The DAV Interviews or Excessive Farce

Prologue--One Fine Day In The Lair...

Kat, dressed in blue jeans and a "Kentucky Wildcats" T-shirt, looks over a printout of Candy Courtnier's "Interview With the Mouse". Kuwani is polishing her magical broad-sword. For the benefit of those who don't know her, Kuwani is a Tari (mouse-like humanoid) with blonde hair. She stands 4' 7" tall, has a slender, muscular build, and when she wears her usual blue dress with gold & white trim, she bears a vague resemblance to Lawhiney. (If she wears purple, she bears a vague resemblance to Gadget.) Kuwani is a MU/Thief who was created accidentally when a certain someone "tongue-tripped". Kuwani looks up and notices that Kat is reading something. She sheaths her sword, walks over to Kat, levitates, and begins reading over her shoulder.

Kuwani: What? You're reading THAT, again?

Kat: As a matter of fact, I am. Do you have a problem with that?

Kuwani: No. But don't you have something better to do?

Kat: I dunno. Let me check.

Kat looks up, cups her hands around her mouth, and shouts.

Kat: HEY, WRITER! Do I have anything better to do?

Voice from Above: Not really; unless you count doing a lead-in for my story.

Kat: Okay. I'll just do a lead-in for your story, then. Hmm. I'll need help.

Kat sticks both hands out of the frame and pulls in Nightcrawler and Gambit.

Kuwani: I thought you said you needed help, not "I need a couple of distractions".

Kat (whining): Does this mean I have to put them back?

Kuwani: *sigh* I guess they can stay.

Kat: Yay!

Kuwnai stops levitating, picks up the printout and looks at it.

Kuwani: Not bad. Unfortunately, the only thing that got destroyed was Sally's nylons.

Psycoke walks in. She bears a striking resemblance to Rogue of the X-Men, minus the white streak, and is wearing a white (Ryu-style) gi and a neon-rainbow necktie.

Psycoke (looking down & over Kuwani's shoulder): What'cha got there?

Kuwani hands the printout to Psycoke, who reads it.

Psycoke: HA! It's about time SOMEONE gave one of those daytime talk show scum-
ponds a good dose of *bleep*. Only one thing wrong, though.

(Note: Psycoke is NOT being censored. She actually says stuff like *bleep* and *honk* and "That was twick and sisted!")

Kuwani: Gadget drinking Penzoil?

Psycoke: No. There's no clear evidence (in the series) whether or not she consumes petroleum-based beverages. I meant the fact that the set was left in one piece.

Kat: But when Zipper gave her the oil can in "Song of the Night 'N' Dale", she said, "Oh, no thanks, Zipper. I'm not thirsty."

Psycoke: But then she went, "Oh! It's -oil-! Great idea, Zipper!"

Kuwani: Let's not start another Quote War, okay?

Kat & Psycoke: Okay.

Kat: Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Psycoke: Are you pondering about how much of a mess some Disney Afternoon villains could make of that set?

Kat: Yes. How did you know?

Psycoke: I have psychotic powers.

Kuwani: Cheater! You used your psychedelic necktie!

Psycoke: Aw, Kuwani! You're no fun!

Voice from Above: That's not what my players say. They think she's lots of fun. And lots of trouble too. *snicker*

Kuwani: Hey, can I help it if you created me by accident and then made me Chaotic Good?

Kat: "What a pity to be born a rascal, only to be handicapped by a conscience", eh?

Kuwani: Lawhiney has no such 'handicap'.

Lawhiney: Hey! I'm not sure I even WANT to be in this story!

Psycoke reaches out of the frame and drags in Tuxedo Mask and Shake'a Bake'a. Lawhiney looks them over, taking much longer to check out Shake'a Bake'a.

Kuwani checks out Tuxedo Mask and drools.

Lawhiney: But I could be, oh, "persuaded"...

Kuwani(drooling): Hamina hawa gah! Oooh la lah!

