WHEN RITA MET RUNT
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Written by: SHERRI STONER
Directed by: MICHAEL GERARD
Animation: FREELANCE ANIMATORS
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This file has been half inched from POIT.
WOMAN 1:Thank you; keep the change.
[Inside] Excuse me. I have to - uh - give uh - return uh -
RITA: Spit it out sister.
WOMAN: TAKE THIS CAT! It's just not working out. I thought I would like
having a cat, I really did. I thought she would be good company,
I need that. I just went through a horrible breakup.
RITA: Huh, eww-man.
WOMAN 1:It's just ... she's so independent. She would just sit and stare
at me, you know, like she was better than me or something. You
understand, don't you? I want a pet who'll come when I call, and
cuddle me when I've had a bad day.
RITA: Have a kid, lady.
[Next scene]
WOMAN 1:[On television]
RUNT: Woof woof, ruff ruff ruff.
MAN: Slow down! Slow down, will ya?
RUNT: Ruff, ruff. Pant, pant, pant. Ruff!
MAN: I spent 700 bucks trying to potty train this dog, and he still won't
go on the paper, ya know? My kid really wanted a dog, but, but,
this ... thing, has eaten every pair of shoes I own, and he
completely destroyed a $4000 pure teak timber kids' playset.
He chewed it to bits! Ohh, I hate dogs!
RUNT: Gosh, what a nice guy.
{Runt theme, slow version}
RITA: Who's there?
RUNT: Where?
RITA: All right bub, who are ya?
RUNT: My name's Runt. But my master calls me stupid -- what a nice guy!
Uh, who are you?
RITA: Name's Rita. First time in the joint?
RUNT: Yup.
RITA: What'cha in for?
RUNT: Wetting on the carpet. You?
RITA: Same as always, being too hip for the room.
RUNT: Oh.
[Musical interlude with the Warners running in the rain]
{Parody of "Singing in the Rain"}
RUNT:
RITA: Oh, here comes our ticket to freedom. Make with the sad eyes.
WOMAN 2:I'm looking for something cute; something independent. Oh, that's
it!! Oh-ho-ho, it's adorable! Oh, oh, oh, ohhhh! Come to mama.
RITA: Humans. Go fig.
RUNT: Yeah, ain't they great? Who else would adopt a rat?
[Rita scratches "HUMANS STINK" on the wall]
RITA: Ah, what difference does it make? Soon we'll be sleeping the big sleep.
RUNT: Yawn. I could use a nap.
RITA: They're gonna gas us you baffoon! We'll be dead!
RUNT: I don't think I'm that tired.
RITA: You're not a very smart cat, are you Runt?
RUNT: [Pause] Nope.
RITA: Well, at least you're honest. [She stretches] What's a
human good for anyway?
RUNT: They pet you when they're sad.
RITA: They smack you when you're bad.
RUNT: When you're hungry they definitely feed you.
RITA: Yeah, on vacation they leave you with hardly no food.
Ring a bell dude?
(Runt looks under dish and sighs)
RITA: Exactly my point.
RITA: Humans ain't what they seem to be, they don't mean that
much to me, No not much at all.
When you're little and tiny they pet your cute hiney but
then when you grow it's a simple no-show, It's "shoo shoo
off this" and "Don't you dare scratch on that" if they call
you at all it's always "dumb cat."
Humans ain't what they seem to be, they don't mean that
much to me, No not much at all.
But when it's all dark and quiet I try hard to fight it but
I dream of a home then I won't have to roam. Someone to
feed me and put me to bed and scratch me just so on top of
my head.
But I ain't gonna love 'em
Not gonna answer that call.
'Cause humans don't mean that much to me.
No, not much at all...
RITA: Sigh. [Bars fall off window] Who knew? [Sticks paw out to Runt]
Hey, uh -- it's been nice making your acquaintance.
{Auld Lang Syne}
RUNT: Um, if I made it, I'm glad it was nice.
RITA: Uh, hey -- If you ever need anything, just whistle.
[Runt whistles 'Pop goes the Weasel' as she leaps]
Me and my overused cliches. [She picks the lock to her cage]
Let's assume the apparent; you want me to bust you out, and if I
don't, it'll play on my conscience like an out of tune accordion.
Okay. But once I spring ya, you're on your own. I don't know you,
you don't know me, deal?
[She picks the lock to Runt's cage and he jumps out]
RUNT: Woof! {Music}
RITA: "Woof"? You're a... DOG!
RUNT: So are you. You're a good dog, Rita. A really good dog.
{Where, oh where has my little dog gone}
RITA: I-am-a-cat.
RUNT: A cat? A cat?! Where?! Where's a cat?! Where's the furry
feline?! I'll chomp it to bits! Grrr, grrr, grrrrr....
RITA: Oh never mind. Let's amscray!
R.& R.: Uhh!
CATCHER:Break it up! Troublemakers, huh? Looks like I'll have to
separate you two.
RUNT: Woof! [Jumps on the catcher] {Music} [Rita and Runt escape]
CATCHER:I hate government jobs.
RITA: Hey Lassie, you can stop now. HEEL BOY! {Runt theme}
[On the telephone post] Unhh, dogs.
[On the ground] That was a pretty chivalrous thing...you did...
back there.
RUNT: Really? Gee, I-I'm sorry.
RITA: Listen, whaddya say ... we pal around together for a while?
You know, at least till we find a home.
RUNT: That would be terrific.
RITA: But, when we each find a home, I don't know you, you don't know me,
deal?
RUNT: Uh, I don't have any cards.
RITA: Hit the road, Einstein.
RUNT: Hey Rita, look at all the trees, would ya, huh?
RITA: What have I started?
RUNT: Do other dogs know all about these trees? Hmm, huh, do they?
I mean, this is incredible. Smell this one, Rita. This smells
like cheese, definitely a cheese tree....
Transcribed by so many people you would need a seperate file just to
see half of them! BUT thanks go to:-
POIT (Text), Michael Russell and Sean Brandenburg (Song words) and
Charles R Brown (Splicing it all together.)