Chip Chap (Registered User) The Dark Shadow Enigma reveals his NEW evil plan. While the Rangerphiles were being chased around by a mob of Elmyra clones. The Dark Shadow Enigma was laughing evilly. "Bwahhaha! At last my destrucive evilness is coming to fruit! The coffeehouse is doomed!" The villain laughed maniaclly. "Um, that doesn't look too destructive, your destinctiveness." A nameless minion remarked as they watched the viewscreen. "What do you mean?" "Well, don't you think those brats are going to fall asleep after awhile? I mean they are only human... for the most part..." "Hmmm..." The Dark Shadow Enigma thought for a moment and then brightened up, "Of course it not very destructive! It's um... this is just a diversion for my super-ultimate plan! The Destruction of the Rangerverse!" A loud and dramatic chord sounded through the room. ---------------------------- Indy (MB Admin) Meanwhile, in Hondo, Texas... ::Long and dramatic chords have a strange way about them, and this particular one caught the ear of a certain Texas prairie bat:: Bedivere: Tarnation! Sounds like the last time they had amateur night down at the Yellow Rose Cantina! Don't they know a bat's ears are ultra-sensitive! ::Bedivere had been soaring over his ranch, the Double-D, but now returned to his ranch house. Indy was visiting, and the chiporteran cowboy found the fedora-clad human rocking away on the porch in an old-fashioned rocking chair:: Indy: Hey there. Sure is nice getting away from the hustle and bustle for a while. Say, you look agitated about something. Bedivere: Like mah pappy, Gallopin' Gawain Fairmont used t'say, 'it's an ill chord that sounds no good'. And let me tell you, I just heard a whopper of one! Indy: A bad chord? A loud and dramatic one? Bedivere: You got it, cowpoke. ::Indy stopped whittling on the eagle figurine he was making, then continued shaving the wood:: Indy: Most likely just the regular world-threatening problem at the Coffeehouse. They'll probably have it all straightened out in another few posts. Speaking of that, care from some coffee? Bedivere: None of that triple-mocha stuff! I take mine straight black. ::Bedivere found another rocker by Indy and the two of them hummed up a tune, which caused Indy to reach for his guitar. Soon the strains of "Red River Valley" echoed throughout the Double-D, and whoever or whatever the source of the loud and dramatic chord was left to deal with the Rangerphiles already at the Coffeehouse:: ------------------------------------- The J.A.M. (Registered User) Oh dear, did someone say "radioactive·"? [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ******* Somehow, Elmyra Clone #169 had found the jaguar and pulled him out of his warp. And currently had him in a chokehold. Which wasn't a good idea, since there came a low rumbling from his stomach. And his eyes turned red. A few moments later, all the patrons and Elmyra Clones stopped to see #169 fly across the Café and smash through the front door. And everyone's viscera vibrated as a bass-pitched growling resonated through the entire complex... He was big. He was black. And since his t-shirt was oversized to start with, it didn't tear, but it *was* stretched to the limits due to the onça's present muscle size. But The J.A.M. wasn't in control. The Incredible Black Panther was. [I think we all saw that one coming, didn't we?] ******* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] -------------------------------------- CD (Registered User) *Sigh* Where's the military when you need it? Seeing what happened to JAM, CD decided he'd never eat fish again (not that he ever did). Especially not when it lived downstream of a nuclear reactor. Everyone in the coffeehouse did the most logical thing: panic. Black Panther: DESTROY! Elmyra Clone #59: RUN! Monty: LIMBURGERS AND EDAMMERS FIRST! Elmyra clone #43 re-entered, still holding Popeye locked in her arms. With a lot of strugling the sailor escaped her hold and jumped back, away from the clone. He felt something behind him and turned around to see the Black Panther. Popeye: Ow my gosh, you'd beat Godzilla in a scaryness contest! -------------------------------- The J.A.M. (Registered User) ONÇA SMASH!!!!! [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ******* The loudest roar anyone had ever heard blasted out of the black panther's throat, and it blasted the sailor and practically all of the Elmyra clones out the door. As well as