Kuwani grabs for Tuxedo Mask, but Sailor Moon appears and slaps her paw.

Sailor Moon: Back off! He's Mine!

Kuwani: Who the -heck- are YOU?

Sailor Moon: I am Sailor Moon, champion of Justice! On behalf of the moon, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil!

Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon walk away, arm in arm.

Kuwani: Oooh, I'm am soooo underwhelmed...meatball-head!

Kat: Let's get back to the story!

Shake'a Bake'a: We're doin' a story? Whoa! Who'da thunk it?

Gambit: I have a BAD feelin' about dis, mes braves!

Scene 1

Camera pans in on a studio in Los Angeles. Makeup puts the finishing touches on Sally's face.

Sally Jessy Raphael (referred to from this point on as SJR): That last interview was a complete disaster! I hope this one goes a lot better. I need something to boost my ratings.

an anonymous Producer: The villains we have lined up should be much more entertaining--er, um controversial--than Gadg--er,um you-know-who.

SJR: Somehow, I am NOT reassured.

Camera-guy: We're on in 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1"

SJR: Welcome! We have quite a line-up for today's topic, "Disney Afternoon Villains Who Are as Bad as They Wanna Be". My first guest is a duck who never leaves home without his chainsaw! Let's welcome--Negaduck!

Negaduck leaps into the stage and bows. The entire Negaduck Fan Club stands up and gives a flurry of cheers, whistles, and cat-calls. The President of the Fan Club is wearing a yellow jacket, a black mask, a red & black cape, and a red hat with a black band and a very wide brim. In other words, she's dressed like Negaduck (except she's wearing pants). She removes her hat and waves it at Negaduck. He grins evily (how else would he grin?) in response and bows again. The fans cheers even louder.

Negaduck: Ah, shaddap!

The audience quiets down as Negaduck takes his seat.

SJR: My, that's quite a following you have there.

Negaduck: They know talent when they see it. Unlike those saps who moon over -Dorkwing- Duck.

Voice (offstage): I heard that, Negs!

Negaduck: Oh, yeah? What are you gonna DO about it, Darkwing Dung?!

A furry, muscular arm reaches through a rip in the dimensional fabric offstage. It grabs Darkwing and pulls him through.

Kuwani: *Ahem!* She said "Disney Afternoon VILLAINS" not "Heroes"!

Darkwing: But I can't let him insult me like that!

Kuwani: Be patient, Darkwing. He'll get his. *snicker*

Kuwani reaches out of frame and pulls in Morganna McCawber.

Darkwing: Geez! Can EVERYONE here do that?

Shake'a Bake'a reaches out of the frame. His paw comes back in, empty.

Shake'a Bake'a: Um, -I- can't, dude.

Kuwani: Talk some sense into him, Morganna.

Morganna: Um, I'll try..

Morganna takes him by the arm and they walk away.

Back to the studio...

SJR: I’ve heard that you come from another dimension, called the Negaverse. What is it like there?

Negaduck: It’s delightfully gloomy. There’s the polluted bay, the nasty people, the ruined buildings—I ruined most of them myself--heh, heh. Most importantly, I –rule- St. Canard there!

SJR: Do you have any hobbies? Other than harassing Darkwing Duck?

Negaduck: I enjoy kicking cute little puppies and destroying things.

SJR: Tell us more about yourself.

Negaduck: Okay, since you insist. (grins).

Negaduck drones on and on about himself for about 20 minutes. The Negaduck Fan Club listens with rapt attention. Some members even take notes. Everyone else dozes off.

End of Scene1 

Kuwani: When does he get to trash something?

Psycoke: Soon. Be patient. It gets better, right Kat? Kat? Kat?! Where is she?!

Gambit: I t'ink I know.

Gambit walks over to a manhole and lifts the cover. The camera pans down into the gutter and on Kat with her hands all over a shirtless Nightcrawler. The camera quickly turns and settles on Gambit.

