LOVE EPIDEMIC--PART 5 ----------------------- Meanwhile. . . [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* Everyone had apparently ignored all the moanings and groanings that came from the arm-wrestling table. "So telllll me, Bunnie--grunt--how did yourrrrrrrright arrm get so strrrrrrong???!!! You've given me quite a--mmmh!!!--match now!!!" asked The J.A.M. "Nghhhhh!!! Therapy!! With a bionic arrrrrrmmmm, you kinda need strrrrrength on the other for balance!!! Say, arrrrr you sure yourrrrre Mexican??!!! How come you can speak--unghh!!!--English so well???!!!" "I TOOK PHONICS!!!!!!" he growled. The match was still quite deadlocked. Both mammals were drenched in sweat, and it was causing their headfur to turn into humid strands that flowed down their faces. "Ahhhh!!! Was that lightning just--mmmmhh!--now??!!!" she asked. "Maybe!!" "Say--gah!!--do you smell a skunk??!!!" "YYYYESSS, a skunkette--grunt--to be exact!!" Pain was now creeping into their right arms, and slowly crawling up their shoulders. . . And something was cooking in the basement. . . ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] The J.A.M. ------------------------ "Now for my second question. Where did you come from?" Chris was beginning to look a little confused and a little curious. Rose put on a mischeivious grin. "I was under the impression that you had already heard about the birds and the bees. Remember, characters may be created, but they have histories and parents, so they can't actually remember that thay were created. Are you lost yet? I hope not." "Okay, enough of that topic. I should have seen that coming if I thought about it." "It happens. Let's see, Chris isn't it?" The two both answered at the same time. Several other characters also look up at the mention of their name. Due to the acoustics of the café area, several staff members also called down to see what she wanted. One of the waiters also just happened to be playing with a transmitter when Rose spoke the name. The computer was flooded by incoming calls responding to the name. True the spelling wasn't always the same, but it always sounded the same when spoken. With all the sudden attention, Rose began to blush and sink in her chair... True, she liked attention, but not this much! Eventually, the ruckus died down and things started to return to abnormal. She stayed quiet for a little while to make sure all the eyes were away from her once again before she stopped blushing and started mingling with the other patrons of the Coffeehouse. She sat at Bunnie and J.A.M.'s table to watch their neverending arm wrestling match. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Max was staring longingly at the skunk. He had gotten over his crush on Tammy(the squirrel one) quite easily, don't you think? Dyglo "Thank Goodness It's An Uncommon Name" Dragon --------------------------- Karl was watching the arm-wrestling match now, it had gone on much longer than he would have thought. Jaguars are, generally speaking, much larger and more powerful than Rabbits - but both had been through the Coffeehouse's resizing field. Both species were known for bursts of high speed, but he'd never seen either of them in a test of endurance. There was one possibility which had not yet occurred to anyone, and Karl decided to take advantage of it before it was too late! "I'll put $5.00 on the Rabbit, anyone want to bet?" He called out... (Remember, this is not real!) B^D Karl the Bookie -------------------------- [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* The Jaguar glanced at the skunkette that had sat down next to him. "See??!! I told you I--grunt--smelled a skunkette!!!" "My name is Rose," she said, non-grunting-like. How long has this been going on?" "About--nghaaa!!--oh, I have no idea!!! Pleased to meet you!!!!!" replied Bunnie. "Same herrrrrrrrrre!!!!!!! I wonderrrr where Faith is!!!!!" replied The J.A.M. The three of them then heard Mr. Shenk's betting call, but weren't too sure what to do about it. The Jaguar, however, suddenly had his male genes activated by that outburst, and consequently, his testosterone and adrenaline as well. He wasn't going to be beaten in arm-wrestling by a RABBIT, much less a female one, even if she was someone he happened to be very fond of. With renewed strength, the Feline slowly pushed the Lagomorph back. Her eyes dilated with desperation through her sweat-drenched fur. Muscles and tendons rippled furiously through their fur, and veins would have been visible had they not been covered with fur. Her training with the Freedom Fighters, however, slowly allowed her to push the Panther back. Now it was the J.A.M.'s turn to have his eyes dilate in desperation. With adrenalin pumping in industrial quantities on both sides (and all non-humans could smell that), the locked wrists began yet another dance, and they slowly swayed back and forth between the mammals, but never quite reaching the table. And neither of them knew how much longer they could handle the pain. . . And something was STILL brewing in the basement. . . ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ----------------------------- :: In a side corner of the Coffeehouse, a pair of primarily non-anthropomorphic rabbits watch the activities around them. The male is a coppery-brown buck with a slightly far-away look in his gold eyes. The doe is sable-black and has a nevervous edge in her china-blue eyes. Up until about two months ago, she had never even seen a human bean, let alone all of the strange characters that surround her. Still, she is coping reasonably well with her new environment. :: Waythorn: If I had any money, I'd put it on Bunnie as well-- J.A.M. may be a jaguar, but he's no Mobian Freedom Fighter! Hainle': Sit down before they hear you. Bad enough I let you talk me into coming here-- do you have to draw attention as well? :: Waythorn has the grace to look a bit crestfallen :: Waythorn: I thought you'd like it here. You said you wanted to see the sort of place I lived in now. Hainle': I do like seeing new places-- this is still a bit daunting for me, you know. I've met Gadget and the other Rangers, but all these other characters are kinda... overwhelming. That rabbit you keep talking about has metal parts! Waythorn: Bionics. They're called bionics. Hainle': By-on-yic. You didn't used to talk like that back at the warren. Waythorn: I didn't even know about that at the warren. Hainle', we lead incredibly insulated lives back at home. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen since I started traveling other worlds. Hainle': Well, this is all still new to me, so let's take it slow. Now, what are by-on-yics, exactly. And what's that coffee stuff that smells so nice? =:3 Waythorn ------------------------- "C'mon, you're not gonna let that male beat you, are you? You can do it! Go! Go! Go!" "Go J.A.M.! You can beat 'er! Nice strategy! Get her to think you're at the same strength as her, then slam her into the table!" Several patrons were clustered around the jaguar and the Lagomorph. The suspense was so thick, you could cut it with a knife, which a waiter was doing, and serving it as sandwiches. Dyglo had regained control of his ability to speak and was holding a nice conversation with Dulcy. They both looked over at the clustered people. "Mammals, go fig. What's say we find a quieter table?" "Sounds good to me." They found a corner booth and Dyglo ordered some refreshments for the both of them. Knuckles was hanging out at the bar and discussing security alarms with one of the several Gadgets of the Coffeehouse. He was concerned for his island and was searching for a way for it to be safe while he was gone. Sally looked up from Nicole's readout. "Where did Tails go?" Another Gadget was looking over Sally's shoulder. "I dunno. Anybody seen Tammy? The squirrel one?" "Last I saw, those two were walking to the zero gravity dance floor." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A dark shadowy figure watched it's computer terminal. "Mwa-ha-haaa! Yes, that's right fools! Just pay all your attention on the match!" The figure turned away from the screen and addressed his newest visitors. "My endurance enhancer will make sure the match will continue until my trap is ready! Once it is set in motion, nothing will be able to stop it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And you two will be the bait for my trap! Those do-gooders will not be able to resist coming down here to rescue their beloved squirrel and fox!" Tails would have made a comment on how crazy this person was if he could. He and Tammy were tied up, gagged, and chained to the wall. "They will pay for what they did to me!" The figure pulled off it's hood. His face was scarred and mutilated. Instead of a right hand, he had a series of hooks and knives. mounted above them was a nasty looking laser of some kind. His left leg was horribly deformed. "I've tried to survive here ever since Ssss-that hedgehog threw me in an anomaly. I was a wreck. Shutdown was imminent. Then a professor named Nimnul found me. He put me in this new body. I had feelings. I could eat, sleep, and drink. After that, he treated me like Robotnik did. As a lacky. I performed a few of his pointless tasks. I retrieved some green rectangular pieces of paper for him, occasionally a few gemstones or some gold. Eventually, those rodents foiled his plan. I was severely damaged, but I fixed myself and made some improvements. I have been waiting to get revenge on those rodents, as well as Sssss- that hedgehog and his friends. Waiting here in my secret chamber under the Coffeehouse. I have studied these 'Rangerphiles' and found that several of them liked Ssss- that hedgehog. It was inevitable that they would show up here eventually. Now I can get them all with one swift blow!" The villian hesitated for a second, as if thinking. "Oh yes, before I forget..." the figure then brought his hand back and slapped Tammy with such force that she was knocked out. Tails lunged as well as he could, only to be held back by the chains that held him. Soon, the mysterious figure sent Tails to join Tammy in unconsciousness. Dyglo --------------------- Chris (me) spied a coffee machine in the centre of the Cafe, and excused himself quickly from the table. No-one else wanted a drink, and he felt a little more confident now, so he didn't ask Monty to guard him from the magical female powers (tm) between the table and the coffee machine. He approached the machine, but stopped shortly before, seeing it didn't have any buttons to press. He turned to a lone male, staring porudly at a small skunkette a few tables away, who was in turn watching a jaguar and a bunnie arm wrestling. "Er, 'scuse me, do you know how to work this" he asked him. Turning to him, the male smiled, "nope, but I know someone who does! Rose!" he called, and the little skunkette looked up and crossed towards them. "Yes, daddy" she asked. 