considerable amounts of furniture and appliances, and a few Rangers and Rangerphiles as well. The vibration from the roar started to take its toll on the Café's structural support... ******* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ------------------------------------ Chip Chap (Registered User) And so, the villain gets some more help. Meanwhile, Back at the Evil Lair... The Dark Shadow Enigma is sitting in his chair. The N.M.E. Salesman is speaking to him from a big screen. Several nameless minions are doing stuff. N.M.E. Salesman: So, what's the big plan, Darky? Dark Shadow Enigma: Well, it's simplicity itself. All I have to do is send this cloning machine to one of the Rescue Rangers arch enemies and things will take care of themselves! N.M.E. Salesman: Really... I suppose you're going to set it on "Evil Ninja" and then let Fat Cat create a huge army of goons in his basement? The Dark Shadow Enigma: Well, I was thinking of letting Nimnul create an army of Lawhiney clones... but I suppose I might as well start an auction just to keep the options open. Nameless Minion... Nameless Minion: Yes Sir? The Dark Shadow Enigma: Call up all the villains from the Rangerverse and let them know that there will be an auction for an advanced cloning machine. Nameless Minion: Yes Sir! Nameless Ninion#2: Sir, the Elmyra clones have all been blown out of the Acorn Cafe by what appears to be a Jaguar that mutated into a Black Panther after eating that radioactive fish we sent over there a while ago! The Dark Shadow Enigma: What? Let me see that screen! looks at a sreen and shakes his head in wonderment) What are you talking about? I only see a bunch of broken furniture and a big black cat. N.M.E. Salesman: Ummm... I think that big cat is a black panther. The Dark Shadow Enigma: Oh, well in that case we have to send in the heavy artillery! If those Rangerphiles have something that powerful on their side they may try stopping the auction (if they ever find out that there is one)! Salesman, Get me those three monsters you were showing me earlier! N.M.E. Salesman: Right away, your shadyness! A bright light fills the room as a giant elephant, a six-legged snow lepord and a figure in a cloak appear. The Salesman introduces them. N.M.E. Salesman: All right... here we have Zora the killer robot elephant from the Astro Boy cartoon series (Episode "Baby Elephant Pook")! He's built of solid titainium with a life-like rubber skin. He's got enough power built into his servo's to smash efortlessly through solid concrete walls and his trunk can produce gale-force winds! Of course, he was origionaly programmed to kill everything that moves so we included a voice-activated remote with him. However, it's short range so whoever controls him has to be within a hundred yards of him for it to work. N.M.E. Salesman: Next we have Lupe the six-legged Space Snow Leopord (from Astro Boy the Manga Series) Not only should he be tough enough to take on that Panther at the Cafe but he feeds off of all artificialy produced energy! That means you can drain the power out of the Acorn Cafe!" The Dark Shadow Enigma: All right... who's the other one? The third figure lowers the hood of her cloak robe to reveal that she's an anthropomorphic cat. Robed figure: Leave the introductions to me! I'm Clawdia the master of food fighting! Nameless Minion#3: Sounds pretty half-baked to me... Clawdia: Oh how sweet... Get him Candy Crane! Clawdia tosses a candy cane into the air which morphs into a large bird with cand-cane stripes on it. The bird lunges at Nameless Minion#3 and starts pecking him viciously. Nameless Minion#3: Ouch! Ouch! Oh gosh it hurts! The Dark Shadow Enigma: Bwahaha! This certainly lookd interesting. Clawdia, I'm putting you in charge of destroying the Acorn Cafe (gives Clawdia the remote for Zora). Clawdia: All right! Zora, Lupe follow me! The three characters walk through a portal that takes them directly outside the Acorn Cafe. The Dark Shadow Enigma: All right then, while those three are keeping the Rangerphiles busy, I'm going to sell this cloning machine to the highest bidder! Bwahahaha! ---------------------------------- The J.A.M. (Registered User) Outside? [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ******* The elephant, snow leopard, and cat unwarped outside the Café... ...where all the Elmyra clones had just been blown to. "Ooooooo!!! A cutsie elephant and two kitty heads!!!" they