Gambit: Way t' go, chere!

Psycoke: Whoo, hoo!

Kuwani: I see your body has finally re-joined your mind--in the gutter! Is Ultra-Flirt down there?

Camera zooms in on Shake'a Bake'a (shirtless), who is holding Lawhiney in his arms.

They look toward the camera and abruptly stop snuggling.

Kuwani: Get up here, girl! You're on next!

Lawhiney: Ooops! Sorry, sweetie. Gotta go. Toodles!

Shake'a Bake'a: Have fun, dear!

Kuwani slashes the dimensional fabric and Lawhiney jumps through the rip.

Kuwani: Hey, has anyone seen my Ring of Fire Immunity?

Everyone looks at Gambit.

Gambit: Why you all lookin' at me fo'? I didn't swipe it.

Kat removes his trenchcoat, searches it, and then pats him down.

Kat: He doesn't have it on him

Kat continues frisking him. Rogue flies in and sees Kat with her hands all over Remy.

Rogue: And WHAT do ya think YER doin'?

Kat: Um, just making sure he doesn't have Kuwani's ring.

Rogue: Yeah, right! Ah’ll just stay here and keep an eye on Remy so his Charm won't "accidentally" go off.

Kat: Aw, Rogue! You're no fun!

Rogue gives Kat a dirty look.

Scene 2

SJR: Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest has a fiery temper and a name that's flaming difficult to spell! Please welcome--Lawhiney!

Lawhiney falls, apparently from mid-air, and lands in the seat next to Sally. She stands up, brushes herself off, and runs her paws through her hair. She looks at the monitor.

Lawhiney: Hey, they got my best side!

Negaduck: They got your tail?

The audience laughs.

Lawhiney: THIS from a duck-guy whose beak resembles one of those floating things they land metal birds on?

Negaduck: Huh?

SJR: I think she just compared your beak to an aircraft carrier.

Lawhiney looks at the audience, which is completely silent. Negaduck glares at Lawhiney.

Negaduck: Is that so, mouse?

Lawhiney: Heh. Um, such -interesting- weather we're having today.

Negaduck: Don't try to -snow- ME, you little...

SJR(interrupting): Several people have referred to you as "Gadget's evil twin".

Care to comment on that?

Lawhiney: Can I help it if she has my good looks? I'm really not that bad if you don't piss me off.

SJR: "Not that bad", eh? From what I've heard, you are vain and extremely selfish. You steal things, you use people, and Gadget once commented, "...she really isn't very nice."

Lawhiney: Need I remind you that villains aren't -supposed- to be nice? I don't steal things, I just –borrow- them. And QUIT mentioning Gadget who, by the way, made YOU look very pathetic!

The audience jeers and hoots.

Sally ignores this deliberate poke.

SJR: What do you think of Rat Capone?

Lawhiney: Who?

Sally holds up a photo of Rat Capone & shows it to everyone.

Lawhiney: Him? He fell out of an ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I'd rather kiss Megavolt.

Audience laughs--a little.

Negaduck: I can picture that. Quite a shocking experience.

The audience laughs loudly.

SJR: Some people think you are a control freak. Others say you are a spoiled brat who throws a tantrum when you don't get your way. What do you think about that?

Lawhiney: Honestly? I don't give a rodent's rear!

To emphasize her point she stands, turns, and lifts her skirt (or whatever the -heck- that blue thing with the white floral print is).

This gives camera #2 a good look at *her* rear. The audience has a good view via the monitor.
The audience laughs.

SJR: Um, we'll return after a commercial break.

End Scene 2

Kuwani: Ha! I guess she just made an -@$$- of herself, eh?

Kat: That was a bad pun. Hee, hee, hee.

Nightcrawler: She likes bad puns, ja?

Psycoke: Kat likes YOU even more, Kurt.

Gambit: Jus' say no t' crack, neh?

Rogue: Ah can't believe you said that.

Gambit (grinning): De writer made me do it.

