Kat & TheBoz present: “ KAT-ATONIC SHOCK” -- part1 *KAT'S LAIR--MAIN ROOM* Three glowing clawmarks appear in the air. They spread into a portal and Kuwani steps through it. For the benefit of those who don't know her, Kuwani is a Tari (mouse-like humanoid) with blonde hair. She stands 4' 7" tall (which is about 1.35 meters, for those of you who are on the Metric System), has a slender, muscular build, and when she is wearing her purple gear (as she is now), she vaguely resembles Gadget Hackwrench (of the Rescue Rangers). KUWANI: Hey, Kat! Fenris liked the cheese and Erasmus liked your jokes! Kat? She notices that nobody is in the room. KUWANI: Okay, so you're -not- in the main room. She walks through the hall. We see an open door, to her right, through which we can see the bathroom. The door to her left, which leads to the storeroom (and the 'fridge) is closed. Kuwani reaches Kat's workshop at the end of the hall and takes a peek. *KAT'S LAIR--WORKSHOP* Kat is standing near a silver arch. It is about 1M wide and 1.5M tall. It has a parm-pad reader about 3/4 the way up, and a row of 5 LEDS along the top of the arc. Apparently, it is activated by placing a hand/paw/tentacle on the parm reader and thinking where you want to go. In TPL's last transmission, he explained that if you pick a valid destination, the inside of the arch will dissolve into static and then show your destination. Once you are at that stage, just walk through and you will be there and the doorway will close after you. There is quite a big network of doorways around time and space, so there are plenty of places to visit. (Includeing a 'connection' to the Stargate network) They also work inter- and cross-dimensionally. Gadget is standing on a table near the arch. The table is cluttered--tools and electronic components litter its surface. Of course, this is typical. KUWANI: Oh, there you are. Why are you two hanging around The Phantom Lord's doorway? KAT: TPL is coming by for a visit. Then we'll go visit at his Complex. KUWANI: He's coming -today-? KAT: Yeah. Don't you remember his latest transmission? Kuwani suddenly becomes fascinated with the ceiling. GADGET: I assume that means 'no.' Kuwani holds up her hand and a silver brush appears in it. She brushes her hair and then brushes her fur. KUWANI: How do I look? Kat rolls her eyes. KAT: You look fine, Kuwani. There is a faint 'humm' and the five green lights set into the top of arch light up. The wall inside the arch dissolves into static, then clears to show a cluttered lab. Bouncing across the floor is a metal can; it bounces to a stop just past the arch. The doorway hisses closed. A cloud of white gas erupts from it. As the gas dissipates, a shadowy form speaks. FORM: I am the terror that flaps in night, I am the stain you cannot remove, I am.... By now the gas has mostly dissipated; the figure standing there is a basic humanoid. He is wearing a gray, wide-brimmed hat, purple cape, purple jacket and a purple eye mask (basically Darkwing's outfit-- the only difference was that the jacket seemed to shimmer.) He sees the others and stops when he notices their puzzled expressions. TPL: Wrong get-up?? Gadget nods. TPL: Darn! Thought there was something wrong with the script, again! TPL stamps his foot; the hat and cape turn into M&Ms and fall to the floor, scattering. The jacket turns from purple to electric-blue and the shimmering becomes more apparent. The jacket also changes shape and becomes loose, with long sleeves (Like a long sleved version of Dale's shirt). On the jacket front appears a upside-down, purple name-tag. On it, in day-glo orange letters, is "My name is: The Phantom Lord". A pair of trousers, made of the same stuff, also appear in the correct place. The only non-human thing is a mouse tail that is waving behind him. TPL: Sorry about that; the MainFrame changed my script.. again. TPL looks about. Turns towards Kat. TPL: You must be Kuwani. He turns towards Kuwani. TPL: And you must be Kat. He reaches into a pocket and pulls out two long stemmed roes (The stems are about a meter long) and gives one to Kat and the other to Kuwani. Both roses smell of toasted marshmallows. TPL: Glad meet you both, in person, at last. GADGET: Um, TPL. You've got Kat and Kuwani around the wrong way around... TPL: (Apologetically) Oops! Sorry. TPL rummages through his pockets. TPl: Gadget, I got something for your from a starbase Hanger sale. TPL pulls out three chips (The computer ones) and hands them to Gadget. TPL: Here you are, one copy of 'The Starfleet guide to sub-space', one copy of 'build your own star-cruiser. 