MY O MYOPIA -- Part 2 ---------------------------------- Julie (MB Admin) Back to the left... The sudden stop knocked Julie to the front of the bus, where she hit her head, and got a sudden flash of realization. "UNIFORMS!" Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. "What gives 'most any guy magical powers? A UNIFORM! Don't you get it?" Sakura suddenly nodded. "Mm!" She yanked Li's pretty green jacket and hat off, leaving him with just a long-sleeved shirt, pants, and shoes. "Sakura!" Li yelled, blushing madly. Sakura put Li in front of Julie. "Well?" Julie paused, then grinned, holding out a plate to Li. "You're such a cute kid! Want a cookie?" Li paused, scratching his head (which, he was happy to discover, was no longer being tousled by Julie). "Uh...sure..." "In 'A Case of Stage Blight,' even GADGET blushed when she found herself in the arms of a man in uniform!" Julie noted. "So, you're saying a uniform gives guys Magical Female Powers?" Chris asked. "Something like that, I think," Julie said. "Anyway--maybe guys in uniforms would be a match for girls in glasses...? Since the guys don't have to act vulnerable to turn girls into putty..." "Well, first we have to find the girls to fight," Monty said, frowning. "And figure out why we stopped," Jenny added. "Oh, yeah," Julie said. "I forgot about that..." ------ Indy (MB Admin) Gadget went to work immediately... Gadget got in under the hood and began inspecting the resonator couplings in the main drive circuits. "I think it's the mayonnaise clogging the fuel injectors. This'll only take a jif...well, maybe three or four jifs." In all the sliding through the mayo in the rows and seats, no one had yet noticed that Velma was also wearing glasses. Her coke-bottle specs made the nearer boys nervous, but for some reason the turtleneck sweater and pleated skirt seemed to counteract any difficulties in her case--or perhaps it was because she was in the Magic School Bus. Chalk it up as another unknowable mystery (read: plot hole). *** After saving the Princess Aouda from being burned at the stake, Willy Fog reached Calcutta--where he and his companions were promptly taken prisoner in an attempt to assassinate a local prince. **They could have had the decency to make it a private assassination,** Fog thought, as they were led off into the jungle. *** Indy studied the pictograms again. "It doesn't say anything about uniforms specifically, Julie, but you could be right. Now all we have to do is find some guy who wears a uniform that no female can resist and recruit him to come with us." Indy was about walk back up to the front, but quickly took his seat again when Blue took a running start and slid down the length of the center row. "Say, that looks fun!" Dale said. "Mayonnaise slide!" Indy shook his head as Dale slid by and got a glob or two of mayo on his jacket. Soon a resounding thud let everyone know that Dale had reached the end of the row. "But why didn't Blue thud into the emergency door?" Dale asked groggily. "WOW!" Blue said. Indy nodded. "Oh, he just used his claws as a breaking mechanism." Dale plopped on the floor. "Now he tells me!" ------ The J.A.M. (Registered User) Meanwhile... [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* "Well, this is an interesting development," said The J.A.M., when he saw the Smurf. "These people are going through time, space, and dimensions to get what they want. I wonder how they're doing it?" "Say, do you think that, with all the male strength we have around here, we could try to make a break for it or try to bend the bars or something?" asked Shaggy. "Well," replied the jaguar, "We would have to wait for another guy to be brought here so we can make a b--" Another slave was brought up. Everyone gasped at this sight. "SONIC????!!!!" **** Mrs. Brisby sat worriedly beside her monitor and console, in her burrow. She had just got off the communicator with Sally, who was more peeved than she had ever been before. The kidnapping had happened so fast and subtly that they couldn't identify Sonic's assailant. Now he was taken as well. She had spent the last ten minutes trying to calm her down. She wondered what had happened between Yolei and The TEP that made all of this happen. Her NIMH and RAS contacts all over the world had been reporting these mysterious disappearances and the computer was detecting the flash-teleports happening so quickly; her console hadn't seen that much action since September 11. The TEP must have given Yolei the necessary information to find the available males and she must have somehow got the technology to get them, whether in Mexico or Mobius, but she had the technology....or magic...to do so... What worried her now was the reaction of some females whose heart belonged to some of the kidnapped males. Some, she knew, didn't know their feelings for the males until they were taken away. And those that DID have a relationship already...would very much explode with rage at Yolei and her minions....how did Yolei get those women under her control....? She, however, was in control. Despite the feelings she had for Man-Child, she knew she had to keep calm and put her rage aside if she was to coordinate the offensive. She then turned back to the monitor and checked the coordinates she was feeding into the Magic School Bus' guidance control. Once all the fighters were gathered, the Bus would go to the Coffeehouse and she would transport herself there as well-- "MOM!!!!" She suddenly turned to see her daughter run to her side. "What? What is it?" she asked with alarm. The mousemaid, crying, was pointing outside, panting, and stuttering, "Ou--outside--a strange f---female---J----Jeremy!!!" The mouse lady gasped, and all her coolness fell to her footpaws. Running like never before, Mrs. Brisby dashed outside her burrow, only to see Jeremy's back blocking her view of his kidnapper, a white flash--- --and then darkness. Jeremy was gone. "Jeremy..." she silently gasped, looking out at the darkness. And then, a righteous anger filled every quark of her body, mind, and spirit, and the ultimate expression of rage etched upon her face. A lightning flash added a very dramatic effect. She turned around and stormed back into her home. She was now more than definitely peeved... ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ------ Q (Registered User) Still more John sat in his seat thinking "If they can move time, space, and dimensions how do they do it?" After a few minutes of contemplating an idea occured to him. He stood up and asked. "Has anyone hear ever heard of 'The Iconians'"? ------ KS (Registered User) An explanation... "Who or what are the Iconians?" Monterey asked. "Demons of air and darkness," KS responded, "or, more to the point, a race of advanced aliens who aparently died out 200,000 years ago, leaving behind a network of dimensional gateways that allowed them to transport themselves from one world to another throughout the galaxy in an instant." ------ KS (Registered User) Additional speculation... "Q's saying Yolei is using these 'gateways' to move her lackeys all over the bloomin' place abducting lonely guys?" Montery asked. "I'd agree," KS mentioned, "But people said they saw a flash when their guys disappeared, and I don't remember that being a part of those gates... besides, you'd need a gateway on both ends of the trip to get back and we haven't been seeing any Iconian Gateways left behind after the abductions." "Do you have any suggestions then?" Julie asked. "Well," KS thought, "maybe a demon that feeds off the pain and misery of the living. Since this is clearly causing pain and misery, maybe a demon would've given Yolei those kind of unholy powers knowing it would benefit by doing so." --- Beta XII-A Entity? Q ------- Karl (Registered User) Still thinking about the "Uniforms" angle... It was a common trait, Karl had heard, that females were drawn to men in uniforms. A famous television personality had once even theorized that women want men who can commit themselves to a cause, and also who demonstratably can protect others, and earn a reliable living. A man in uniform, it was said, symbolizes all of these traits. So... What uniform would express all three traits to the maximum? The flashiest, most "Knight-in-shining-armor" outfit that came to mind at the moment was the white, officer's dress-uniform, of the US Navy. It had worked for "Officer and a Gentleman" after all... At that point, he hit a wall, figuratively speaking. The only naval characters Karl had heard of in fanfic were residents of the Nowakian Universe. None such had entered this thread yet. Of course, there was Jack. He was a Doom game-character who had been wrenched from the game grid in a past story. A Doom Game Marine, however, was neither an officer nor a gentleman and wore no nice uniform, only the body-armor of his trade. Jack had promised to help if the Coffeehouse patrons needed him, but with regret Karl decided that the Marine just wasn't the dashing "Don Juan type... But, who..? ------ The J.A.M. (Registered User) Demon? [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* Now it was Gadget's turn to speculate. "A demon that feeds off someone's pain and misery? You know, that sounds exactly like the Tremendously Evil Presence we encountered on the last thread! His power was generated by the hatred we had for him, so we defeated him by demonstrating true love! But....didn't he also experience love by joining with Yolei? Those two disappeared....could Yolei and the TEP now be one? Did the TEP leave her? Did she leave him? Did she somehow caught on an evil plan of his and decided to absorb his powers, carry it out herself and leave him in the dust?" "Why does that make sense to me?" asked Dale. Then, he somberly thought, *Chip, where are you buddy?