The RangerWing buzzes by, just barely missing Gambit's head. It lands and Gadget Hackwrench hops out of it, wearing a backpack and carrying a "harpoon gun".

Gadget: She mooned the camera. She MOONED the camera! I don't believe it! Well, actually I DO believe it because it's the sort of thing Lawhiney WOULD do. I just never suspected that she'd have the audacity to actually DO something like that in front of a live studio audience or even that some maniac would let her get away with doing that in front of a live studio audience, even on an insipid show like Sally's...

Kuwani: *groan* This has -got- to stop.

Gadget: Darn right it does! And I intend to stop her!

Kuwani (aside to Gambit): I meant the way she keeps trying to explain stuff.

Gambit (aside to Kuwani): Dat's Gadget for you, chere.

Psycoke(talking like Vivi from Braindead 13): Don't worry; it's almost over.

Kuwani: Why get so worked up over it? The only people 'Whiney's embarrassed so far are Sally and 'Whiney.

Nightcrawler: How much trouble can she cause in 3 pages?

Kat: Plenty!

Psycoke: She -could- insult Negaduck again...

Gadget: Golly! I have to get over there!

Gadget stops short, just before she reaches the rift (Kuwani really shouldn’t leave those things lying around). A male form passes in front of her through the air - twirling out of control, with his arms and legs flung straight out.
What follows is a small hailstorm of red masonry and a few loose water pipes. They land on top of the unfortunate mouse-sized person, who squeaks out a semi-serious ‘ouch’ from under the pile.

Male Voice: One sec Gadget! You don't want to go in there!

Gadget: Who?

A small humanoid, about Gadget's size, with black hair and bunny-like facial features pulls himself, nonchalantly, out of the rubble and walks next to Gadget. He is wearing a blue sweatsuit and is looking, quite fondly, at the female mouse.

Gadget: Isagi!

Isagi(looking at himself, making sure it's him): Ah yeah, it's me! I was just checked. The M.I.B. play one mean game of street hockey.

Isagi's expression changes to a soft frown and his feelings accidentally drift through everyones' thoughts, *"I hope.. she wasn't expecting Chip…"*

Kuwani(aside to Isagi): *Hmph* Really, Isagi. You know Gadget has better taste in men than -that-!

Gadget(overheard the aside to Isagi): Golly! That wasn't a nice thing to say!

Isagi looks at Gadget.

Kuwani: Aw, c'mon Gadget. You know Chip isn't the right guy for ya.

Isagi looks at Kuwani.

Gadget: Well, actually I'm not quite sure HOW I feel about Chip. Even if I did, it's really none of your business. Saaaaay, you look kinda familiar...

Isagi's attention goes back to Gadget.

Kuwani: That's funny; I was thinking the same thing about you...

Isagi looks back at Kuwani.

Rogue: Ah think ah hear th' Professor callin' us, Gambit.

Gambit: Heh? Oh. I t'ink I hear him too, chere. Au revoir, mes braves!

Rogue picks up Gambit (hee, hee--pun intended) and flies away.

Kat: What was -that- all about?

Kuwani: Okay, WHO told them about Isagi?

Gadget see some sheets of paper & skims over them.

Gadget: Perhaps Rogue saw -these-.

Gadget holds up the pieces of paper, which are printouts of all the items pertaining to the little Anterran (from the Internet Gadget Archive).

Kat: Darn! I was wondering where I'd left that!

Nightcrawler: Kat, mein fraulien, do you have any more printouts from theYou-Know-What Archive lying about? Right where a certain someone with a tail (other than myself and Kuwani) can -see- them?

Kat: Ooops!

Kat runs around and picks up several papers (and a few pieces of masonry). She looks around to make sure she got all of them & locks them up in a cabinet. However, Kat overlooked the CDRR comics in her comic book collection. Isagi notices them.

Isagi(overly cheerful): Hey, wanna see the MIB's latest addition to their arsenal? There's even this cool toy that *<mrgrmph>*!