yelled... ******* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ----------------------------------- Chip Chap (Registered User) Return of the Elmyra clones... "Oooh! What cute bunch of cuddly animals!" Elmyra clone#273 called out as she lept for the villainous trio. "Eeek! You're not getting me, you little pests!" Clawdia shouted with a hint of fear. "Zora, get rid of these creeps!" ------------- Meanwhile inside the Cafe... Everyone was trying to get the place back to normal from the Elmyra clones. "Hmmm... is it just me or does it sound like there is a storm outside?" Monty asked as he listened to the noise outside. "No, I think it sounds more like someone's using a big vacume cleaner or something." Gadget answered. After a few moments the noise stopped and then a loud whining noise replaced it. "Golly, now it sounds like presure building up for some reason... I wonder..." Suddenly the door to the Cafe blew inward as severl dozen Elmyra clones and some bits of assorted debre blasted through as though they had just been shot out of a cannon. Immediatly the clones all got back up (they are toons after all) and looked around at the Cafe goers around them and immediatly resumed chasing the Rangerphiles. "Golly, arn't I the popular one..." Gadget moaned as severl Elmyras began hugging her simultaniously. ---------- meanwhile outside the Cafe... "Hahaha!" Clawdia laughed, "This should be easy, all we have to do is launch these clones back inside as they get thrown out!" Lupe chuckled to himself as they watched the clones wreck havok in the Cafe. Somebody inside managed to toss one of the clones out but Zora easily knocked it back in by using a downed tree as a baseball bat. Seeing that they pretty much had this act in the bag Clawdia decided to relax and watch the show unfold, "Ahhh, this is the life... Hey, Lupe, why don't you get yourself a snack?" Lupe nodded his head, grabbed ahold of the powerlines leading to the Cafe, and began sucking up the electricity. -------------------------------------- CD (Registered User) Ooh, big bad evil monsters sieging the coffeehouse! During all the Elmyra clone tossing, CD had taken cover and thus was still outside. And so he couldn't help but notice that a bunch is pathetic exuses for monsters where busy scheming how to flatten the Coffeehouse. CD: Hey, you can't do that to us! Clawdia: Sure we can! CD: Oh no you can't, big pink evil cat! You have to get through me first. Clawdia: My pleasure. Candy Crane, destroy him! The magic candy thing turned into a bird and flew right at CD. Who was looking at the thing with a hypnotised look in his eye. When the thing was in pecking distance, CD grabbed it out of the air and quickly bit off the head of the thing. CD: Hmmm, tastes good. But now it's my turn! He quickly wrote himself the help of a huge man that towered over the four. He was wearing steel armor and carried a lightning bolt in his hand. CD: Behold, a Titan who's ready to rumble. Better get yourselves a first aid kit. Titan: Destroy enemies of the Rangerphiles! The Titan aproached the group, which quickly backed away while whimpering. Clawdia: I should have listened to my mommy and become a dentist. -------------------------------- MegaDale (Registered User) Some unexpected but familiar help arrives MegaDale being the only one who thought of using the men's facilities as a good hiding spot from the Elmyra clones hears the explosion and the clones resorting to hugging,squeezing and general terrorfying the cafe guests decides to seek help in the form of two heroic girls from the future, He pulls out a small communication device and selected it to a specific frequecy until he achieved the proper channel he was trying to establish MegaDale:This is MegaDale calling the Lovely Angels do you read me,come in. The visual link is established and the Lovely Angels Kei and Yuri are seen in the view screen on the small hand held display Kei: Hey MegaDale,what's up, how are you doing? Well actually kinda bad at the moment you see we have a uh,unusual situation here and I was wondering if you two ladies would be able to help us. Kei:Sure bud no prob, uh you don't have giant lizard problems do you? If so then I'm afraid your on your own. MegaDale:Actually this time it's clones,lots and lots of clones and they're annoying as hades. Okay, but of who? Elmyra unfortunately Huh? you mean that annoying girl from the Tiny toons shows that squeezes everyone until they