LOVE EPIDEMIC--PART2 ---------------------- The one and only John D was able to take some time of from his busy schedule and spend some time at the Coffeehouse.(Much to the delight of his fellow students and teachers.) He ordered a cup of Earl Grey and is busy reading "I,Q". A person wearing a flimsy disguise appraoches him. Person: Hello John John: And whom might you be? Person: Someone who shares a common goal as you John: I have many goals. So far you have not caught my interest. Person: Julie Bihn John: Now you have my interest. Person: Good. John: I will do anything to stop her. Person: What is it with you and her John: She tasks me, Mystery person, she tasks me. And I shall have her!!! I'll chase her 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round perdition's flames before I give her up! Person: Excellent John: What is your name? Person: Just call me Jessie, So are you willing to help me. John: I take it the odds are against us and the situation is grim Jessie: You could say that John: Sounds like fun!!! John D ----------------------------- Having safely and joyuously reunited Man-Child, Meowth and Foxglove in a happy trio of harmonious friendship (and only mildly distracted by the passing Ace Heart who had stopped to see if the Coffeehouse still did that special offer on those digestive buscuits in the shape of George Clooney), Julie sat nursing her woes over a cappucino with her idol and mentor, Gadget. "What can I do?" Julie exclaimed. "I'm trapped in a bizarre love rectangle of jealousy, deceit and double espresso. Jessie has sworn revenge upon me and will not rest until my happiness lies in ruins!" "Golly yes, that is a tricky one," the mouse replied, stroking her chin thoughtfully. She smiled as a plan began to formulate in that agile rodent mind of hers. "Well, Julie, you more than anyone know that I'm not one for all this cloak-and-dagger silliness. Goodness, I really wouldn't want to see another living being get hurt! But you are a friend, and there maybe a way to help you ..." Julie leaned forward, her eyes aglimmer with hope (you know, that trembling Anime thing they do ^_-). "Go on!" she breathed excitedly. Gadget wrinkled her nose and looked ponderous as she spoke. "It seems to ME that the problem lies with James. Why, if Jessie thought James was back in her arms, she'd be pleased as punch and wouldn't have any reason to bother you any more!" Julie's face sagged. "But that leaves me back at square one!" she moaned. Gadget winked mischeiviously even though I can't spell the word. "That's the cunning part!" she giggled. "All we need now is the help of this guy ... " and she hiked her thumb at the slouching figure of Knightram on the couch. Of course, our wool-cladden friend was suffering from an overdose of caffiene, sending him into a realm of intense sobriety, and the only way he could be recovered was by getting drunk. And so it came to pass that Julie was emptying a bottle of Whisky into the ram's mouth whilst Gadget (who refused to touch even a drop of alcohol) stood by expectantly. With a splutter Knightram emerged from dreams about mice, walls and riddles (which he now understood a little better, thanks to the literary wisdom of Karl) into a world of fear, alarm and major headaches. As he clutched his pounding head the two women hushed him. Feverishly, Julie's intent was explained to the ignorant ram. "Urrghl," he speculated. "But how does a semi-conscious and terribly hungover sheep fit into your plans?" "That's the cunning part," Gagdet repeated. "You see ... " But, at that moment - Knightram ------------------------------ In a darkened back room.... Emmy was watching the security monitor. She had begun by idly glimpsing it while on her lunch break, and now her sandwich gradually petrified unnoticed, as was the bit of lettuce hanging from her lower lip. She stared with disbelief, as Julie poured whiskey down a ram's throat while Gadget nodded approvingly, a Pokemon character plotted with a Rescue Ranger Fanfic Author, and a dainty brownish-red female bat danced a waltz to a traditional Israeli folk tune with another. The half chewed scrap of lettuce fell to her plate. Through her stunned mind the thought ran, over and over, obsessively... "This wasn't covered in Psych 101." Karl ----------------------------- [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ********************* A certain feline in his mid-twenties suddenly appeared right next to the sizing field. "This had better be a good place." He stepped in, and shrank to a comfortable size. Wondering if he should warp right inside or not for a moment, the wondrous scent of coffee filled his olfactory bulb. The patrons were minding their own business when they saw a Jaguar with long wavy headfur enter the Coffeehouse. He wore an oversize black t-shirt, with the HECHO EN MEXICO seal in front. The Jaguar saw Gadget speaking to Karl, Dyglo heating up his coffee, and two other humans arguing about something next to Julie. He saw the books she had, and thought, *What? No Brian Jacques?