Gadget covers Isagi's mouth and pulls him out of the frame.

Kuwani: Let's see how Sally handles her last guest...

Scene 3

SJR: …he came all the way from the Black Sands! Let’s welcome the master magician, --Mosenwrath!

A cloud of blue smoke appears and then there is a flash of light. When the smoke clears, Mosenwrath is sitting in a chair next to Sally. Studio security is having an extremely difficult time keeping all the Mozeketeers off the stage area. Mosenwrath eyes the fan-femmes nervously. He composes himself and turns toward Sally.

SJR: It looks like there are a few women here who are VERY happy to see you.

Mosenwrath: Indeed.

SJR: What’s the story behind that glove? I assume it’s more than just a fashion statement.

Negaduck eyes Lawhiney. She appears to be completely oblivious to everything except Mosenwrath. Negaduck pulls out a flamethrower & flames Lawhiney. When the fire dies out, we see Lawhiney (unscathed) sitting on a pile of ashes that used to be her chair (now we KNOW who took the Ring). Part of Mosenwrath's chair had caught on fire, but he waves his gloved hand--the fire goes out. He resumes talking to Sally as if nothing happened.

Mosenwrath: It is NOT a fashion statement. ‘The glove’,as you call it, increases my mystical power—But at a price.

SJR: Price? What do you mean?

Mosenwrath: It would be easier to -show- you than to explain.

He removes his glove, thus revealing his skeletal right hand. The audience expresses its disgust.
He promptly puts the glove back on.

SJR: Was it worth it?

Mosenwrath’s reply is drowned out by the roaring of the chainsaw Negaduck had pulled out. Lawhiney climbs up his leg, into his shirt and tickles him. This causes him to drop the chainsaw, which strikes the floor, cuts a hole in it & then falls through it. Negaduck drops to the floor and rolls. Lawhiney leaps out and hides behind Mosenwrath’s chair. Negaduck pulls out his gas-gun. Lawhiney pulls out something that looks like a mouse-sized BFG 9000.

Lawhiney (aside to Negaduck): You flamed me, haole! It’s pay-back time!

Negaduck(aside to Lawhiney): Where did you get THAT?

Lawhiney(smiling wickedly, with her teeth showing): Does it matter?

She pulls the trigger and a spectacular ball of yellow-green energy rips toward Negaduck.

He does a flip and avoids the shot, which makes a hole in the studio wall big enough for an elephant to walk through.

Negaduck: Eat hot gas, rodent!

Negaduck aims and fires his gas-gun. Lawhiney runs offstage.

They run around and try to shoot each other. They keep missing each other and destroy parts of the studio instead.

SJR: Stop it! You two are destroying my set! Security!!

Security couldn’t prevent them from reaching Sally. They start chasing her.

Mosenwrath: Enough! I am -very- displeased with you! How DARE you ruin my interview!?!

He shoots out two bolts. One causes Negaduck's gas-gun to explode, the other disintegrates Lawhiney's BFG.

SJR: That’s all we have for today’s show. Tune in tomorrow to see if there is anything left of this studio!

Sally uses this opportunity to run for her life.

Back in the Lair…

Kuwani: This is getting out of hand! Negaduck, your @$$ is grass and I’m the lawnmower! (thinking): "And while I’m at it, I can get Mosenwrath’s autograph."

Kuwani makes a portal to the studio. Kat, Psycoke, and Nightcrawler jump through it.

Kat: Wheeeee!!

Psycoke: Kat! Don’t ‘Wheeeee’ in here!

Shake’a Bake’a hitches a ride on Kuwani’s tail as she jumps through.

Gadget hops into the Ranger Wing.

Gadget: C’mon, Isagi! Rescue Ranger, away!

Isagi hops into the seat next to Gadget and grins like a possessed meerkat. They both fly through the portal.

The manhole cover sildes open. Morganna levitates out with Darkwing Duck.