'Would you be very kind, and help Mr.." "Chris", Chris added in, smiling. "Yes" Chris continued (this is sooooooooooooooooooo confusing!!!!!!!) "help Chris with the machine?" "Yes daddy" she replied. "What would you like , Mr Chris" she turned to him. 'Well, a cup of tea if possible" "Sure! Hey, mr coffee machine, could you possibly get a cup of t for Mr Chris please?" "Certainly my little lady, here you go". A cup appeared in a small hole at the base of the machine, which Rose took out and handed to Chris."Well thank you very much Miss Rose!" "Mind if I join you" he turned to Chris (not me) "Yep, with pleasure. Pleased to meet you, my name's Chris too!' "Very good choice of a name Chris! Hey, what's the piece of paper about" he finished. "Oh this, It's very special! " Chris (not me) replied showing him. "Why, it looks just like little Rose here, and almost as pretty" Chris finished, winking at her, at which Rose giggled "It is Rose". "Your a very good drawer, that's a smashing portrait of her. Fairly recent then?" "Oh, about an hour ago" "And how old are you then, Rose?" Chris turned to her. "About 40 minutes" she smiled back. "Oh.....waidaminute, how does that happen then! That portrait's older than you!" "I know, she came out of it after I'd finished it. I was very shocked" "So am I, you m..m..m..mmean you created her from that picture!" Chris nodded at him "wooooooooooooow" Chris (me) could only wonder. After a moment, curiousity aroused, Chris asked "does it work for anyone then?" "Why not try?" Chris the creator invited him, offering a piece of paper and a pencil" .Chris took it slowly, a bit (well a lot)frighteneds, he could be letting loose some dangerous thoughts here. "What are you going to draw?" Rose piped up, atching the scene with interest. Chris looked around the room, seeing that everyone seemed to be of considerably older age than Rose, then turned to her. "Do you want to play with someone?' Chris asked. "Wow, sure! Where, where!?" she gleefully replied. "Right here we go" Chris thought, trying to draw the best young male skunk he could, to try to please a certain small skunkette. Having finished, a somewhat reasonable attempt he looked over the table. "What do I do now?" he asked. "Just wait, It'll happen soon enough" a friendly face replied. After a few moments, Chris could only watch in wonder as a small skunk, about the same size as Rose, appeared before the table, looking round with childish curiosity at the events surrounding them, and then seeing Rose stood next to him and ehoing her realisation and grin at a play-mate. Chris (creator 2) tried to keep his composure, and spoke. "Hello, Adam. I'm Chris, this is Chris (indicating his friend across the table, who smiled back) and this is Rose. Now have some fun together and be careful" and at this point Chris leaned close to Adam "and I've got three words of warning for you. Magical Female powers (tm)" Adam looked a little confused at first, but looked back at Rose who was gigling, and smiled widely. "Okay Dad, thanks for the words" he told Chris, and walked away with Rose to play various childhood games and have some fun, being careful to avoid a jaguar and bunnie who appeared to be entangled and were emitting steam from their ears" Chris (creator 2) turned to Chris (creator 1)" Too late I believe! Nice to meet your aquaintence. What a wonderful place, eh?" "Agreed! I'll drink to that!" Chris creator 2 replied, and they began to talk about stuff I'm not even going to write about 'coz I've gone on far too long as usual. It's a good job I didn't write Rhyme and Reason, It would have taken five chapters to get past breakfast. Anyway. Something in the basement was still brewing Infact It had probably turned to solid beer by now. "I have the J.A.M. at 4 to 1. 4 to 1, get your tickets here everyone. Oh, oh, oh make than 6 to 1, come on everyon place your bets here!..." Dale -------------------- [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* The Panther and the Lagomorph continued pushing, even though they weren't getting anywhere. Pain was now creeping into their necks and right torsos. And neither showed signs of actually weakening, for some reason. As for the pain, Bunnie was used to it, being in a war brought her plenty of tolerance. The J.A.M. was used to pain as well, though not necessarily physical. It then occurred to the Jaguar to actually know how long the match had been going on. He looked at his watch, which was fortunately on his left wrist. *Thirty minutes*? The shouts and cheers of the others, as well as the excitement of the match, may have dulled their chronosensors for a while, he reasoned. "Bunnie!!! Have you