* *** As the guards brought Sonic to the cell, the jaguar said, "Man-Child, I think we're in the Dragon Planet again." "How do you know that? There are no windows, and I doubt you can smell anything from outside." "We must be. The Dragon Planet is the only place where I'm constantly losing my shirt, one way or another..." ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ------ ------ The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User) MY, O MYOPIA!!!!! **New thread** Julie had gone back to driving the bus. It's not that she wasn't still quite taken with Li's cuteness; it's just that, as a young boy on the cusp of puberty, he was quite susceptible to Julie's own formidable Magical Female Powers(tm). Not wanting to subject him to that, and remembering the important mission they were on, Julie had returned to the driver's seat. Though Gatomon was still having to bring her back down to earth periodically. Julie was now dreaming not only of marrying James but of adopting Li as well, and it was easy to drift off while daydreaming of the cute costumes she would dress him in. "Julie, eyes on the road pleeeeease???" Gatomon reminded her again. "Oops! Sorry," Julie said. Jenny's glasses had been strategically tucked away so they would no longer lure men to their doom. Velma still wore her Coke-bottle specs, and though there was some murmering among those seated near her, there was no reaction such as other bespectacled females had caused. Velma sighed inwardly. She knew why. Flashback "Begone!" Yolei said, dismissing her with a haughty swipe of the hand. "But your Majesty, I so desire to win the attention and the heart of my love Shaggy!" Velma begged, "PLEASE allow me to join you . . . but only to ensnare my one true love!" "Little fool!" Yolei huffed, "Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Velma's spirits dropped within her. She knew what was coming. "Just as that silly Prima cannot serve me--for she is gorgeous and intimidatingwith glasses--neither are you of any use to me, for you are nerdy, approachable, and unintimidating without your glasses. One cannot deprive men of a fear they do not have." "Y--You mean . . . ?" the poor girl asked, her voice trembling. "BEGONE!" Yolei had dismisser her, leaving her weeping at the terrible rejection. Her Shaggy might be ensnared . . . but not by her. It wasn't FAIR!!! End Flashback "Velma, are you crying?" Daphne asked her long-time friend. "Huh? Oh, no. It's nothing. Just got something in my eye," Velma replied, averting her gaze. Suddenly the bus came to another sudden and unexpected halt, putting an end to the uncomfortable conversation. For Gatomon, without consulting with Julie at all, had suddenly slammed on the brake with a knowing gleam in her eye. "Gatomon, what do you think you are doing???" asked Julie. "Why don't you sit up here and nod off and I'll snap you out of it!" "But I've got the answer! The perfect solution to what uniform women go wild for!" the happy catlike Digimon said. "WOW???" asked Blue. "Um . . . no," Gatomon said. "The answer is . . . cute little Anime-style Japanese schoolboy uniforms!!!" Julie almost fainted there and then, and all the other women on board proclaimed "Oooooh, that is, like, soooooooooooo CUTE!!!" in one voice. The ladies looked at their male travelling companions with mishchievous glints in their eyes. Every male knew what was coming. Er, except for the clueless Ash. Oh no! they all thought. Er, except for the clueless Ash. ******************************************************************* "Will you please stop asking about the Tremendously Evil Presence already???" Man-Child asked his fellow prisoner The J.A.M. "I keep telling you, you're taking this way too seriously! This is just a fun little story for me to vent my romantic frustrations! There doesn't need to be any continuity with the last story-thread!" "Well, I can't help it if I have a better sense of proper literary conventions!" J.A.M. responded, "And besides, what I just asked you was WHAT HAPPENED TO MY POUCH???" The ignorant Man-Child was saved from having to respond by the sound of the cell door opening and another hapless male joining their miserable company--Jeremy!!! "What???" asked Man-Child, "Yolie has captured JEREMY??? How can that be? Where would she find a female bird with glasses???" He looked at J.A.M. "Alright, bright boy!" he said, "You explain it!!!" ******************************************************************* Kant and Hegel were beating the living menel out of each other as the growing crowd of scientists and philosophers in the Coffeehouse urged them on with irresponsible cries of "Woof! Woof! Woof!" "Place your bets here, gentlemen! Place your bets here!" shouted Jessie. ------ Indy (MB Admin) Dale: You want us to dress up as *what*?! Dale crossed his arms defiantly. "Nuh-uh! Not me! I'm not gonna make a fool of myself in some silly schoolboy outfit! Nothin' but nothin's gonna make me do that!" "Oh, Daaale..." "Aw rats, I forgot about her," Dale mumbled, turning around. Despite the writer's temptation for the "her" to be Gadget, the writer decided to give the others a break for once and Dale turned to find it was Foxglove. Don't worry, the writer will cash in his chip later. The persuasive bat sidled up to her honey-munk, turning on the charm and even resorting to using her silky tone of voice. "Darling, you'd simply look sooooo cute in that outfit." Dale surrendered, knowing it was useless to resist a frontal assault like that. "Oh, all right. But the other guys haveta wear 'em too!" *** Schleiermacher was on a real roll at the poker game. He'd won three pots straight, and was making anti-Hegelian taunts in Hegel's direction. If he hadn't been enjoying a deep sense of dread, Hegel would've jumped the table and pounded him. Still, this wonderful a sense of dread didn't come along except once every few eons so he patiently waited for it to pass. *** Willy Fog arrived in Yokohama, looking to hook up with a ship headed for the good ol' U.S. of A. A group of school kids in their ever-so-cute outfits ran by. For some reason that he couldn't immediately fathom, he giggled. It was very unlike him, yet he knew somewhere in the multiverse that there was a practical reason for it. That was sufficent, so he continued on and hoped that he could find someplace that didn't have a sushi bar. ------ The J.A.M. (Registered User) Oh dear... [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* "This isn't good," said The J.A.M., as the dazed Jeremy was thrown beside the dazed Sonic. Man-Child turned to Yolei. "Now you've done it. You've sealed your fate of destruction! You have tampered with the wrath of the ultimate embodiement of cuteness everywhere!" Yolei smirked. "If you're referring to that saccharine mouse lady Mrs. Brisby, then trust me, we're quite safe from her pitiful little band of mercenaries! They don't know where we are, and YOU don't know where we are! And at this point, most of your friends here don't even know what's going on, or possibly even care!! Am I right, kitty?" With a burst of rage and a deafening roar, the panther shot to the bars and tried to gouge out her eyeballs through her glasses, but she was too far away. "DON'T CALL ME *CAT*," he growled. "And I think I already know where we are--" "Or, your lovely kidnapper removed your items to further confuse you. She told me your mind was very difficult to penetrate....but you're a male. Your gender is ALWAYS a pushover." The jaguar's yellow fur was now turning red. "Come a little closer and say that again," he growled, eyes flashing. Unfazed, Yolei walked provocatively right up to the bars and GAZED into The J.A.M.'s eyes, "You're such a cu--" His paw suddenly shot through the bars and clamped down on her neck, and with all the love he had for Bunnie, he began to squeeze. KAZAP!!! "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he roared, as he was suddenly thrown back to the far wall. Man Child saw she was now holding a smoking cattle prod. "Pig," she retorted, massaging her neck. "I never knew I was going to use this thing except on Johnny Bravo." She turned and walked away. Man-Child was stunned. The J.A.M. didn't fall again for the MFP?, and Yolei's at that. How did that happen? And maybe he was right about the others. They needed to wake them up, and they just needed a shock to do so. He wasn't going to kiss them, so maybe a slap or two in the face should do it, then they'd have enough muscle power to muscle their way out of here when the next prisoner was brought up. The panther held his smouldeirng abdomen tightly. "Maybe the bird came from a Hugh Ising cartoon..." he mumbled, "....ouch...." ************* [it's several factors, e-mail me if you want to use them on your next post] Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ------ CD (Registered User) Calling Resceu Rangers At the coffeehouse the four card game players were playing poker again. This time Einstein was on the winning hand until Steve came