Darkwing: Where is everybody?

Morganna sees the portal.

Morganna: They must have used this portal. Shall we follow them?

Darkwing: Of course. (mumbling): "It’s pay-back time, Negs!"

They go through the portal. It closes after they leave.

Back at the studio…

Nightcrawler: Mein gott! We have to get the audience to saftey!

Kat: We’re on it!

Kat uses her Teleport Away power to teleport small groups away from the studio. For some strange reason, they end up in the NBC commissary. Nightcrawler teleports the Negaduck Fan Club, one by one, a few blocks away. They pull out binoculars and watch the chaos through the hole Lawhiney had made earlier. Psycoke teleports the rest of the audience and the crew, in small groups, to safety.

Negaduck: Where are you, rodent? Ah, hah!

Negaduck sees Gadget, pulls out his spare gun, and fires at Gadget. She sees it coming and banks the Ranger Wing out of harm’s way.

The Ranger Wing suddenly traces a series of impossible arcs, as Isagi releases a small barrage
( 150ct. ) of energy bolts at the annoying villian.

Gadget: Whoa-oa-oa-o!!!

Gadget rights the Ranger Wing.

Gadget (scolding): Isagi! Don’t -do- that! Or at least give me a warning!

Negaduck dodges the neon coloured spheres, sticks his tongue out and razzberries the little alien. The bolts leave smoldering holes in the walls and floor.

Negaduck: Nyah!! You missed me, you pitiful rat!

An entire bus falls on him, cab-side down, sending glass everywhere at ground level.

*Sound Effect*: satisfying steel crunch & tinkling of shattered glass.

Isagi had flown out of the 'Wing and forcibly smashed the vehicle into the floor where Negaduck stood. Only his beak is visible now; the camera zooms in on it.

Negaduck(barely audible): Ouch.

Camera changes angle and moves.Kuwani lands next to Mosenwrath. She pulls a small, blue book out of a pocket.

Kuwani: Oh, Mosenwrath!

Mosenwrath (mumbling to himself): Now what?

Kuwani presents the book to him.

Kuwani(shyly): I would be most honored if you would, um, sign my autograph book.

Mosenwrath: Of course you would.

He gestures and a quill appears in his hand. He opens the book, signs it, and returns it. The quill vanishes.

Kuwani(excited): Wow! This is great! Thanks, Mozey! I’m a magic-user, too! I’ve always admired your Summoning spells! Personally, I prefer Evocation or Abjuration spells to Summoning types, but you make very effective use of them.

Mosenwrath: Do NOT call me ‘Mozey’!

He rubs his beardless chin. A sly smile creeps across his face.

Mosenwrath: Evocation? Are you any good?

Kuwani: I can cast ‘Delay Blast Fireball’. I can also do ‘Prismatic Sphere’.

Mosenwrath does not appear to be very impressed. Kuwani frowns.

Kuwani: I’m packin’ enough magic to make even the Dark Overlord watch his step!

Mosenwrath: I seriously doubt -that-, little sorceress.

A hateful expression spreads across Kuwani’s furry face.

Kuwani: Oh, yeah? And I suppose YOU could take out the Dark Overlord? *Hrmph!*
You cannot even defeat Aladdin!

Mosenwrath: I’ve had enough of you! Get out of my sight before I fry you!

Kuwani: We’ll see who gets fried!

A lightning bolt shoots from the Tari’s foreclaw and strikes some invisible barrier a few inches in front of the evil wizard’s turbaned head. Mosenwrath laughs wickedly and summons a Rock Efreet. Kuwani casts a spell. A transparent, violet globe forms around Kuwani, followed by a larger indigo one, then a blue globe, then a green one, then a yellow, followed by an orange sphere, and ending with a red one. The entire process happens in less than a second. The Efreet charges into the red sphere, gets to the orange sphere, and disappears in a puff of smoke. Mosenwrath has a surprised expression on his face. (Apparently, he has never seen a Prismatic Sphere spell.)