4th edition' and a holo-sim 'the complete fan works of Gadget Hackwrench and the Rescue Rangers'. Don't ask me how they got there. Kat grins, as if she has some idea. TPL:Oh, and here's something to read the chips. TPL pulls a tricorder out of a pocket and gives it to Gadget. TPL: It was also on sale. Kat, Kuwani I have a couple more if you want one. KAT: Oh, yeah; I want one! TPL hands Kat a tricorder. KUWANI: Thanks, but I'll pass on that. (She sniffs the rose). Interesting flora. Where'd ya get it? TPL: It's one of my better experiments on plants. Glad you like it. KAT: Lemmie show ya around, TPL. This room is my workshop. KUWANI: Which is always a mess. GADGET: And has lots of neat stuff. TPL looks around and nods. KAT: That curtain (gestures to the left of the door to the hall) leads to a storeroom. GADGET: Which has even more neat stuff. KUWANI: And is not quite as messy. TPL sticks his head past the curtain, looks around, and nods. Kat leads everyone down the hall. She gestures at the open door to her left and we see a normal-looking bathroom. KAT: The Lair's Bathroom; complete with sink, shower, closets, and (giggles) the toilet--into which I once teleported Rat Capone (giggles again). KUWANI: (laughing) And Gadget flushed him! Gadget blushes slightly. TPL: Yeah; (grins) I remember that 'fic. Kat opens the door on her right. KAT: And across from it is the Den/Storeroom. KUWANI: Complete with the Virtual 'Fridge! Would you like a drink? TPL: Don't mind if I do. Kuwani opens the 'Fridge, pulls out a boot rear, and hands it to TPL. He takes a sip. TPL: Humm, this tastes like... *BOOT!* TPL goes flying across the room, through a stack of boxes, and into a wall. The impact knocks a sphere off of a shelf; it rolls under another shelf. An Iz escapes. A senator broke on the floor. TPL peels himself off the wall. TPL: It is! It's boot rear! You've been to Xanth! KUWANI: I assume you know the place? TPL: You bet! I go there every now and then to see the Gap Dragon and play 4D chess with the demon X[A/N]th. In fact, I have something I found on my last trip there. KAT: Stanley is pretty cool--unless he gets -steamed-. Kat giggles. TPL rummages through his pockets and pulls out a milk-weed pod. He shakes it and there is a sharp buzzing sound. TPL: I found a 'B' trapped in this; I was planing to return it on my next trip. KAT: Hey, let's go to Xanth! I need to get some more boot rear and pies, anyway. KUWANI: But what about the rest of the tour? KAT: Aw, there's only the Main Room left, and it never looks the same. There's always a couch with a widescreen television in front of it, my computer system, the entertainment center, and my bookshelves. Everything else seems to change at my Writer's whim. Kat has led everyone down the hall and into the Main Room, which is the largest room in the Lair. It is at least three times the size of the Den/storeroom. KUWANI: Yeah. Our Writer can't leave things alone. There's a window to Mobius, one to the Marvel Universe, one to the DCU… KAT: What's next? A window to the Image universe? VOICE FROM ABOVE (female): Hmm. Not a bad idea. A new window appears in the East wall, to the left of the door. OTHER VOICE FROM ABOVE (male): Cool! I'll have to try that in TPL's lab. TPL: (frowning) No you don't! OTHER VFA: (A burst of laughter that fades off into nothing) KUWANI: And that was? TPL: Just my Writer; he's a bit unhinged. OTHER VFA: (Another burst of laughter that fades off into