The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User)
               Saturday, October 13, 2001 at 11:43:26 PM CST
               And now presenting the latest Coffeehouse-style story thread:  MY, O MYOPIA!!!!!

 A timid field mouse ventured slowly out of the cinder block that was her home and sniffed uneasily at the stormy night air. 
 "There is a great disturbance among the worlds," she remarked softly to herself.

 *******************************************************************

 Chip sighed as he gazed dreamily at the vision sitting across the breakfast table from him.  But what was the use?  She had
 never paid him any heed.  He and Dale used to fight for her attention before the latter had met and married Foxglove.  Now,
 even though there was no competition, Gadget Hackwrench seemed as elusive as ever.  He sighed as he thought about the
 hopelessness of his situation.

 Foxglove could tell very well that Chip's heart was breaking.  Poor Chip she thought, I really must speak to Gadget for him
 whether or not he wants me to.  He's miserable!

 "Anything wrong, Foxy?" asked a concerned Dale, seeing her lovely smile vanish.

 "Oh no, Cutie!" Foxglove replied, smiling in spite of Chip's sad situation at her own good fortune in winning the man of her
 dreams, "I was just thinking, that's all!  It's all right."

 Dale seemed to be satisfied at this reply,which caused her to breathe a sigh of relief.

 "Eat up, buckos!" exclaimed Monty good-naturedly as he and Zipper entered with their breakfast.  It was cheese-based, as
 usual, but all the Rangers had learned to expect this, and it had been long since this ceased to be disappointed by his creations.

 "Golly, Monty!  It looks delicious!" said Gadget with evident sincerity.

 "Yeah . . . delicious!" Chip sighed dreamily.  His sincerity was also quite evident, though his statement was directed elsewhere
 than the food.

 Suddenly, as in all stories like this, there came a knock at the door!

 "Blimey!" muttered Monty, who was just sitting down, "Why can't they let a bloke get some grub in 'im first?"  But though he
 grumbled about it a great deal, he went to answer the door.

 After a moment and some mumbled conversation Monty re-entered the kitchen.  "Sorry Chippah," he said, snapping Chip out
 of his trance, "I asked her to wait until you'd had yore breakfast, but she says she 'as to see you now!"

 "Oh.  Well, I'll go see he . . . "

 "She, Chippah."

 "Okay . . . fine," Chip said with some uneasiness which he could not conceal, "I'll go and see what she wants.  Be right back,
 gang."

 Fortunately for Chip, Zipper decided to follow him and see what was going on.

 In the living room, standing in the front door and illuminated by the rays of the rising sun, was a beautiful girl of undetermined
 species.  On further inspection she seemed some sort of strange chipmunk-human hybrid.  But that wasn't possible . . . was
 it???

 "Er . . . hello.  I understand you wanted to see me?" Chip asked as he approached his guest.  Though her attractiveness was
 obvious, she was modestly dressed.  Her brown hair was done up in a kind of bun, with some ribbons tied very prettily at the
 top and hanging down.  As she turned to face him (she had been looking out at the sunrise) he saw something else:  she was
 wearing glasses!!!!!

 "Why yes, thank you," she said, batting her eyelashes at him flirtatiously.  Chip gulped at this behavior but continued.

 "Er, and just how may I be of service, Ms . . . ?"

 "Oh, forgive me, Mr. Chip.  It's Miller, Jeannette Miller.  And it's 'miss.'"

 "Oh.  Okay.  How may I be of service, Miss Miller?"

 "Please call me Jeannette, Mr. Chip," she said.

 "Very well.  And you can drop the 'Mister' yourself."

 "Very well; if you insist."  She approached him with a look of confidence on her face.  Chip stared at her open-mouthed for a
 while before realizing she had not yet told him why she had come.  But then he remembered.

 "So you say you came to see me why?" he asked.

 She looked coyly at him.  "Are you lonesome, Chip?" she asked.

 "Am I what???" he responded.

 "I hear you have had quite a crush on your partner Ms. Hackwrench for years but that she doesn't reciprocate.  Is that true?"

 Chip was wondering now what this was about.

 "Miss Miller, if you don't mind my saying so, that is a private matter and no concern of yours.  Now, kindly tell me the purpose
 of your visit."

 "Sometimes a man," she said, drawing closer, making no attempt to address his question, "come to doubt themselves when a
 girl they like ignores them.  Sometimes they wonder if they're unattractive, or if their personality is bad.  Do you ever doubt
 yourself, Chip?"  And she approached even closer, putting her hands on his shoulders.

 "I . . . I . . . sometimes," he admitted.  He didn't know what had induced him to make this confession to this strange visitor, but
 he could not resist.

 "Well Chip, I think you should know that there's nothing whatever the matter with you.  You're very dashing, very handsome,
 and . . . " (here she began massaging his shoulders) " . . . any girl's dream guy. If your friend doesn't realize that, perhaps you
 should look elsewhere for fulfillment."  Chip was by this time in another trance.

 Zipper, meanwhile, was watching this whole scene unfold with horror, yet fascination.  That is why he could not rip himself
 away to tell the others what was going on until he had seen more.

 "You mean . . . you mean . . . you???" he asked finally.

 "Oh Chip, I would be honored," she said as she moved in for a kiss.

 Something in Chip's mind broke the spell, and he shrank back in horror.  "Now wait a minute!" he said, "I don't even know
 who you are! I've never seen you before, you come in here at breakfast and have to see me immediately, alone, despite the
 fact that all my teammates are in the kitchen with me, and now when I ask you why you've come, you start making moves on
 me!  I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave--immediately!!!"

 She seemed genuinely hurt.  "I'm sorry you feel that way, Chip," she said, "but I can't say I'm surprised.  In fact, I know exactly
 why you're refusing my affection."

 "And just why is that?" Chip asked, unable to overcome his curiosity.

 "Your lack of confidence.  You're afraid I'm going to hurt you . . . aren't you?"

 "I . . . I . . . that's ridiculous!" he said.  "Now kindly leave before I call my associates!"

 "Oh Chip, I'd never reject you!  You don't have to be afraid that I'll break your heart.  Do I really look like a heartless vamp to
 you?"

 "No . . . no, you don't," Chip murmered, spellbound.

 "And do you know why you don't have to be afraid of me?  Why you can be sure I'd never break your heart?  Why you can
 know that I am not a man-killing vamp???"  And she batted her eyelashes to draw attention to the answer.

 "You're . . . wearing . . . glasses . . . ?"  Chip murmured the question dreamily.

 "And what do glasses on a pretty girl mean?" she prompted him.

 "It means she's . . . shy . . . and timid . . . and doesn't realize how beautiful she is . . . and . . . and . . . "

 "Yeeeees?" she asked the poor, heartsick, ensorcelled chipmunk.

 "And . . . and . . . approachable!!!" he said at last, in a moment of realization that seemed positively fulfilling.  "And she's in the
 same boat as the poor guy, she no mere male need be afraid of her!"  And he beamed as one possessed.

 "Exactly," she said with supreme satisfaction.  "Now . . . GAZEINTOMEEYES!!!"  And Chip found that he could not resist!

 "You are now in me power!" she said, "Come with me, for the Mistress has need of you!"

 "I . . . obey!" Chip answered mechanically.  

 Now when Zipper saw him begin to follow the siren out the front door he snapped out of his own trance and rushed back to
 the others.  He attempted to communicate with them with a series of squeaks, buzzes, and hand signals, but in his frenzied
 panic he was making absolutely no sense.

 "Blimey!  What is it, me little pally?" Monty asked in genuine alarm.

 "Can you understand him, Foxy?" Dale asked his bride, hoping her keen hearing would be of some help.

 "I'm afraid not, Dale," she said, "I'm not really used to how he communicates.  Monty's probably the one to ask about that."

 "Calm down, Mate!" Monty said, attempting to get the fly to return to a state in which he might eventually make himself
 understood.

 However, Gadget straightened up with a look of concern on her face. "Something's happened to Chip!" she said, and
 immedieately rushed to the living room.  The other Rangers looked at one another, shrugged, and followed her.

 The sight that met their eyes filled them with horror.  Chip was like a zombie, following a strange girl who seemed to have him
 wrapped around her little finger.

 "Chip!  What's goin' on, buddy?" Dale asked.

 "He will not answer you," the enchantress informed him, "for your friend is now under my control.  I will be taking him from
 you now."

 "No!  Wait!  Chip, snap out of it!" Gadget exclaimed, somewhat surprised by the strength of her own emotional reaction.

 "Sorry, toots, but you had your chance," the Other Woman smirked maddeningly, "I will be taking him with me.  The Mistress
 has need of him."  And suddenly, in a blaze of light, Chip and the girl were gone!

 "The Mistress?" Foxglove repeated as the Rangers looked to one another in alarm.

 "Beats me, Love," Monty replied.  

 Only Gadget did not take part in this Kodak moment.  Instead she looked at the open doorway, now empty, and the sun
 beyond, now high in the heavens.

 "I know who it is!" she said.

 *******************************************************************

 In Pokeworld, Ash Ketchum and Pikachu enjoyed a luscious picnic prepared by Brock.  On either side of Ash, unnoticed by
 him, Misty and Melody [from the second movie, faithful ones!] opened wide their feminine eyes and GAZED upon him.

 "You know, suddenly I have the urge to peel turnips!" he said.

 Misty and Melody looked at each other and sighed.  Boys! they thought.

 Meanwhile, Brock watched his young friends' escapades with a heavy heart.  For while Ash had two beautiful girls trying to
 get his attention and win his affection, he, Brock, had no one.  It wasn't fair, really.  Not only was Brock ruggedly handsome,
 but he was also very sensitive and responsible, having acted as both father and mother to his large family of brothers and
 sisters for years.  He was also not ashamed to do "woman's work" and should have been a prize catch for any woman.  But
 it'll never happen he told himself as tears began to burn his perpetually-closed eyes.  They all hate me.  I don't know why,
 but they all do.  He sighed at the realization, and discreetly left the view of the younger kids by wandering off a bit into the
 forest.

 "Brock?"

 Brock looked up at hearing the unidentified and yet strangely familiar voice.  It sounded like . . . like . . . 

 "Brock?  There you are!  I've been looking for you!"

 Then he saw the owner of the familiar voice.  And it was a familiar face as well!  But what was Nurse Joy doing out in the
 middle of the woods?

 "Oh, hello Nurse Joy," Brock said sedately, attempting to maintain control.  After all, there was no use in trying to flirt with
 her.  She'd only reject him.

 "I've been following you for quite some time.  You're not an easy group to keep track of," she said.

 "Oh.  Well, follow me and I'll take you to Ash and the others."

 What happened next was not at all what he had expected.  She adopted a coy smile and drew closer to him.  "Never mind,"
 she said, "It isn't the others I came to see."

 "It . . . it isn't?" Brock asked.  What could this mean.

 "You know," she said, laying hold of the lapels of his shirt and smoothing them out somewhat, "right after you left my Pokemon
 center I started thinking that I spend too much time working . . . and not enough time doing other things."

 "::GULP::  Other . . . things?"  He was beginning to perspire.

 "Oh yes, Brock.  You know, there comes a time when a lady has to start thinking about the future . . . who she wants to spend
 it with."

 "Spend . . . the future . . . ?"  Despite all his experiences with rejection he couldn't stop his hopes from running wild at this
 point.

 "Brock . . . has anyone ever told you that you're very handsome?" she asked, curling an eyebrow mischieviously.

 "You . . . think . . . I'm . . . h-handsome???" he asked, now about to go full tilt into pretty girl mode.

 "I do.  And I'm sorry none of my sisters and cousins ever noticed. But their loss is my gain."

 Suddenly the spark of rational thought which was about to be extinguished in Brock's fevered brain fought back with one final
 offensive.

 "No!" Brock said.  "You're only toying with me.  You're much too beautiful to ever love me.  Why do you mock me in this
 way?"

 Nurse Joy's face showed how deeply she had been wounded.

 "Oh, Brock, how could you think that about me?" she asked.  "I'm not at all like the other Joys.  I'm quite different from all the
 rest of them.  Do you know which Joy I am?"

