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***Newsletter of the Section*** This Week's Episode: Mandatory Refusal
***Volume One, Section One, Issue Seven, Square One***
"Because at the Section, it's always back to Square One."
March 13, 1998
*****
ARIES, March 21-April 20 - Mars is rampant in your sign this week, so be careful of premature explosions both on the job and in your love life. Be sure to wear plenty of protective gear.
TAURUS, April 21-May 21 - Patience is a virtue, so be careful in all meetings with informants and during intel gathering not to be too eager or in too big of a hurry. Pushing for desired outcomes can lead to a faulty mission profile.
GEMINI, May 22-June 21 - There may be rocky relations between you and close associates. Pluto is change- able and disruptive, things may be topsy turvy, turned on their head. Appearances are not to be trusted, and you may wish to act autonomously, but remember you work for Section One!
CANCER, June 22-July 23 - Meetings may not turn out as expected; your contacts may not be reliable; an army of obstacles may stand in your way. But there is more then one way to skin a target, and a satisfying opportunity to combine assassination and revenge may occur. Be creative! You may be pleased with the results!
LEO, July 24-August 23 - Netting the bad guy could bring a lot of attention your way. Negotiations will be tricky throughout the month of March; be prepared for setbacks and perhaps even fraudulent dealings. Aim high, as your targets may be quite mobile. Your patience may be tested by authority figures, but don't be afraid to compromise. This is Section One, after all, and it's probably healthier to compromise a lot.
VIRGO, August 24-September 23 - Despite your clever and creative mind, missions are still a problem. Don't let your abilities be eclipsed by the more showy efforts of others. You are capable and determined. The unexpected will be standard operating procedure until the moon passes out of your house on Thursday. Keep your head down and stay in the van!
LIBRA, September 24-October 23 - You may be vulnerable this week, but don't lash out recklessly. You never know when Michael may be standing behind you and he could smash your pumpkin to a fine pulp. Concentrate on the work, just do the job, and let the rest of the week's distractions go!
SCORPIO, October 24-November 22 - A difficult choice between the heart and the material await you. Jupiter is excessive in your sign, and Pluto is obsessive, so try to remember you can't have everything your own way! Decide on the basis of strength, not weakness, and leave the excessive obsessing to those who are good at it!
SAGITTARIUS, November 23-December 21 - Your determination to improve your surroundings means you may seek to alter your environment; use extreme caution here as Louise the cleaning lady does not approve drastic changes. There is much to be gained from the subtle approach.
CAPRICORN, December 22-January 20 - Many people want a piece of you--literally. Business associates and loved ones will be at their most demanding and your patience is liable to be tested. Try to respond graciously: shoot over their heads or practice bondage instead of lethal force. Remember 5% members: you only live once.
AQUARIUS, January 21-February 19 - This is not the time to start thinking with your heart, no matter how you may be feeling. Your coworkers will not necessarily be thankful. Jupiter and Pluto are clashing, which means your heart and the interests of Section may be clashing, too. Keep a tight rein on that pesky compassion!
PISCES, February 20-March 20 - Watch out for that Lunar Eclipse in Virgo! Your ability for getting out of ticklish situa- tions with your almost mystical use of biofeedback will not go unappreciated this week. You may be offered something you feel you must reject, but try to do it with a smile on your face.
Only those signs receiving more than one vote are listed:
Maddy = 3 Sagittarius, 2 Pisces
Michael = 3 Cancer, 2 each Leo, Capricorn, Scorpio, Virgo
Nikita = 4 Gemini, 2 Aries
Walter = 3 Cancer
Ops = 2 Aquarius, 2 Scorpio
Birkoff = 3 Virgo, 2 Aquarius
PERSONALS
D = divorced; F = female; M = male, married; O = operative; S = single; W = widowed; G = gay; DC = Deep Cover
SFO with multiple personalities--
some of them quite perky--seeks
MO expert gun handler for some
intensive target practice.
No weirdos! Respond Box 11, Row 2
Uncommunicative WMO, seeks DISCRETE
females to help me find out if I
still have a heart. I travel
frequently and you must be willing
to be patient. I speak all languages,
but French is my native tongue. I own
a motorcycle and have access to a van.
If you would like to go out and have
coffee, because I like coffee, and can
operate under my rules, respond
Box 12, Row 8.
SMO seeks Go partner. Perferably
younger FO, open and honest a must.
NO LIES! Offer limited, due to short
career span. Respond Box 13, Row 13.
SDCMO seeks SFO for companionship, target
practice, long walks around the lake,
fine dining, and covert infiltrations.
Must like explosions, dogs, and black
clothes. Send descriptive letter and
picture of gun. Respond Box 8, Row 10.
DMO, mature but still fiery, seeks
nubile FO for shared experience. One
on one is nice, but wouldn't say
no to a menage a twa. Respond Box 1,
Row 2.