running in and shouted: they got a radio in here! Oh, just great the Doom Guy said. Now we can hear the latest news about all males being kidnapped while we play another game of black-jack. No he means a contact radio Flora explained. We can contact someone from here! Everyone in the coffehouse followed the two chipmunks to a radio set. I will operate it Doom Guy said. Hello, who's there he asked. Yeah who's there Monty asked. It is us, Einstein, Yuri, Steve, Flora, Jesse and lot's of others. Good. Einstein said, can you give us your coordinates on the map for Chronoshift? Eh, what mate? Do you have someone more intelligent Yuri translates. Sure we have mate, she's right here! What is it Gadget asked. We want to know you exact location in order to teleport in your direction Jesse says. That's easy Gadget replies, 5th oak tree in central park New York. And if it isn't New York it's San Francisco. Good Einstein says, i wil then use my handheld chonoshere. Hey, where is the creator Flora asks. The group of weird time travelers run back to the coffehouse hall to find Clarise flirting with CD. What is that girl doing in here Doom Guy asks. Well at least she doesn't wear glasses Steve commented. I still don't trust it Jesse says. Suddenly Clarise takes of CD's glasses and puts them on. Do you know what glasses do to a woman she asks. They make her look shy, pretty, smart, aproachable. That's right Clarise says and in a flash of light they dissapear. I told you so Jesse says, it is just weird to have that pretty chipmunk flirting with that repulsive handicap man. Hey! Flora shouts, that's our owner you just insulted. And he isn't repulsive! What now asks Doom Guy. Einstein, you don't happen to have some sort of device to track them down asks Yuri. Einstein, having just recovered from this strange events shouts something in German. What did he say asks Steve. Yuri translates it to Russian. He means that the enemy has attacked Doom Guy corrects Yuri. How did you know asks Meowth. Shut up Einstein says, and prepare yourself for a Chronoshift, all of you. ------------ Somewhere else CD and "Clarise" reapear. Good, now you are our new prisoner Clarise said. How about a kiss asks CD. Don't even think about it Clarise retorts. CD begins crying. She doesn't like me, she just fooled me! I can't believe i'm doing this Clarise complains as she kisses CD. A few seconds later CD is placed in a cell. Not that he minds because he is still under the effects of MFP. Hey, look guys Timbert shouts, it's the creator! The other three henchcreaters circle their owner and try to find a way to snap him out. Time for some psychologie Mousestein says. Why are you so dreamy? Clarise kissed me CD replies with a dreamy voice. I hate to ruin your day Mousestein says, but it wasn't her. It was a member of some sort of group bend on male-domination. CD immediatly snaps out of it. What!? A berserker rage is filling within him. NO-BODY fakes Clarise and get's away with that he shouts, my heart only belongs to the real one. First we got to get out of here Henk reminds him. Easy CD says, Hiss has a muscled tail. The bars of this prison don't look powerfull. Hiss breaks them and we try to get back to the others. Wich others Timbert asks. You will find out when we get there, first we got to get out of here CD replies. With the battlecry: BANZAI Hiss breaks the bars with one sweep of his tail. ------------ At the coffeehouse the Ultimate help Chronoshere beeps and three figures appear. What are we doing here Baron Takeaway asks his henchmen. No idea boss B100 says, but my nose tells me this is not Holland anymore. You are darn straight this isn't Holland the Baron replies, and if you two don't find a way back soon i'm gonna break your skulls! I don't mind B100 replies. If we follow those Bassie and Adriaan we end up in big trouble, and with some bad luck we ended up here. This time i'm happy to have bad luck he says. Listen you two the Baron says while he shakes Handy Harry, you two find a way out of here or i will turn you two in fishfood! Boss be carefull with the bomb! BOOOOOM!!! Stupidity's, nincompoops, frikandellen, bags of frites, meatballs! Please boss stop it Handy Harry whines, my stomach aches. If you two don't find a way back there will be more that will ache the Baron shouts. ------ Julie (MB Admin) Gatomon affixed blinders to the sides of Julie's head... That was the only way Julie would keep her eyes on the road. Every (or practically every) male in the Bus was now wearing a Japanese schoolboy uniform, most of them the winter variety. If Julie dared to look back, she would probably melt into a puddle or explode right there and then in a fit of ecstasy. Any male Rangerphile who had dared to don one looked at least ten times more attractive than he had previously, and even Dale looked rather dashing in his high-collared, black, button-up jacket (no pants, though). "If Chip were here, you'd probably even think HE was cute," Chris teased. Julie blushed. "Maybe..." The mention of Chip turned Dale and especially Gadget sad and worried, because several authors were trying to make this one of THOSE kind of 'fics. "You're not gonna be missing Chip on MY watch!" Julie said, turning back towards Gadget. "You're better off with...without...without that...hot...uniform..." Julie laid eyes on all the uniforms...and promptly fell to the ground, overcome with joy. Or maybe she had slipped on some mayonaisse. Whatever. "Julie!" several people shouted at once. Julie had a mindless grin on her face... "WOW!" Blue said, somewhat facetiously. "Yeah!" Dale said. "We COULD string that Li kid up in front of the front window, to make Julie keep her eyes to the front of the bus and keep her driving!" Li paled. "Uh, Sakura, can I borrow the Dash card?" Julie mumbled something about making a Dash card costume. Li paled further. Gatomon swung the blinders over Julie's eyes, hoping the girl would get over her joyous shock soon. "Or maybe we could see if someone else would drive for a little while?" Gadget looked around, blushing a little herself. "Well, the experiment evidently worked on Julie, anyway...I suppose it wouldn't work on Gatomon, since the only other cat here is Blue, and he wouldn't dress up... I wonder if the other girls are affected by this..." ------ The J.A.M. (Registered User) Time for action [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* "J.A.M., are you okay?" asked Man-Child, standing next to the injured jaguar. "Uhhh, sure, just like one of Pikachu's shocks....no problem..." "J.A.M., Yolei looked at you straight in the eyes. How on earth did you NOT succumb to her MFP??" "'Fool me once, shame on you. Fools me twice, shame on me. I wasn't about to let anyone penetrate my mind again, so I kept focused on Bunnie. That, and she made me REALLY angry. That in itself is enough to give even the most powerful females a hard time. But the key word here is focus. In order for MFP to work, both parties have to look at each other in the eye. She was looking at ME, but I wasn't looking at HER." "What? Yes, you were! You were staring straight at her--" "Again, the word here is focus. We both have experience in wearing glasses, and sometimes we have to consciously focus on wha we're looking at. When Yolei came up to me, I wasn't staring at her eyes, but at her GLASSES, that is, my own reflection in her glasses. Just shifted my focus a little back." Man-CHild was intrigued at the panther's quick thinking. "Our next step is to wake everyone else now. Then, we have them fake being asleep, so when the next prisoner comes, we make a break for it." The jaguar winced as he tried to stand, and then grabbed the shirt of the guy nearest him: James. He let out a deafening roar straight into his face... **** At Mrs. Brisby's burrow, another abduction alarm rang. She checked her monitor-- And immediately sent the Magic School Bus the coordinates to Seattle, Washington. **** In the playground of a school known only as PS118, a 4th girl with a green dress was showing a new item to her classmates. "Yore dad got you glasses, Lila?" asked a tall boy named Stinky. "Right. Only fer readin', tho," she replied. She took the frames out and all the boys, Stinky, Curly, Harold, Gerald, Brainy, Eugene, Arnold, and even the 5th grade bully Wolfgang stepped closer. "Ugh, look like 'Little-Miss-Muffet' is pulling their strings again," said Helga, a little ways off. "Um, Helga, I believe Arnold's there as well," replied Phoebe, who ALSO wore glasses. "What?" snarled Helga. "I'll show her not to mess with my man--or yours, either, Feebs, Gerald's there too." "WHAT?" she asked. Both girls began approaching-- "Now look into my eyes..." chanted Lila, as she put on her glasses. The boys, stupidly, did as they were told. They froze in place. And with a bright light, they suddenly vanished. Helga and Phoebe stood in shock. "Arnold..." "Gerald..." ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ------ KS (Registered User) Quoting Daffy Duck... "Easy there, stomach, don't turn over now," KS mumbled to himself, trying not to look at the guys around him who were dressed up. He was among the smal number not similarly costumed... not because he didn't look good in any uniform, but the bushy facial hair made him a better candidate for a Santa costume than a school boy... that, and there wasn't enough liquor in the world to get him dressed like that (a moot point as there was no alcohol on the bus anyway). Seeing Julie joyously disabled by the spectacle that, conversely, was making him nauseauos, he lept out of his seat. Eagerly, KS took the helm. "You think you can you actually drive this thing?" Monterey asked. "Sure," KS responded, "Just as long as I don't confuse 'left' and 'right' again... besides, this is the only way I can avoid having to look back there." "What about the rearview mirror?" Gadget asked out of concern. "Who needs 'em!" KS brashly replied as the bus lurched forward. KS ------ The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User) Having now apparently picked up all the passengers they were going to . . . . . . KS, as instructed by the Mystical Voice In His Head (actually Mrs. Brisby) now set the coordinates for the Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse on the Dragon Planet. The time had come to go on the offensive! Julie immediately came out of her trance at the site of Ash in an anime-style Japanese schoolboy uniform. It didn't suit him at all. "Yuck!" she said instinctively. "I told you all I don't look good in one of these things," Ash said, "I looked better as a girl in the perfume episode." Everyone had to agree. ******************************************************************* "That's it!!!" Man-Child said excitedly, "all we have to do to resist their Magical Female Powers(tm) is to think of our own girlfriends and . . . uh-oh." He had hit a snag with that last part. ------ "Have you been listening? LOOK AT THE GLASSES, NOT THEIR EYES!" (No Text) The J.A.M. ------ KS (Registered User) "SHHH!" Scooby tried to quiet the irrate prisoner. "Yeah, like, shhhh," Shaggy joined in quietly, "We don't want them to hear we've found a way around their MFPs." KS ------ The J.A.M. (Registered User) The Jaguar looked at the lanky human and the great Dane [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* ...then he took a deep breath, and stopped growling. "Sorry guys, it's just that being torn from Bunny, being in an unknown place, having your mind penetrated, and having someone take your shirt can make most people or furs upset." Then he turned to Man-Child, "You will have to do your best, or focus on Mrs. Brisby or Butterbear. And, maybe, you can look at your own glasses, or a spot on your glasses-----someone's coming! Quick! Get everyone awake, have them fake they'e still asleep, and prepare to escape!!" ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ------ The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User) The footsteps grew louder and louder . . . What J.A.M., Man-Child, Shaggy, and Scoob did not notice was that our man Chip, so long neglected in the plot, slowly began to stir and awaken from his trance. "Wh--what's going on here?" he said groggily. Then seeing the various characters around him he suddenly bolted for the front of the cell and began rattling the bars. "What's goin' on here??? This is my fandom! I'm the center of the universe of the Rangerphiles! How dare all those writers conk me out in my first scene and give all the good roles to a bunch of Anime characters? It's not right! It's not just!! It's unconstitutional!!! I demand my rights! I'll sue! So help me, I'll sue!! You just see if I don't!!!!!" The guards who had been approaching, evidently with the intention of unlocking the cell door for some reason, suddenly stopped short. "Mistress?" one of them called. Yolei strode regally into view and spied the infuriated ball of fuzz who was practically tearing the steel doors from their hinges. She looked to the side with an air of annoyance. "Jeannette?" she said, then strode off again. Sure enough, at her call Jeannette Miller, as alluring as ever in her adorably nerdy eyeglasses(!!!!!) approached appeared confidently before the chipmunk. "Hi there, big boy," she said, "Remember me?" Then she opened wide her bespectacled eyes and GAZED upon him, sending him out like a light and into the back wall besides. "Keep them locked up a little longer," Jeannette ordered the guards. "It seems some of them are not yet appropriately humbled to their new station." And she strode off proudly as the guards bowed to her. J.A.M. and Man-Child looked at the downed chipmunk. "The star of the show," they said sarcastically. ******************************************************************* Meanwhile, having picked up all the Rangerphiles and characters whw were coming, the Magic Bus immediately headed for the Dragon Planet, where it stopped and opened its doors right in front of the Rescue Ranger Coffeehouse. A worried looking Mrs. Brisby was waiting for them. "At last you've come!" she said, eyes shining with hope. "Now the time has come to . . . er, what's with the costumes?" she asked. "Our secret weapon against glasses-magnified Magical Female Powers(tm)," Julie explained. "Oh. Well, I see you have a plan as well. Now the time has come to put hold a council and plan exactly how we will go about liberating our friends." "If you please, Mrs. Brisby," said Misty, "before we do that, could we all go inside and get a soft drink and a bite to eat? It's been a long, stressful trip, and with nothing but mayonnaise to eat." Mrs. Brisby cast a worried look at the door of the Coffeehouse. "I wouldn't recommend that you go in there right now," she said, "It isn't a pretty sight." "WOW???" This sound was followed by that of a herd of mustangs galloping over the wild western plains. That meant only one thing: Blue had decided to go in anyway! "Oy vey!" Julie murmered, putting a hand to her forehead, "It's going to be one of -those- days!" ------ Indy (MB Admin) Truly, it was a sight for the ages... With Blue in the lead, the Rangers, Rangerphiles and Anime characters headed in with Mrs. Brisby. The legendary mouse was right--the place was not a pretty sight. The poker game had just gone into its thirtieth hour. Kant and Hegel were swinging from the rafters (no, like monkies), Schleiermacher and Einstein were in a heated argument over transcendence versus immanence and their relation to quantum theory, and Galileo was holding a full house to Roger Bacon's two pair. The place was totally littered with empty snack bags and cola cans. Mrs. Brisby put her index fingers in her mouth, and whistled at a decibel level that even Plato couldn't ignore. "All right! Who's responsible for all this!?" Brisby realized the moment she said it that she'd commited a cardinal mistake. The scientists all blamed the mess on the randomness of the order of the universe, and the philosophers blamed it on the chaotic status of the mind of man. Brisby, however, was a mother so she outranked them. "I don't care who's responsible, then. I want this mess cleaned up, and every last poker chip off the floor in five minutes. Understood!" Brisby shouted, and indeed it took something this extreme to make such a kind-hearted soul shout. The guys knew it too, so they wasted no time in cleaning up. "All right, you may stay," Brisby said. "But only if you behave and don't get in the way." The assemblage agreed, and the Magic School Bus group came in and found seats among the famous men of thought and science. "All right," Julie said. "We know what we need to do. All we have to do is locate the exact place where our people are being held and get there. Any ideas?" *** Willy Fog reached the western shores of the United States. He was rather disappointed, for there were no longer any gunsligers or roaming war parties of Native Americans. He was just about to forget the whole thing when a biker gang pulled up. "Pardon me, but would you be considered tough?" Willy said. The leader of the gang, covered in tatoos and leather, hopped off his chopper and stood nose-to-nose with Willy. "Yeah, what's it to ya?" Willy instantly smiled, relieved. "Ah, very good. We require transportation across your excellent country. We should like to purchase two of your velocipedes and have you escort us to New York." Indy sat with the other guys, wondering if or when they could get their regular clothes back. Dale was already talking in whispers with Q and Monty, plotting their next moves and what kind of revenge they'd take for being forced to wear such silly things. Indy was having fedora withdrawal, but then discovered that someone was staring at him. It was Lahwhinie, Gadget's undeclared sister and occasional con artist. "Don't you feel like an idiot in that getup?" Lahwhinie asked. Indy took a slurp of his diet cola and nodded. "The girls seem to think it's the only way to circumvent the magnified Magical Female Powers that glasses-wearing girls possess. What do you think?" Lahwhinie looked him up and down. "Well, you are cute with that on, if in a mega-dorky sort of way." After five minutes of begging Gadget for his jacket and fedora, which she'd locked up in the bus' cargo hold, Indy grumbled and went back to sit down. He didn't even stop to look when Lahwhinie breathed out hard and ran outside right past him--he figured it was probably to laugh, though he did remember now that her teeth were clenched the whole time she'd spoken to him. "Maybe she's late for a dental appointment." ------ "Okay, they're gone! Quick, get everyone up!" whispered the panther. The J.A.M. ------ Karl (Registered User) These things don't have enough pockets, either! Anime-style schoolboy uniforms may well, Karl supposed, create an aura of cuteness; but the high collars are stiff and uncomfortable. He tugged at his collar a little bit to ease the growing irritation around his neck. This unfortunately left him looking slightly rumpled. There is an instinct in all females which draws them to slightly rumpled men. No reason has been found for it, but the urge to straighten a man's clothing is ingrained deeply into a woman's psyche. The man cannot be very rumpled, or the effect does not occur. He must be *almost* perfectly attired. Karl, in his schoolboy uniform, had unwittingly created the exact degree of rumpledness necessary... "What the heck?" He thought, as several female Coffeehouse staff, fellow travelers, Ms. Brisby, and one lady philosopher began fussing over his collar... Gadget found herself leaning toward Karl, reaching for his collar. Suddenly, she sat back down, shook her head quickly, and announced, "Guys! I think we've discovered how to make our secret weapon more powerful! ------ The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User) **Ping!