 "You're . . . that psychologiest from the 'Chikorita's Big Upset' episode?" he suggested.

 "Um-hmmm.  And what makes me different from all the other Joys?  Can you tell?"

 "You're . . . wearing . . . glasses???" he asked.

 "That's right!" she encouraged him again wiping off his shirt shoulders, "and what do glasses on a beautiful girl mean?"

 "You're . . . you're vulnerable . . . and shy . . . and approachable . . . and don't realize how beautiful you are . . . and you'd
 never break the heart of any poor guy who dared to approach you?"

 She came close to his ear.  "Bingo," she whispered.

 Brock's last rational thought gave up the ghost.

 Meanwhile back at the picnic, Misty's and Melody's sullenness at the failure of their Magical Female Powers(tm) was
 interrupted by the usually clueless Psyduck suddenly freezing in mid bite and then hopping up and down, "psy"-ing
 uncontrollably.

 "Say Misty, what's the matter with Psyduck?" asked Ash.  Yes, that's right, folks.  He actually asked that.  He thought she'd
 know.

 "I don't know, Ash," she said.

 "Misty, I know your Psyduck isn't the brightest in the world, but it is a psychic Pokemon.  Maybe it's sensing something,"
 Melody suggested.

 "Like what?" she asked.

 In answer to this they heard the happy shouts of their friend Brock coming from some distance off the path and into the forest.

 "What's that?" asked Ash.

 "It sounds like Brock!" Misty said.

 "Well, we'd better go see!" Melody said.  Seeing as how Tracy had been in her movie, she hadn't met Brock prior to this
 picnic and didn't know that much about him.

 Melody, Misty (carrying Togepi), Ash, Pikachu, and their other Pokemon immediately followed the sound to find a Zombified
 Brock being flirted with by none other than a Nurse Joy.  And she was wearing glasses!

 On seeing the sad fate of their friend, Ash, being a clueless young boy with as yet know knowledge of women and their
 Magical Female Powers(tm), reacted typically.

 "All right!  Way to go, Brock!  Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof!"  Misty's mallet silenced him.

 "What have you done to our friend?" Misty asked the seductress, being a girl herself and possessing full knowledge of her
 genders Magical Female Powers(tm).

 "Oh, I've just met the man of my dreams, that's all!" she answered a bit flippantly.

 "Misty, I don't know who this person is, but I don't think she's sincere!" Melody told her.

 "I'm sure she's not sincere!" Misty replied.  I can't place it, but it seems to me that something like this has happened before . . .
 "

 "Well, my new knight in shining armor and I must leave you now," the sinister Nurse Joy said to the girls, "The Mistress has
 need of him!"  And with that, both the Nurse and her ensorcelled captive were enveloped in a blaze of light and were gone.

 "Why can't I do that to Ash?" Melody asked.

 For a while Misty stood and glowered at the spot where her friend had been.  Then turning to her companion "Come on!" she
 said.  "I think I know what's going on here!"  And taking Ash by his feet she dragged him back to the picnic spot from whence
 they were to begin their quest.

 *******************************************************************

 Meanwhile, in another part of Pokeworld, James looked longingly at the dazzling yet cruel beauty in the sleeping bag next to
 his.  At least she was getting some rest.  Goodness knew he wasn't.  Oh Jesse! he thought to himself with a sigh, If you and I
 are the very Avatars of love, then why can't we find happiness with each other?  But it was no use, and he knew it.

 When morning came she was still sleeping--and he was still awake.  Well, another day without enough rest he thought. 
 What would Jesse think if she knew what she was doing to me?

 "James?"

 "Huh?  Whowhatwhenwherewhyhow . . . ?"  Then he looked up.

 "Hello, James.  You remember me, don't you?"  The beautiful girl did indeed look somewhat familiar.

 "Uh, I can't say for sure, Miss.  I've met so many people in all the towns I've been blasted off from."

 "My name is Mary," she said, "and I'm the radio personality you met in Goldenrod City.  Remember, when you helped us put
 on that radio play live when the recordings of it had all been ruined?"

 "Oh!  That's right!" James remembered.  Of course, he didn't remind Mary that Team Rocket had been the ones who ruined
 the tapes.

 "You were really so good, James . . . I was wondering . . . " (and here her voice became more flirtatious) " . . . if you'd come
 back to Goldenrod City with me and put your immense talents to use."

 James began to feel light-headed.

 "Really?" he asked.  "Well, we'll have to take a vote, but I'm sure Jesse and Meowth will be agreeable."

 "You don't understand, James," she said, sitting on the ground beside James' sleeping bag and making him feel distinctly
 uncomfortable.  "I don't want Jesse or Meowth.  I only want you."

 "M--me?" James asked in incredulity, "But how could I leave my friends to embark on a glorious new career of fame and
 fortune alone?"

 Mary bent down and kissed him.

 "Oh . . . that's how!" James observed happily as little hearts flew around his head.  But in him mind a warning bell went off.

 "Hey, wait a minute!  Why would a beautiful girl like you like . . . like me?  I don't understand."

 "Well, James, it's true that I am beautiful," she said vainly as she tossed her red hair, "but I think you are overlooking something
 very important."

 "Wh--what's that?" James asked naively.

 "Look at me," she commanded.  Then it struck him and left him puty in her hands.

 "You're  . . . wearing . . . glasses?" he asked dreamily.

 "Oh yes.  And what do glasses on a beautiful girl like me mean?"  And she batted her eyelashes to encourage him to answer
 and to cloud his pitiable mind.

 "That she's shy . . . and approachable . . . and not vain . . . and . . . oh shoot, we all know the routine!  This is what, the third
 time in the story already?"

 "Exactly, James.  You may safely place yourself in my hands.  I shall never hurt you nor break your heart . . . unlike your
 unappreciative friend there who doesn't appreciate your fine qualities."

 "Wh . . . what are you mumbling about, James?" the sleepy Jesse said through a huge yawn as she awakened.  It took a while
 for her eyes to focus, but she saw another woman showing interest in her James.  She bolted upright immediately.

 "Hey girl, just who do you think you are?" she demanded.

 "Oh, I know who I am," Mary answered, "I am the one who has taken your James from you.  The Mistress will be pleased. 
 Come, my fool.  Come and obey my every whim!"

 "If you say so!" James answered giddily.  And after a flash of light they were gone.

 For a while Jesse just stared at where her partner had been.  For a while she struggled within herself, since she needed to feel
 independent and as if she didn't need anyone.  But eventually her emotions won over.

 "Come on, Meowth!" she said at last, awakening her remaining partner with a mallet.

 "WHAAAAA!!!" Meowth exclaimed as he tried to dodge the fierce blows, which for some reason were even fiercer than
 usual.  "What got youse up on da wrong side of da bed, Jess?"

 "He's gone," she replied quietly.

 "What?  Who's gone?" Meowth asked.

 "James.  She's taken him."

 "Our Jimmy, gone?  And who is 'she?'" Meowth enquired.

 Jesse merely looked at the ground with great intensity.  "I think I know what's going on," she said at last.  "Come on,
 Meowth!"

 "Where to?" Meowth asked.

 She turned and glared at him.  "To the Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse!!!" she said.

 Meowth gulped audibly.  He hoped a certain particular "cat lover" wouldn't be there this time.

 *******************************************************************

 Somewhere deep in the lush tropics of Mayan Mexico a handsome Jaguar made his way to the front desk of a university
 library to return the copy of Mayans and Their Immunity to Tooth Decay he had checked out a week before.  The person
 at the circulation desk was reading a newspaper and he could not see his face.  In fact, the person didn't seem to know he was
 there at all, so he cleared his throat--as discreetly as possible, so as not to disturb the important research going on.

 "Yes?" said a voice.  Hmmm.  Female.  Interesting.

 "Good evening.  I_Am_The_J.A.M., and I'm here to return this book.

 The newspaper lowered.  J.A.M. now saw a bookish but beautiful skunkette who looked upon him kindly.

 "Oh. Hello," he said when he again found his voice.  "I don't recall seeing you here before."

 "I'm an exchange student from the United States," she explained.  "I am a certain well-known character from a widely read
 monthly Internet comic, and thus out of respect to my creator will not mention my name here."  [Note:  please go to
 Sabrina-Online to meet this character if you have not already.]

 The J.A.M. was spellbound.  "Uh, . . . h-h-hi," he managed to stutter.

 "Say, you know, you're kinda cute!  You don't happen to have a girlfriend, do you?"

 J.A.M. shook himself out of it.  "Yes I do," he replied truthfully, "a very beautiful half-cyborg lagomorph as a matter of
 fact--the best and most beautiful girl any guy could ever wish for!"

 The skunkette opened wide her mephetine eyes and GAZED upon him.  "Really?  What's her name?" she enquired.

 "What's whose name?" the poor jaguar asked helplessly, for he had fallen under the spell of her Magical Female Powers(tm).

 "Oh, forgive me," she said in mock concern, "I'm sure a handsome jaguar like you who could have his pick of girls would never
 go out with a poor girl like me who wears glasses--now, would you?"  And she batted her eyes at him.

 "Are you kidding???" he asked with enthusiasm, "Don't you know what glasses mean on a pretty girl?"

 "Oooh, what do they mean?" she asked.

 J.A.M. repeated the familiar spiel.

 "Why, that's so kind of you to think that!" she said, "as a matter of fact, I am very shy and approachable and not at all like
 those shallow vixens who have 20/20 vision (or contacts).  Why don't you come with me?"

 "Why . . . don't . . . I . . . come . . . with . . . you . . . " he repeated, completely buffaloed.

 "Yes . . . you must come with me.  The Mistress will be pleased!"  And suddenly there was a blinding flash of light and J.A.M.
 and the skunkette were both gone.

 *******************************************************************

 The Enduring Man-Child had just recently been released from the State Institute for People Who Can't Load Corrupted
 JPG's, and he was determined that this time he was going to get his life on track.  No more emotional outbursts or periods of
 pouting and sulking.  He was a grownup fcol, and the time had come to act like one and put aside childish things.  Yessir, this
 time all those electro-shock treatments were going to pay off!

 So naturally, he was in the pasture beside his home looking for wolf spiders.  Not just any wolf spiders, either, but the biggest,
 hugest, most humongous wolf spiders he could find.  Accompanying him were his two constant companions, his faithful and
 loyal cats Samson and Blue.

 Man-Child had just been fortunate enough to find the biggest wolf spider he had ever seen, and with a great deal of difficulty
 (as well as discomfort from the prickiling of its setae) caught it.  He crowned his triumph by fulfilling his lifelong dream of
 placing it on the bib of his overalls and pretending it was a broach.  Yessir . . . life was good!

 "Hello there!"

 Startled, Man-Child looked up to see a stranger approaching him (which was unusual since it was a rural area and off the
 road).  And what especially unnerved him was that this was a g-g-g-g-girl!!!  He was terribly afraid of girls.  Unless they were
 spiders.

 "H--hello," Man-Child said.  And, being an isolated rustic eccentric, he said no more but waited for her to say something else.

 "I didn't mean to startle you!" she said, "I'm sort of new in the area and was just jogging down the road when I saw you out
 here in this pasture looking for something.  I take it you are a fellow nature-lover?"

 "Um . . . nature's all right," he said.  (He was actually a fanatical nature-lover; he was just nervous.)

 "Well anyway, I just thought I'd jog up here and introduce myself! How are you doing?"  She extended a hand.

 Man-Child looked at the hand.  It was a nice hand.  It had five fingers and everything.  But this was a girl, and girls are
 terrifying beings who crush the souls of their hapless unattractive victims and leave them to an eternity of misery.  Besides, they
 had cooties.  Should he?  Or shouldn't he?  He didn't like cooties, but on the other hand he was 44 years old and 44 year olds
 weren't afraid of cooties.  Not real 44 year olds, anyway.  He looked at the hand.  He looked and looked and looked.

 "Er . . . I'm sorry.  I see I'm making you uncomfortable.  Well, I'll just be going . . . "

 Something went off in Man-Child's head, and it wasn't just the fried synapse from the last electro-shock session.