* Monterey Jack took one look at him and decided to maintain a distance of at least 5 m between him and the cat. The Jaguar stepped up to the bar and said, "Capuccino." A bat then hung upside-down above him. "Hello, J.A.M.," she said. "Its good to finally have you here. I didn't hear you at the Platos." "I was in my invisible mode. You know, Foxy, just hiding in the shadows. I'm happy for all the winners, but I wonder why my story never got nominated." "Well, don't feel too bad. Natasha mentioned you in her acceptance speech!" The Panther couldn't help but smile. "That was mighty nice of her. I hope she shows up soon. Isn't Dale here?" "He's in the bathroom. Had one too many Dew." At that point, someone else entered. . . ********************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] The J.A.M. ------------------------ Not so suddenly Everyone turned to look at the shady figure in the doorway - none other than that of a ruggedly handsome, bewooled and bemused sheep. "Knightram," Dyglo waved a scaly claw, "Glad you could join us. Draw up a paragraph, won't you?" "I dunno," the ram scratched his chin, "This place sure is full of in-jokes and references that a hapless newbie would be out of his depth in." Julie shrugged. "You could always grasp at something mentioned in the last posting like a flailing and uninspired keyboard-jockey," she suggested helpfully. Knightram grinned and downed a Kenco Really Rich in one. "Excellent idea!" he enthused. "I'm actually here on the trail of a Brian Jacques reader." The J.A.M. stepped out of the coffee-quaffing crowd. Two pairs of eyes met (not literally). "That'll be me," the feline purred threateningly. "Wanna make something of it?" "Nonono," the ram held up his hands (hooves?) in peace. "I just wanted someone to explain the opening passage of 'Redwall' to me. But later," he moaned suddenly, clutching at his horned head. "That coffee's really gone to my ... " ::slump, thump:: Knightram ------------------------ [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************ The Panther looked at the unconscious Ram on the floor. "You know, this sorta reminds me of Mr. Nowak's 'Sovereign', but isn't he supposed to be tremendously hyper instead of on his face?" "Caffeine overdose," explained Gadget. "Indeed," he agreed. "I *was* about to tell him thet I've only read from _Salamandastron_ to _Pearls of Lutra_, but I suppose that can wait. Now, let's clean up this place a bit." Muscles rippled through the Panther's fur as he hoisted the Ram on his shoulder and proceeded to carry him out of the patrons' way. Foxglove looked at him with slight worry. "You're not going to *eat* him, are you?" The Feline turned, "No, I don't eat my friends. Otherwise the Board would have been emptied a long time ago. Besides, I didn't bring any sauce that goes with sheep." The J.A.M. then took Knightram and sat him on a couch, placing him in a position that made it appear as if he was in deep thought. . . ************ Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] The J.A.M. ----------------------- Looking up from a lively discussion concerning alternative operating systems for home computers, and what their relative strengths and weaknesses might mean to the cost of canned clam chowder, Karl made the comment, "Too bad he didn't stay with us long enough to explain his question. Do you think he meant the short riddle at the start of the book, the scene-setting describing the area around the Abbey, or the first paragraph of the actual story?" One of the waiters, an out-of-work Chip stunt double and Brian Jacques reader, considered for a moment. "My bet would be on the riddle." "The one that repeats the phrase "I - am that is" several times?" "And it turns out to be an anagram of the name of a main character!" Enthused the waiter, demonstrating a love for puzzles to match Chip's own obsession. "Must