** (Ratcheting the cartridge back to the left) Dale and Foxglove stared in awe at Mrs. Brisby, Gadget, and Simone deBouvoir. These were very tough-minded, no-nonsense ladies. If a Japanese anime schoolboy uniform, rumpled in just the right degree, increased the effect, then so be it. They needed an expert in just this amount of rumple. But who? There was one obvious choice, but he was d-- . . . --But so were half the people currently in the Coffeehouse!-- From whatever deep recesses of time, using whatever alien technology the Dragon Planet had available, James Dean was soon in the Coffeehouse. And every female on the premises was out like a light. Not Blue, though. As was his wont, he simply galloped noisely up to the new character, looked up at him, and exclaimed "WOW???" "Hey, boy," Dean responded, stroking the neck fur of the happily purring cat. And he likes cats, too! Oooooh, he's so SENSITIVE!!!" the ladies proclaimed as they swooned yet again. As stated at the outset, Dale and Foxglove (being married to each other and thus beyond zapping by anyone else) only looked at each other in utter mystification. "Well, now I've seen everything!" Foxglove exclaimed. ******************************************************************* Meanwhile, while the ladies in the Coffeehouse were swooning over James Dean and the males present (who were being expertly rumpled by the Master), the male philosophers and scientists were likewise going ape over the lovely ladies. ------ Indy (MB Admin) After a long dramatic pause... The problem of actually finding those abusing their Magical Female Powers (tm) remained. That is, until Gadget's mind-bashingly high IQ kicked in. "Hey!" she said. "I just realized that MFP's are delivered by some sort of signal. I can build a sympathetic MFP discriminator and isolate the highest concentrations of negative MFP's--well, outside of major network programming, that is." Most of the other girls weren't listening, due to their fascination with the guys, now in slightly-rumpled anime school children sailor outfits. Indy realized the situation could get out of hand, so he had the boring philosophers and scientists stand between them and the girls so their clothes wouldn't get overrumpled by the girls trying to straighten them back out. "We've got to act fast, Gadget!" Indy said. "Have you finished building the discriminator yet?" Gadget was in full invention mode now, throwing parts together in a blaze of creative furor. "Almost, Indy. Golly, why would you want to act fast, though? I mean, it's not like those glasses will give the girls any superspeed abilities. And when it comes to acting, the only professional here is James Dean and he's a rebel without a cause and all..." *** Willy Fog reached New York, but missed his ship for Liverpool by only minutes. Still, he thanked the biker gang for helping him and his friends reach the Big Apple. Fog hunted around the docks, but there seemed to be no ships available to get him to London. Then he came upon a captain of a small steamer headed for Bordeaux with a cargo of slightly rumpled suits. Realizing he might be able to vastly improve his wardrobe and pay off the crew to mutiny, Fog and his friends boarded post haste. *** Descartes looked over at Kant. "I believe we are not an entirely effective barrier against these young ladies," Descartes said. Kant eyed Lahwhinie with a measure of fear, then whispered to his comrade. "Don't even think that, or they'll trample you under like elephants knocking over a dead tree." At that moment, James Dean rumpled his collar to ultimate perfection and Descartes was left in the dust. Kant helped him up. "See I told you that you shouldn't think that!" Descartes looked into his friend's eyes. "I think...therefore I am," whereupon he promptly fainted. All except (of course) Newton and Niels Bohr. ------ The J.A.M. (Registered User) BREAKOUT!!!! [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* "Lila, where are we? And where are you taking us?" asked Arnold. "Silence, slave!" she retorted. "You and everyone else are now prisioners of the great Yolei!" For some reason, Arnold and all the other guys cringed at that. After that sudden flash of light and finding themselves in what appeared to be a dungeon, they weren't sure if they were dealing with the Lila they all knew before. Then, she brought them to the cell. "Um, Lila, why is there a jaguar in that cell?" asked Gerald, a bit frightened. "To keep you company. Don't worry, he won't eat you, unless you annoy him." "She's right, Gerald," added Arnold. "It's that jaguar from the last Coffeehouse thread. He's the one that helped me and Hel-" "SILENCE!!!" yelled Lila. "Don't ever mention that name in my presence again! And don't think of making any escape plans. In that cell are the toughest, yet the most gullible, males that Yolei has had the pleasure of capturing. And look: they're all in a terrible daze after a healthy dose of our Magical Female Powers™! Even the jaguar's succumbed to them, and look, he's sleeping peacefully now, probably dreaming of his lovely kidnapper." She then opened the cell. "And soon, you all will be like that, and you won't mind being in here. Is that correct?" She then GAZED at them and prepared to unleash-- "NOW!!!" [WARP!!!] Lila never knew what hit her. But in a flash, the door was thrown open, and it hit her right in her head, knocking her out and breaking her glasses. The door was then held open by The J.A.M., Man-Child, Fred, and Sonic, while the rest ran out. A few males took the opportunity to get the keys from Lila, throw her in the cell, and lock her inside. "Never underestimate the power of adrenaline mixed with testosterone," growled Sonic. "There may be more cells like this one! Let's find them and free the rest of the guys!" exclaimed Fred. As everyone ran down the dark hallways, Man-Child asked The J.A.M., "You still wondering where we are?" "A bit. But I've narrowed it down to three places. We could be in the Dragon Planet, where I always lose my shirt, or we could be on Earth, to throw everyone off the lead, or we could even be in Digiworld. Yolei would have the greatest advantage there." "Any ideas how to get back?" asked Brainy. "I think we'd first have to defeat Yolei before we figure that one out. The others may already be trying to rescue us, but we have to do our part too. Now remember guys, if you see a female, don't look at their eyes!!!" And he thought, and I'd better find my shirt and pouch before all of this is over... The group continued to run... ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ------ The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User) "What kind of place **is** this???" . . . asked Shaggy as the males scurried as fast as they could to try to find an exit--any exit! Since they had no idea where they were those in front of the group simply took whatever direction struck their fancy, and the rest followed them in order that the group could stay together. What had prompted Shaggy's question was that there seemed to be no end of this nightmarish place. Oh sure, there were plenty of hallways, but they led only to other hallways. It was as if the place were a dimension, a world all its own with no entrance or exit. ******************************************************************* "They've done what???" asked a very enraged Yolei of her lieutenants--Jeannette, Becca Thatcher, and a certain skunkette from a very popular Internet comic. "Mercy, Mistress . . . mercy!!!" cried the skunkette. The new girl was careless, and had overmuch confidence in her glasses!" "Oh, very well! At least they cannot escape. But I want them all rounded up and placed back in another cell immediately! No . . . wait," she added thoughtfully, "this time we will place each one in a separate cell, where there can be no collaboration. And each one will be personally supervised by one of the girls. The fools will not even want to escape! They will be my hapless prisoners forever!!!" And she laughed fiendishly. "At once, Mistress!" they exclaimed in one voice. "But wait . . . leave Man-Child for me. I have some very . . . special tortures lined up for him!" "Yes, Mistress!" And they dispersed, leaving Yolei grinning evilly, a sinister gleam in her hypnotic eyes. ******************************************************************* Everyone in the Coffeehouse--whether