 "Wait a minute!  Pretty girls aren't that nice really!  You're supposed to reject me and leave my sould for an eternity of
 torment!  You're up to something!  Who are you, really???"

 The girl had turned her face away and started down the driveway when she heard this question.  "Who am I?" she repeated,
 WHO AM I???  I'LL SHOW YOU WHO I AM AND WHAT I AM!!!"  And she turned back to reveal on face the hugest
 pair of glasses the world has ever known.

 "YOU!" he exclaimed in horror, "So, you have come to take your revenge on me for resisting you?"

 "That is true, Man-Child, but that is far from all I am doing.  At this moment my agents are scowering the world and enslaving
 the lonely souls who are vulnerable to beautiful girls with glasses!  So I shall now not only conquer and rule the world, but
 subject the entire male gender to the unending torments of unfulfilled desire!!!"

 "NO!  I won't let you!  I've defeated you before and I will again!" he said, exhibiting more courage than he really had.

 "Oh really?  And just how do you propose to stop me?" she asked.

 Man-Child turned to his faithful cat Samson.  He pointed to Yolei Inoue, the siren of sirens, the falsest of all false hopes, and
 shouted "KILL!!!"  But nothing happened.  For Samson is so scared of everything that he had run and hid under the
 smokehouse the minute this stranger had come up.  And besides, she was a girl, and Samson was afraid of girls.

 "Is that the best you can do?" she smirked.

 Undaunted (well, actually slightly daunted), Man-Child turned to his remaining friend, his huge, gigantic beautiful blue cat who
 was eleven and a half years old but just as spry and frisky as a kitten.  He was also, unlike Samson, utterly fearless.

 Man-Child pointed to his tormentress(???)).  "ATTACK!!!" he commanded.

 Faithful old Blue did not have to be told a second time.  Running fast in his strange, un-catlike gate that sounded like the
 galloping of a horse, he made his way up to his master's nemesis.  Then he stopped short at her feet and looked up at her.

 "WOW????" he enquired.

 "Oh, how cute!" Yolei exclaimed with glee, and proceeded to pet and rub him, which caused him to roll around on the ground
 and purr with glee at the attention.

 "Blue, you traitor!" Man-Child muttered.

 "Oh yes, that brings me back to you!" the siren said with a wicked glint in her bespectacled eyes.  "Know that I shall not
 enchant thee, but shall keep thee in thy right mind so that thou mayest see the havoc that I and my servants shall reek upon the
 male half of the human race!"

 "You fiend! I won't go with you!" he shouted defiantly.

 She opened wide her bespectacled eyes and GAZED upon him.  "But you must!" she commanded.

 "But I must!" the helpless Man-Child repeated.

 "Then come, my slave!" she beckoned to him, "come with me to your doom!"  And he could not resist.

 But though his legs followed her mechanically, outside of his own will and control, he turned to his faithful Blue friend. 
 "Quickly, Blue!" he shouted, "Run and get the Rescue Rangers, the Rangerphiles, and other beloved cartoon characters! 
 Hurry, for the fate of the world is at stake!!!" 
------
The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User)
Continued immediately from the above post

Blue looked at Man-Child curiously.  "WOW???" he wanted to know.

 "Yes Blue, go quickly and alert my friends among the Rangers, Rangerphiles, and other toons!  Hurry, for I am helpless!"

 "WOW???"

 "Blue . . . just what part of my instructions do you not understand?"  This was getting frustrating.

 "WOW???"

 "Oh, never mind!" Man-Child said as the Supreme Mistress Of All Desire pulled him into the warp and to her headquarters. 
 Then Man-Child was no more.

 Blue looked at the spot on which his master had just been standing. Then, in that strange, horse-like gallop so unusual for an
 eleven and a half year old cat, he disappeared.  He had a job to do!

 *******************************************************************

 In Arizona, Julie was searching her refrigerator for mayonnaise.  The stresses of her final semester were getting to her. 
 Suddenly she heard a strange scratching at the door.

 She opened it to find a very large blue cat looking up at her curiously.

 "Oh, aren't you positively darling!" she said.

 "WOW???" he responded.

 "Ooh, that is so sweet!" she said (and it was perfectly true) as she began petting the big cat, eliciting his purrs.

 The Gatomon on Julie's computer monitor jumped down onto the floor. "I don't know why you're wasting time," she said, "it
 sounds pretty serious to me."

 "Gatomon!  You can understand this cat?"

 "Of course," Gatomon answered.  "He says that my old friend Yolei Inoue has enchanted The Enduring Man-Child with her
 Magical Female Powers(tm) in order to subject him to all the torments of the darned, and that her bespectacled minions are
 out to enslave the entier male gender."

 "WOW???"

 "Oh.  Right.  He also says that you are to get into the Magic Bus and gather up all the Rangers, Rangerphiles, and other
 beloved toon characters and take them to the Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse on the Dragon Planet, there to prepare to defeat
 her fiendins plans."

 "WOW???"

 "Oh.  And he says 'Feed me.'"

 "Well, I'm very sorry, but I can't play this little game this time," Julie answered the Digimon, "this is my final semester and I'm
 getting ready to graduate!  Some other time perhaps."

 "James is in trouble!"  This time it was a new voice.  Julie and Gatomon looked around to see . . . 

 "Mrs. Brisby???"

 "Yes, my daughter.  This quest is your destiny, and that of the other Rangerphiles (not to mention Rangers and other beloved
 cartoon characters).  Go now, for your James awaits."

 "My James . . . ?" Julie asked, hearts in her eyes.  "What are we waiting for???"  So Julie dragged Gatomon and the last jar
 of mayonnaise to the long-neglected Magic Bus.

 "WOW???"

 "What's that?" Mrs. Brisby asked.  "Oh, Blue.  Yes, you can go to." And with that gallop of his which he uses in place of a
 walk he was off again, to join Julie and Gatomon in the Magic Bus.

 Mrs. Brisby watched them go.  "Courage, Man-Child!" she said softly.

 *******************************************************************

 TO BE CONTINUED??? 
------
Julie (MB Admin)
And so...

Julie woke up at the wheel of the Magic Bus.  After taking a moment to orient herself, she realized Gatomon was yelling at her,
 while a cat was meowing at her. 

 "Julie!  Watch the road!" 

 Julie blinked, and swerved back into her lane.  "Sorry.  Uh, I didn't know I could drive a bus." 

 "You can now," Gatomon said.  "Hurry!" 

 "Right."  Julie groggily accelerated.  "Uh...hurry where?" 

 "To the location of the next Rangerphile!" Gatomon said impatiently. 

 "Oh, right," Julie said.  "Uh...why?" 

 "WOW!" Blue intoned desperately. 

 "Don't you remember?" Gatomon asked. 

 Julie paused.  "I had a weird dream about some people being in trouble...and...and *James*..." she said dreamily. 

 "Eyes on the road!" Gatomon yelled, yanking the steering wheel hard to the right. 

 "Sorry," Julie said.  "But--in the dream--I said I couldn't go since I have so much schoolwork..."  She laughed.  "I'm so
 boring--even in my dreams I'm worried about my homework..." 

 "WOW!" Blue corrected her. 

 "It's not a dream," Gatomon said. 

 Julie blinked.  "You mean...Roy Neal's really in trouble?"  A bit of fear crawled into her expression. 

 Gatomon nodded soberly. 

 "Well," Julie said cheerfully, but with determination, "I can always turn in my homework late.  'D' stands for 'diploma,' right?" 
 She paused.  "And the part about James...?" 

 "That's what Mrs. Brisby said," Gatomon said, with the proper degree of reverence. 

 Julie's eyes widened.  Then she laughed.  "Well!  I don't know about making James mine--I don't think that could ever
 happen...but a chance to avoid schoolwork, to meet up with my old Rangerphile friends, and the Rangers, and other various
 and sundry cartoon characters, to maybe be a hero, and...to just see James again...!" 

 Gatomon batted the hearts away from Julie's eyes so she could see to drive. 

 "WOW?" Blue asked, sounding offended. 

 "Oh, and to hang out with two adorable cats," she said, scratching the tops of Gatomon's and Blue's heads. 

 Gatomon looked pleased briefly before pulling away.  "Watch the road!" 

 "Oh, right!"  Julie put her hands back on the steering wheel.  "Uh--where did you say we're going again?" 

 "First to pick up a Rangerphile or two," Gatomon said.  "Just keep driving; I have a feeling we'll stumble across one shortly." 
-------
CD (Registered User)
Evil Spreads

Underneat the Kremlin in Moscow, Yuri, the evil psychic, was busy with one of his dark mind control projects. Suddenly he
 heard someone coming down the stairs. 

 Who's there he asked with the darkest voice you ever heard. 

 It is me, Yuri. 

 Sophia? Is that you? 

 No, mister spoon-bender, i'm just the person you need. 

 Another commander i can fool so i can take over the world? 

 No Yuri, what you need is a girlfriend. 

 Nonsense, love is four letter word people use when they want something. 

 Don't fool yourself Yuri. 

 And there she was. Yuri had to admit she was gorgeous, but his eyes where still as icy as ever. 

 Tresspasser! You just witnessed to much Yuri said, trying to scare of the intruder. 

 Well i don't think so the female said. She began gazing in Yuri's eyes. 

 I know what you are trying to do Yuri told her. And it won't work, my brain only sends, it doens't recieve from others. Your
 Magical Female Powers have no effect at me and my associates. It is just as stupid as trying to mind control a terror drone
 (tm). 

 Well then i will find another way she said as she picks up a bleuprint from Yuri's worktable. 

 No, those are the plans for my psychic beacon, don't take them! 

 To late Yuri. And with that the female dissapeared.
 ------------
 In New York, a rat with a baggy green pants, a red sweater with a black stripe and a bleu hat was standing gaurd of Steve
 Night Club. Suddenly his eye catched a beatiful female whom was heading in his direction. His eyes followed the female who
 entered the building he was gaurding. 

 Inside she aproached a male chipmunk with a loud green hawaian shirt with red flowers as if he had copyd it from Dale. He
 also had a low hat with a red band and was talking with a female chipmunk with a bleu sleeveless dress, white pants with red
 polka dots and red hear. Next to him was a woodpecker with a jacket and fedora as if he was some sort of spy or detective.
 Only thing he missed were sunglasses. She aproached the male chipmunk and coughed. 

 What is it the chipmunk asked. 

 My name is Louise Pencil, inspector of employees, i'm here to inspect if this place has the right men for the right job in
 connection with the importance of the economy of this state. 

 Never heard of that the woodpecker told her. 

 The female shot him an angry look. Just doing my job she replied. Could you please gather all your employees mister
 Nutcracker? 

 No problem he replied. BOYS!!! 

 In a matter of second the whole gang was together. The bouncer rat, a mouse with a lab coat, green jeans, bleu blouse and a
 black-red necktie. And also lizard with green-bleu shorts. 

 It looks like the dressing code of your men is un-apropriate Louise tells the chipmunk. Maybe we should discus this she said
 while gazing in his eyes. 

 Yes, maybe we should do that the chipmunk replied dreamily. 

 Hey, what are you doing with my boyfriend the female replied. 

 That's my business Louise replied. 

 The female chipmunk stood up and standed in front of Louise, blocking her Magical Female Powers. 

 Louise backed off and turned to the other four males. She started gazing in their eyes and they soon were under the influence
 of the Magical Female Powers. 

 Leave them alone the female warned and tried to tackle Louise but before she reached her she had disapeared, as did the four
 henchmen. 
 She hit the floor and was knocked out. The male chipmunk was trying to recover and walked toward the other chipmunk that
 was lying unconscious on the floor. Both of them dissapeared.
 ------------
 At the dragon planet, a Hind helicopter landed in front of the Ranger Coffeehouse. Yuri got of his transport and pushed a
 button on a remote control. In front of him two chipmunks appeared lying on the floor. 

 Yuri frowned. Is this what Einstein meant with the help you need? He checked the device he had stolen from the allies.
 Ultimate help Chronosphere was encrypted on it. He checked the manual but could't find a reason why this device transported
 him, the hind and the two chipmunks to this weird place. He pressed the remote control again. This time a man in a green suit
 with a strange helmet appeared. What in the name of h*ll is happening here he asked. One moment i was slaughtering demons
 and now i find myself back on the battlefield of the big brawl. The two chipmunks awakened. Yuri decided to question these
 two and find out if they knew anything. 

