ICEBREAKERS
Written by Nicholas Hollander, Directed by Lenord Robinson
/------------------------------\
|1. Bernadette Peters as Rita | Sorry over here in the U.K we have no idea
|2. Frank Welker as Runt | who this strange political figure that's
|3. ????? as politician | running for president is, I really don't
|4. Frank Welker as Polar Bear | care either. Oh and there's no confirmed voice
\------------------------------/ for the polar bear.
WILL BELL TRIUMPHS AGAIN!! Thanks Will Bell and the CRGA I now know that the
politician _is_ ROSS PEROT (Who's he?)
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(Calypso music plays, it's straight into the first song!>
(Song: Florida)
1. We're off to Florida to lie in the sun,enjoy my leisure time and have some
fun!
2. Kalahari! (?)
1. We're off to Florida where the smart people go! We off to Florida where
the tropical breezes blow!
1. We're off to Florida to play in the sand, eat the mangroves and feed off the
land!!
(END of song>
1. Feels like we're coming in for a landing Runt!
2. Perasota here we come!
1. HELLLO Florida
(Icy winds howl and they are covered in snow!>
1. So much for global warming...
2. Snow? I love snow! I didn't know it snowed in Florida!
1. It doesn't snow in Florida
2. Well that can only mean one thing, but uh 'fortunately I have no idea
what that is
1. It means we go freeze our petiush (?) off if we don't find somewhere
warm!
2. Oh that's bad, I don't want my petiush frozen; nobody likes a frozen
petiush... Eh Rita what's a petuish
1. Stop talking Runt.
2. Kay
(Runt sniffs around a sledge>
3. HEY DOG get away from there! That is not a fire hydrant it is a dog
sled! Boy are you dumb, you're dumber then the federal government
Let me tell you about government. Think of you're money as Meat.
And I'm government. Now I slice off a big chunk of you're money as
taxes and throw it to the dogs. Then I do it again
I'm gonna make you a business proposition friend, now I want you to
hear me out on this.
See I'm running for president and I've got a dog sled full of campaign
promises that I've got to get to a fund-raiser in Fairbanks by Friday.
Trouble is, I got no dog! Bottom line, you want to pull my sled?
(Runt barks and slobbers anxiously for the meat the man is holding up.>
3. Good Deal, problem solved.
3. My first volunteer proud to have you!
3. NOW MUSH!!
(Runt stands there and pants>
3. Now that's sad, you remind me of do nothing's in congress; bunch of
buffoons!
3. Let's try that again. Now let's hit the road buddy!
(Runt picks Rita up out of a snow drift>
1. Oh, am I in this cartoon too?
3. NO NO, NO FELINES! I hate felines, only thing I hate more then felines
is a Washington lobbyist! Now Git
(He throws Rita into another snow drift, Runt chases after her and 3 get's
thrown off sled> (LOOK I have to call him 3 until I figure out who he is
meant to be!)
3. Loyalty, I like that in a pact dog and in a volunteer.
(Runt hands 3 Rita, 3 looks at her then throws her into the sled>
3. Oh right partner You win! NOW will you er please mush!
2. Ruff woof Slurp (?) ruff!
(Fast motor sound effect as Runt and sled vanish into the distance>
3. Right I'll tell you what here's the deal, I'll pitch the tent then we'll
cook up some beans.
1. BEANS? YUCK!!
1. YOOOOWL! The fish are biting!
2. Oh boy! Fish!!
3. Well lookie here. Dang you are one industrious dog, i like that.
1. I feel "used"
3. YAWNNN! Well time to turn in, we got a big day tomorrow, come on!
(Rita tries to follow>
3. Now hold it right there campaign staff only, no felines.
(Song: short end of the stick>
1. They the say a smile will do the trick, with a little charm laid on thick
but listen folks forget those strokes, cause cats they always get, the short
end of the stick!
(End of Song>
(A polar bear looms over Rita>
4. GROWLLL!
1. Runt, Wake up; Runt! Sleeping Beauty...
1. Hey you're shoes are untied!
4. Hunh?
(Rita slashes it with her claws>
4. OWWWW!
(He steps back into a roaring fire!>
4. HOWWWLLLLLLLLL!
2. What happened? hunh? WOOF WOOF WOOF! WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF! (I counted 9)
3. Well I'll swear, you got more guts then Al Gore at a lumberjacks convention
That's why I like dogs! A feline would never do that! Let's get some
shut eye! We gotta catch a boat for Fairbanks in the morning.
(short end of the stick reprise)
1. Cat's always get the short end of the stick!
3. There's the boat MUSH!
1. I'm gonna hurl!!
3. Come on it's gonna leave without us!
3. Now don't quit it didn't work for me and it Ain't gonna work for you!
I've gotta get to that fund-raiser! Get up and mush boy.
(Smashes Ice>
3. Uh oh!
3. HELLLLP!
1. Don't just lie there do Something!
3. HELLLP! HELLLLLLP!
1. I hate to risk one of my lives for a politician...
(Rita jumps out to save him>
(He's about to fall over the water-fall>
3. HELLLLLLP!
1. Owww!
2. Good job, I would have done it myself but I keep slipping.
3. I don't know what to say partner, only a genius pack dog would send out a
dumb feline with a rope. Now that's management!
1. That does it, I'M OUT OF HERE!
3. Good dog!
1. I pull the Alaskan manoeuvre of the century and he's the good dog?!
THAT it I'm voting democrat!
(Take my chances (A modified Florida)>
1.I'll take my chance and go it alone leave Runt behind me and be own my own,
head to the tropics where summer's in season, the sooner the better cause
man my butt is freezing!
2. HI RITA!
1. I thought you were staying with Mr politician!
2. We had a difference of opinion. I resigned!
3. YOU DUMB DOG!
I QUIT, No i'm back, I quit, I'm back, I stop, back,quitabckstobackquit (Yes
it's a politician talking gibberish, everyday occurrence...) Did I say I quit,
I'm back!
2. You know what Rita politics is really hard.
1. (So) What did you two guys disagree about?
2. Well we are at odds over how to reduce the deficit, as a dog I think we
should reduce the deficit, but not if means cutting into programs such
as federal funded squeeze toys and chew boys or squenex or Fire Hydrants!
1. Stop talking Runt!
Transcribed by Charles R Brown