they had previously been victimized by Magical Female Powers(tm), slightly rumpled anime-style Japanese schoolboy uniforms, or philosophical/ scientific discourse, stared as one, completely shaken out of their previous trances by the bizarre result of Gadget's machine. It had led them to the Bureau Drawer With The Neckties. "What . . . what is that???" asked Gatomon, for she had never been to the Coffeehouse before. "Of course!" said Julie, "The Bureau Drawer With The Neckties is a non-sequitur dimension created by the great Robert Benchley! No telling what's in there! And how fiendishly clever of Yolei to imprison our friends under our very noses!" But--but how do we get in that thing, asked a very skeptical Jessie. Just then the top drawer opened and the Palomino, with several neckties stuck to him with mayonnaise, peeked out. "Welcome, my friends," he said knowingly, "welcome to Mr. Benchley's non-sequitur world. I have been waiting for you." "Palomino, are our friends in there?" asked Velma. "Yes, my child, and they await rescue by you. Come now. Fear not. Come, for your destiny awaits ye." And he beckoned them. Everyone in the Coffeehouse looked at one another with trepidation. But the knowing, wise look on the Palomino convinced them. With Gadget in the lead, they surged toward the open drawer! ------ The J.A.M. (Registered User) Agression? [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* The group had grown in size, and it now included another chipmunk, a bouncer rat, a mouse with a lab coat and green jeans and a blue shirt and a black-red necktie, and a lizard with green-blue shorts. And they still couldn't find an exit. "I don't suppose anyone has weapons?" asked Jeremy. Suddenly everyone stopped. The idea of fighting against beatuful females very much stunned them all. "Not me," said The J.A.M., "except my own claws and fangs, as well as my warping abilities." "Are we sure we want to fight girls?" asked Arnold. "It just seems so...wrong..." "True, but remember that THEY tore us away from our significant others and brought us here. They duped us and humiliated us! If we encounter them....." the jaguar trailed off. "They did it at their own risk," said the mouse with the lab coat. "They played with fire, which in our case is adrenaline-and-testosterone-induced agression. And now they're going to get burned, whether they, or we, like it or not." "Not to mention instinct-induced agression," added the panther. "That might be enough for me to fight against that skunkmaid." "But how do we fight?" asked Fred. "They could all be armed with cattleprods, or worse!" "My best guess is that we all simply let loose our male agression, with moderation, of course, just enough to break their glasses, knock them down, and take their weapons. So, if you see a female, keep your eyes down, maybe looking at their shoulders, charge and dodge as best you can---and hope to find an exit soon." Don't worry, Bunnie, I'm getting out of here, and soon we'll be together again. Helga, I'll try to get back to our world. I may have to do things I don't like, such as fighting. Forgive me. My deeelicious Phoebe, we'll be back in a blink of an eye! Gadget, I'm glad you're not around to see me like this. But I'm doing this for you. Smurfette, I don't know if you'd be proud of me. But this is the only way back to you. *Julie, we sure could use your Magic Sword right about now.* Daphne..... Velma...... The group resumed their flight through the maze of corridors. ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ------ Small mistake: i'm a human, not a chipmunk. CD ------ Karl (Registered User) Behind the necktie rack was... A blankness, a swirling gray chaos of nothingness that pulled at one like the edge of a cliff. A step further, and it was around him. Karl could not see his friends, the walls, or even the most garish and brightly-colored neckties ever created. He felt for his notepad and pencil, but could not see even his own hand. Helplessly, he tumbled in the void between the universes until.. With a thud, and a scraping of cold stone against his cheek, he found himself face down in a corridor. He looked up just as the wall shimmered and out plunged Lawhinie, who landed on his back. She smiled and began straightening his collar. "Thanks for breaking my fall" she said, fluttering her eyelashes in that age-old trick to draw a man's eyes to hers for capture. Fortunately, Karl was distracted, as he pulled out a "Sharpie" indelible marker and began tracing the part of the wall they had come through. The rest of the group was almost all through, and he was just finishing his drawing when several newcomers followed. "Where are the computers?" One asked. "Uhm.. That way!" Karl picked a direction at random. They took off at a run, The Rangerphiles went the other way. Somewhere in the distance, someone was shouting. ------ CD (Registered User) Neckties, neckties Neckties everywhere the Baron cursed. We are in a lair B2 asked. No we...B2, what are you doing here. What are we near B2 asked his former boss. He asked how you got here! Jimety tells him. You don't have to scream, i ain't deaf! Somehow i made my way here since i was forgotten after you and Baron escaped. Well, it looks i now have the advantage of numbers. Just who do you need to have advantage of numbers over Harry asked. It doesn't matter the Baron said, come on, we will find some computers. Were are the conducters B2 asks. No i said computers you nincompoop, meatball, Bami-snack, bag of frites. After a lot of B2's stupid comments the group of thieves reaches what appears a dungeon. It looks like a dungeon boss, B100 observes. I can see that myself the Baron says, But maybe we find something valauble here to. Well i don't see anything that looks like a bludgeon B2 says. The Baron is getting red-hot and bonks B2 on the head. B2 is vast asleep. ------------ CD was now getting quite nervous. Sure he had a few fights before, and also a few with females, but never with a female he loved. The fact he was with a group stronger than him helped a little. Prison break! Louise Pencil shouted. She and "Clarise" were blocking the way. There is no way we are going to fall for your tricks again Henk spat at them. Get back in your cell the Clarice-imposter told CD. Or do you want to fight it out? You wouldn't hurt the girl of your dreams now, would you? "You aren't Clarise" CD snapped. "You are an insult to her kindness and innocence. I have no respect for someone like you." CD jumped the imposter. Louise raised her cattle prod to hit CD, but Mousestein quickly fired his grapling hook and the rope between her arm and CD prevented her from hitting. One sweep from hiss' tail was enough to floor Louise. See how you like this Henk said as he raised his fist and punched her two times in her eyes, breaking the glasses in the proces. So you like my glasses CD asked the imposter. Well i give you the task to repair them CD said as he took of his glasses and broke them. With one bright flash of light Steve and Flora appeared. Timbert and Henk quicly tied the two evil female and gagged their eyes instead of their mouth. ---------- Looks like this Yolei has pets Yuri said as his eyes followed the group of disgusting things that were crawling in his direction. The poor fools don't know what they are getting themselves in he said as he unleashed one of his mind waves over the battlefield. The creatures turned back into demons and flew back to hell, with their tails between their legs. When Yuri recovered he was face to face with a big monster. One loud shotgun noise however, reduced the behemot to a demon and it returned to the pit it crawled out of. Jack the space marine had saved the day again. Funny, Yuri thought to himself, never thought i'd be happy seing his masked and ugly face. ------ The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User) Yolei was starting to lose it. There had been a break-out of male prisoners, whom she had believed were rendered brainless lumps of flesh by their glasses-magnified Magical Female Powers(tm). Not only was this not the case, but apparently they were being lead by an extremely angry pouchless Jaguar who for whatever reason was really looking to mix it up with the ladies. Maybe it was testosterone or something. Then came in Yolei's much abused personal secretary, Stacey (from A Goofy Movie), whom she used for this purpose only because, like Velma, she was of a particularly unappealing visage that even glasses could not help--in other words, she was approachable and unintimidating without them. She hesitatingly informed her mistress that their whereabouts had been discovered, and they were now being invaded by heroic cartoon characters and Rangerphiles. Even worse--the males were wearing slightly rumpled anime-style Japanese schoolboy uniforms. She knew what that meant for her plans for world domination! "Mistess, what shall we do?" asked Stacey. Yolei looked furious. "Get Prima!" she said. "But . . . but Mistress! She is so intimidating that no guy can have the confidence to approach her, even with her glasses!" "I know," Yolei said, "but we've got to chance it anyway. Do you understand that what I have been plotting and scheming for a year is falling to pieces around us?" "At once, Mistress!" Stacey replied, curtsying, and left. "Whatever happens," Yolei snarled menacingly to herself, "Man-Child will