 Who are you two the evil russian asked. 

 Me? the male replied. My name is Steve "Steelnerve" Nutcracker and this is my girlfriend Flora "Florida Flower" Firalda. But
 who are you? 

 My name is Yuri, and i want to know if you have seen a female who toke my plans for the psychic beacon. 

 No, Steve answerd. But i did see a female who took my gang. Did you see a female mouse named Louise Pencil and a lizard
 by the name of Hen "Hiss", a rat named Henk "Snagger", mouse named Frank "Mousestein" and a woodpecker by the name
 Timbert "Screek"? 

 No, not that i know the psychic evil-doer replied. 

 Could anyone tell me what is going on here asks the Doom Guy. 

 Yes, i can said Yuri. I teleported you people here with this Ultimate help Chronoshere. It appears we have all had problems
 with some sort of female exept for you mister green. 

 I did, the Doom Guy replied. One moment i was killing zombies and then my weapons where taken by a female. Not that i
 need those anyway but it realy (censored) me off! 

 What is that place Flora asked Yuri, pointing to the Coffeehouse. 

 I don't know he replied. Comrades, it looks like we have to work together to get back our belongings. We shall find out what
 that place is and them take out whoever was responsable for this all. Then i can get back to my plan to take over the world. 

 Great idea the Doom Guy said while hitting Yuri on the back. Yuri lets go of the UHC and it falls to the floor. Upon impact it is
 destroyed.
 ------------
 In germany, professor Einstein was busy in his lab with various computers. 

 If i get that fiend that stole my new invention he will regret he was ever born he curses. He doesn't know the danger of my
 UHC. Ah, here it is. According to this readout he teleported to the Dragon Planet. 

 I'm gonna get him Einstein says while operating a strange device. With one flash of light Einstein is on his way to the Dragon
 Planet 
------
The J.A.M. (Registered User)
¿Que rayos...?

[...unWARP!!!] 

 Good evening. 

 ************* 

 Darkness. Darkness...and a scent of females around....and some males.....a male chipmunk, a male human....and other
 species.....female anthro-chipmunk, female human, female....... 

 Skunk? 

 Yes, he remembered, trying to find info to answer one of EMC's weird questions, going back to the library, thinking of Bunnie
 and how she didn't think he was repulsive while he wore glasses.... 

 Someone put words in his mouth, something about what females with glasses appear to be to the male...a flashback of the last
 Coffeehouse thread when evil was defeated with everyone playing "kissyface", as Bunnie put it.... 

 Someone took over his mind? Impossible! His mind was impossible to read! It was shielded! So the only way anyone could
 access it was through some opening he must have consciously allowed..... 

 And yet, it had all happened so quickly and so subtly. That skunkmaid had somehow found an opening in his head, perhaps it
 was magnified by those glasses she wore, and then...and then....it was as if he fell asleep or something, and for one instant,
 Bunnie just disappeared from his mind, and it was as if she was screaming at him to not let her go, and he didn't want to let her
 go...and something yanked them apart.... 

 How in Hades did she take over his mind? 

 Magical Female Powers?? No way, he was only open to Bunnie's, not to anyone else's! 

 There was a break in the shield, but HE had to open it. What area did he open? When did he open it? 

 She thought he was ***CUTE***??? 

 *Rayos*, that must have been the breach! No female except Bunnie thought that of him! That skunkmaid was toying with
 him!! 

 Slowly, a deep growl began to arise from his chest. 

 All this thinking was giving him a headache. He had to get up... 

 He couldn't. He was being held down somehow, and he couldn't wake up fully. Maybe if he reached into his black leather
 kangaroo pouch he would find something to free him and maybe an aspirin... 

 His pouch was gone. 

 And so was his shirt. 

 AGAIN. 

 *Aquí vamos otra vez. Pero si esa zorrilla fue la que me los quitó, con olor o sin olor, LA VA A PAGAR CARO.* 

 Toto, I don't think we're in Mexico anymore... 

 ************* 

 Until next time, remember: 

 I AM THE J.A.M. 

 Good evening. 

 [WARP!!!] 
------
Dale (Registered User)
Time to join in then

 Chris was asleep, he liked being asleep. There were no bills to pay when you were asleep. Well, unless you had that nightmare
 about being with AOL or something. It had been a long hard day, and he was ready for a good snooze. One that didn't involve
 an alarm clock going "briing!" half way through it. 

 As he dozed away, an image formed in his head. :Goody, a dream!: he thought. Dreams were the best part about sleep. They
 usually involved the Rescue Rangers, or the Rangerphiles, or preferably both. He saw a bus, a bit disappointed at first, he
 eventually saw it was a "Magic School-ways" vehicle. That meant one of two things, it was either the Magic Schoolbus, or
 travelling to school had suddenly got way cooler than we he went. Then he saw who was driving. It was Julie, fellow
 Rangerphile and Gadgephile extrodinaire. No apprently qualified to drive a bus. She was doing it better than any bus driver
 Chris had experienced anyway. 

 The bus drove away, and a cat appeared. He recognized it as one of Roy-Neals, it was Blue. "WOW!!!!" it said. For some
 inexplicable reason (excuse - I'm asleep, anything can happen) Chris's interpretation of this sentance was. "Roy-neal is trouble,
 the world is in danger, get on the bus, get to the Rangers, get all the other Rangerphiles, and hurry!" :Wow:, thought Chris,
 that's a useful word when said in the right way: "Thanks Blue!" he said out loud, and woke up suddenly. It was the middle of
 the night. :Woah, what a dream:, there was then a knock on the window. Chris opened his curtains, and a small yellow school
 bus was there. This was no dream. He opened the window and bus came buzzing in. As he moved away from the window, he
 noticed another mini-schoolbus fly past. :Honestly, wait for ages, then two come at once: he thought wryly. He'd always
 wanted to use that snetance, he'd led a very sad life. Anyway, more important things beckoned. 

 Having got all the size change, clothing needs, sweet-stashes note writing to flat mates; ("Sorry, can't go to lectures today, busy
 saving world on a miniture school bus with people from all over the world, the Rescue Rangers, and probably Pokemon,
 Scooby Doo and various other cartoon characters. Please take notes for me, and tell my family. Should be back by tomorrow.
 Not. Please close my window"), reading the letter and scrapping it deciding that it was best if he just disappeared rather than
 sounded loony; and such out of the way, Chris walked up the steps of the school bus to be met by Julie, Gatoman and Blue,
 he was briefed on all that had gone on, and told politely but firmly to stop babbling as time was of the utmost importance, he
 settled down near the front of the bus, and encouraged Blue to sit on his lap (as he was trying to sit on Julies, which wasn't
 really aiding the passage of the bus) and started talking to Julie as they powered away from Edinburgh, on the quest to find
 more Rangerphiles. 

 "Is there any way we can contact the Rangers, see if they know what's happening? Chris asked. 

 "Well, actually..." Julie said, pulling out a small intercom (quite well really, as she was driving the bus) ..."last time I was there,
 Gadget gave me this. We intercom each other from time to time, y'know keep up on all the gossip. I'll give it a try" 

 -------------------------------------------- 

 Meanwhile in the Rescue Rangers headquarters.... 

 "I know who it is!" exclaimed Gadget. 

 "Who?, Gadget luv" asked Monty. 

 "It's...it's...it's.." but Gadget didn't get to the end of the sentance, for she fainted, Monty catching her before she hit the floor.
 Whilst this was awful, it was very advantageous to Chris for it meant he could leave it to a better author to continue to plot so's
 it would make a better story. 

 "Gadget, are you alright?" asked Monty. "Zip, be a pal and get some water, will ya?" , Zipper complying immediately. Dale
 was getting very upset. 

 "Who on earth was that? and why has she taken Chip?. I've a feeling something wierd is going on" 

 "Why, of course" replied Foxy. "Chris is writing this bit of the story, and he can't think of anything to put, so he's filling this up
 with small talk until I hear Julie trying to contact Gadget through their intercom thing with my impressive hearing!" 

 "Gotcha, Foxy". 

 "Ooh here we go." she replied, quite satisfied. "I can hear Julie now. the intercom must be in her workshop or something". 

 "I hear ya, Foxy. I'm on my way". Dale walked down to Gadget's workshop, and finding the door closed, decided that this
 was a serious enough situation to go in without being invited, so in he went. He saw the intercom on the table straight away,
 and went to pick it up. What he didn't notice was the opened page of Gadget's diary, which for once in her organized life she
 had forgotton to put away before breakfast. 

 She had obviously been writing it as breakfast was called, fo it had been finsihed mid sentance. 

 "I really must tell Chip about my feelings for him. I have always regarded him as a very special friend, but over these last few
 months, I've been experiencing other feelings for him too. I don't know if he would recipricate them, but I cannot hold back
 any further. I must talk to him about our situation then at least he knows about it, and we can take it from their. Seeing Dale so
 happy with Foxglove is a constant reminder of what could happen. I must talk to him today. If I were to lose him to someone
 else I would be devastated, especially if she came back to haunt me yet again, oh how I hate.." 

 -----------------------------
 "Gadget, can you hear me!!!" Julie almost screamed at the intercom, for she'd been trying to contact her for quite a while. 

 "It's no use, Chris. It musn't be..." 

 "Hey Julie! I can hear you, but I'm not Gadget!" Dale's voice suddenly came through the intercom. 

 "Result!" shouted Chris. "Hi Dale", Julie said to him, "have you heard of what has been going on? My beloved James, and
 Roy-Neal, our fellow friend, have been Magical female power-napped by the dreaded Yolei Inoue and her minions are going
 to capture every male on the planet and subject them to the most torturing torture of the damned." 

 "Who the heck's Yolei Inoue?" Dale inquired 

 "Beats me too. But I'm driving the Magic school bus now, and we've got to get you guys and all the Rangerphiles, plus many
 beloved cartoon characters to the coffeehouse on the dragon planet so we can beat this fiend!" 

 "Too right" Dale replied. "Hey, that's what must have happened to Chip then. He's been taken away by some women with
 glasses. And Gadget recognized who it was, but before she could say so she fainted so that Chris didn't have to continue the
 story" 

 "Sounds familiar", Julie replied. 

 Chris blushed, then saw a jar of yellow stuff on the floor. "Super strength mayonaisse. Very volatile, so not use except in a
 vacuum environment". 

 :cool, mayonaisse!: he thought, and opened the jar. 

 "Right, well I've got Chris on board and we're going to find some GLOOP :SPLASH:" 

 "Er, Julie? Dale asked" 

 "Yeah, sorry Dale, Chris just opened the "do not open" jar of mayonaisse, so now we're all covered with it, and according to
 my drivers manual, I can throw him off the bus. But seeing as we need everyone we can get, I'll spare him death this once" 

 "Sorry!" Chris shouted cheerfully in the background. Blue was not as happy though, now sat at the back of the bus trying to
 lick himself clean. 

 "Cool. Well, we'll get ready, and try and Gadget to wake up for when you arrive, then we can all get going" 

 "Okay, shouldn't take too long then, I think we're over in America now, so we'll pick some others up here, go to a few other
 places, then be over with you as soon as I can find the left hand indicator" Julie finished. 

 "See you soon, I'll tell the others!" 

 Dale walked back into the front room, where Gadget was just coming round, and explained the conversation he'd just had.
 They all agreed that they had to be ready, so they could get Chip back, and save the lives of every other male on the planet!
 ---------------
 Julie turned round to Chris. "No more mayonaisse, or else you'll get stuck in that whole bureaux drawer, PAalamino madness
 straight away. Okay?" 

 "No, not the palamino! Not after he sent me to Austin Texas! I'll be good" 

 "Right, let's get going then" Julie got back to normality 

 "Hail to the bus driver, bus driver, bus dr..". Chris didn't  

 "SHUT UP!!!!"
------
Q (Registered User)
Meanwhile in Erie

 John "Q" Davidson had just got off work and returned to his room. After taking a shower and getting dressed he sits down to
 watch some TV and surf the NET. After a few minutes he hears a female voice behind him. 