be a chipmunk thing," thought Karl. He ordered a hazelnut latte in the spirit of the moment. Karl ---------------------- Good evening. ************ . . .at that moment, the Jaguar suddenly slapped his forehead and wiped his paw down his face. "Pokemon!!!" he exclaimed. "Those were Team Rocket from Pokemon!!" "Um, *ARE*, you silly beast, we *ARE* Team Rocket, from Pokemon!!!" growled Meowth, squirming in The Man-Child's arms. "Sorry. Pokemon is not too common in Mexico. Add that the fact that the names are not the same in Spanish, and also that my TV is currently broken." Meowth continued trying to break free from Man-Child, and wailed, "Oh, great and powerful Onça!! Please do a fellow feline a favor and free me from this human!!" The Panther looked at Man-Child for a moment, and then at the Bat. He then looked at Ms. Bihn, Gadget, and Knightram, who were busy trying to get some logic into the sheep's gray matter. After adding it all up in his head, The J.A.M. replied, "For a moment I thought that this whole business suspiciously resembled a 'Ranma ½' episode, or ANY 'Ranma ½' episode, for that matter." Then, he looked at Meowth again, "But don't think that simply because we're both in the Felidĉ family that I will pity you or your cohorts. Hey, Mr. Grissom, why don't you scratch his tummy? We felines like that." EMC thusly stopped pounding Meowth's head and began churning his intestines. "You'll pay for this hernia, you traitor!!" he wailed, through a series of literal gut-wrenching moans. "I'll personally make sure that you never see the light of day again! I will personally remove every spot from your body with a spoon!! And I will rig whatever computer you're using so you never bring here your accursed extended characters again!!" The J.A.M.'s orange eyes looked at the smaller feline's, "If you want to stir me to wrath, you'll have to do better than that. But I warn you: BEWARE THE RAGE OF THE PATIENT JAGUAR. Bartender! A soda for me, Man-Child, Foxy, and Dale! And some sour cream and onions for this little one here." "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Meowth, not knowing who was worse, the Panther, with his deep and dangerous voice, or the Human, with his tremendously saccarine giggles and his Death Massage. . . ************ Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] The J.A.M. ------------------------ At that moment dxkelly with a notebook computer under his arm walks into the coffeehouse. He looks around and finds everyone looking at him to see what he's going to do. "What have I gotten into!?" he says to himself. "Heh" he calls out. "I'm not good at this kind of thing, I'm just here for a drink. I'll be over their in the corner playing Quake if anyone needs me for something." He gives a sigh of relief as everyone's attention goes back to their conversations. He gets himself some dew and heads over to the network connection at the back corner of the coffeehouse and plugs in. He sips his dew as he starts up a game of Quake 2 deathmatch... dxkelly ------------------------ Dyglo had just finished of his most recent cup of cappacino and set the cup on the table. He took note of all that had changed since the beginning of the cup. James was following Julie around like a lost puppy, Man-Child was beating Meowth senseless, and Knightram was still being filled in on Julie's situation. If Dyglo had not just finished a cup, he would have needed one. "Looks like the fabled Mystical Female Powers(tm) have struck again. Oh well, nothing I should-" Everyone dived for cover except for Gadget. "Why does that always happen when someone says that?" she asked. "I dunno, I guess they're just weird. It's alright fellahs. It's safe to come out now." Slowly the patrons of the Coffeehouse made their way out of their safe zones. "Hey Dale, where's the bathroom?" "Okay, go through that door, turn right, walk until you reach an intersection, turn right again, make a left at the next one, go up the stairs, go left, turn right at the intersection, walk down that hall, climb down the ladder, walk down that hall, sing 'Yankee Doodle' while balancing an umbrella on your nose, turn left, slide down the pole, head down the hallway, and at the end it's the door on the third left after the seventh right divided by two rounded to the nearest whole number, go right two doors and you're there. Simple huh?" "Umm, yeah. I'll be back in a bit!" The dragon went through the door and went right. At