not escape. He is mine!" ******************************************************************* A strange, mayonnaise-and-necktie covered steed was leading the charge of the Forces of Light. But even with such acoutrements, he was still having the usual horse's effect on the female gender! And as if this weren't enough, making an even louder noise, a large blue cat was galloping in every direction, going up first to one of the liberators, then to one of the enemy, and each time asking the same question: "WOW???" This too was having an effect. Then came an innumerable horde of males--both toon and otherwise--who were dressed in slightly rumpled anime-style Japanese schoolboy uniforms. Not only were they cute (well, except for Ash), but no female could resist the urge to straighten out the rumples. Then after this came the coup de grace--James Dean himself! Only then did the females, every one of them in deadly earnest, and, of course, completely immune to Magical Female Powers(tm). This was a military expedition of truly monumental proportions! ******************************************************************* Meanwhile, from deep within the apparently infinite structure, The J.A.M. led the males on their daring escape--though Brock, of course, had to be dragged much against his will from an imprisonment which he found thoroughly agreeable. In between these two irresistable tides of humanity were Yolei's defenders. And while their Magical Female Powers(tm) could have sealed the fate of any male in a moment, they themselves could not resist the cuteness which they now encountered--plus the females among the liberators were loaded for bear. It was at this moment that Yolei and Stacey led in none other than Prima. And then the battle of wills began! Now while Prima was gorgeous beyond description, she was so gorgeous that no man dared approach her. She had thought her glasses would have endowed her with a faux vulnerability that would have made her a formidable weapon, but alas, so great was her intimidation factor that even glasses didn't seem to help. Nevertheless, Yolei was fast running out of options with her bespectacled beauties trumped at every turn by male cuteness. And so it was that she took Prima from the filing room and unleashed her upon the males. Prima opened wide her spectacled-but-still-intimidating eyes and GAZED upon them--and all action stopped immediately. Even J.A.M. seemed to lose his will to fight this magnificient beauty. But fortunately, Gadget was there, and simply pushed her roughly onto the ground. "Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" she wailed. "Curses! Curses!!" muttered Yolei. And as she saw all her well trained soldiers, the women with whom she had hoped to rule all maledom, melt in the midst of horses and cats and slightly rumpled anime-style Japanese schoolboy uniforms and James Dean, she turned her artificially enhanced optical orbs upon the main object of her hate--The Enduring Man-Child! Taking advantage of the confusion of battle that attended the (literal) fall of Prima, she rudely seized the pacifistic and therefore unprepared Man-Child and pulled him along reluctantly behind her to who knows where. Man-Child's screams went unheeded amidst the horse-cat-slightylrumpledanimestyleJapaneseschoolboyuniform-James Dean induced squeals of feminine delight. Upon vanquishing this heretofore formidable enemy, Gadget, Foxglove, and Julie pushed James Dean and the Palomino to the fore to interrogate their prisoners. But it was Mrs. Brisby whose voice was heard loudly above all the others: "Where is Man-Child???" ******************************************************************* In fact, Yolei had dragged the reluctant Man-Child along to her secret escape pod. And she had to drag him precisely because, during this entire adventure, she had resolutely refused to place him under the enchantment of her optically-enhanced Magical Female Powers(tm). It was, she thought, an appropriate enough punishment to deny this bliss to the fool. "Wh--where are you taking me, Yolei?" Man-Child asked as he was being dragged along. Can you not read?" she asked, indicating the above text. "I am taking you to my secret personal escape pod, so that even though all thy comrades are liberated, thou shalt taste naught but the bitter aloes of defeat for all the rest of thy days!" "Alack!" said Man-Child, "I am undone! Is there no one to come to my aid? Where is my she-knight in shining armor to rescue me from the power of this siren???" Now at this moment Yolei noticed something that I'll bet all the rest of you have completely forgotten. Looking at her prisoner as she tormented him with her victory, she noticed that on the bib of his overalls was a very unusual broach. That's right, folks! Does anyone remember the broach??? Anybody remember the opening scene of this whole story in which Man-Child accessorized his overall bib? Huh? Huh? Do yuh?? Huh??? "Hey, that's a . . . an unusual broach you're wearing there," Yolei said in an instant of admiration. "Broach? What broach???" asked Man-Child. And it was at that moment that the "broach" on Man-Child's overall bib--being no broach at all but a real live (and very patient) giant large huge enormous gigantic wolf spider--jumped onto Yolei. "HALP!!! GetitoffgetitoffGETITOFF!!!!!!!!" she cried in a totally unnecessary panic, flailing about as if something unpleasant had just happened. "You . . . you don't like SPIDERS???" asked the incredulous Man-Child. "Of course not!!!" she exclaimed, still in a panic, "They're ugly and horrid and icky!" Man-Child was shocked. "You now have no more power over me, heartless fiend!" he shouted, and, no longer feeling constrained by the bonds of gentility, he picked Yolei right spang up and carried her back to the others. The sight that met his eyes when he returned with the mastermind behind this diabolical scheme was not a pretty one. Someone was going to have to clean this mess up! ------ Indy (MB Admin) Gadget: Uh oh, we got a problem... Man-Child was right. There was a considerable mess indeed. All the bespectacled females were now lost in contemplating the rumples in the Japanese sailor suits that the Rangerphile guys were wearing. Prima was now babbling with a crooked smile, her eyes entirely upon James Dean. Only the Rangerphile girls, Lahwhinie, Gadget and Foxy were safe since Gadget had magically produced blinders for them all. Mrs. Brisby was naturally safe anyway, since her heart was the purest of the pure. Indy got within whispering distance of the Palomino. "Is there any way to get us out of this without being mobbed?" The Palomino considered it a moment as one of its neckties dripped off, the mayo no longer holding it. One of the girls pointed to the necktie and said, "Eww, gross!" Karl picked up the tie and removed the mayo, but found the undesirable effect still held. "That's our answer!" Kark said. "We must don the ugly neckties, and they will protect us while we escape!" At that moment, the gallant Man-Child returned with Yolei. She was frozen in fear, for the wolf-spider was firmly attached to her nose. The guys all donned ugly ties, and that indeed seemed to prevent a stampede. In fact, it was all they could do to convince the girls to come with them and leave this strange dimension. As with all hard tasks, it was Mrs. Brisby who took charge. "Everyone come along, and I'll see that things are set right once we get out," Mrs. Brisby said. That settled it--everyone knew that her word was good as gold, so the formerly-evil (at least we hope) bespectacled minions of Yolei started walking along with the triumphant heroes to exit through the necktie drawer. *** Willy Fog paid off the crew, and they reached Liverpool right on schedule. A quick train ride took them to London, where they found--they were too late. The time had already passed and the great wager was lost. Just then, a young human clad in a red Hawaiian shirt with yellow flowers (yes, he was wearing pants unlike his idol) ran up and caught his breath. "Am I ever glad I caught you!" Dale said, in his Liverpudlian-Scottish accent. "I just finished the part where your predecessor thinks he's too late. Actually you're a day early." Fog blinked, unbelieving. "A day early, you say?" Dale nodded. "Precisely! So let's all repair to the Reform Club and have a nice spot of tea and crumpets while you collect your dough, eh?" Fog was agreeable, and for his services Dale got to dine with Fog and his friends and the traveler even gave him a share of the money which Dale spent on a lifetime ticket for the trains to the Scottish Highlands. ------ The J.A.M. (Registered User) Aftermath [...unWARP!!!] Good evening. ************* As the triumphant group arrived in the Coffeehouse, Dale asked, "Hey, where's The J.A.M.?" "And Bunnie?" asked Foxglove. "We're right here," they said, as they came out of the drawer. They looked rather down, and upset. "What's wrong?" asked Mrs. Brisby. The jaguar, who now had his proper attire, sighed, "We...we found my shirt and pouch. That.....that skunkmaid was wearing them." "Hey, where is she?" asked Man-Child. "Ah--Ah guess she returned to her comic strip, sugah. She mus' have taken anuthurr draw'r out. She mus' have...cus' we kinda roughed her up." "You did?" asked Daphne. "But that wasn't necessary! Not with all the sailor outfits and--" "I didn't have one....and me and Bunnie kinda