die from lack of oxygen? Yep that's the one. How many of them are there? Oh I'd say in toon numbers bout a kazillion. Tell me your not serious. Like I'm sposed to know, but I do know they are at least in the hundreds maybe more. Okay where are you now? Are you safe? Yeah I'm cooped up here in the men's room and thankfully they either don't know I'm in here or have the decency to stay out of here,uh oh I think we're losing power here,ok yeah the emergency generators just kicked in. Hang on MegaDale,we're on our way. Within seconds the Lovely Angel ship arrives on the scene outside the rangephile haven and Kei and Yuri get all the neccesary equipment ready before treading into the coffeehouse. Kei:'K Yuri you ready for this? Yuri: Kei,why did you say we had to help these guys again? Kei: Well because 1) we have nothing better to do so the fact that someone needs our help means that we're appreciated even with our known reputation and 2)I hate being stuck at 3WA doing all that blasted paperwork,that answer your question? Fine lets just do this before we end up fighting more giant monsters again,ok? I heard that,ok lets go! The Angels reach the front of the coffeehouse but are quickly assaulted from all sides from a swarm of Emyra clones coming at them. Elmyra clones:OOOOOOOOOOOOO pretty girls with shiny outfits to hug and squeeze and play dress up with and... Kei:Ok,time to end this saturday morning nightmare,you ready Yuri? Yuri: Ready Kei! Kei and Yuri quickly activate their cloaking devices and become invisable to everyone including the Elmyra clones. Clones:Huh? where did the pretty ladies go to? Suddenly one after another all the clones start dropping to the floor unconcious from the unseen attacks that being carried out upon them and within a matter of a few minutes all the clones in the general vicinity are out of commision. Kei and Yuri decloak and assess the situation before them. Kei:Alright I guess that takes care of them for now,is everyone here alright? All the patrons of the establishment look around them and nod as they see that no more clones are going on hugging rampages. Chip: Kei,Yuri,what are you doing here? Yuri:We got a call from MegaDale who told us what was happening so we decided to help. Where is he anyway? Oh he's in a safe place, the men's room. Figures, but I suppose that was a suitable spot to stay clear of these ca-razy clones,but how did he get ahold of you two in there? We gave him a device to contact us in case of trouble and it seems like this place is always loaded with it. Gadget: Well thank you for your help and we may be able to use it again, it seems that someone sent those clones here for some reason but we don't know who yet much less why. Yuri:Well we'll be here if you need us but in the meantime I guess you can go retrieve MegaDale from the restroom and tell him it's safe. And with that MegaDale is located and is told that his "girlfriends" are here from Dale who figured it'd be funny to tease him about the same girls being associated with the same rangerphile as the last time they were at the coffeehouse. ------------------------------------- Greyhound Bus (Registered User) da bus attacks As he sits a few blocks away,he cant btu help notice'in that help is needed. Da bus:Man i dont know why im doing this.It's not like i can fit into that place and order a cup of Java!! With hiss of his airtanks,a halo of broght blue and red light starts to warp around him until his whole form is out of veiw.He then takes of the form of a well know attack helicopter,an all black AH-64 Apache. He lifts off in a cloud of dust and makes his way back towards the cafe, weapons locked and loaded.He spots Titan and aims a set of stinger missles at'em. Da Bus: HEY BIG GUY,SMILE FOR THE BIRDIE!!! 3 stinger missles streak out at mach 2 toward the already whimpering Titan, who's backing up from some other form.The missles collide not cause'in much damage but knocks him back so the other huge firgure can take'em out. Da Bus: FROM 3 POINT LAND!!!! SWISH!!!! Seeing things should get underhand,he takes aim at a few Elmyra clones and lauches countless Hydra rockets and blastin off rounds from his 20mm cannon in an attempt to destroy as many of them as he can.He keeps flyin about, waitin for any command for any Rangerfile as he creats havoc amongs the clones. ---------------------------------------------------------- Chip Chap Okay, up to the top of the story board! In a