nothing) TPL: See. Kuwani grins and nods. TPL looks at the windows. TPL: Do any of these lead to Xanth, or do we have to take the Teleporter Doorway?? KAT: Let's take the doorway. TPL: Fine with me. When should we go? GADGET: Excussseee me! If I could get a word in edgewise? Call me naive, but where or what is Xanth? TPL: (looking at Gadget) Sorry; guess I'm more used to seeing you at my size. TPL starts to shrink. Soon he is at Gadget's size; his jacket however stays at the same size. He is now lost in the pile of clothes of the floor. TPL(Muffled): Oops! The clothes shrink rapidly down to fit TPL's new size. TPL: That's better. Gadget points soundlessly behind him. Standing there, looking a bit confused, are Kat and Kuwani. Both have been shrunk, too. KUWANI: HEY!! TPL: Oops, again! Sorry about that. I guess I need to practice a bit more. If you want I can return you to your normal size. KAT: (Thinks of all the problems a mistake in that that could cause) Um, no thanks. KUWANI: Heh. Please, allow me. Kuwani gestures. Kat & Kuwani return to their normal sizes. TPL and Gadget become human sized. TPL: Gadget, what was your question again?? GADGET: I was trying to find out what this Xanth place we all seem to be going to is. KAT: It's a pun--er, um fun place with all sorts of cool flora and fauna. It's where I get the boot rear and assorted pies. There are also Centaurs, magical springs, and tangle trees. Gotta watch out for those tangle trees! Kuwani yawns. KUWANI: Tangle trees? They're no problem for me. GADGET: What _are_ tangle trees? TPL: Sort of a hostile version of the weeping willow, we'll have to show you one. GADGET: Don't go out of your way to show me. TPL: Tangle trees grow just about everywhere in Xanth, and anyway, I _LIKE_ going out of my way. TPL walks towards Kat's workshop. TPL(rubbing hands together): We're going to Xanth everyone!! *KAT'S LAIR--WORKSHOP* Everyone is standing in front of the Teleporter Doorway. KUWANI: Ok, how do you use this thing? TPL: (imitating Diytz in Dale form) Ezzzy! (grins) TPL: All you do is put you paw/hand on this pad, like this. He does so, the inside of the arch dissolves into white static. TPL: Then you just think where you want to go. The limitation is that you need a doorway at the place you want to go to, with the exception of a prototype back at my lab, and a couple of 'virtual' ones I've been testing. The static dissolves into a view from inside the Gap. TPL: It's that easy. Kuwani, why don't you have a go. He takes his hand away and looks at the arch. The view vanishes. Kuwani steps forward. KUWANI (uncertain): Okay. She puts her paw on the parm-pad. There is static inside the arch and then it shifts into the view of a tropical jungle. Kat snickers. KAT: Samoset?! Thinking about "home", Kuwani? You *know* you can't go home again. KUWANI (with an impish grin): Just testing it. The image inside of the arch dissolves into static, then shifts into the view from back inside the gap. KUWANI: What happened? I thought of Castle Roogna. TPL: Sorry, there's only one doorway in Xanth. I had a second one, but it got wrecked when the Realm of Madness expanded. TPL(with a sweep of his arm): After you, ladies. Kuwani braces herself and steps through the doorway into Xanth. Kat and Gadget go through next, with TPL last. *XANTH -- THE GAP* There is a faint hiss as the 'doorway' closes behind them. GADGET(looking back at the doorway): Now, I didn't expect that.. TPL (frowning): You shouldn't have felt anything. GADGET: Exactly. I was expecting at least a 'shift' like when you enter one of those old TARDIS or a Stargate. TPL: Well, that's technology for you. GADGET(looking around): Where are we? KAT (grinning like a meerkat): In Xanth. GADGET: Oops! Let me try again. Where in Xanth are we? KAT: We're in the Gap, near the middle of Xanth. KUWANI(grinning): Where the Gap Dragon lives. GADGET: DRAGON!?! TPL: Don't worry; my best friend is a friend of his. GADGET: Is that good?? KAT: Yup. Stanley's alright, once he gets ta know ya. KUWANI: So, in what manner shall we egress? TPL rummages through his pockets, pulls out a whistle on a chain and blows it. GADGET: What are you doing? TPL: Calling some transportation. We have to get out of the gap to see the rest of Xanth. A faint dot was soon seen flying down the gap towards them. As it gets closer, we see that it's a flying carpet. It flies up and stops. Gadget walks around it and looks at it with great interest. KUWANI: (grinning) I like your style, TPL. KAT: Before you ask, it's powered by magic, Gadget. TPL: And there's nothing to take apart in it. GADGET(acting annoyed, even though she isn't): Oh, darn! KUWANI: But you can fly it. GADGET: How? I don't see any controls. TPL: It's all controlled by movement ... KUWANI: What? Not by mental command? *Hrmph!* Must be an old model. TPL: It's Humfrey's. KUWANI: Oh. That would explain it. TPL: Anyway, you lean forward to start it. And you lean to the sides to get it to turn. Gadget climbs onto the hovering carpet, sits near the front and leans forward. The carpet takes off out of the gap, and is quickly lost to sight. KAT: Ok, what do we do now?? Gadget's taken off with our transport. KUWANI: I -could- polymorph into a pegasus and go after her, or cast Fly on us… Kat takes the whistle from TPL. KAT: Will this thing bring back the carpet even when it's being used?? TPL: I think so; never tried it, though. Kat blows on the whistle. Kuwani looks down the Gap for the carpet. KUWANI: Do you think it worked?? Kat taps Kuwani on the shoulder, and points behind them. KAT: Um, what do you think... The others turn around. Zooming down the gap towards them is the carpet and it doesn't look like it is slowing. Gadget is trying to make the carpet slow down.... *XANTH - OUTSIDE THE GAP* A strange scene unfolds for any observer who might look towards a certain part of the Gap at just the right time, as a flying carpet being piloted by a human-sized mouse in lavender coveralls (strange, but not excitingly so) flies out of the Gap at high speed. The shock comes as the carpet climbs higher and reveals a female human with pointy, cat-like ears (not too out of place in Xanth, either) and a Tari (also in lavender) hanging onto the back edge of the carpet with and another humanoid holding onto the end of the Tari's tail (Oww!). The observer would watch the spectacle as the carpet and all it's passengers fly off, out of sight before going on with whatever they were doing before this all happened. Grundy Golem saw, shrugged, and continued on his way. *XANTH - MAGIC CARPET* Kat manages to climb onto the carpet and crawls up to Gadget ,who is leaning forward into the wind. KAT(yelling): Gadget, could you please slow down a bit?!?! GADGET(yelling back): How?? This thing won't slow down! KAT(still yelling): Just lean back a bit!! Gadget allows the wind to push her back a bit and the carpet soon slows down to a crawl. GADGET: Why didn't I think of that. KAT: Well, it *is* your first time flying a _magic_ carpet. GADGET: True. Unless you count the time Nimnul used special circuitry to make his carpets fly away with stolen goods… KAT: I'm -not- counting that. Those flying carpets -weren't- magical. KUWANI (from below the carpet): Hello?!? Could _someone_ please help me up? TPL is putting a strain on my tail! Kat goes to the back of the carpet. Kuwani is holding onto the edge of the carpet but is prevented from climbing back on (or doing any spell-casting, for that matter) by TPL, who is hanging limply(but furmly) onto the end her tail, looking stunned. Kat helps Kuwani climb on to the carpet then drags TPL up too. He is staring strait ahead, in a blinkless gaze, and un-moving. KAT: What happened to him?? KUWANI: I dunno. He looked up when he was hanging onto my tail... Kat's mind visits the gutter briefly when she realizes what he must have seen from that position. She grins impishly and blushes. KAT: Oh. I see. Kuwani fails to see why Kat is blushing. KUWANI: I just wish he would let go of my tail; all the feeling's gone from the end