Meanwhile, Gadget sees Lawhiney (who was attempting to leave the area without being noticed). The Rescue Ranger lands her vehicle nearby, grabs her gun, and leaps out of the cockpit.

Gadget: Lawhiney! Prepare to eat plungers!

The Hawaiian mouse stops, turns around, and sees Gadget. Complete surprise is written all over her face.

Lawhiney: Gadget?? What are YOU doing here?!

Gadget fires the "harpoon gun" and quickly reloads it. She keeps doing this very rapidly. Lawhiney recieves a barrage of plungers. Kuwani’s Ring of Fire Immunity slips off from around the malevolent mouse’s waist. Several plungers score glancing blows to Lawhiney’s head and knock her down. One sticks to her rear.

Gadget: Direct hit!

Lawhiney: Aw, Gadget! You're no fun! And you’re a pain in the tail, too!

Gadget loads and uses the net/plunger. Lawhiney tries to remove the plunger from her rear. Just as she succeeds, she is entangled in the net. With a flick of her wrist and a few sharp tugs, Gadget draws up the net and closes it. Shake’a Bake’a staggers into the frame.

Gadget (scolding): You were -supposed- to keep Lawhiney OUT of trouble, Shake’a Bake’a!

Shake’a Bake’a: Uh, I was?

Gadget: Yes.

Shake’a Bake’a: Oh. Sorry, dudette.

Gadget grabs the net and hauls Lawhiney into the back seat of the Ranger Wing.

Shake’a Bake’a climbs into the back seat with his delinquent girlfriend.

Isagi leaves to guard Gadget.

The Ranger Wing flies out of the studio. Psycoke walks by, sees the ring and picks it up.

Psycoke: Kuwani will want this later.

Negaduck crawls out from under the bus, pulls himself together, and finds Darkwing Duck staring at him. Morganna is standing behind him.

Darkwing: Hello, Negs. Remember those names you called me? Let me -show- you what I’m going to -do- about them…

Negaduck(sarcastically): What? No flashy entrance? No corny entrance line this time?

Darkwing: Well, if you insist. (DW dramatic voice): I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the modem of Justice that…

Before Darkwing can finish, Negaduck tackles him. They brawl inside a cloud of dust. Morganna doesn’t know what she can do to help Darkwing, so she merely watches.

The scene shifts back to Kuwani (still inside the Prismatic Sphere) and Mosenwrath.

Mosenwrath: This is pointless. Nothing I cast or summon can get through to you.

Kuwani: And you counter everything I throw at you. Why don’t we stop?

Mosenwrath: You have -not- appologized for that Aladdin wisecrack.

Kuwani: Oh. Well, you haven’t admitted that I’m more impressive than you thought I was.

Mosenwrath: Well, this spell of yours -has- given me a tough time. I’m actually impressed.
What did you call it?

Kuwani: Prismatic Sphere. And I’m sorry about the Aladdin ‘crack. Genie gives him an unfair advantage, anyway.

Mosenwrath(grinning): Would you teach me that spell?

Kuwani: No way. I may be crazy, but I’m not -stupid-. Um, wait a minute. That didn’t come out quite right…

Mosenwrath: Not even if I gave you a rare magical item in exchange?

Kuwani: Nope. Sorry. I can’t let that spell fall into the wrong hands.

Mosenwrath sulks and then teleports out of the studio in a cloud of blue smoke.

Kuwani walks out of the Sphere in search of Negaduck. Darkwing and Negaduck pause to catch their breath. Kat, Psycoke, Nightcrawler, and Kuwani glare at Negaduck.

Kat, Psycoke, & Kuwani: This is all YOUR fault!

Negaduck is suddenly aware that he is outnumbered. He is also aware that the studio is on the verge of collapsing.

Kuwani: Say your prayers, Neggy-poot!