big auctionhouse, The Dark Shadow Enigma is auctioning off the Cloning Machine to both the human and animal villians of the Rangerverse. An animal news reporter is there... Animal news Reporter: Hello everyone! This is Molly MacMoleson reporting to you live from the the crimminal underground! Here we have what could be one of the most auspicious auctions in history! A mysterious character known only as The Dark Shadow Enigma is selling an advanced cloning machine to the highest bidder, however all the bidders here seem like the biggest lowlifes in town. For example, here is the local cat kingpin Fat Cat! What do you have to say to our viewers? Fat Cat: Mwehehehe! As soon as I get my paws on that cloning machine I'll be able to create a whole army of nasty goons! The city will be mine! Molly MacMoleson: Well isn't that something? Now next we have the reclusive reptile Sewer Ale. Nobody knows quite why he's here but I'm sure he does. Why are you here Sewer Ale? Sewer Ale: That's my own business... Molly MacMoleson: Really... not many people know about you Ale. Is it true that you exchange information for pieces of literary work? Sewer Ale: That'll cost you a hardback copy of "Life with Jeeves" by P.G. Wodehouse. Molly MacMoleson: I'll take that as a yes then. Sewer Ale: Doh! Molly MacMoleson: And that's just the beginning folkes, It seems that there are a whole lot of shady characters here and things could get really bad if that cloning machine falls into the wrong hands... lets just hope that some heroes come to save the day. Dark Shadow Enigma: Okay everyone! Lets get this show on the road! Shall we start the bidding off at a million dollars? As the villains started bidding on the machine, nobody noticed a small blue fly in a red sweater listening in... Zipper: You might say I'm a fly on the wall. ...anyway, having seen what was going on, the tiny insect flew off to warn the other Rangers. ---------------------------------------------------------- The J.A.M. (Registered User) Meanwhile... [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ******* As the explosions rocked outside the Coffeehouse and the lights kept fluctuating, Foxlgove asked, "What should we do about The J.A.M. now being a hulking black panther?" The monster in question was headed for the door... ******* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] -------------------------------------------------------------- Greyhound Bus (Registered User) and the fun contiues The bus,now in the form of an AH-64 Apache in Greyhound colors contiues his rampage,launching countless missle after missle,destroyin every clone that crosses his sensers.20mm guns blase'in hot,depleted uranium rounds ping'in of the pavement and the side of the building,inbedding themselves in the cement,bricks and near by parked cars.Pays no attention to the huge black panther thats about to show himself to daylight......... ------------------------------------------------------------- Karl (Registered User) Oops - there's that sizing field again: Since the beginning, every visitor to the Coffeehouse has passed through an energy field, which reduces or increases his or her size to a range comfortable within. This was long thought a wonderful idea, since otherwise a panther would be thousands of times the size of a mouse. Conversations might be strained, at best! However, The J.A.M. had become a good deal larger while inside. As he walked through the front door, he was scanned and identified, then increased in size to the same factor as he had originally been reduced. Now massing approximately 400 pounds, he presented an awe-inspiring sight indeed. Of course, the radioactive fish he'd eaten was similarly enlarged, but the actual radiation - being energy rather than matter - was not. Hawnurra, the cougar (Puma Concolor) had just entered the Coffeehouse via the Bureau With the Neckties, when he saw the panther bash his way out the front door, grow to a size to match the fallen Titan but with better natural weaponry, and then stumble and fall to his knees - shaking his head in confusion. The remaining Elmira clones all said "Oooooooooooooo!" --------------------------------------------------------- MegaDale (Registered User) While everyone was watching the giant catbeast leave the scene the Elmyra clones that had been knocked out by the Lovely Angels were woken up by the remaining ones that had used their trademark Ooooooo and now had all assembed