 "I require your assistance" came the voice. John turned around to see Seven of Nine standing behind him wearing her standard
 catsuit. 

 "Err what are you doing here, Seven" John asked. 

 "I said that I require your assistance" This time she said it more slowly. 

 "Um Seven what are you doing?" 

 "I am trying to ue my MFP to put you in a trance" 

 "And why would you think that would work?" 

 "Becasue it worked on the show, All I had to do was show up and the ratings would increase" 

 "As you see Seven I am not like that. Like the Vulcans I have my emotions under controll, they do not controll me." 

 "Dang, well then what would you do if I stole your Enterprise model?" 

 "I would not like that" 

 "Ok then I will take it and you will do whjat I say to get it back" She takes the model, "I will tell you what to do latter" Then
 she vanishes. 

 John sits there contemplating his next move, He turns back to his computer and activates his top secret computer program.
 After a few seconds he locates the location of the school bus. He feeds the cordinates into handheld PDAthen leaves his room
 and gets on his motorcyle, He takes off in search of the school bus. Knowing that the answers to all of his questions would be
 found there. 
------
CD (Registered User)
They move on

You idiot, you destroyed the device! 

 Well sorry baldie, didn't know it was of such great importance. 

 What was it for anyway asks Steve. 

 This device can manipulate time and space and teleport objects. This version apparently can transport you to were you are
 needed. And others too Yuri explained. 

 But how do we get back now Flora asks. 

 Got no cleu bea the Doom Guy responded. 

 Could we stop argueing and find out what that place is asks Steve. 

 The group heads toward the Coffee but can't find anyone inside. 

 Looks deserted the Doom Guy observes. 

 Your kidding Steve says, i have seen a snake pit with more people inside exept for snakes themselves. 

 And this device isn't going to help us either Yuri adds. 

 You said it the Doom Guy says, complete junk. 

 Doom Guy takes the Ultimate help Chronoshere and trows it against a wall. The device activates one more time and a human
 is teleported through. 

 What am i doing here CD says. One moment i was playing Doom, then my playstation gives and now i am teleported to
 god-knows-where. 

 Who are you Yuri asks. 

 CD's eyes grow big as apples upon seeing the evil proffesor. 

 Tell me i'm dreaming, i am face to face with a russian psy-corp leader! 

 And us to Steve chimes in. 

 What are you guys doing here CD asks Steve. I haven't even published the story yet. Karl is still working the bugs out of it! 

 Suddenly another human is teleported into the Coffeehouse. 

 I now for sure now CD says, this is a halucination. I'm surrounded by a space marine, my own fan-fic charachers, a evil
 psychic and Albert Einstein. 

 So who stole my UHC asks Einstein. 

 I did mister white beard Yuri says. And don't think about attacking, because i can get rid of all of you with a single mind wave. 

 Better listen to him CD warns him, never underestimate a evil terrorist. 

 Beside Flora adds, this device you made mister Einstein has teleported us here because we are needed here. We should stay
 and try to find out why we are needed here and do wat we can to fight whatever is treatening this place. 

 But what is going to happen now asks Steve, what is the problem and how are we gonna solve it? 

 We wil find out when we encounter the problem Einstein says. 
------
Julie (MB Admin)
Back on the bus...

pale, and not from the mayonaisse still stuck there. 

 "What's wrong?" Chris asked. 

 "Watch the road!" Gatomon said, grabbing the wheel. 

 Julie shuddered convulsively.  "I just got..a horrible feeling...  That this was going to be one of those stories where Gadget goes
 out of character and decides she loves Chip!" 

 "That's not out of character!" Chris objected. 

 "Well, it's speculation at best.  And *I* don't think they're right for each other, and if they started dating, it would end in
 heartbreak!"  She suddenly paused, her eyes glinting.  "You *do* respect my opinion, right?"  She drew her Magic Sword
 from nowhere and waved it at him menacingly. 

 "Of--of course I do," Chris said. 

 "Look out!" Gatomon yelled.  Blue leapt onto the brake of the bus, which is the only thing that kept them from hitting a lone
 figure on the side of the road.  The young man didn't so much as blink as the bus stopped less than a foot away from him.  The
 bus doors opened, and he came on board, taking off his motorcycle helmet. 

 "Hey!  John!" Chris said, looking up.  "Would you help me?" 

 Julie's eyes got wide in horror.  "The bus is filling with 'pros'..." 

 "I'm sure someone who agrees with you will come on board eventually," Gatomon said. 

 "You think so?" 

 "Of course." 

 "WOW!" Blue noted. 

 "What did he say?" Julie asked. 

 "So get back to driving the bus already.  Well, he put it a little more colorfully than that..." 

 Julie sighed.  'Do I really want to continue on in a universe where Gadget is inexplicably in love with Chip?' she thought. 
 'Still...if it's for the sake of Roy Neal, and James, and males across the world...  But, the very thought of Chip and Gadget
 kissing...' 

 "Julie!" Gatomon reprimanded her. 

 "Sorry," Julie said meekly, steering back onto the road.  'Still...Mrs. Brisby said...  Or I *am* a writer; maybe I could write...' 
 She continued arguing with herself for the next several miles. 

 Meanwhile, Chris and John briefed each other on the latest developments in our saga. 

 "I wonder how Seven of Nine would've fared against you if she had been wearing glasses," Chris mused. 

 "Anyone know where we're going next?" Julie finally asked. 
-------
Karl (Registered User)
It was dark, windy, and Karl didn't want to be where he was:

But the transmitter building, on the ridge overlooking a small northwestern town, was undeniably where he was. He stood at
 the doorway, looking out at the night, taking a break. The repairs had gone pretty well, and in a few minutes the master control
 operator several miles away would push his buttons and start up the system for the beginning of yet another broadcast day in
 TV-land.
 At the moment, alone on top of a hill, Karl just stood and watched the lights in the valley.
 At that moment, a boxy yellow object swooped down, growing larger as it drew nearer, and came to rest on the gravel within
 the fenced perimeter of the transmitter site. Karl had by then stepped back into the building and locked the door. He
 attempted to call for help on the telephone, but the line was dead. This was not good, he thought, turning the inside lights off
 and picking up a large wrench. 

 There was a knock on the door. 

 "Who are you, and what do you want?!" Karl demanded.
 "This is Julie, from the Acorn Cafe. We need your help!"
 This was interesting. "If you're Julie, what does Marie have in her hand in the drawing you sent?"
 "A Brick!" 

 He sighed with relief. Getting paranoid up here, he thought. No problems tonight, no threats, just a friend from Arizona passing
 through in a... Magic School Bus...! 

 He opened the door.
 When your mind is already gone, the rest might as well follow! 

 As he climbed onto the bus, Julie mentioned, "Oh! CD says you're working on a story for him. That's nice." 

 " Well, I guess.. Except he hasn't sent anything to me yet." 

 "Hmmm. Oh well, it'll be worked out, I'm sure. Now we find another Rangerphile or two!"

 "Want any help driving?" 

 "Not right now, I'm starting to like this!" 

 "Any time!" Karl stretched out on the long back seat of the bus and shortly began snoring in a most unmusical manner. He'd
 had a long day... 
------
Q (Registered User)
Still on the bus

So the bus was traveling down the road, When all of a sudden a really fast car pulled along side of the bus. And there is a
 knocking at the door. John goes and opens it up. Keanu Reeves is standing there. 

 "Um Keanu what exactly are you doing here?" John asked
 "Is this set for bus movie?" Keanu asked
 "No, this is not."
 "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Keanu said with great difficulty
 "You're not very bright are you?" 
 "Uhhhh I know Kung-Fu" 
 "Goodbye Keanu" John said pushing him back into the speeding car. He closes the door and goes back to his seat. 
-------
The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User)
Moving this thing back to the left.  (I hope!  The formatting is different here than it was on ITW.)

Man-Child found himself tied up between two pillars in Yolei's private torture chamber.  And right now the worst torture was
 witnessing all the activity as Yolei's bespectacled heartbreakers rushed hither and yon, preparing their conquest of the world.

 "Are we nice and comfy?" Yolei asked sarcastically as she turned to look at Man-Child from her map of the world, now
 marked with pins at strategic locations.

 "You fiend!" Man-Child answered, "You will never succeed in your diabolical plan!  True, you have that EVIL BEAUTY
 thing down pat, but at this very moment, my faithful BLUE is probably galloping to my rescue!  And you know what he's
 gonna say when he gets here???"

 "Um . . . 'WOW???'"

 "Well . . . yeah . . . probably.  But that's not the point!  I have friends!  And they will rescue me!"

 "Bah!  Soon all the males of the world, including your friends, will be under my control!  And by the way, have you wondered
 why I have not sapped you of your feeble will?  Why I allow you to retain your senses when I could so easily enchant you with
 my Magical Female Powers(tm)?"

 "Uh . . . you like me?" Man-Child asked with some hope.

 "Nonsense!  It is because I want you to be fully aware of my ultimate triumph!  Rather than floating in the endless bliss which I
 could bestow upon you, you will see my conquest every step of the way!"

 "You fiend!" Man-Child said.  "Er, are you sure you don't like me?  I mean, you have glasses, and . . . "

 "Silence, my slave!  Now, knowing your puritanical moral hang-ups, I am going to inflict upon you the ultimate torture!--I
 shall lavish my affections upon you, which will torment your conscience with all the guilt of the darned!!!"

 "Oh no please don't stop."

 "SILENCE!  Now, know the guilt of sinful pleasure, Man-Child!  MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!"  And thereupon she
 advanced upon the helpless Man-Child and soiled his innocence with a HUUUUUUGE kiss!!!  And her Magical Female
 Powers(tm) were such that his hair was frizzed out to Wazoo.  Er, or it would have been, if he still had any.

 "Mistress!"  Yolei left off inflicting agony on Man-Child to look up and see two of her most trusted lieutenants, Lisa Loeb and
 Kellie Martin (as "Becca" from "Life Goes On").

 "What is it, my minions?" she asked, displeased at the interruption of her fiendish torture, "Can't you see that I am burdening
 this fool's immortal soul with enough guilt to weigh it down to the very bowels of Heck???"

 "Forgiveness, Mistress!" Becca said, bowing low, "It's just that that 'Prima' character from 'Pokemon' is coming to try to join
 your forces again."

 "Faugh!  How many times do I have to refuse her?  I just can't get it through her head that all the glasses in the world couldn't
 make her look vulnerable and approachable!  When will she get here?"

 "She is coming through the front door now, O Most Pseudo-Approachable One!" they answered her.

 "And when will the rest of her get here?"

 "Ohhhhh . . . about forty-five minutes," Lisa answered, doing a quick computation on a calculator.

 "Well, we'll have to think of some wild goose chase to send her on."

 "Yes, Mistress," they answered as one.

 "Why can't she understand?  She could walk around with a keratometer on her head and not look vulnerable and
 approachable!"

 "Yes, Mistress."

 "Er . . . excuse me," Man-Child said, interrupting the conversation reluctantly, "Prisoner over here.  Guilt rapidly dissipating. 
 Could use a quick booster!"

 "I have it!" Yolei said.

 "Yes, Mistress?" her minions enquired.

 "Er . . . hello?  My conscience is becoming dangerously clear," Man-Child reminded them.

 "I'll assign her to zapping Tenchi!" Yolei said, snapping her fingers, "He has so many babes already that he'll be immune, plus
 the effect of her glasses are cancelled anyway by the affect of her tremendous--"

 "I don't smell brimstone any more!" Man-Child shouted with some desperation, "Let me have it again or else get me a harp!"

 "Your wisdom is beyond comprehension!" the two minion girls assured their Mistress in one voice, bowing low once again.

 "I know!" she said with satisfaction.  "Now . . . what was I doing when I was so rudely interrupted?"

 "Behold my gorgeous Purity!" Man-Child yelled defiantly, "What could you possibly do to corrupt me???  Er . . . I could
 offer a few suggestions . . . "

 "Silence!  I will deal with you later!  Right now I must deal with this troublesome Prima and dispatch more of my minions to
 enslave malekind!  MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"  And she was gone.