She launches a blue-white fireball, which scores a direct hit on Negaduck. When the fire subsides, Negaduck is charred black all over. He shakes himself and the soot falls off. Oddly, his clothes are singed but still in tact. He slinks toward an exit, pulls out a bomb, lights the fuse, and tosses the bomb. Kat uses her Teleport Away power to teleport the bomb into Negaduck’s hat. Nightcrawler teleports himself to safety while Psycoke teleports everyone else (except Negaduck) back to the Lair.

*****K A – B O O M!!!!!******

The studio explodes and falls into ruin on top of Negaduck. All we can see is his beak.

Negaduck: *soft moan*

The members of the Negaduck Fan Club put away their binoculars and rush to assist their idol.

Back in the Lair…

Darkwing Duck and Morganna wave and leave. Psycoke gives the Ring of Fire Immunity back to Kuwani.

Kuwani: Thanks. I’m glad to have -this- back. I’m really embarrased. An ex-theif like myself getting her pocket picked? And by Lawhiney, of all characters!

She puts the ring in a pouch and places the pouch in a pocket.

Psycoke: No problem. (smiling): Well, that was fun. What do you want to do next?

With Nightcrawler gone, Kat has gotten bored. She unlocks the cabinet and pulls out the fan-fiction printouts. Kuwani and Psycoke notice this.

Psycoke & Kuwani: Oh, no you -don’t-, Kat!!

They confiscate the papers.

Kat: Awwww! You’re no fun.

She pulls out an issue of the CDRR comic. Kat looks at the cover and realizes it is issue #14. She promptly begins to vandalize it (more than it already is)..

End of Scene 3

Epilogue--"Please allow me to explain..."

Well, I may have gotten a little too weird on this one. It started out so innocently, too. I was just reading some of the fan-fiction in the Internet Gadget Archive--mainly "Sisters" (by Aivars Liepa) and all of Candy Courtnier's stuff--and I decided to print some of it out and share it with a few friends.

J.P. was ROFL when he read "Interview with the Mouse" (quite a feat while in the passenger seat of a Geo Metro). We have our own theories about certain things and certain characters, and prompty expressed them. This later lead to a discussion which got weirder by the minute. It ultimately lead to the creation of this fan-fic. I had fun writing it and I hope you have fun reading it.

It's disclaimer time (No groaning, please). Psycoke belongs to Terrilee Veach & was used with permission.

*knock, knock*

Hmm? Who could that be? Anyway, Gambit, Nightcrawler, and Rogue belong to Marvel Comics, not me (unfortunately). Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon aren't mine, either (it's not like I WANT them, so there!). They were used –without- permission.

*KNOCK, KNOCK*

Alright, already! Characters from Chip 'N' Dale: Rescue Rangers, Darkwing Duck, and Aladdin belong to Disney. They were used –without- permission.

*SFX: door opening*

Candy?!? Well, this is unexpected! Um, whatcha got there?

"Just something Gadget invented."

Really? Way cool!! Um, what does it do?

*SPLAT*

"It hurls insanely large globs of melted marshmallows."

Excuse me whilst I run for cover! Isagi (the little Anterran) was created by Paltiel Goldstein and was used with permission. (Thanks for writing his dialogue, Paltiel!)

*SPLAT*

Hey! Is THIS the thanks I get for sending Paltiel that scan from Wizard #47?

*splat*

Nyah! Ya missed me!

*SPLAT*

Dang! You can blame Kuwani on me. I created her when I tongue-tripped while discussing some theories about why Lawhiney looks like Gadget. Some of J.P.'s opinions were filtered through Kuwani. I still use her in the occassional AD&D game. The various butt jokes are J.P.'s fault.
Kat is my fictional (mutant) self.

*SPLAT*

Oh, crap! LOOK OUT!! COMING THROUGH!!!

*Karen jumped through a window. She was last see running through downtown Benton, in search of an easy way to remove melted marshmallows from her hair*

*sploot*

"Oh, darn! No more marshmallows. Well, I guess this is..."