everrrrrr pushed something with all your might forrrrrrrr half an hourrr!!!!????" he growled. "GHAAAAAAAA!!!!!! NO, SUGARRRRR!! WHY!!!!?????" The Panther was about to reply when suddenly he felt his second wind. Or actually, his 9th wind now, and so did the Lagomorph. Once more, they pushed with all their might, but with fairly equal strength, the fists remained stationary. The Jaguar wondered if his gym time was actually paying off now. Some patrons began backing off a trifle, as slowly, a roar began forming in the Jaguar's throat. Rabbits don't roar, but they do emit a chattering that is just as scary and annoying, and Bunnie was slowly giving way to it as well. "You know, Chip," said Gadget, "if someone doesn't win soon, and if two equally opposing forces push against each other, then it is highly likely that both with experience severe calcium structure failure." "They're both going to break their arms?" he translated. Tails was unconscious. . . Tammy was unconscious. . . And only one person was quite conscious of that. . . ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. ------------------------ "*static* WOULD THE CREATOR OF A FEMALE SKUNK PLEASE REPORT TO THE FROMNT DESK? REPEAT, CREATOR OF A FEMALE SKUNK REPORT TO THE FRONT DESK.*static*" "Hmm, I thought she was hanging out with Adam. Guess I'd better go see what they want." "Mr. Davis? I'm afraid I have some bad news." "What? Sick? Broken limb? Erased? What is it?" "Nothing like that. Do you remember a thread that was dubbed the Hyper-" The aged badger was interrupted at this point. "THE HYPER-GADGET THREAD?!?!? You don't mean..." "Yes. Exactly what happened." "What happened to the skunk that was with her?" "There was another skunk with her? Uh-oh. hang on a second." The badger turned to a microphone. "Would the creator of a male skunk please report to the front desk? Repeat, creator of a male skunk report to the front desk." "Great. I just hope Rose keeps her mischevious side in check." As if on cue, a pie flew and smacked into Chris's face(Rose's Creator[RC]). Chris(Adam's creator[AC]) showed up just then. "What's up?" The badger explained the situation to Chris AC. "I hope he's well behaved," Chris RC wondered out loud after wiping the pie off his face. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Yes, this is another fortunate event. They will be trying to get the skunks back to normal. This will buy me more time. The endurance enhancer is working better than I thought. Perhaps I have two less to worry about." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Hee hee, how about a race?" a femminine voice asked. Sonic looked up, searching for the voice. "What?" "How about a three way race?" a male voice added. Sonic turned just in time to see a pair of skunks run off. "Who are you?" Rotor looked up from the coffee machine. "You know who I am." "C'mon, race us!" said the female voice again. "What do you want from me?" Sally began to worry about Sonic. "Sonic, are you feeling okay?" "I think he's afraid that we'll beat him," went the male voice again. Sonic was beginning to get a little agitated. "How am I supposed to race you if I don't know where you are?" Knuckles had noticed Sonic's strange behavior and called for Emmy to evaluate him. "We're right behind you, silly!" Sonic turned and before him were the two skunks. "So, you gonna race us or not? My name's Rose, what's yours?" Dyglo ------------------ Another call-light flashed on Emmy's desk. Sighing, she pressed it. "What now!?" She thought. An Echidna named Knuckles was worried about the mental stability of a Hedgehog named Sonic? "Location?" "Cafe, main room." "I'll take it." Emmy set the monitors for realtime and playback of the past few minutes. Sonic seemed to be talking to empty air, but there was a faint blurriness in that air. Emmy played back the recording of Sonic turning around, watching the area behind him. Blip Back up one frame. Freeze. Two young skunks stood there, arms a blur even to the camera, but obviously smiling hugely. Emmy grinned in response, they were so *cute*! She relayed the snapshot to the front desk, and a copy to her supervisor with a note, "Aren't they darling?" attached. "Sorry, Em's, we got something bigger goin' on in the basement - I'll get back to ya later." What could be so secret that the security chief wouldn't even tell *her*? She was worried, the chief had got Emmy her job, and if Aunt Slappy was being all secretive, it usually meant something really loud was about to happen. Karl -------------------- [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* The Jaguar let out a deafening roar as he felt his strength surge again. The Rabbit let out a deafening chattering as she felt her strength surge again. All observers took three giant steps back. Never had they seen an arm-wrestling match such as this. The eyes of the contestants were dilated beyond the point of rage, and yet, their paws remained at midpoint. "Something's not right here," said Dale. . . ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] The J.A.M. --------------------- "Everything ready, Skippy?" "Sure thing, Aunt Slappy!" A small brown squirrel was happily plugging wires into a box. He then held it out. "Just press the button, and it all goes dark and spooky in there!!" "You even painted it red! You're a good kid, Skippy." "And here's the one for the intercom!" "Yeah - So.. It's time to have a little fun here!" She lifted the microphone, "Hey, whoever you are in there! In a few seconds I'm gonna shut down all the power, heat, air, water, and the fruit chew vending machines for your entire section. Then if ya still won't play nice, I'll pull back the sizing field maintenance and let ya expand to fit the available space like any other garbage!" She dramatically posed, and jammed the button down. She didn't hear it, but up in the cafe two screams of anguish and near-terminal shoulder-muscle charlie-horses arose as one. The arm-wrestling mstch was declared a tie. However, inside the isolated, darkened section of the basement... Karl -------------------- In The Land of Mordor Where The Shadows Lie, in the very heart of the Dark Tower itself, a giant red eye of Pure Evil was watching the goings on. This was the Dark Lord himself. In this world he was known as Sauron, the Lord of the Rings; his real name, however, was David Rockefeller! With his foul Will he summoned the head of his nine ring wraiths before him. Communicating in pure thought, he said I trust that my commands have been carried out, and that the Grand Master of the Grand Orient Lodge of France AND the President of the Bank of England were dispatched to the Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse on the Dragon Planet? The wraith hesitated. ANSWER!!! My master the wraith began somewhat unsurely I'm afraid you gave those two tickets to the US Open some months ago, and they are now watching the Evil Game of Tennis. He winced (as much as a wraith can wince) as he awaited what he was sure would be his total destruction. Listen to me, slave he heard next in his mind you know that I am consumed with a lust for power! The Rescue Rangers and their Online Fans are all that currently stand in my way. For this reason I used my Dark Powers to influence Karl Schenk to begin a thread on the subject to gather all the Rangers and their friends merely so my Freemason and Banker Buddies (or, as I call them for short, the FBB) could destroy all of them! Who then is assigned to the job, if not the Grand Master of the Grand Orient and the head of the Bank of England? Er, I sent some Third Degree guy from the Lodge at Bethel Springs and a female teller from the Bank of Finger. They like each other he added hopefully. The Eye looked at the wraith with such malice as cannot be imagined. DISMISSED! he communicated at last. The wraith was only too willing to go. The Eye looked longingly to the photo on his desk that showed him with Red Skelton and Lord Rothschild. I sure do miss you guys! he thought to himself. "The Enduring Man-Child" ------------------------------- In the basement After working for three hours the guards finally found a clue to what John D had been up to. Over and over the screen flashes a single message "Project Double Helix awaiting final conformation. Once activated elimination of all life forms with karyotype 46 XX will proceed." John D -------------------------- One of the guards (a reformed anthropomorphic armadillo) scratching his head, muttered "what the heck does that mean?" "I dunno.. But it can't be a good thing." "Hey - isn't 'XX' the chromosone pair thingie for females?" His friends gasped in awe and horror. "No Dames!??" The computer was quickly reduced to scrap metal. Nobody saw it happen. The word went out through the "good ol' boy network" concerning this incident, however, and several cases of "Robin abuse" occured over the next few months before it was straightened out. Batman was rather upset, but he got a pretty good movie deal out of it. Karl ----------------------------- "Fools! How dare they declare the match a draw?!? No matter. They will still have to deal with the two striped ones. My trap is nearly completed!" Tails stared at the ruffian with utter contempt. Boy! This guy must've fallen out of the crazy tree and hit every branch twice on the way down! Sonic will save us! I know he will! "They're right there! Can't you guys see them?!? Two skunks!" Everyone looked at Sonic with concern. Sally very smoothly reassured him, "It's okay Sonic. There are no skunks. The skunks can not hurt you. They aren't real. It's all right. They are not real." "Heehee, let's show her what something not real can do!" Rose took a pitcher of ice-cold water off of the shelf. "Maybe she's feeling warm. I think I'll cool her off a little." Adam smiled back at her. "Do you think she's feeling hungry? Maybe she would like some cake!" Rose made her way over to where Sally was sitting across the table from Sonic. She upended the pitcher and waited for the water to splash down on the unsuspecting princess. "Sally look out!" Sonic yelled as he pushed her out of the way. He was soaked. Sally had avoided a damp fate. "Aww, Mr. Party-pooper Hedgehog ruined all my fun." "She hasn't had her cake yet!" "Oh no you don't!" Sonic jumped in the way of the flying pastry. "Neener neener neener! You can't catch us!" Sonic took off after them at full