 "Rats!" said Man-Child.

 *******************************************************************

 "H*ck!" said Rudolph.  (He was upset at not being included in this story.)

 *******************************************************************

 Note:  I just want to reiterate that none of the humor in this post is meant to be offensive, disrespectful, or vulgar in
 any way, and is all done in the name of innocent fun and satire.  I apologize if anyone has been offended.  That was
 not my intention. 
------
Indy (MB Admin)
Beneath the ocean floor, near Alexandria...

The fabled library of Alexandria is one of the seven wonders of the ancient world. Long presumed lost, the building was
 actually preserved intact due to a landslide which sent it into the ocean. Some of the ancient relics were destroyed immediately,
 but most were found by divers and moved to a nearby hidden cave, safe from disaster or the prying eyes of mankind. Or at
 least that was what the ancient Greek papyrus had informed Indy of when he'd discovered it at a dig near Athens. 

 Now we was fifty fathoms down below the boat he'd rented, and now the opening to the cave presented itself to him. Indy
 swam in, and emerged in a dark cave. There was air in here, so the adventurer checked and found it wasn't foul. He swam
 until he found the edge of the rock floor and pulled himself up. Opening a waterproof bag, Indy brought out a battery-powered
 lantern and set it up. 

 The cave was huge, and there were myriad scrolls lining the beautifully-carved wooden shelves that went for hundreds of feet
 along the cave walls. Indy brought out his trademark fedora from the bag and put it on. 

 "All the knowledge of the ancient world, here for the taking. Some museum's going to love this." 

 Indy started walking the perimeter of the cave wall, and found that the scrolls were alphabetized by topic. When he came to
 ancient prophecies, he stopped and pulled out a scroll written in Egyptian. 

 In a far future time, there will come a battle when the forces of the dark priestess Yolei Inoue and the forces of good.
 There is but one way to defeat the dark priestess and her minions. You must find her true love, and turn her Magical
 Female Powers (tm) from evil to good. Only then will the world be safe from this threat. 

 Indy put the papyrus back. "Hunh, what a lot of baloney. No wonder this place fell off the tourist maps for the past few
 thousand years!" 

 Just then, Indy's communicator watch beeped. 

 "Indy, this is Julie. We're in the Magic School Bus on the trail of someone who's stolen Chip, Man-Child and that gorgeous
 James!" 

 "Julie, do you have any idea of who's taken them?" 

 "Man-Child's cat Blue is here. Maybe he can help." 

 "WOW!" 

 Indy gave Blue's response a lot of thought. "So she was thin with large spectacles, pretty yet domineering. Sounds like my
 fourth-year paleontology professor. Waitaminit..." 

 Indy went back to the papyrus he'd just been holding. There was a pictogram on the prophecy scroll. "Um Blue, did the girl
 have purple hair and a green backpack and was she wearing white gloves and what looks like a leather helmet on her head?" 

 "WOW!" 

 "I thought so. You'd better let me talk back to Julie." 

 Julie's voice came over the line. "You got something, Indy?" 

 "A suspicion, Julie. It seems that the Law of Ironic Convenience is working in our favor again. If you can drop by Alexandria,
 I'll be waiting for you on a small boat off the coast in about a half hour. I'll explain later." 

 Indy stuck the papyrus in his waterproof bag. "Something tells me I may need this later on." 
------
The J.A.M. (Registered User)
Meanwhile...

 [...unWARP!!!] 

 Good evening. 

 ************* 

 Jesse and Meowth finally arrived at the Coffeehouse. Glancing about, Meowth was relieved when he didn't see Man-Child
 around. He was, disappointed, however, when he didn't see that jaguar or Pikachu, either. Oh well, he'd have his revenge
 soon enough. He saw other patrons approach. 

 "Jesse, what makes you think we'll get help to find James here?" 

 ************* 

 Until next time, remember: 

 I AM THE J.A.M. 

 Good evening. 

 [WARP!!!] 
------
Rowan (Registered User)
Can I go, too?

At a bus stop... 

 "Jenny, when can we get on the bus???" Rowan shouted. It was 6:50, AM in Anchorage, Alaska, and it was a school day.
 Drat.
 "Ok, Rowan, first, stop screaming in my ear and second, let me get warm by moving, ok???" Jenny shouted at her fanfiction
 persona. On the outside, she shouted in her mind. A passing jogger gave her a quizzical look. She waved, praying the guy
 didn't think her crazy. But she was at the bus stop, waiting for the bus, which was on time, but she was twenty minutes early.
 "Jenny, I swear, I think you like going early to school." Rowan smirked. 
 "I do not! I just, uh, like to get out of the house, that it."
 Rowan snickered. Just then, a bus pulled up beside Jenny. 
 "What's a bus doing here at this hour?" Jenny walked closer. It was bright inside, really warm, she could see a... blue wildcat
 inside and smell...mayonnaise? 
 The doors opened... Suddenly she heard a voice.
 "Hey, are you getting on?" 
 Jenny didn't know what to think, but she had heard of this bus before, so maybe she could go, get dropped off again, only at a
 few minutes after she got on, hopefully. As soon as she walked in, Rowan appeared beside her, bow, arrows and all.
 "What??" they both said at the same time.
 The doors shut.
 Done :] 
------
Karl (Registered User)
Suddenly jumping to J.A.M's "meanwhile" post...

The entire thread moved to the left.
 It was a mystery.
 Karl muttered, and rolled over. Falling off of the bus bench.
 "What, a plot already?" Karl asked.
 He looked around... 

 "Oh, a thread-shift." 

 He wandered forward into the mayonaise-spattered area of the bus, and into the sonic shower / restroom cubicle. He knew
 he'd emerge clean and fresh, yet somehow he knew he'd miss the simple joys of hot water.
 He looked at the narrator. "Shut up" he said.
 Uh.. OK. 

 The bus continued on it's mysterious journey.. 

 "I said, SHUT UP!" 

 The narrator shut up. 

 "That's better." 
------
The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User)
Then some other stuff happened!  

Man-Child was thrown against the wall of the prison cell with a tremendous SPLAT.  He came to slowly and then, looking
 about, saw that he was not alone.  There with him were James of Team Rocket, Brock from Ash's group, his friend The
 J.A.M., and . . . Chip!!!  And they didn't look at all well.  In fact, they looked drawn and listless, as though they had just
 come down from a drug high and craved more, yet couldn't get it.

 "Join your fellow-captives for the time being, my nemesis!"  Man-Child looked at the locked prison door and saw Yolei there,
 flanked by two gorgeous yet tantalizingly approachable-looking females with glasses.  "I assure you you will soon be joined by
 all the other males of the world!  BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"  [She thought she'd use an alternative to her usual "MWA-ha-ha"
 just for the sake of variety.]  Then she was gone.

 Man-Child rubbed his aching head, where it had slammed against the prison wall and looked again at his fellow-captives.  This
 was not going well.

 *******************************************************************

 "Report, Prima!" Yolei commanded (though she knew what she was going to hear).

 "I--I don't understand, Mistress!" Prima answered her, bowing low as she did so, "Here I am with these nerdy spectacles
 which just drip with shyness, bookishness, and pseudo-approachability, yet I could not ensorcell Tenchi with my Magical
 Female Powers(tm)!"

 "The mission was not a success?" Yolei asked in a bored "tell me about it" type of voice.

 "For some reason he acted as though he felt unworthy and intimidated, just as if I weren't wearing glasses at all.  In fact . . . not
 only did he develop an Anime-styole nosebleed . . . but the girls did as well!  I just don't get it!"  And she looked sadly at the
 floor (or, more correctly, towards the floor--her view of it was blocked).

 Yolei did her best to suppress a giggle at her would-be disciple's mishap.

 "Well, that Washu character did snap out of it eventually.  But then she wanted to put me in her lab and run some sort of
 experiment . . . all about how I manage to retain my balance or something . . . "  She shuddered visibly at the memory.  "Then
 that father of Tenchi's showed up . . . I thought I'd never get away!  Anyway, forgive me, Mistress!  I have failed you!"  And
 she bowed low again, weeping.

 Yolei smiled benevolently.  "Never mind," she said, "You did your best, and I am pleased.  Now why don't you go back to
 your home in Pokeworld until I send for you?"

 "N-no, my Mistress," Prima said with some fear at contradicting the Empress of All Approachable Eyewear, "Please allow me
 to stay here and find some way to serve you!  I am sure I shall enchant some poor sap with my vulnerable,
 approachable-looking eyeglasses!"

 "Oh, very well," said Yolei, not wishing to waste time in an argument, "Why don't you go into the kitchen and make me some
 deserts? Er, that's deserts, as in plural.  Got it???"

 "Yes, my Queen!  Anything to serve you!" Prima exclaimed with evident relief, and headed off to obey her Mistress.  Well, I
 will get some use out of her she thought.

 *******************************************************************

 The Magic Bus was still picking up passengers on the way to the Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse.  Julie was driving (assisted by
 Gatomon), and on board so far were Q, Chris ("Dale"), Karl, and Blue.  The latter was slowing them down considerably,
 continually galloping from one end of the bus to the other like a wild mustang, asking "WOW???" at regular intervals (a
 question to which no one knew the answer), gnawing into the food packets like a giant blue rat, and asking to be let off the
 bus.  After which he would immediately ask to be let back on.  After which he would immediately ask to be let off.  After
 which he would immediately ask to be let back on.  After which . . . oh well, you get the picture.  Julie was tempted to ignore
 his requests for egress, but she didn't want to take any chances.

 Suddenly the Magic Bus came to a stop.  "Where are we now?" Julie asked as she opened the door.  And lo and behold, she
 found herself on the landing strip outside Rescue Ranger Headquarters, where Gadget, Dale, Foxglove, Monty, and Zipper
 were waiting.

 "About toime ye got here, lass!" Monty blustered as he got on the bus, but Gadget elbowed him in the ribs.

 "I hope you don't mind, Julie," Gadget told her number one fan, "but I set the homing signal on my communication device so
 the bus would come here immediately."

 "No problem!" Gadget said, admiration shining all over her face.  Gatomon had to swipe her to snap her out of it.

 The Rangers, especially Monty, were somewhat nonplussed to find two cats (Gatomon and Blue) on board, especially since
 one of them was an actual, real world cat.  But since they were all appropriately sized they settled down discreetly in some
 seats near the back.  At least Monty would be quiet during this trip.  Foxglove was also very scared at first, but Dale pushed
 her to the window and sat on the outside portion of the seat to protect her.  Plus, as time passed and no mishap occurred, she
 felt more comfortable.  She was glad to find her old friend Chris on board but felt terrible about what had happened to her
 number one fan, Man-Child.

 "Oh, poor Man-Child!" she sobbed to Chris, who had moved to the seat just in front of her, "I can't bear to think of him with
 that bespectacled vixen!  We've got to rescue him!"

 "WOW???" said Blue.  Foxglove found him on the back of Chris' seat, staring at her intently.

 Foxglove and Dale were shrank back in fear until they heard another voice.  "Don't worry.  He's just agreeing with you."  They
 looked up to see Gatomon.  They felt relieved at her words but were concerned that she had joined Chris and Blue on their
 seat and had left Julie alone in he driver's seat.

 "We're stopped.  We're in Japan picking up more passengers," she answered their unarticulated concern.  Maybe cats really
 were psychic.  But why were they in Japan?

 Looking up they saw quite a crowd getting on board.  There was Ash and Pikachu accompanied by Misty, Togepi, and
 Melody.  And even more surprising, there were a young girl with large green eyes and some sort of little winged animal on her
 shoulder, and a boy about the same age in an ancient Chinese fighting robe.

 "I still don't know what we're doing here!" the boy said sullenly, "there's no beautiful girl with glasses in our show.  Of course,
 Eli could always dress in drag, I suppose."

 "Well, if a beautiful girl with glasses zaps him, I say let her have him!" the little beast said.

 "No," answered Sakura--for it was she--I am determined to help defeat this evil.  Plus, I don't want to take any chances!"