the intersection he got totally confused. the hallway branched into eight different ways. "Okay, I think he said take the second tunnel to the right of the third left. Umm, this way I think..." The dragon continued around for a while until he thought he reached his destination. "I think it was this door." Dyglo opened the door, stepped inside, and found himself on a platform surrounded by a big nothingness that had multicolored glowing things shooting through it. "I think I made a wrong turn at that Albaquerque intersection. Strange how they name their intersections in the building. Where am I anyway?" "This is an unformed writer room." Dyglo jumped at the sudden voice and turned around. Oscar was standing on the platform ledge right behind him. "An unformed what?" "An unformed writer room. This room will transform into the writer's world that he creates for the Rangers. It will begin forming as a fanfic is being written. I maintain them and observe their progress when I'm not being an award show host, mostly just to get the inside scoop on a fic before it's finished." One of the glowing things beaned Dyglo in the head. "Ow! What in the world is this?" The dragon picked up the thing and looked at it. It was pulsating with a cool blue light and seemed to look like metal, a gemstone, and pure energy all at the same time. Oscar got a shocked/awe-inspired look on his face. "It's the stuff characters are made of! Pretty strong from the looks of it." The mouse looked dreamily into the crystal-thing. "Boy! I'd love to have some of this, if nothing else for it's sheer beauty! Should I get it flying again?" "Hmm? Oh. Yeah, it'll probably be needed soon. Regarding getting some of it, I might be able to help you there. Hang on for a second." Dyglo threw the Character Creation Crystal back into the void as hard as he could. Oscar pulled out a big net from who-knows-where and caught another 'shooting star'. Trapped in the net was what looked like a light bulb. "Oops, that's an idea in it's solid form. better throw it back." Oscar tried again and caught a green piece of CCC. "Ah, this ought to do. Not too big a part, maybe only a couple of scenes, pretty much insignificant to the story. There you go, enjoy. Now let's get you un-lost, eh?" "Just out of curiousity, who's room was that?" Dyglo asked as they walked down the hall. "Some guy named Chris Davis. Here you are. Just go through that door to get back to the main room." "Thanks, see ya later!" Dyglo walked back into the room and sat down at his table and toyed with his new piece of CCC... Signed, Dyglo the directionally challenged ------------------------------- John: So what is the plan? Jessie: I thought you would come up with that John: Hmm I'm stumped Jessie: You're a lot of help John: You jump her from behind and tie her up Jessie: An what will you do? John: Sell Tickets John D ------------------------------- "Okay," Jessie says to John. "I'll tie her up. But first, we have to say the speech." She slaps a huge fire-drawing red 'R' onto John's chest. "Ready?" Evil-sounding music ensues. "Prepare for trouble!" No response. Jessie clears her throat. "I *said,* prepare for trouble!" Silence. Jessie looks to the side--there is nothing there but a big red 'R.' John is busy making a ticket booth. "Oh, well, that's just great," she says sarcastically, getting the sinking feeling that John won't wear a dress for Team Rocket's next talent show, either. "Although these dimwits are so busy partying--" She glances at Julie and James, her eyes turning orange in rage. "...they probably wouldn't even be touched by our stirring speech!" She calms herself. "But how can I catch that little homewrecker without saying the motto?" Jessie pauses. "Of course!" She whips out a shovel from nowhere. "The tried and true Team Rocket tradition of traps and trickery!" "A tongue twister!" Karl notes. Jessie pushes him roughly aside. "You mean '*tired* tradition,'" Meowth insists, still struggling against some petting. "Don't you have any other ideas?" Julie finally takes pity on the poor creature and tosses him a ball of yarn. The cat is instantly enraptured, and starts purring happily--Meowths love round things. "Hmph." Jessie starts digging. Julie ------------------------------------- Emmy felt a sudden lurch, not really a physical movement, but there nonetheless. It felt as if the whole world wasleaning to one side, disorienting, dizzying, somehow italicized. The chairs remained firmly