speed. "Heeheehee! Look at the slo-mo! C'mon Adam! Let's show him how to--how does he say it? Juice?" The two terrors led Sonic on a merry chase all around the building. Knuckles watched passively as Sonic chased the unseen troublemakers. "That settles it. He's snapped. Another one for the loony bin." The echidna called up again to ask what was taking the shrink so long. Dyglo ----------------------- "Just because you are a member of the military, does not give you the right to consume paying customers." Emmy was explaining matters to an Alligator wearing a torn and dirty Naval uniform, when the buzzer went off again. "Excuse me." She pressed the button, "Yes?" "Sonic? He's chasing invisible skunks, and so would I if they'd done that to me!" "No, I'm not crazy. Not just now anyway, why?" "No need to get rude, Mr. Knuckles, please check with the front desk. They'll have a photograph of the invisible skunks." "No, I've already told you that. Not just now." "Yes" "You could try pouring a double espresso down his throat, I've always been curious as to what might happen..." "Well, if he's already the fastest thing alive..." "I see" "You have quite an evil giggle, Mr. Knuckles." "Later then, Goodby." Emmy turned back to the Alligator, "Now then, Lieutenant Gator, have you anything to say before I call your superiors? "He was *Army*!!" Karl --------------------------- [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* The only one who did not step back was Gadget, who was fimrly holding the Jaguar's and the Rabbit's paws. She had no idea how loud a rabbit could scream. Spams rocked the right arms of both contestants, eliciting a roar and a chattering of unbelievable pain. With the endurance enhancement ray off, all pain-tolerance systems of The J.A.M. and Bunnie were very much nullified. Both decided to ignore the fact that Gadget had declared a tie a few moments ago, and thusly concentrate on their massive charlie horses for now. Their paws appeared to be stuck. . . ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] The J.A.M. ----------------------- Do not adjust your dragon. I control the vertical and the horizontal. I have detained the one you know as 'Dyglo'. He is of no assistance to you now. There is only NEGA-DYGLO! ------------------------------------------------- "You have ten seconds to let me in before I pull back the re-sizing field. By all means, take your time." A speaker crackled to life. "Very well, Miss Squirrel. Pull back the resizing field, but before you do, here's something I think you would enjoy listening to." There was a rustling sound on the other end. "Pull it back Slappy! You need to get rid of this guy!" Tails yelled. "Silence! You've had your say. Now it's your turn." Tammy's voice came loud and clear through the speaker. "Help! I'm scared! I'm too young to die!" There was another rustling sound. "Are you so anxious to pull that field back now?" came the evil vioce. "I can stay in here indefinately, if not longer. With my personal generator, I have power to spare! Did you think that I had not thought of the possibility of the power getting cut off? I think these hostages are a good enough insurance against you pulling the sizing field back. Would you have the nerve to listen to their screams of agony as they are essentially crushed by the walls of the room? I think not. I will release them when you bring the rest of the patrons to this room." The transmission ended with his maniacal laughter. Skippy looked up at his aunt. "What're we gonna' do Aunt Slappy?" ------------------------------------------------- *Emergency Broadcast* ------------------------------------------------- This is Dyglo! He has me locked in a sock drawer! ::static:: improvised this radio from ::static:: and loose str--::trails off into static:: Nega-Dyglo --------------- the sock drawer - hey it could be worse, could be the infamous "bureaux drawer with the neckties" Dale ---------------- Chris didn't know what to make of the broadcast. Which was worse, the impending doom or being stuck in a sock drawer?Depended whose sock drawer it was really. Where was Adam, where was Rose, where was the other Chris? "Have I been sleeping for the last hour or something." Then an invisible voice spoke to him - "Nonsense, it's just a coffeehouse thread!" Chris looked around the room, Chip was conferring with Gadget about what would be done, J.A.M. and bunnie were walking around worriedly, holding there arms for some reason. Dale, Foxy and Roy-Neal were comforting Elaine, and Karl was trying to ask Gadget how a 'resizing" machine worked. There was only one thing to do. *I need to go to the bathroom* another invisible voice said. Annoyed at the (actually timely) intervention of his conciense stopping him being a hero for once, Chris went on the search for a rest room. No one saw him go down the stairs as they were too busy organising stuff. Chris descended the stairs to the basement, there were three doors at the bottom, one had a picture of a girl mouse, one with a picture of a male rat and one with a handwritten sign "do not enter, evil abominable plan in process". *Makes a change from closed for cleanin* Chris mused and walked through, all he saw was a set of drawrs before someone hit him and he fell to the floor. When he woke up, he was surrounded by t-shirts and shorts. A thought struck him, and he knocked on the roof of the drawer, "Dyglo, are you up there?" A short gap., "Who's that?" came a muffled reply "Chris" "Which one" the one with the male skunk, Adam" 'Oh, hi, mmmph, sorry, had a sock in my mouth then' Chris winced "Are you comfy down there? Dyglo continued. 