 Li and Kero both sweatdropped.  Chris joined Li when he found Misty and Melody GAZING upon Li and himself.

 "Pikachu!" their companion reminded them.

 "Girls!" said Ash.  "What are they doing anyway?"  But then he saw Sakura, and he suddenly seemed to understand.  Misty
 and Melody, who were only trying to make Ash jealous, noticed this and didn't like it one little bit.  They knew their friend was
 too naive and too dim to be putting on an act for their benefit.

 The bus proceeded in an atmosphere of growing tension.

 "Next stop, Alexandria!" Julie announced happily, totally oblivious to the developing soap opera in the back.

 *******************************************************************

 "So are you Albert or Alfred Einstein?" Jessie asked the familiar face in the Coffeehouse.

 "Liepschen, I am Albert Einstein!" he announced impressively.

 "Oh.  Well are you here in your capacity as a physicist or your capacity as a music lover?" she asked.

 "As a physicist, of course!" he said, drawing himself up to his full height.

 "Too bad, Doc.  Dere's a guy over in dat booth who says he'd like to discuss music with youse," said Meowth, pointing. 
 Following Meowth's indication Einstein discovered none other than Alberth Schweitzer looking at him.  Schweitzer lifted his
 cup of coffee in a friendly gesture.

 "Er . . . excuse me, my friends," Einstein excused himself.  He then made his way to Schweitzer's table where they engaged in a
 debate on the relative merits of Bach vs. Mozart.

 "Hey . . . how did we get here ahead of everyone else?" Jessie wondered.

 "Hmmm . . . that's a good question . . . " Meowth agreed. 
------
Dale (Registered User)
That moved us along nicely (btw I love youc cats!)

*How contrived is this!?!?* 

 ------------- 

 Chris was really confused, he'd never ever seen Pokemon, Digimon and whatever else-mon in his life, and now he was
 surrounded by all these guys. He explained his concern to Dale and Foxy 

 "You've never seen them?!" Dale asked incredulously. "We'd better clue you in then" and they proceeded to explain to him
 everyone about his new bus-mates, which left him even more confused, but at least he recognized Pikachu from a previous
 coffeehouse thread, so could wave "hello" He was also aware of some peoples concern about Blue, so tried to quell their
 fears, stroking and petting him so much that he fell asleep on his lap - his previous running around having tired him out. 

 Now that the entire ----mon crew had got on board, the bus was getting rather rowdy, so Julie took her bus driving adventure
 all the way, and threatened to throw everyone off if they wouldn't shut up.. All thoughts of Monterey being quite were drained
 away when he began to snore loudly. "Quick, wake him up!" Dale shouted, "you think he's loud when he's awake, but you ain't
 seen nothing yet!". However, none of them had thought how loud a arounsed from sleep way before time Monterey would
 sound, it took Blue, also awaken by the noise to walk up to him, glare and growl "wow!!" rather menacingly to shut him up
 again. 

 They were then on their way to Alexandria, no doubt known to most people, but as far as Chris as concerned, it was a small
 village by Loch Lomond north of Glasgow. He decided to do some geography reearch, as well as ----mon research before he
 posted again. 


 ===================== 

 Chip looked around him, every male in the world was certainly not going to fit into this cell, unless there were around 4.8
 billion ones like it somewhere he couldn't see. It was going to get quite crowded, not to many smelly. Chip moaned, he
 couldn't believe the standard of material he was being given to work with here, not to mention the fact that he was locked in a
 cage by an evil witch, planning global male domination, and currently forcing a well meaning co-villain to make deserts (in
 plural). *Good job Dale isn't here* 

 He was interrupted as a lady (with glasses) walked up to Yolei, with two males in tow. 

 "I have two more males for you, our mistress of evil". Yolei looked in disbelief. Sat on one of the males, looking utterly terrified
 was a dog. 

 "You have two males, and a dog!" she exclaimed in disgust. 

 "Oh yeah, he wouldn't leave the tall lanky one" the lady replied. "Hey", the tall lanky one shouted. 

 "When you abducted me you said that I was the most adorable hunk you'd ever laid your eyes on!" 

 "Quiet, Shaggy, you'll only make it worse" the other man said. At that point the dog ran off. There was a scream. 

 "Get off my deserts (in plural) you awful thing. Get off!!!!" 

 "Scooby, come back here!" Shaggy shouted. "I've got a ...scooby snack!". Scooby bounded back, as Shaggy threw the biccy,
 it landed right in front of Yolei, so she got mangled as Scooby ran her over in puruit of his treat. Picking herself off the floor,
 she glared at her accomplace. 

 "Just get them all in that cell, will you, before I do something I might regret." 

 "What, as well as this stupid attempt to abduct the whole male population, which you know will fail, becuase the Rangers, our
 friends the Rangerphiles and several beloved cartton characters are going to stop you?!" It was Roy-neal. Yolei wandered
 over to him, 

 "That was very brave, mr Grissom. And very long too, we've not got much space here y'know..." "Oh sorry, I'll remember for
 next time" Roy-Neal apologised. "Now where was I..., oh yes. Don't you worry, for I have a little surprise lined up for the
 Rangers, your fellow Rangerphiles and the several beloved cartoon characters intending to put a stop to this little escapade. So
 just stay there and shut up !" Roy-Neal quicky complied, he'd used up his entire bravery quota for this post in that speach, so
 would need a little time to build it back up again. "Now put our fellow males, and, uh, the dog in the cell. I need to start putting
 the second phase of this plan into operation. I can't wait, I, finally, will RULE THE WORLD,
 MWA-Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!!!!!" she screeched (she found the "mwa" version pleased her more) 

 Fred, Shaggy and Scooby joined the others in their cell, made their solemn hellos to each other andsat on the floor, fearing
 what Yolei would do next, and hoping that the Rangers, the Rangerphiles and several beloved cartoon characters were on their
 way to end this tortourous torture of the darNed. 

 *************************************** 

 Velma and Daphne had been driving around in the Mystery Machine all morning, after they'd found Shaggy, Fred and Scoob
 missing they'd immediately set off trying to find their pals. They'd been all around town, and were just about giving up hope,
 and were now on their way to the police station. 

 "This is new" Stated Velma, "we usually only get the police when we've solved the case" 

 "Well, needs must" replied Daphne. "I just hope they're okay. At that point they pulled up at a set of lights, and in so doing
 observed a small school bus fly past them. Shocked and surprised, they pipped the horn, hoping it would alert the mysterious
 vechicle (NOT the mysterious machine :-)) to their existence. Something, probably the story narrator, told them that they
 should catch up with it. On the bus, John spotted them. "Hey, there's Velma and Loiu, NO Daphne from the scooby doo how.
 They're beloved cartoon characters, maybe they could help us!" in agreement, Julie turned around and brought the bus down
 to the mystery machine. 

 After shocks and surprises all round, Velma and LouiNO Daphne came aboard the bus, situations were explained and
 introductions made. It was safe to bet that what had happened to Roy-Neal, the J.A.M., Chip, James and others had
 happened to Shaggy and Fred. And wherever Shaggy was, Scooby would be too, so they happily - if nervously - decided to
 join their new friends to find them, and stop Yolei's evil plans. The bus moved away to Alexandria, somewhere else, there too
 and eventually the Dragon Planet and Yolei. 

 ====================== 

 Willy Fog was making his was from Bombay to Calcutta on the train. Together with his friends Rigadon and Tico he was
 trying, on a bet, to travel around the world in eigthy days, using only really old modes of transport. they's met a new friend
 whilst in Bombay, a Brigadeer travelling to Calcutta also and were enjoying their journey, even though Tico had lost his hat
 during an escape from Monks in Bombay. How they heck would THEY get involved with this story? Who knows, but I just
 watched that episode and found it so good that I thought I'd write about it, so there we are. 

 ---------- 

 Join us with our next author/mad person to see where this story will lead, and what will be encountered on the way! 
------
Indy (MB Admin)
Arriving in (or rather near) Alexandria...

Indy waved down the Magic School Bus, now in hover mode overhead. 

 "See? I told you the hover switch would work!" Gadget said confidently. Julie nodded, though she was really grateful that
 Gadget hadn't used the word "should" as this was turning into a very important mission or a hopeless melange of character
 interactions--I forget which. 

 Since Q was the Star Trek aficionado, he got the honor of transporting Indy into the Magic School Bus. "Hello, Indy," Q said.
 "Resistance is futile." 

 "Except when you're holding all the cards," Indy replied. "Though admittedly the Borg don't play cards." Indy quickly greeted
 his Rangerphile friends who he hadn't seen in quite a while, then headed back to the front to talk with Julie. 

 "I don't know if it's important, but I found an ancient prophecy that mentions this Yolei Inoue person. Reading between the
 pictograms, she must be a frustrated teenager who can't wear her favorite pair of cut-offs on Friday nights and thinks it's
 preventing her from getting a date with somebody she's got a real crush on," Indy said, studying the manuscript. 

 "Really, it says all that?" Julie asked. "No, I'm making a lot of half-baked deductions at this point. Still, we are talking about a
 thirteen-year-old who according to this prophecy is unhappy because she hasn't found her one true love. I figure cut-offs will
 come into it somewhere." 

***

 Meanwhile, Velma and Daphne were speculating on what could've happened to Fred, Shaggy and Scooby. "I sure hope
 Shag...that they're all okay," Daphne said. Velma lifted an eyebrow in curiousity--she was a closet Spock fan. "Daphne, are
 you saying that you like Shaggy?" Daphne hushed Velma. "Don't tell anyone! I can't let it get around, or someone's bound to
 blab to Shaggy behind my back. I just love to watch a thin guy eat!" 

***

 Willy Fog was diverted on his trip to Culcutta, since the express train didn't go to Calcutta--they explained it would eventually,
 but the track wasn't laid yet. After thinking of the letters he'd write to the home office, Fog headed off through the jungle with
 his companions. Soon they came upon a grotesque ceremony where same zealots were going to sacrifice a royal princess. Fog
 knew that must be a violation of some kind of zoning ordinance, so he decided to stop and help the princess out. 

***

 Indy and Blue studied the manuscript together. "WOW!" Blue said. "I've always thought that the Egyptian language was
 related to Mayan too. Have you seen the Egyptian pictograms at the Grand Canyon?" The cat looked at Indy curiously.
 "WOW!" Indy nodded. "Well yes, I guess Man-Child doesn't get out much. Still, archeology's always worth the trip." 
------
Julie (MB Admin)
En route to...somewhere...

 "All right," Zipper squeaked, after gleaning information from everyone on board.  "We know that girls with glasses are seducing
 men left and right.  Except the ones on the bus.  We know that Seven of Nine tried to get Q, but failed--maybe because she
 wasn't wearing glasses?" 

 Dale imagined the former Borg in glasses and couldn't stifle a giggle.  No one else on the bus reacted. 

 "Hey, Zipper!" Gadget shouted over the din of the conversations and general inanity (and/or insanity) taking place in the bus. 
 "We can't hear you!" 

 Zipper sighed.  "Figures...the one time I get a chance to be a detective, since Chip's gone, and no one can hear me..." 

 "Cheer up," Dale said.  "No one ever pays attention to you!  You should be used to it by now!" 

 Zipper gave Dale SUCH a look... 

 "Hey, all!" Julie shouted over the din.  "Where are we going now?  And, more importantly, did you bring any of that fine
 Alaskan snow, Rowan or Jenny?" 

 The two looked at her blankly. 

 "Sorry; I almost never see snow," Julie sighed.  "Anyway...maybe you fight girls with glasses with...boys with glasses?" 

 "I doubt it, luv," Monty said. 

 "It's worth a try," Karl said in his sleep. 

 "Good enough for me!" Julie cheerfully said, steering her way towards Elwood City, and in a few minutes, they had stopped to
 pick up a certain bespeckled aardvark named Arthur Read. 

 "Um--I don't think the power of nearsighted grade-schoolers is going to combat feminine wiles," Velma said. 

 "Oh!  That reminds me!" Julie said.  "Since the bus is stopped..."  She got up and gave Li a giant hug. 

 "Uh..." Li said, blushing. 