singled her out. The rest---wasn't pretty..." He pulled out a pair of broken glasses, with black, white, orange, and brown hairs on it. "J.A.M., sugah, we need to talk," said Bunnie, and the two padded over to a private booth. Yolei, who was still being held by Man-Child. "Don't even think that this is a complete victory for you," she whispered in his ear. "There will always be a loss on the good guys, and I think I know where it will be! Furthermore--" "YOLEI!!!" There, at the door, was the rest of the Digimon gang. "I called them," said Mrs. Brisby. "Now, excuse me, but I think J.A.M. and Bunnie need some help..." ************* Until next time, remember: I AM THE J.A.M. Good evening. [WARP!!!] ------ Q (Registered User) A little more John still had the matter of getting his Enterprise back. So after a few seconds he tracked down Seven and demanded it back. "Hey where's my Enterprise model?" "It was assimilated" "WHAT" "We needed the components" "It was a MODEL what use could it have been" "We used it to make more frames for glasses" "ACK, now what do I do?" ------ The Enduring Man-Child (Registered User) Denoument--The Healing of Harms Man-Child was embarrassed to be seen carrying a g-g-g-g-girl in front of so large an audience, and placed her on her feet at once. He was also quite embarrassed to see the Digimon characters approach with an angry look in their eyes. He shivered inwardly, preparing for the worst. "Okay Yolei, what's been going on here?" asked Tai. Man-Child sighed with relief. Evidently their anger was directed more at her than at him. Yolei was becoming cross-eyed looking at the wolf spider on her nose but on hearing Tai looked up at him. She seemed distincly uncomfortable, and not just because of the unwanted passenger on her nose. "Oh. Hi Tai . . . guys," she said, sounding more like her TV character and less like the irresistable succubus she had played in the past couple of story threads. "How are things in Odaiba? Er, where's Mimi?" For sure enough, Mimi, Yolei's heroine, ideal, and model, was the one Digidestined conspicuous by her absence. "My daughter, you must be purged of evil," said Mrs. Brisby in a gentle, motherly voice as she approached her. Then she stopped. "Er, Man-Child, dear heart, would you mind removing that, please?" At first Man-Child did not know to what she was referring, but on recalling the movie, he understood and removed the spider from Yolei's nose and returned her to his overall bib. "Thank you," she smiled her thanks at him. Er, Mrs. Brisby . . . not the spider. "Wh--what are you going to do to me?" Yolei asked in a trembling voice. "Nay, fear not, my child," saith Mrs. Brisby unto her, "for behold, thou shalt be taught how to properly make use of thy Powers(tm) by one whom thou knowest. And straightway, a light shone down among them and there descended down among them a most beautiful Girl. Neither was there any like her for beauty, and not wearing glasses to offer even the illusion of approachability, the males amaong them darest not look at her. "Mimi!" said Yolei, "I was wondering where you were!" "Greetings, my sister," Mimi saith unto her. "Now must thou be shown the error of thy ways, and how thou wert intended to use thy gifts." "I hearken, my Lady," she saith. Then Mimi opened wide her uncovered eyes and GAZED upon them all. "Approach, my swains!" she commanded, and they found they could not resist her, neither could they gainsay. And they feared that they would be rejected by this beauty and reduced to hollow shells. "Nay, fear not!" she saith unto them, then she looketh upon Yolei and saith unto her, "Behold, my sister. For though I am the most beautiful and unapproachable of the Digidestined babes, yet see how I do not glory in my superiority, but in true generosity and pity bestow my favors upon the unworthy. Behold!" And she picked up Brock and kissed him! "Whowhatwhenwerewhyhowandsometimesyandw?" he reacted. Then, upon seeing the beautiful creature who held him, he fainted dead away. "Dost thou see, my sister?" Mimi asked her friend. "For though there be no male worthy of my beauty, yet as the Digidestined of Purity (or Sincerity in the English dub), I choose to use my awesome Powers(tm) not to curse, but to bless the afflicted." "Yea, verily, yea!" saith Yolei, eyes shining with new insight. And so Mimi, whom none of the males durst approach for beauty, ne'ertheless didst bestow a kiss upon each male present, and awakened him from his trance, restoring him to his right mind. And in doing so, she showed the true intention of Heaven in bestowing Magical Female Powers(tm) upon the fair gender. As Man-Child saw this he shrank back, for he knew that though each and every other male would receive a kiss from Mimi that he would not. For though none were worthy, yet he was singularly despised and scorned by the Fair Folk. And he hid discreetly near the wall that none could see the tears forming in his eyes. At this point Blue galloped up to him and inquired, "WOW???" "Ooooo, is that your cat?" asked Lisa Loeb. "Why yes, it is," he responded. "Why do you ask?" She approached him with a strange look of admiration in her eyes. "Your cat is so adorable!" she said, "and if such a beautiful, graceful creature likes you, then surely you cannot be all bad. And under the influence of your feline companion, I am now willing to consider you likeable. Is this the best news you've ever heard, or what???" For a moment Man-Child wavered, his head spinning at the prospect of being given a chance by such a beautiful being. But just as she approached and wouldst have kissed him, he drew back. "Nay," he saith, "for of a verity thou carest not for me, but for my beautiful cat." ["WOW???" agreed Blue.] "Yet the very thing about this lovely cat that makes him so good and true a companion is that he hath no knowledge of his own beauty, or of my lack thereof, but he loves me without regard to such things, for his friendship is true. And indeed he will so love anyone who will befriend him, so great is his heart. Would that human beings were motivated by the same purity and sincerity!" And he turned away from Lisa, his faithful cat at his heels. Foxglove came up to Man-Child with pity in her eyes and voice. "Don't feel bad, Man-Child," she said, "You know that if I weren't married to Dale (thanks to you!) that I would kiss you!" "Yes, I know, and thank you!" he said. She blushed. Mimi had now kissed every ensorcelled male except for Jeremy. As for him, Mrs. Brisby went up to him, batter her eyelashes, and said "Jeremy . . . someone strong should be looking after my children--in case that plow comes back!" And though she could not kiss him (because he was happily married to Miss Right), nevertheless he was restored to his rightful mind. Mrs. Brisby then walked up to Man-Child. "Well, I suppose this is over now?" he asked her. She smiled. "Not yet," she said, "there is yet one male who has not yet received his kiss." "But who could that be?" he asked, seething inside with jealousy that yet another male would receive something he would always be denied. Then Man-Child felt a tap on his shoulder. He didn't like receiving taps on his shoulder and turned around to scold the perpetrator, but he was held speechless, for there was Mimi. "Thou hast learned the true lesson of this adventure, my friend!" she said, "For as the love of thy cute blue cat for thee, so should all love between people be--love based on Truth, Sincerity, and Purity!" "Th--thank you," Man-Child barely managed to choke out at the Vision that was GAZING approvingly upon him. "And so . . . art thou ready?" she asked mischievously, in a way that made Man-Child very nervous. "Ready? For what?" he asked naively. "For thy kiss!" she saith, laughing in bell like laughter. "But--but you are so beautiful! And confident! And unapproachable!" he said, "And I am so unworthy!" "Ay, that is true," she said, "but what I wish to teach to my disciple Yolei is the true purpose of Magical Female Powers(tm). And as thou art of a good heart and hast been so longed scorned . . . " And she swept him up in her arms. (Okay, so in this story she's a weighlifter! Work with me, people!) "Behold, all of you!" she saith to all those in the Coffeehouse, "how I, Tachikawa Mimi, the Princess of Princesses, the Unreachable Dream of All Nerdy Males, doth bestow joy upon the hearts of those with nothing to give in return, out of sheer mercy and the generosity of my soul! For otherwise, who would feel the unspeakable paradise of my lips, as I have no equal? And though I can receive nothing from these poor souls like unto the ecstasy I bestow upon them, yet do I do so out of the graciousness of my heart!" "Aaaaah!" they all exclaimed. Then she GAZED with pity upon Man-Child and said unto him, "KNOW UNMERITED BLISS, UNWORTHY ONE!" "What is this--Calvinism???" muttered Man-Child as her lips approached, but he soon lost all capability of speech as he felt them upon his cheek. Hey! he thought to himself, If this is Calvinism, I may have to change my entire system of theology!!! And too soon, much too soon, the kiss had ended and Mimi had placed him back upon the ground. Mrs. Brisby waved her paws before his unblinking eyes as Mimi took Yolei aside to instruct her. "What a day!" said the Palomino. "Well, I'd better get back in the bureau drawer and get ready for the annual christmas story thread!" And it was done.