'Well as comfy as you can be inserted between two shirts and a pair of pants, you? Not to bad, feel a bit faint though. *I can understand hat* Chris thought."Any ideas how to get out of here?" Chris asked for a moment. Dygl.... wait a minute, this next bit involves making a decision, better stop now then, and maintain the "sitting on the fence" tradition! This drawer's quite okay really, well as long as a Palomino don't show up. Up in the coffeehouse, the J.A.M. had a pat on his shoulder, it was Monterey Jack. 'Wana try with the other arm mate?" he asked. The J.A.M. smiled, "certainly, let's find a table" Gadget groaned, so did Chip and Zipper started cheering Monty on his way. Dale --------------------------- [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* "Mate, before you begin, I think you should detach yourself from the bunny, there." "Hold on a sec. . ." The Panther and the Bunnie had some trouble getting their paws unstuck. Bunnie actually had to use her bionic paw to pry their fingers loose. When she was finally done, their right paws and arms hung limp, almost lifeless. Monterey saw it. "Hmmm. Per'aps I should let you rest for a bit." "True. I *would* like to give you a shot, but right now, I think we have more important matters. Do you think we could after all of this nonsense is over?" The J.A.M. began flexing his right arm by moving it with his left. This was certainly not good. "Pro-wrestling matches last at most 5 minutes," said Chip. "Even among evenly matched furries. I still don't understand how you 2 could go for so long." "Me neither," said Bunnie. "But right now, we have to rescue Dyglo, I think. . ." ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] The J.A.M. -------------------------- Re: Re: In the basement John D has just finished reading "I,Q" and is just about to sit back and relax when his cell phone rings. "Heloo...Oh it's John. Sure be ther in a minute" He gets up and moves to one of the back storage rooms. Where someone is wating for him. "You have failed in your mission, the Double Helix plan was foiled." "Hey, it's not my fault that some guards busted up the plan" "This was going to be a test site for the project before we released it on the world." "Sorry General but them's the breaks." "We will need a new test site, but the people here allready know of our plans. You know what must be done" "Total eradication, no witnesses" "Good, now finish the job." John D -------------------------- Aunt Slappy explains toon violence. "Awright here Skippy, Now what's the problem here?" "If you push that button, they'll be CRUSHED!!!" Skippy wailed tearfully. "You CAN'T do it!!!" Slappy looks out at the audience. Grins. "Skippy, when I dropped a safe on Walter Wolf's head, what happened?" "He got real flat." "And when we took the safe off?" "He had little birdies flying around his head" "But then he got up and ran away, right?" "Yep!! As fast as he could!!" "So this means... C'mon, work with me here.." "Uhmmmm..." "If I push this button..." "They'll be *CRUSHED!!!*" "Never mind, Skippy... I think the audience knows what I'm try'na say.." ::Skippy peers about:: "What audience?" "Now, if the bad guy happens to be a *writer* instead of a 'toon..." Slappy cackled like a gleefully murderous maniac, then went on to whisper... "But, I won't tell you my *other* little secret, not - just - yet..." "Aunt Slappy" "Yeah?" "What's a 'writer'??" Karl ------------------------- Yes! It is once again I Nega-Dyglo! Mwa-Ha-Haaaa! ::A figure familiar to Darkwing Duck fans storms in:: Negaduck> Who said you could use that prefix?!? ::Negaduck pulls out his chainsaw:: Very well, insolent fowl. I shall use a different name. I am the one known as... Nogard Olgyd! ------------------------------------------------- "I must remember to thank that weasel for this recipe. I believe he called it 'the Dip'. Mentioned some rabbit too... Ragear... or was it Regore? Oh yes, the rabbit's name was Roger. Pity that that pesky Detective Valiant killed the weasel's boss. Let's see, turpentine... where's the turpentine?