of it. Kat tries to pry TPL's fingers from Kuwani's tail and fails. KAT: He's got a mean grip there. GADGET(looking back): I think there are some tools in his top left pocket, just reach in a grab them. Kuwani reaches over and puts her hand(paw) into TPL's pocket and rumgages around for the tools. TPL chooses this moment to come out of shock; he looks in interest at what Kuwani is doing. TPL: What are you doing? KUWANI (not realizing who said it): Trying to find some tools. TPL: They are down a bit and to the left. Kuwani rummages a bit more, realizes who was speaking, then pauses. She takes her hand slowly out of TPL's pocket. KUWANI: (grinning impishly) I see your mind has rejoined your body. (Changes to an annoyed expression) Now, would you PLEASE release my tail?!? TPL (looking embarrassed): Hee, hee.. Sorry. TPL releases her tail. Kuwani massages the feeling back into it. TPL: What happened?? The last thing I remember was looking up and seeing up your dress or whatever. KAT: Imagine how freaked you would have been if Kuwani wore -Panties-. TPL shudders. GADGET: What's that about panties? KAT: Um, never mind, Gadget. Just keep flying. GADGET: Ok. By the way, where are we going? KAT: Hmm. That's a good question. Where _are_ we going? TPL and Kuwani shrug. KAT(muttering): That's very inspiring. Kat look around & sees a village in the distance. Her eyes go wide as she recognizes it. KAT: Oh, *bleep*!! We're going the wrong way! We're near the Magic Dust Village! Turn west, Gadget!! KUWANI: Hey, why'd you get bleeped? *Bleep* isn't such a bad word. Is there a Censor Ship in the area? TPL: You'll have to be careful with words like *Bleep*, you never know who might be reading this. (Smiles at the 'camera'.) KUWANI: I still think *Bleep* is fairly mild, especially compared to *Blarp!*, for example. KAT: Kuwani, that's getting a bit extreme! TPL: I'm inclined to agree with Kuwani. Meanwhile, as Gadget starts to turn the carpet around, a great cloud of magic dust rises up from the village below engulfing the carpet (Fate/VFA rolls dice... and gets bad numbers). There is a *bang* as the carpet, due to a magical overload, suddenly accelerates passed the speed of sound leaving Kat, Kuwani, TPL and a very surprised Gadget hovering in the air. Kat, Kuwani and TPL don't notice the departure of the carpet as they are still debating. However, Gadget notices and begins to fall. GADGET: (screaming) AAAAAHHhhhhhhh! KAT: Whuh? Oh *bleep*!! Everyone notices and begins to fall. Kuwani Shape-Changes into a blue dragon, dives for Kat and Gadget, and catches them. As TPL starts to fall, he watches with interest as Kuwani 'morphs and saves the others. Then he reaches into a pocket and pulls out a grappling hook. Swinging it around, he throws it into the air. It latches onto a convent cloud (luckily Fracto was absent). The rope goes taunt and stretches. Just as TPL's feet touched the ground, the rope runs out of stretch and TPL is flung into the air. As he travels upward, he shimmers and changes into a shimmering blue dragon, wearing a shimmering blue cloak. He spreads his wings and matches speed and altitude with Kuwani. TPL: What a rush! Nice form, Kuwani. KUWANI: Thanks. TPL: Would you like me to carry Gadget?? KUWANI: If you like. Gadget performs a death-defying cross-dragon leap onto TPL's back. Kat was the first to notice the problem. KAT: Um, Gadget, your fur.... ? Gadget looks down at herself. Her fur is sticking out everywhere, giving her the "hedgehog stuck in a vacuum" look. She taps TPL on his shoulder. GADGET: Could you please turn down your Jacket?? It's charging up my fur. The jacket turns a deeper blue and the shimmering slows down. TPL: Better? Gadget's fur settles down. GADGET: Yes. Thanks. Kuwani & TPL fly westard for a while. Soon, they see a castle in the distance. It has a moat and wall and turrets and cupolas and penndents...and just about everything a castle should have. They head towards it. *XANTH - CASTLE ROOGNA* Kuwani flys into the courtyard and lands gracefully. TPL, too