the view screen. “What do you mean one of my men is dead and the others have been “contained” ? This is an act of WAR!” he roars.

“Shields, up!” James T. Ops barks. “Ensign Wesley Birkoff! Set a course for the Gamma Globulin Cluster! Take us out of here, ENGAGE!”

“The helm isn’t responding, sir,” Wesley Birkoff answers meekly. “Damnit, Walter, I need those C4 photon torpedoes NOW!” the Captain orders.

“Aye Captain, I’ve got ta have thirty more minutes!” Scotty replies.

“Data, get down to engineering and help him. We either need engines or weapons, and soon!”

Michael arrives at the engineering pod, only to find that the doors are inoperative.

“Open the pod bay doors, Hal,” Michael says to the ships computer. The doors do not respond, so Michael Data uses his super-human strength to force them open, to be greeted by the sight of the engineering staff feverously working to correct the problems.

Back on the bridge, the ship is rocked by heavy fire from the angered Romulans. “Try the helm again Birkoff!” the Captain commands. “Damnit, Data should be there by now! Where are those engines?”

The low whine of the motors coming online is a welcome sound to Nikita’s ears as the ship begins to respond. “Fire at will,” the Captain shouts! Take us out of here.”

“Captain,” Walter Scotty’s voice says, “Aye, I don’t know how he does it, but that crazy android has got it workin’ I don’t know how long she’ll last, but it should take us out of range.”

“Warp 10, Mr. Birkoff!”

The ship comes around, and in the blink of an eye, launches itself into maximum warp, leaving the Romulans in their wake.

Nikita slumps back in her chair with a sigh of relief, glad she chose the gold uniform instead of the red.

the end

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