in place, the picture of The Boz still hung on the wall, but Emmy clutched the table for all she was worth. Her eyes were clenched firmly shut, a stifled scream began forcing it's way up her throat... Then all was normal again. Emmy looked at her sandwich. Had the mayonaise gone bad? Karl ------------------------------------ Amidst the confusion, two figures enter through one of the Coffeehouse doors. They stop, and take in the scene. "Uh, Max?" Tom asked the handsome squirrel standing beside him. ;) "Are you sure you want to come here? I've been here before, and things got awfuly weird, to say the least." "Of course I do!" Max replied. "You just created me, and I need to get some tips and experience. What better place to come than here, where I can mingle with all the greats from other fan fic universes?" "But you haven't even been in a story, Max!" "Hey! Is that MY fault?" Max asks Tom, quite sarcastically. "Ok, I know. But I did just create you, after all. Besides, I put you in that TDA-RPG, didn't I?" "Yeah. Now if you'd just give me something to do!" "All right! Sheesh! I didn't know I'd made you so pushy." Max just gives Tom a look. "Anyway, now that we're here, what do we do?" "How should I know?" Tom asks, looking around again, trying in vain to analyze the scene before him. "Uh, I think I see some computers in the back, there. They must be new, because I don't remember seeing them the last time. Maybe we can go play Quake?" Max was astounded. "You want to waste your time playing computer games in a great place like this?" he asked. "No way! I'm going to mingle, whether you like it or not." "I'm warning you, Max. Be careful! You never know what can happen here." "Aw! You're just jealous because you made me so much cuter than you!" Max said, with a big joking grin accross his face. "I can change that, remember?" Tom reminded him, also smiling. "Oh well." he said after letting out a sigh. "Let's go." And the pair made off accross the room. Tom ------------------------- Meanwhile, outside the Coffeehouse, having returned from his confusing yet enlightening trip to the Little Dragon's Room, Dyglo stretched his wings and pondered the small fragment of Character Creation Crystal in his mighty claw. Should he use its awesome power for virtue and the common good, or should he indulge his own draconian desires? Truly he had not faced such a moral dilemma since RR and Pokemon were scheduled against each other. A slightly sickly sigh made him turn round and there, leaning against the doorframe for support, was none other than Knightram seeking refuge from the twin evils of caffiene and alcohol that were giving his bloodstream a right goodkicking. Dyglo laid a claw on the sheep's shoulder. "Are you OK there?" he asked concernedly. The ram shook his horned head and nearly had a dizzy attack. "I feel rotten," he admitted. "I've no idea what Gadget and Julie were on about, some squirrel called Max was using sarcasm at me, and on top of that my writer has just gallavanted off to goodness-knows-where and left my ficticiouslife without meaning." Dyglo patted him on the back. "Fear not," he roared kindly, "I'm sure some gentle-hearted writer will take pity on you and write for you in your creator's absence." It then occurred to Dyglo that he might just have the answer to everybody's problems in his scaly talon. Without further ado he planted the CCC in the fertile soil in front of them. Both ram and dragon recoiled in amazement as, almost immediately (give or take a few nanoseconds), the ground split and out sprang ... Knightram ------------------------- Both ram and dragon recoiled in amazement as, almost immediately (give or take a few nanoseconds), the ground split and out sprang ... the most shameless thing to happen yet! Seven stunned forms landed before Dyglo and Knightram. "Oh my gosh! I can't beleive it! They're actually here! I recognise these characters!" Dyglo yelled with excitement. They were a blue hedgehog, a fox with an extra tail, a walrus, a rabbit with a robotic arm and legs, another fox which was overdressed(he was a fox, right?), and a squirrel(or was she a chipmunk?), and a red echidna with two spikes on each hand. The rabbit was the first to speak. "Ooh, what the hoo-hah happened?" "Unh, that's the last time I eat chili dogs with triple onions, relish, mustard, ketchup, and extra jalepenos before bedtime..." "Sonic? Where are we?" "I dunno, big guy. Who are those two?" Dyglo couldn't contain himself any longer. "It's the Knothole Freedom Fighters!!! C'mon, let's get 'em inside!