 Julie tousled his hair, admiring his hat.  "You're just so CUTE!" 

 "Uh..." 

 Julie got back into the driver's seat.  "Well, then, do we need good-looking, bespeckled adults?" 

 "I guess," Julie said.  Her eyes lit up with hearts.  "How about Vash the Stampede, from that brilliant series Trigun?" 

 "Down, girl," Gatomon intoned.  "You're supposed to be rescuing your precious James, remember?" 

 "Awww...."  Julie started driving again...but, to where? 
------
Karl (Registered User)
Guys with glasses?

Karl had problems with that. Mostly because he is nearsighted and wears an oversized and un-tinted pair of "Aviator style"
 glasses. Morever, he had NEVER found himself fending off female advances with a large stick. Not ever, not even once. How
 extremely distressing... 

 He sat up, having either a brainstorm or just a really stupid idea.. 

 "Hey, Julie!" He called toward the front of the bus. "How about men with CAPES?!" 

 The looks he got were the sort one expects to see directed at a lunatic without a cellphone. 
They could not have known... 
------
Rowan (Registered User)
Ok, here goes.

Rowan and Jenny sat side by side on the bus, Rowan wanting the window seat. 
Rowan was wondering about how could they get snow to Julie, who looked 
like she really, really, are-you-positive-you-don't-have-any- wanted to 
see some. Jenny was thinking about the comment Karl made. Sure, men in
 capes might work in some Anime shows, not including Sailor Moon, but
 what about this thread? If girls wore glasses and seemed approachable 
by guys, what did guys need to be approachable by girls? Jenny took 
her glasses off and stared thoughtfully at them. 
 Rowan was still thinking of a way to get Julie some snow, some that 
would never melt, and she thought of something. She
 smiled at it, and tucked away in her mind. She'd deal with it later. 
------
KS (Registered User)
It was a dark and stormy night (always wanted to use that ;) )...

The magic school bus came to a stop in front of a poorly maintained 
duplex in Western New York... 

 AWOO-WOO-WOO-WOO!! 

 Darcy's warning howl startled the white cat that had been sleeping 
soundly on her owner's lap.  As the frightened feline lept for
 cover, driving every nail it had into her owner's lap for traction, 
her owner said many, many bad things.  With the pain of the many, 
many puncture holes in his legs quickly fading, KS went to see what 
his pup's howling was about. 

 "Now there's something you don't see everyday," the hirsute writer 
commented as he approached the vehicle. 

 Opening the door, Julie called out over the din of the varied 
conversations behind her, "We're picking up rangerphiles and
 beloved cartoon characters to recue Man-Child, The J.A.M., 
a lot of others and my beloved James, from the evil Yolei
Inoue... You with us?" 

 "I got nothing better to do," KS shrugged as he boarded.  
He stopped as he noticed the odd liquid through which many had
 tracked. 

 "Don't worry," Julie responded, "It's just super strength mayonais." 

 Having walked through worse, KS proceeded... only to stop at 
seeing so many anime characters.  "Ugh," he said, looking a
 little nauseous. 

 "You're not going to say anything offensive about anime, are you?" 
Julie asked, giving him warning glance. 

 "No," KS responded, "I've learned not to offend anyone who works 
with my food, my car, or drives the vehicle I'm riding in." 
 Finding a window seat, he sat down and prepared to do some 
passive site seeing. 

 KS
------
The J.A.M. (Registered User)
¡¿Que rayos...?!

 [...unWARP!!!] 

 Good evening. 

 ************* 

 *J.A.M.!!* 

 The panther jolted to the call of his name by a familiar southern voice. 

 *J.A.M.!!!!* 

 "Bunnie?" 

 "J.A.M.!! Ah've been worried sick 'bout yew!!" From out of nowhere, 
a cyborg-lagomorph threw her arms around the jaguar.

 "Bunnie! I thought I lost you forever!" he exclaimed, as he caressed 
her head and ears. "I'm not sure what happened,
 something or someone tore us apart, and....and........" 

 Naturally, they just HAD to kiss----- 

 "PTOOOOEY!!!!!!!" yelled Man-Child, as he jerked back from his friend. 

 The J.A.M. woke up with a start. When both realised what had happened, 
they proceeded to clean their mouth cavities. 

 "That's what I get from trying to wake you up! Next time, give me a 
five second warning before you smooch the person next to you, will ya?" 

 "Ugh, sorry about that, EMC, I had this dream--where the bleep are we??!!" 
he growled, glancing around the cell. Chip, Scooby, Shaggy, Fred--- 

 JAMES 

 "Oh, not him again. What's with everyone? What's going on?" Man-Child 
proceeded to explain what he knew, and what had happened so far. 

 "But how did you wake up so suddenly? Everyone else is out cold!" asked EMC. 

 "Except us," said Freddy. 

 "I--um--had a dream---and I guess you shocked me into consciousness again. 
But----YOLEI is behind this? Why would she want to trap every single 
available male? And more important-----WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TEP???" 

 "The TEP?" 

 "The Tremendously Evil Presence. I thought Mrs. Brisby hooked those 
two up last time!" 

 Man-Child went into deep thought. 

 "And more importantly...WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SHIRT AND POUCH 
THIS TIME??????????!!!!!!" he roared.

 Man-Child looked at him. Perhaps they should wake up the others, 
or at least Chip, to come up with a plan.... 

 ************* 

 Until next time, remember: 

 I AM THE J.A.M. 

 Good evening. 

 [WARP!!!] 
------
The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User)
Este rayos!  (No, I don't know what it means either!)

 Man-Child found himself having to address some very serious questions from his jaguar friend.

 "Well, as to continuity from one story thread to another, I guess it all depends on the writer.  In the last thread I even wrote
 contradictory threads about Yolei, so this is nothing compared to that.  I guess I simply find her emblematic of cruel,
 heartbreaking feminine beauty wearing a false mask of shyness and approachability."

 J.A.M. did not seem impressed.  "What about the pouch?" he asked.

 "Er . . . I didn't even know you had one!" Man-Child replied nervously.

 "You WHAT???"

 Fortunately for Man-Child, there was a commotion at the door of the cell that distracted his and J.A.M.'s attention (as well as
 that of all the prisoners).  Yolei's brutal babes were tossing in another hapless prisoner--a little blue guy, wearing glasses
 himself.  Though it had been some time since he had last seen him, Man-Child recognized him at once.

 "Brainy Smurf!"

 "That's correct--it is I," Brainy said forlornly, picking himself off the floor of the cell and dusting himself off.

 "But what are you doing here?" asked Shaggy.

 Brainy sighed.  "It's a sad tale," he began.  "I was giving all the other Smurfs the benefit of my learned wisdom, which they
 appreciated just as much as ever, when I decided to go visit my number one admirer, Smurfette.  However, when I got there
 there was inexplicably a huge crowd around her house, each Smurf bearing a gift.  I don't know why they bother; I mean, I'm
 the one she cares about!  But anyway, as I was watching this incredible sight, I heard someone call my name.  I turned to see
 who it was, but could find no one.  Then the voice called again, a little further off this time.  So I began to follow it.  Eventually
 it led me into the woods where I had the supreme misfortune to meet . . . "

 "Are you talking about me, Big Boy?" came a mocking taunt from outside the bars of the cell.  There the imprisoned males
 turned to see a very small, very shy-looking bespectacled sprite batting her eyelashes cruelly at them.

 "I know who that is!" exclaimed Man-Child.  "That's Shy Violet, from Rainbow Brite!"

 "You watch Rainbow Brite???" asked Chip.

 Man-Child took stock of his surroundings.  "Well . . . I useta," he said to all the staring disbelieving visages he found about
 him.  "But that's not important now!"

 "Indeed it isn't!" Shy Violet chortled, "the important thing is that now your number is growing, and even now the Sisterhood of
 Astigmatism is continuing to put its diabolical plan into action, as we enslave the entire testosterone-infected world! 
 BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!"

 Brainy Smurf looked at the floor.  "I wear glasses," he said mournfully, "why doesn't it work for guys too?"

 "I don't know, but it doesn't," Man-Child answered, calling attention to his own gigantic Buddy Holly-type black plastic framed
 spectacles.  "My theory is that girls aren't afraid of guys anyway, so our wearing glasses means nothing to them.  Either than or
 we're just not good looking enough."

 "I wouldn't be surprised if you were right, my unfortunate fellow captive!" Brainy sighted.

 "Er . . . about which theory?" Man-Child wanted to know.

 Brainy Smurf looked directly at him.  "Both!" he intoned solemnly.

 Man-Child was heartbroken.  "I was afraid of that!" he said.

 *******************************************************************

 Meanwhile, on the Magic Bus, chaos was beginning to reign.  Jenny was found out to be a glasses-wearer, which was driving
 the poor guys (the ones who had never had a girl to like them) mad with false hope. Julie was running her head through Li's
 hair, which he did not find at all amusing and which Sakura found even less so.  Ash was clueless as usual while his own two
 female companions looked at him in wonder as to why their beauty was not yet driving him insane with desire.  But during all
 this time there was only one lucky male who had every girl in the bus drooling over him.

 "WOW???"

 "OH!  THAT IS, LIKE, SOOOOO CUTE!!!" they all exclaimed, falling over themselves to pet the large cuddly kitty who
 alternated between galloping up and down the aisle, asking to be let out and in, gnawing into more of the food, and using the
 seats as scratching posts.

 The bus, programmed with a sense of urgency, began to move again after a while, though Julie's absence from the steering
 wheel was of some concern (Gatomon was too short to operate the pedals and steering wheel simultaneously).  However, no
 sooner had the bus begun to move forward than it came to a sudden halt again--so sudden that everyone in the aisles was sent
 sprawling.

 "Now what has happened?" muttered Julie, afraid the bus may have hit something during the time she had been occupied by
 Li's adorable scalp follicles.

 "Jes' what the hoo-haw is goin' on here???" demanded a familiar voice.  And sure enough, the doors were wrenched
 open from the outside to reveal a very powerful, and apparently very angry, rabbit cybord.

 "Bunnie??? all the occupants of the bus asked.  Well, except for Blue, who asked, "WOW???"

 "Sally got word from Mrs. Brisby" [all bowed slightly at the mention of that name] "thet that bespectacled bimbo Yolei Inoue is
 tormentin' th' entire male world ag'in!  And most of all, thet she done kidnaped mah jaguar!!!"

 The occupants nodded slowly, afraid of her reaction.

 "Well, make room, ladies an' gents, 'cause no one messes with this bunny's honey an' gits away with it!"  And she strode
 down the aisle and found a seat, no one daring to question her.

 Julie figured the time had come to get back to the driver's seat.  She could play with Li's hair later.  And maybe James' too! 
 Hey, maybe she could play with both of their hair!!!  She smiled at the thought.  Even in the darkest hours, beauty joy
 sometimes showed themselves.

 *******************************************************************

 In the Coffeehouse, Jessie and Meowth were puzzling over exactly what they could do as they watched the four-handed
 partnership domino game in which Einstein and Schweitzer had now been joined by Sjoren Kierkegaard and Martin Buber. 
 Suddenly Jessie seemed to have a sudden revelation.

 "Hey!!!  I know what to do!!!!!" she said, striking a "eureka" type pose.

 "What?????" asked not only Meowth but the four players as well, for she had said it with such certitude that it jolted them from
 their game.

 "Play the double six!" Jessie said rudely to Sjoren.

 *******************************************************************

Rowan (Registered User)
On the edge of a seat...

Jenny had put her glasses away, sensing a murderous glare radiate from Bunnie's eyes. She definately did not want to cause
 any fights. Between feeding Blue a quarter of a tuna fish sandwich and talking with Rowan, she kept looking behind her,
 worried that another guy might try to hit on her, even if she didn't have her glasses on. 'Dang, I didn't know that glasses were
 capable of those kind of powers!" she thought. "Maybe I should ask my parents for contacts..."
   Rowan looked out the window at the rushing scenery. She really wanted to find out what this was all about, help if she could,
 get to Jenny's school, and get home. Suddenly, the bus jerked to a halt.
 'Now what?' Rowan thought. 

 Next? 
------