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Heh, what a yutz! The bonehead left the transmitter on!" Slappy pulled out a walkie-talkie type device. "Hey Emmy! I need you to do a little research for me. I need you to look up 'The Dip'." "Sure thing hang on a sec..." came the reply. "Um, Aunt Slappy? Is there anything else you can tell me? There are 975 different entries for dip. There's bean, there's vegetable, there's... What the!? Dale? How'd he get on this list?" "Try cross refrencing it with 'Valiant' and 'Roger Rabbit'." Skippy poked his aunt to get her attention. "You still haven't told me what a writer is." ------------------------------------------------- It was boring in the sock drawer. Dyglo had already made a lovely portrait of Dulcy out of balled up footwear. Then, he made a nice engraving of her likeness on the wall. He had even gone so far as to kneel before the images, practicing proposals just for the fun of it (also because he wanted to be ready if the relationship got that far. "So, Chris, wanna sing 1,674,272,479,827,349 bottles of cola on the wall?" Nega-Dyglo ---------------------- "Ah, let's get it over with," said Aunt Slappy Slappy's finger jabbed the button, before Skippy's horrified gaze. "Aunt Slappy!! No!!" The sizing field, inexorably, moved away from the sealed off portion of the basement. Tails and Tammy shrank to their normal sizes, fell from their chains, and watched as the evil mastermind grew, doubling in height. Unfortunately, the the room was designed for the averaged size set by the field, so his head struck the ceiling with great force. He fell, unconcious, to the floor. Slappy took her finger off of the button. "That should have stirred things up in there!" The field was restored, so the room seemed normal sized again to Tammy and Tails. The evil villain was still out of it. They tied him securely with his own chains and whatever else they could find, rope, electrical wire, neckties (for some reason there seemed an inexhausible supply) and a decorative banner from the opening day of the Coffeehouse, still marked with the laser burns and sword slashes of that memorable occasion. They searched for an exit, in the dimness of the villain's portable lantern light. Beyond a pile of wreckage, clothes, broken bits of wood, and a dazed-looking dragon, they finally found it. The security guards closed in around them, checked their ID against Coffeehouse files, and questioned them about the evil-doer. "Looks like we get the easy part," One joked, as they carried the squirming iron and silk bundle to the stasis center for freezing. "It's not funny." Said another, did you see what that guy had in there? It looked like he was getting ready to mix up some DIP!" The patient, professional courtesy the guards normally assumed when dealing with the public fell away, as they all looked to the bundled bad guy at once. "Could we maybe slip and drop him a few times on the way?" Emmy, finished cross-referencing in her office. "Dip, dip, here it is... Oh, my Creator!!!" She called Slappy, who had just finished talking with the guards. It took Slappy several tries to calm her niece and explain matters. "The kids are being returned to their friends right now. If you want, you can watch it all on those monitors we gave you. What, you didn't think your old Aunt Slappy could handle an evil master mind or two? I didn't even have to blow anything up this time - piece of cake!!" And Skippy asked, "What's a writer?" "Remember what I said about erasers?" "No, way! You're just trying to scare me!" "Then you don't wanna hear about writers." Author's note: I've been hogging this thread a bit, so I'll sit back and let someone else have their turn. Hey, how about you? C'mon, it's fun!" Karl -------------------- "*groan* My aching head... Well, at least I'm out of there." "Heh heh heh, but you aren't out of trouble yet!" Dyglo turned around. Behind him was an almost exact duplicate of himself. "So, you've managed to escape, but not before I was able to ruin your chances! Mwa-hahahahaaaaaa!" The duplicate ran off into the twisting corridors of the coffeehouse. "Okay, that was weird. I wonder what the others are up to." A muffled voice came from beneath the rubble. "I don't know. Can you help me out of here?" Dyglo dug in the rubble and helped Chris (AC) out of the wrecked carpentry. They dusted themselves off and went up to the cafe area. "Ah, what a wonderful sight! Coffee all around me!" Dyglo walked over to where Dulcy was. "I thought you liked me! You- you- OOH!" She slapped Dyglo with all her might. Dyglo went flying for a couple of feet and skidded to a stop. "Wha-? What did I do?" "You know very well what you did! I'm not going to see you anymore!" "You-You're dumping me?!? But... why?" Dulcy had already walked away and started mingling with the crowd. Tears welled up in Dyglo's eyes. The diamonds fell from his eyes freely and clattered on the ground(Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher). The words of his duplicate came drifting back to him. So, you've managed to escape, but not before I was able to ruin your chances! Realization slammed into the heartbroken dragon like a ten ton semi-truck. The fury began to boil up inside him. His eyes clouded over with a red haze. "I swear upon the shards of my egg that I will hunt that clone down and slay him like the vermin he is!" He sealed the oath with a roar that shattered every glass in the room and forced the customers to cover their ears or be deafened. The dragon rage was upon him once again. He burst out of the cafe area and into the long and twisting corridors of the coffeehouse. Unlike before, both his body and mind were in agreement during the rage, thus making him an even more dangerous foe to the double. Hmph, showoff, was all Dulcy thought as the frenzied dragon shot out of the cafe. Dyglo Dragon-Nogard Olgyd -----------------------