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Monty looked at the group coming back through the doors. "Crikey! More off-series characters!" Dyglo passed out frosty mugs of Koo-Koo Cola and began giving introductions to all those who did not know who the newcomers were. Signed, Dyglo ------------------- Kuwani looked into her cup of hot tea & wondered when her Writer was going to write another fic--ANY fic, but especially one with her & Chipper in it. The Tari looked up as some new arrivals came through the door. Kuwani grinned when she recognized Sonic and Bunnie (who have been to Kat's Lair before). The Tari waved at Dyglo & his "guests". A thought struck the Tari (ow!): "I wonder if Jessie & James would mistake them for Pokemon & try to catch them." Kuwani grinned impishly as she thought,"The keyword here is 'try'." Kuwani dismissed this thought as Dyglo & company searched for a table. Afterall, Team Rocket couldn't possibly be -that- stupid, right? :D ;) Kat -------------------- Man-Child noted with some interest the entrance of the new characters from the show that had been his favorite back in 1993 in the long ago days B.P. (before Pikachu). Tails had been an especial favorite, and had been analyzed with Freudian theory to arrive at an interpretation not printable here. However, something was bothering Man-Child. Then he remembered. Where was Dulcy, his all time favorite from the Second Season? The lovely dragon with the voice provided by Cree (Elmyra) Summer should have been the male dragon's top priority but for some reason had been left out. Man-Child was disappointed. There was only one thing to do. He pitched a tantrum. "Hey, you stupid oversized sandstreaker!" Man-Child screamed at poor Dyglo in a way most shameful to treat a newcomer, "Where's Dulcy? She's my favorite! Why didn't you make her come? She'd probably LIKE you, you big dummy! What kind of a dragon are you when you fetch everybody but the dragon? You're obviously very disoriented and . . . !" "Man-Child," Gadget said solemnly, "that's not nice. Do you know what happens when someone is being mean to someone else?" Wh--what happens, Aunt Gadget?" Man-Child asked, beginning to show anxiety. Gadget hesitated. This wasn't her style. But too late to turn back now. "It makes Pikachu very **very** SAD!" she said at last. "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Man-Child wailed, "I'm a bad person! I make Pikachu sad all the time! And I'm such a fan of his, and now he'll never answer my fan letters or send me pictures or autographed fuses or . . . " "Julie!" Gadget yelled for support. There are many fan fiction universes, in fact, an infinite number. Julie and James were currently in one all their own. "JULIE!!!" "What is it???" she asked with some irritation. "A little help with Man-Child, please? I don't have the heart to handle him myself!" "Oh, very well!" Julie said, "then maybe I can have a little privacy!" And with a snap of her fingers she let Man-Child have a charge of her Magical Female Powers(tm). It was a bigger jolt than she would have given had she been undistracted, but she was quite irritated with the interruption. The carnage was terrible. Man-Child looked as if he had been struck by lightning. Literally. He was scorched from head to foot and was obviously going to require a bath and a fresh change of clothes. "Waaaaaaaahhh!" he exclaimed, having applied logic to the situation, "Pikachu is so mad at me that he shocked me! And I love him so much!" "Oh for cryin' out loud, Man-Child, that was Julie that zapped you!" Gadget said, rolling her eyes, "you were behaving like a brat again and I had to call upon her to discipline you." "But Julie would never do that to me!" Man-Child insisted with conviction, "would you Julie? Tell her!" "Yes, yes, yes, so I had to zap you for once," Julie said, beginning to wonder if she'd ever get to return her full attention back to James (where it belonged), "so get over it already. Like Gadget said, your behavior was making Pikachu sad." The Enduring Man-Child looked shocked and betrayed. "Oh yeah???" he said at last, "well as long as we're zapping people who are making Pikachu SAD, how about a zap for yourself for that Bad Thing you did??? Huh? Huh?" "What bad thing did I do?" asked Julie, beginning to be troubled by the accusation. "You plied Knightram with The Bad Water That