busy watching Kuwani, flies in and promply crashes into the neerest tree, sending Gadget into the lower braches and showering him in small pies. GADGET: A hint from a pilot: watch where you land! KAT: Are you okay, Gadget?! GADGET: Nothing seems to be broken... KUWANI: She's okay. At least the pies weren't lemon harangue. They'd have added insult to injury. KAT: Or -cow- pies! KUWANI: Eeeeeww!! Kuwani makes a disgusted face and then laughs. Gadget, who is perched in the lower branches of the tree, throws a pie at Kat. Kat catches it before it can splatter all over her face. KAT (impersonating Homer Simpson): Mmmm. Pizza pie. My favorite. TPL changes back to human form and picks up a pie. He takes a bite. TPL: At lease we have the pies... A human female came around the corner of the castle. Her hair is red and her face is freckled. She is wearing blue jeans and a shirt--very informal "around the castle" attire, indeed. She sees the party standing in the yard. All present, except Gadget, recognize her as Princess Electra. (Dolph is a Prince, she married Dolph, therefore she's a Princess ;) ELECTRA: Who are y.. Kuwani! Kat! TPL! Long time no see! Electra see Gadget. ELECTRA: And who are you?? GADGET: I'm Gadget. Who are you? ELECTRA: I'm Electra. (shakes hands w/Gadget) GADGET: Golly! You don't -look- like a fire-lizard. ELECTRA: (with a grin) You must be thinking of the -other- Electra. TPL: Speaking of my little friend, where is she? *Cheeeeep!* Any observer would have sworn (not literally, as Gadget was present) that a bolt of of lightning lept out of a tree and knocked TPL off his feet, across the moat, and into the castle wall with enough force to craze one of the stones. Grundy Golem (who was very convently was passing by Castle Roogna) shook his head and continued on his way again. *Cheep!* *Cheep!* *Purrrr!* TPL, before he finaly mannaged to calm her down, was nearly licked to death by the overexcited, electric-blue firelizard. TPL: Electra! Nice to see you! I missed you too! {Golly, this is going to get confusing! I will use clicks and cheeps for Electra-fire-lizard and 'normal' spech for Electra-human.} *Cheep!* TPL: And did you enjoy youself? A 15 second stream of cheeps, whisles, clicks, purrs and assorted other SFX follow. (Cut out due to space limitations -- and the fact that 99.94% of you wouldn't understand it anyway.) TPL: Really? You -helped- with the pruning? ELECTRA: And she was very helpfull, too. Not a branch out of place anymore. The fire-lizard licks her lips. TPL turns Electra around to face the others TPL: (to the fire-lizard) Electra, I would like you to meet Kat and Kuwani. They will be joining us for this adventure. They are from their own universe, and they are mortal so for their sakes, be careful with them. KAT: Well, actually -I'm- from one of those alternate Marvel universes. KUWANI: Mortal? Hmm. I wonder if our Writer can fix that... KAT: Don't give her any ideas, Kuwani! TPL lets the fire-lizard go; she flies towards Kat, who braces herself. Kuwani, seeing this, relaxes slightly (this is a bad idea); Electra promptly splits in two. One lands on Kat and, after an appreciable amount of sniffing and a lick (on the nose), curls up around Kat's neck and goes to sleep. KAT:(giggling) Hey! That tickles! The other catches Kuwani unaware and knocks her to the ground, licking her face and ears and leaving her fur silky and shiny (even more than usual). Electra, smelling Kuwani's spell components, pads down her front to investigate. Electra sticks her nose into one of the bags. KUWANI: Hey! Stop that! Kuwani levitates off the ground; Electra follows. KUWANI: What? Does my supply of powdered iron smell -that- good to you? ELECTRA: Let's go inside. Dolph will be pleased. The group all head back towards castle. The fire-lizard splits again and again; soon there is a fire-lizard purring on everyone's shoulders. They cross the drawbridge and enter the castle. Electra opens a door and leads them to the main room. To be continued... (Er, maybe)