SMO, shy and introverted, would like
to find like-minded FO to share computer
games or (if you are into the more serious
stuff), hacking into the Pentagon.
Respond Box 9, Row 3
SFO seeks OUTGOING, well-adjusted MO who
has come to terms with life in Section.
No longer interested in strong, silent types!
If "having a life" is your priority, let's
meet and go out to dinner. Respond Box 8,
Row 30.
BLACK PORSCHE
Intense gun battle at Young & Bloor St.
last Sunday. You: tall, blonde hair, armed
and were seen leaving the scene in a black
Porsche Boxster convertible. Our eyes met
over the barrel of a gun and I wanted to say
"Hi," but was too shy and frankly, quite afraid
of the way you knocked that guy out with one
punch! Would love another chance to introduce
myself and get to know you. Please write. I'll
buy the coffee. Box 2, Row 10.RECENT SEPARATIONS
ASK MADDY
Note from the Editor:
As our readers may know, Maddy has gone through a very trying time of late and is not quite herself. Considering the degree of personal trauma she has endured, we at The Egress told her it would be perfectly all right to skip her column this week. But game trouper that she is, Maddy decided to soldier on. I think you will agree this is one of Maddy's more . . . *interesting* columns.
Dear Maddy:
I've noticed that gratitude is in short supply in Section One. Not only is it difficult to get a "thank you" from anyone for saving their life, but a fella can actually save another fella's life many times and then the next thing you known, a fella's asked to cancel the other fella. I suppose it's best to have amnesia in a place like this.
Signed,
Mullin' It Over
Dear Mullin':
Gratitude is a luxury we at Section cannot afford, much as we might like to be properly thankful. If we are to do our all for the innocent masses, it is a mistake to allow our feelings for our fellow operatives to come before a mission. No one person's life is more important then our mandate, which is the saving of innocent masses. (Did I already say that?) In fact . . . uhhhhh . . .
I'm sorry. I appear to have drifted off there for a moment. What was I saying? Oh well, it doesn't matter now.
Maddy
Dear Maddy:
Well, I've gone and done it this time! A week after almost being forced out of my current position at work, you would think I would be on top of my game. But what happens? I violate everything I, and my organization, stand for and start thinking with *my heart* (though some have suggested another part of my anatomy was involved). I ignored the bottom line and started putting people before results. Why can't I learn from my mistakes? How did I ever get attached to the material in the first place?
Signed,
Attached
Dear Attached:
Gratitude is a luxury . . . No, wait. Okay, I know where I am now. Okay. Yes, it is always difficult when we allow ourselves to become attached to the material. Bonds form, but then what the heck do we do with them? Bondage has a certain appeal, I will admit, but we have to ask ourselves, what use is it to Section One? I know, I know--learning to tie people up can be very useful, and if you're hanging out with a certain kind of target, it's good to know how to handle the rough stuff, but what about those innocent masses? That's what I want to know!
>From the heart of hell I strike at thee!
Excuse me, I seem to have gotten lost in Moby Dick there for a moment. Where was I? Oh, yes, bondage. Well, yes. This is who we are.
Maddy
Dear Maddy:
I have learned to stop expecting things to be fair at Section. I have even learned to read my fellow operatives better then I used to. I see now that things are much more complicated in life then I previously thought, and I accept that. But I do have difficulty accepting that someone in a position of power can make the same mistakes I do, but I am held accountable, while he isn't.
Signed,
Peeved
Dear Peeved:
I am glad that you are beginning to see the layers rather then thinking of Section as simply a flat sheet cake. Rank hath its privileges, and what is good for the elite is not necessarily good for the masses, innocent or not. Those is power have the power and so are not accountable--except to those with greater power, but of course, we've been yanking their chains for years and they're none the wiser. And as long as we in power still have chains to yank, you can bet your bottom dollar, we'll keep on pulling! That is our right, our privilege, because we are . . . privileged. In other words, dear, you're an insignificant bump on the nose of greatness, and furthermore . . .
Whoa. My heart appears to have stopped there for a moment. What was I saying? Whatever. I've had enough. Give me some Demerol.
Final Editor's Note: We hope Maddy will be back to her old self by next week. I don't know how many more times we can pick her up off the floor and prop her back behind the computer.
(Thanks to Jeff Barak for his help in picking Maddy up off the floor.)
Editor: Nobody
(who makes no claim to know
anything about the English language)
Writers:
Jeff Barak, Tawna and Nobody
Graphic Artist: Nobody
Layout & Paste up: Nobody
From A Concept By: Nobody
Based On An Idea By: Nobody
In Cooperation With: Nobody
This Has Been a Production of: Nobody
At the Behest of: Nobody
For the Edification of: Nobody
And the Enlightenment of: Nobody
Published now and then when
Nobody wants it.
Nobody welcomes contributions
from Everybody.
This newsletter is a work of fiction
and should not be taken to refer
to any real Section One operatives--
either living or dead.
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