Makes People Mean," Man-Child said triumphantly, "and everybody knows that that makes Pikachu VERY VERY SAD. So what do you think of that? Huh? Huh?? Huh???" "Oh my goodness!" Julie exclaimed, horrified, "but I didn't even write that post!" "Oh," Man-Child observed, wondering just how to handle that argument. "Well come on, Dyglo, and we'll fetch this 'Dulcy' person as well," Knightram suggested with a good humored slap to the Dragon's back, "from what Man-Child said, you two just might get on famously!" Dyglo really was one of those shy types and was a bit unsure, but he and Knightram returned to the room where they had used the stone and soon summoned forth Dulcy, who looked at Dyglo with a great deal of interest. "Miss Dulcy, I presume?" asked Knightram mischievously, "may I present Dyglo. Dyglo, Dulcy." Dragons don't usually sweat but Dyglo was not feeling his usual self. "So where have you been hiding all my life, huge, scaly, and handsome?" she asked. Dyglo could not speak, being held TRANSFIXED by her Magical Female Powers(tm)! "Let's join the crowd, you two!" Knightram said, chuckling as he pushed the paralyzed Dyglo into the main room of the Coffeehouse. Foxglove took a look at the two dragons and felt very uncomfortable for some reason. After a while she realized--that dragon wings, as the symbol of All That Is Evil, were based on bat wings! "That's so unfair! she said to Dale, "to base magical, fantasy beings on us bats! Everybody knows that we bats don't breathe fire and aren't radioactive and don't zap and aren't evil and have no magical powers and don't burn up in sunlight and have reflections and are good and gentle and pure and innocent and sweet and--." Here Dale silenced her with one of his trademark kisses. "What was that for?" she asked, trying to sound cross but failing utterly as it was very obvious that she enjoyed it. "Couldn't resist, Foxy!" Dale explained with a gleam in his eye. "You just reminded me of all the reasons I love you!" Foxglove's public behavior was always of the most circumspect variety, but Dale's kiss certainly unsteadied her will for a moment. Meanwhile, the Freedom Fighters made the acquaintance of the Coffeehouse crowd (well, Dulcy pretty much concentrated on getting acquainted with Dyglo) and things got back to what was passing these days for "normal." And Julie was ecstatic that she could now turn her attention back to James, who was wilting like one of his trademark roses under the influence of her Magical Female Powers(tm). "Oh James, my darling!" she said to him softly, even though his brain at this point could no longer process human speech, "if only you knew how long I have dreamed of this moment! And now to finally meet you like this! Sorry I had to sap your will like that, but otherwise you might have resisted." The Enduring Man-Child had left to return home for a bath and a new change of clothes after his unfortunate experience with the Powers of Julie. But not long after he had left a horrendous figure entered the Coffeehouse and waved its arms about in a most unsettling way. "What is THAT?" asked Princess Sally, who had been drinking a root beer and getting acquainted with Gadget. "It's Major-General Hannafield of the Royal Welch Lavaliers!" Dale exclaimed. And everyone suddenly realized that so it was. He had not been recognized because his face was covered with eyes and ears and noses but he lacked a mouth altogether. The figure gesticulated wildly at being recognized by Dale who, because of his talent at charades, was able to interpret for the others in the room. "He says no matter how many quarters he put in the machine he couldn't get a mouth," Dale explained. "He got everything else ten times over but he could not get a **mouth**. And you know guys, they really are the hardest to get out of those machines." "But what happened to his old mouth?" asked Chip, who had been there for some time but simply had not yet been acknowledged by a writer. "With his characteristic impetuosity he threw it in a trash can on the way to the machine," Dale translated, "thinking that he would soon have a new one. You know," Dale said, "I think the Major-General tends to rely too much on his war record. People just don't want to think about the Crimea any more!" The Major-General's shoulders sloped pitiably. Pikachu may or may not have been sad, but the Major-General certainly was. And so it goes. "The Enduring Man-Child" -----------------------------------