surrounding the patrons of the cafe guests once again. Kei:Hey,what th- Yuri:Kei the clones are back! I know, didn't we knock them out though?! I guess toon physics work differently here. And before anyone could make a plan of attack or retreat the clones had at sonic speed tied all the guests up in toon proof rope which works just as well with human guests meaning it's burn and cut proof. Yuri:Great,what do we do now Kei? Kei:How should I know? I've never been abducted by a toon before, much less an army of them. Buster bunny: You know if I wanted to be a victim of an Elmyra attack why couldn't I be in Acme acres to do it then? Babs bunny:Why not try asking that guy who ripped us out of there then? (pointing to MegaDale) MegaDale:Eh hehe..uh...heh..um...yeah. (Gets glares from the Lovely Angels and Buster and Babs.) MegaDale:(Imitating one of Samantha's lines from Bewitched)...Well! ------------------------------------------------------------- CD (Registered User) Outside... CD was running to avoid the rain of missiles that was being fired. Elmyra clones around where send flying, but landed safely since cartoon physics tend to grant the villains immortality. With his summoned help caugth between the DSE's pawns, the Black Panther who was even bigger now, and a helicopter there wasn't any reason why this couldn't be called Total Chaos. Deciding it would be better to get rid of one problem, he started writing once more, creating an unforseeable plot twist once again. Out of thin air, he made a bunny appear. All the Elmyra clones stopped with what they where doing and looked at the new guest. Elmyra Clones: Ooh, cuty-wuty bunny! Easter Bunny: Hey, what's the big idea? I'm supposed to hide eggs right now. I have no time to entertain kids. Elmyra Clones: We're gonna hug you and squeeze you and love your to pieces! Easter Bunny: (panicking) HELP! The bunny sprints off, with every single Elmyra clone following him. CD: There, at least now we won't have to worry about her anymore. --------------------------------------------- Greyhound Bus (Registered User) From the air......... Spotting CD running bout the ground like a house roach,the chopper holds his fire.Seeing CD has a trick up his hat or should i say an Easter Rabbit, he backs out from the chaos,watchin da poor rabbit being hunt down like a wounded deere.After sense'in the main threat has departed,the Apache in Greyhound paint turns tail and lands a few hundred feet from the cafe in the middle of the street and waits for his next orders and or something to blow up. ------------------------------------------------ By now, the Incredible Black Panther had recovered, in time to begin fighting with the other felines, who were now smaller than he was. The J.A.M. ------------------------------------------------- Karl (Registered User) Wisely, Hawnurra stays inside the Coffeehouse. "If I step outside, the sizing field will bring me to my full, natural size." He thought, "But that will be perhaps one-quarter the mass of that monster out there." He turned a table upright, found an unbroken chair, and sat. "Waiter? I'd like to order now, please." The door to the kitchen opened, and a large muscular man of brutish appearance walked out. "The waiter 'bot is down for repairs, can I take yer order?" "Yes, thanks, I'd like a reuben sandwich and an iced tea." He paused, then continued "By the way, aren't you the marine from the Doom game who was transported into our reality by accident?" "Yeah, that's me. I like it better here, 'tell ya the truth." "Even with these odd little battles every so often?" "Better than the Doom Wad, Cat." "Yes, I guess it would be, at that." "I still have my BFG and my missile launcher, but they won't let me use 'em here unless I fit 'em up with rubber suction-cup plungers. I didn't do that thing." "It'd be a shame if one went off by accident, I'm assuming you keep them unloaded and locked away safely?" "Assume whatever ya want. The customer is always right, right?" "Yes, I understand." "Enjoy your lunch." -------------------------------------------------- The J.A.M. (Registered User) The smoke clears outside for a moment... [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ******* And the multi-limbed leopard and the robed cat were on the ground, defeated as the 2 meter Black Panther towered above them. He then turned his attention to the elephant... ******* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!]